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Sibling Sexual Exploration


Guest Kima

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How do I know if it was abuse or Exploration? It happened almost 19 years ago (I'm 24), and he was only one year older than me, but today he asked me for forgiveness through a text message and ill I could do was cry. So I have been crying all day my eyes hurt, and I'm angry. If it was both our fault why is he asking for forgiveness? My emotional ticker hurts, and I need help. I have no one in my life, but family and I can't ask for their advice, and I tried the 24-hour call line, but it sent me to voice message. Confused emotionally confused. Anyone's input is welcomed, just need to know how to start.

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Hi Guest Kima,

I think at ages 5 and 6 non-abusive exploration is fairly common. It could be something more though if you felt forced or coerced. 

I know for me, I have struggled often with feeling guilty about things that were realistically not my fault. He may feel like he needs forgiveness even if there is nothing to forgive.

Please know that I am not saying it was typical exploration as I of course have no idea. Just that I understand having shame or guilt even when objectively you did nothing wrong.

I am sorry you got sent to voice mail. Maybe try again as it really can help to talk things through.

Sending support,

Mary Beth

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Hi Kima,

I'm sorry to hear about your confusion and not receiving help through the call line. Personally I think there is often too much emphasis placed on the age difference between siblings as a determining factor about abuse. I agree that it could be more than simple childhood exploration which is very normal - if you felt forced or coerced. 

You'll have access to support from our community of survivors if you join. See details here.

Take gentle care,

Susan

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