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Suggestions and Questions

108 posts in this topic

DTC I totally agree with you it's hurtful to enter the chat room and be ignored. There are some people who do like to go to the chat room to just sit but this is not the purpose of the chat room. Chat is for chatting the least people can do is say hi and bye to chatters and if they are't in a place to do that they shouldn't be in the chat room. Also chatters need to use the away sign if they are stepping away from the computer for a few mins, sometimes people leave to check something and a new person enters and feels like they are being ignored. If chatters are going to be away for more then fifteen minuets they should log out of the chat room and come back later.

DTC I'm sorry you are getting upset by this you aren't the only chatter that feels this way.

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first of all I love when dtc comes into chat! second, I relate to her experience recently. It is hard to tell who is really still there.

Lastly, I was wondering how to access the emdr chat next wed. thx. butterfly.gif

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Hi Liz,

The upcoming topic chat on EMDR is open to anyone with chat access. There's no need to sign up and no password. When you enter chat all you need to do is select the room with the chat. I hope you find it helpful! :)

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Posted (edited)

Well, I've been inhabiting the chat for a few days now, and got a few suggestions based on my experiences.

Now, to start with, I appreciate the works you mods are putting into the chat, so that we may have it at all.

The following suggestions are not to be seen as critism on your part, but rather how the chat might be easier/more enjoyable, for me as well as the other chatters.

1. Since there are only 2 rooms available (unless a CT is hosted), they easily get overcrowded. Perhaps a few more rooms would take care of that problem.

2. Some people have a tendency/forgets to add a TW before talking about certain delicate matters.

I know that it's our own responsibility to add tw's, even in the healing chat, but perhaps a future room could be added where people can discuss heavy triggering stuff without worrying/having to add a tw. It would make it easier for the rest of us not having to jump between "general" and "healing" all the time.

3. Some of the problems mentioned above, might be avoidable if the chatmods were in the chats more often, or a few more members were to be "modded".

4 (suggestion by other members). a "woman-only" chat, that's password protected. May apply for the other sex as well (as in "men-only chat").

Once again, I appreciate the work you've done to make the chat enjoyable and available.

You have my gratitude. metoyou.gif

Best regards // Thundere

Edited by Thundere

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Hi Thundere,

Thank you for your suggestions. I just want to address them here. While more chat rooms would be nice it would be nearly impossible for us to moderate effectively. We want to provide the safest of place for chatters to grow and heal, and while it's not always perfect, it would be a lot worse with more rooms.

As far as that mods being more available, I can say we do the best we can. Just like all staff, we are volunteers who do commit a lot of time to chat and sometimes that means behind the scenes work. Remember that we all have other life things going on as well.

We encourage anyone who encounters a problem in chat to log out of chat if need be and contact either the chat mods or the blue board mods immediately with the date, time (with time zone) and what the problem was.

As far as a women-only chat, that's probably very possible as we do at times have male-only chats.

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Hi Thundere,

I would like to follow up with what Charleigh has already said by adding a more in depth explanation of why there are two chat rooms:

Healing chat is supposed to be used for triggering topics. While general chat is usually reserved for lighter topics, healing topics always come first, so if someone needs to speak about something(even in the general chat room) they need to ask if they can speak then add a TW.

We are a non-profit so keeping costs to a minimum ensures we can continue operating. We have to work within the means of the chat software we have, and this places limits on things like the number of rooms we can set up. There is also a balance between the number of rooms and the number of people who use chat at any one time. There are few times a day where there would be more than 7 or 8 people in the chat room at any one time. Having more rooms can lead to a situation where there are people scattered across rooms in small numbers or even by themselves, and that can leave people feeling pretty lonely and isolated.

Since women represent 85% of the chatters at any given time we don't feel the need for an all female TC at this time. This might change depending on the topic.

All of our staff members here are volunteers as well as survivors so this does limit the amount of time we can spend here. We do periodically have "hirings" so keep your eyes open for our announcement in the future if you're interested in applying for a position - and of course, be an active member of the board and chat so we can get an idea of how you would fit into a staff position.

We appreciate your suggestions!

Susan

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We know that you're all volunteers and that you're all busy people with busy lives doing your best.

:metoyou:

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Aww thanks Winter Rosie. :metoyou:

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Today whenever I click quote on a post nothing happens, is there a temporary glitch or something?

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Posted (edited)

You can put them in by hand so they look

like this
(It won't say who said it nor the date/time). Edited by WinterRosie

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To make it work you write (quote)(/quote) with words in between the two (quote)words(/quote). But replace the parenthesis with square brackets otherwise it won't work.

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Thanks Rosie, I'll do that until the quote button starts working again.

