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Suggestions and Questions

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I've been wondering the same thing, it's not fair 'cause I like this member. (As well as everyone else here).

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I know if can be really difficult if you come up against a members name that's triggery to you. Certainly, if you think the members name is inappropriate then you could report it. But if the name isn't inappropriate and it's a name you find triggery because of individual personal reasons then unfortunately we can't ask that member to change their name because they have clearly chosen that name as an expression of who they are.

If you find it too difficult to ground yourself so that you're not triggered then I would suggest either swapping rooms or logging out for a while. Although it's really difficult to be triggered, coming up against situations like this can help people to identify ways to deal with these triggers when they are confronted with them in everyday life. You might find it helpful to look at some of the grounding techniques we have listed :)

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While we're at it...would it be possible to consider a room where some limited religious discussion was allowed? I understand why the rule about religion is there, but as someone who is both a survivor of religiously endorsed abuse and a member of a minority religious group, it ends up making it very difficult to talk about things affecting me and get help.

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While we're at it...would it be possible to consider a room where some limited religious discussion was allowed?

I'm sorry Sunset but it's not possible all our chat mods or volunteers and we just dont have the staff to add another room. I think it's the same as any other thing that people find triggering in we advise people to either log out for a bit or switch rooms. Religion is of great help to some survivors although we know that a lot of abuse has been carried out in the name of religion. We do allow people to mention religion in the chat room but really heavy discussions around this are not allowed because it often ends up in detbates leading to people getting hurt and arguments. If people do want to talk about religion and their faith there is a spirituality forum on the board.

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Posted (edited)

While we're at it...would it be possible to consider a room where some limited religious discussion was allowed?

I'm sorry Sunset but it's not possible all our chat mods or volunteers and we just dont have the staff to add another room. I think it's the same as any other thing that people find triggering in we advise people to either log out for a bit or switch rooms. Religion is of great help to some survivors although we know that a lot of abuse has been carried out in the name of religion. We do allow people to mention religion in the chat room but really heavy discussions around this are not allowed because it often ends up in detbates leading to people getting hurt and arguments. If people do want to talk about religion and their faith there is a spirituality forum on the board.

It's not that it's triggering...it's that essentially I can't talk about my story or issues in chat because it's too much about religion. I guess I'll have to stay out of chat, it's not going to be a welcome place for me if I can't speak. I was hoping it would be more useful than the spirituality forum has been...

Edited by Sunset

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While we're at it...would it be possible to consider a room where some limited religious discussion was allowed?

I'm sorry Sunset but it's not possible all our chat mods or volunteers and we just dont have the staff to add another room. I think it's the same as any other thing that people find triggering in we advise people to either log out for a bit or switch rooms. Religion is of great help to some survivors although we know that a lot of abuse has been carried out in the name of religion. We do allow people to mention religion in the chat room but really heavy discussions around this are not allowed because it often ends up in detbates leading to people getting hurt and arguments. If people do want to talk about religion and their faith there is a spirituality forum on the board.

It's not that it's triggering...it's that essentially I can't talk about my story or issues in chat because it's too much about religion. I guess I'll have to stay out of chat, it's not going to be a welcome place for me if I can't speak. I was hoping it would be more useful than the spirituality forum has been...

Hi Sunset,

I'm sorry that you feel that you're not able to talk about what happened to you due to the religious nature. Currently, we do ask that all members, regardless of religion, spirituality, etc being involved in their abuse, not share their story in chat. There is a My Story forum for members to share their story in - any way they choose to do so.

Also, if your abuse was more ritualistic in nature, we do have a Ritual Abuse forum that you may find helpful in your healing. It is password protected for members privacy - you may PM LOH for the password as she's the section moderator.

Gently,

Lyndsie xx

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I usually access this site using my smartphone. I would love to see a mobile friendly chatroom. Is this a possibility?

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As of right now, no Shiney. Our chat room runs on the Java applet, and currently smartphone's do not support Java.

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Posted (edited)

You don't have to comment. I'm just expressing my frustration about chats running only on Java. I don't have a computer of my own, so I'm always at the mercy of my friends and family. And I've even tried using the computer at the library, but Java is not downloaded on those either. And being the computer geek that I am, I don't even know what "Java Script" is or what it means or does. All I know is that I am not able to access any of the chat rooms, nor have I ever been able to, because apparently chat is seen in a different manner than any other room and conversation on this website.

