Every day I look back, reflective,
Nothing left, all I hope to have is gone.
You've left me stranded, alone, defective.
Eternal black clouds block out the sun.
Life fading into background, the show is over
As I watch, all the colours bleed into one.
As the blows rain down, I struggle to find cover,
I think I'm ruined for life after what you've done.
"Daddy, please, no, stop, it hurts..."
You lie on me, as heavy as lead.
If I don't struggle, it's not as bad I've learnt,
Why couldn't you have killed me, left me dead?
Afterwards, I remember your cold, staring eyes,
Every mark and bruise the police read accusingly back to me.
I don't feel, I am numb, it's myself I despise,
I missed my chance at being the girl you never let me be.
As I stare out the window, out at the light,
All I hear are the endless, unanswerable questions:
"If you didn't want it, why not fight?"
This from helpful people, with insane suggestions.
They tell me I can heal, I am young, I will survive
And I suspect these ideas are no more than a ruse.
My tangled emotions are busier than a bee-hive,
Why is rape the only crime in which a victim becomes accused?