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Thanks Rosie, I'll do that until the quote button starts working again.

Just saw this. Looks like the quote button is working. Are you still having problems with it?

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Thanks Rosie, I'll do that until the quote button starts working again.

Just saw this. Looks like the quote button is working. Are you still having problems with it?

Got it to work, I realized the reason it was not working was because I didn't have the grey square in the top left hand corner of the post button clicked.

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I'm glad it works.

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I think we should have a full day of chat where it's only about happy things. No negative and we think about the happy part in our life. It could be a chat topic or something idk but I'd like it to be happy as when we're feeling down but talk happy, it helps us be happy.

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Hi mythrider,

That's a lovely suggestion. I'm not sure it would work though since our chat rooms are set up specifically for healing support first. A lot of members don't have any other support but this is something to consider. It could be announced ahead of time for plenty of warning, We shall see. Thanks for the suggestion! :)

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I was thinking maybe another chat room just for the day? I thought it could cheer people up. That's why.

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Ah, well that comes down to a question of finances. We can't add a room just for the day so we'd have to purchase a package that allows us a larger capacity. At this time our chat rooms are running with around tops 15 chatters so paying for another package at this point isn't really feasible. Sorry. Maybe in the future if chat grows. smile.png

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Ah yeah. just a thought. Didn't know about that.

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Posted (edited)

i was reading through this thread and i found one frustration that i can relate to immensely these days. someone mentioned how some users sit in one of the rooms by themselves, just to sit. i know that sometimes i come to chat just to sit but will go into a room with other chatters in it, and will greet chatters as they come and go, and occasionally i will hop to the other room and sit to breathe for a few if i get triggered by a convo.

however, i've noticed that some chatters will come in and only sit in the empty room, for long periods of time, and don't respond when someone comes in. they come in purely to sit, and alone in the other room only. this makes me and other chatters feel as if we cannot go to the other room when those chatters go in there to just sit. it feels as if they are hogging a whole room to themselves and don't even participate. it feels like other chatters only have one room available to them when this happens. and it's often the same "chatters" who follow this pattern.

i would like to suggest a rule that if you are going to go into chat to ONLY sit, and not even to be in the company of others, that they may only sit in the welcome room. that way chatters feel free to use both rooms as they please, which is how it should be. if these chatters stayed in the welcome room, they could all be in there alone together and the rest of us would not feel as if we were not welcome in the other room.

like i said, i understand going in there just to sit sometimes to have company, but for me that involves being where the chatting is taking place. i feel that it's not fair to other chatters to feel corralled into one room only and feel as if they can't go to the other room because another chatter is "hogging" it all the time.

obviously this is not actually what happens, but myself and several other chatters have felt the same way, as if we cannot go in there because these chatters seem to want to only go in there and have a room all to themselves...

Edited by SilverFern

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Hi SilverFern,

We understand your concerns and frustrations over this situation. Unfortunately using the Welcome Room to sit alone is not an option since you get kicked out after a spell. We also do not have the staff to moderate a third room. There is no rule preventing chatters from entering a room by themselves. If anyone needs to chat in that room they are free to do so. If the chatter doesn't like the feeling of being pressured to chat with others they can sign out for a spell and return at a later time. We understand that some chatters form close bonds and sometimes wish to talk among themselves but neither room is for private chatting this would be best accomplished through our personal messaging system. Some chatters simply want to be close with others without interacting and while this doesn't suit others it is allowed because not everyone utilizes chat the same way. I hope this helps your understanding.

Take care,

Susan

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Posted (edited)

*nods* i thought that in that room you can do a . thing and not idle out? seems like i've done that before. because i've gone in there before when i just wanted to sit and be close but not talk to anyone. i would think it wouldn't need to be moderated since it's not visible and no chatting is involved in there? i don't think extra mods would be needed?

i know there's no rule which is why i suggested there be one smile.png not to prevent people from sitting by themselves all around (because like i said, sometimes it's nice to have an empty room to sit in for a few when we get triggered and need to breathe for a few) but that if that's the ONLY thing they EVER come into chat for, just to hog a room, that they should do so in welcome room. and if they idle out in a half an hour, to just hop back in.

i don't mean any of this about having private talks or having bonds with people, what i mean is that it feels like there's a force field around the chat room that someone sits in purely to sit in every time, and the rest of us don't feel welcome. not that we want to chat privately in there and not be watched. although as long as you mention it, it is very unnerving to have consistently silent people in there just watching the rest of us chat, it feels like being spied on. and i think there is a rule or guideline or etiquette about that already? and if so i think many of us would feel safer if that was enforced more.

i understand others wanting to sit to be close, which is why i suggest they do so in welcome, because they are not even there to follow along with other people's chats, so it wouldn't really make any difference to them, but it would make a huge difference to the rest of us in feeling safer and more free to use the chat rooms for chatting and support.