Again, I know there is nothing that can be done about it. I'm just frustrated and figured that this was my only outlet to vent.

It's kind of like being invited to a BBQ at a mansion, and then being told the only bathroom in the whole place is out of order and it would be best either to not go at all, or drive down to QuikTrip and use their restroom.

Oh well, thanks for everything else about Pandy's.

Annie

Edited by AnnieB123

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Hi Annie,

I'm sorry you're so frustrated but glad you've vented - I hope it helped some.

The only "rooms" on our board are chat rooms. They need java to run. I would imagine most if not all libraries would not allow java to be downloaded since there are so many inappropriate chat rooms available on the internet. java is free. http://www.java.com/en/download/installed.jsp Maybe you can download it to one of your friends or families computers then you could access chat.

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Thank you, Susan.

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I guess I need to vent about something in chat. I find it highly innapropriate when men in chat are discriminated against because they are men. I can understand that there are females who would not want to speak about their abuse with a man present. However, I think that as a whole in chat we should be considerate of each other no matter what. The men in chat are there for the same reasons that females are. I myself am a female and if I am going to talk about something personal female issue I announce ahead of time in case talking about menopause might make a man uncomfortable. I think we should always be considerate of each other male or female. I had someone refuse a hug from me because in their opinion I was a man, I am a female but sex should be a non issue. I am not sure why this bothers me so much. I guess because there are times I have seen people get down right nasty about men in chat. I do not think it is appropriate to ask someone's gender in chat. We are all here for healing. One of my greatest friends and supports in chat I was informed tonight was a man. I did not know this nor do I care to know this. They are a person who is going through the same issues we all are and I do not care to be told what someones gender is. Please treat someone the way you would want to be treated.

Just my venting

DTC

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DTC, I'm sorry that's happened. In the future, when something like this happens feel free to report the incident to a chat mod or send an email to chatmods@pandys.org and we can look into the situation. All members of both genders should be welcomed in chat and it is upsetting when someone is made to feel unwelcome. Take care of yourself! (((DTC)))

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DTC there are times when people are identified as either male or female but as snickerdoodle said we dont want anyone to be discriminated against or made to feel unwelcome because they are men. We have some wonderful male members here and we have some wonderful female members here. We have all been hurt in the past and the last thing we want is for someone to be hurt in the chat room. We are all survivors and here for the same reason which is to try and heal and get support. If someone is discriminated against because of their gender or for any other reason please to let us know at once because we really do take this seriously.

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I agree DT. I feel kinda guilty for being curious about a member's gender when I'm chatting with them. I try not to ask, but admittedly my curiousity gets the best of me at times.

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I would say there's a difference between asking out of curiosity and asking for a reason that is mean and hurtful towards someone.

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Just wondering if you can use chat on ipad?

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No, it can't be used on an ipad

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Thanks for helping me feel better about being curious. (That's all it was)

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What about a blanket sign for those who don't like hugs??

Something like <<name>>

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I'm afraid we don't design the software our chat rooms use so we're pretty much stuck with what they offer. If you're in chat a lot and don't like virtual hugs the best thing to do is just tell people. We have great chatters here who look after each other so speaking up will help everyone in the long run. :metoyou:/>

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O no, I meant that instead of saying ((name)) to people we say <<name>> :)

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O no, I meant that instead of saying ((name)) to people we say <<name>> smile.gif

Hey Juditha,

I'm sorry! I misunderstood you because to me that looks like hugs.

This is something to consider but I think it might be confusing to most members who use both chat and the board. I still think it would be easier and empowering, for anyone troubled with virtual hugs to speak up.

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Good point :)

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I understand that are those who come into chat just to sit, I know they find that comforting, I totally understand. What bothers me if there is just one person in chat when you come in and you say Hello, there is no response or they just leave. It makes chatters feel as if they are not wanted in chat. This has happened to me several times and I am getting to the point that if there is just one person in chat I do not go in, I feel like I am not welcome. Just a thought if you are in chat just to sit at least say Hello to the person coming in and state that you are just wanting to be there just to sit, so that other chatters coming in understand and not feel like they are not wanted in chat.

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