Guest Becca

I need help getting my son and I to safety

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Guest Becca

I have been in abusive relationships since i was 15. I am 27 and am in an abusive realtionship with my childs father. He has hit me lots of times before and a year ago i found the strength to get a vpo against him for my child and I. When I went to testify the judge would not look at me and based the whole court appearance around "father's rights". Told me it wasn't right to take a child away from his father even though the incident that occured last was him hitting me while I was holding our newborn son. I felt so lost and ended up moving over 100 miles away and living with family in a small town. The job job I found was an hour commute and graveyard hours. I was constantly falling asleep and on the drive home with my infant that I would pick up from childcare. My aunt that I lived with was a heavy drinker and smoked pot and cigarettes non stop and after a year of trying to switch my hours and paying the bills plus trying to find a better daycare for my son I came back to the city. My childs father begged and pleaded and along with his family convinced me to let him be a part of my sons life. I made the mistake of letting him know where I live and everything picked up from where it left off. Physical, emotional, and mental abuse. He breaks my belongings. When I tell him to leave he fights me and drives off with our son. The police tell me to file an eviction but it takes 30 days and I can't put up with 30 days of him knowing I filed for an eviction. When he abuses me now he will twist my arms or legs or push me, spit on me nothing that leaves marks. That paired with the fact I didn't make it to the last vpo hearings makes me feel like no one will listen. Its hard to completely move out again while hes at work when he knows what I drive and where I work. Can I get another vpo even though I have no marks on me? Will they give a man partial custody when he has a long record of felonies and has no liscence,  no where to live, and we have record of continuous police calls? I don't know where to start. I work night time hours and he has been watching my son and I'm always a nervous wreck because he speeds and hangs out with not the best people, he leaves my son with people but when I show up and demand for my son he always shows up and the police cannot do anything because he is on the birth certificate. I have never been in any trouble with the police. My apartment is in my name and I pay every penny of the bills. I provide everything for my son from diapers to clothes to taking him to the doctor. He has drugs in my home and tells me hes going to say they are mine if I call the police. If i throw them away he breaks my belongings. I need help and I dont know where to start.

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Fiona7

Is it possible to contact your local (or even not so local) Domestic VIolence Family Centre?  You need people on your side who can also advocate for you.  You may not need shelter (but always an option), but it sounds like you could really benefit from the advocacy.   Usually these centres do have workers who work with people and refer them on to needed resources and even counselling and legal help.

I don't know where you are, but here, in Canada, there is the Barbra Schlifer Clinic and even if you're somewhere else, they may well be able to refer you to someone in your area.  You can find their particulars online.

I wish you safety and all the best going forward.

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