Edited by SilverFern

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Hey Fern,

I think your feelings about this make sense, and I can understand why you may react to this kind of situation happening the way you do. Reading what you have written, I can't help but wonder whether that person's intent actually is to a 'hog a room', or to make people feel unwelcome to use that room. Please know I don't mean to discount your feelings about this, and your perception of what a chatter's intent may be - only to consider view of the other person in this scenario, the silent one, who may not realise that their behaviour could be viewed in this way.

We recognise that people here are at many different stages of healing, and also - have many different types of personalities. Putting myself in the shoes of somebody who was perhaps new to chat or the board, or fairly new to working on my healing (or going through a particularly bad time), or struggling with poor self esteem or self confidence or shyness, I can totally understand why somebody might want to be close to other people (in a real-time environment) but struggle to put themselves out there and actually enter the room and say "hello everybody!" and join in. I can understand why I might stay in another room and hope that perhaps somebody will come along and say hello to me, and let me know I'm worth their time and it's okay for me to join their conversation. If somebody is forced to stay in the Welcome Room if they aren't up to joining in with people in another room, it removes any opportunity for that person to be welcomed by another chatter, to help them spark that confidence to join in, because it is not possible to talk to people who are in the Welcome Room.

I think about parties I've turned up to alone in the past, where everybody else knows each other except for me - it's so hard to break into their group, even though they may be the nicest people on earth. Sometimes I push myself to do so (and usually it turns out great) - but other times I'm just not up to it and I either don't go at all, or I stay in the background and don't really join in. The times when somebody from that group has come to me and invited me to join them, facilitated a way for me be part of the group, have stood out for me and I've been grateful for their kindness.

I don't say any of this to insinuate that anybody here must provide that validation to another person - we've all got our own stuff going on, and sometimes we need to prioritise our own needs. I say it only because the reason why a person might behave that way could be very different to the perception that they are lurking or taking up a whole room so nobody else can use it, or purposely acting in a way to make others feel unsafe. There's a difference between a person sitting alone in a room, but being willing to talk when people join them (or even not responding) - than a person sitting alone in a room and telling anybody who tries to join them to get out because they want to be alone. For the former, we would hope that people would make the effort to engage that person and help them feel more confident to join in - that's part of the spirit of the chat room here, really. Whether the person responds or not is really up to them, but if they are consistently not replying, you could let us know and we could see if we need to step in at all. The latter, we would look into the situation and see if we need to have a chat with the person involved to help them understand the chat room and how it functions - if that situation happens to you, you can message any chat moderator. That person isn't going to be 'in trouble', but we might be able to talk with them and help them. It could be that they are nervous, shy or afraid, or might even have logged into the chat room and gone to a room by themselves and then not looked at the tab again to see that somebody is trying to talk to them - or it could be something really simple that they don't understand about the chat software, which we can also help with. We have all degrees of computer literacy here too tongue.png

At this time, we do not see a need to implement rules about where and when a person can sit alone in the chat room. It is something we are happy to look at on a case by case basis, and as you know, if you think something has happened in the chat room that should be looked at further we are always happy to do so. We will either agree with you and do what we need to do to resolve any issue that might have arisen, or we will not agree but thank you for letting us know - nobody gets in trouble for raising a potential concern with us. As always, times, dates and names are needed - the transcripts for our chat rooms are VERY long things winky.gif

Take good care,

Kate

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Posted (edited)

oh no no, i never said or meant that i think it's their intention to hog chat or make us feel that way, just that several of us have felt that way about it and it is how we do feel about it.

the thing is that well i spend a lot of time in chat, and pretty much know which people do this consistently, and i have seen others and also tried myself, to engage with them and encourage them to join in, etc. but they consistently go straight to the empty room and rarely or never respond to other chatters encouragements or attempts to engage them. so much so that i think most of the regulars have given up on trying to do so.

i don't think any have ever told us to get out, not when i've been in chat anyway, however that is the energy that several of us feel coming from them.

i appreciate the invitation to message the mods about this on a case by case basis. because it does seem to always be the same few people who do this. i've only ever seen people attempt to make them feel welcome, and it's disheartening when they don't accept that and continue to only sit in the empty room. it feels to us as if that person does not want us to chat with them at all, because they rarely or never join the room we are in or respond when we attempt to engage them. and it causes the atmosphere to feel unsafe and stifled and unwelcoming.

thank you for your time and consideration.

Edited by SilverFern

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