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It Wasn't Your Fault - An Exercise

295 posts in this topic

It was my fault because I flirted with him.

It was my fault because I was giggling

It was my fault because I didn't say "No" forcefully enough

It was my fault because his girlfriend was my friend

It was my fault because I was super down for making out

It was my fault because I was dressed like a slut

It was my fault because I was drunk

It wasn't my fault because I was drunk and unable to consent

It wasn't my fault because I said no. Repeatedly.

It wasn't my fault because he chose what he did to me.

It wasn't my fault because he wouldn't let me go.

It wasn't my fault because he took advantage of my mental state.

It wasn't my fault because I didn't really understand what was happening.

It wasn't my fault because society told me I was supposed to like it.

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I don't think I'm ready to take part in this just yet, but reading through everyone else's posts is amazing... I can see a lot of what my own answers would be in them.

Thank you for posting this.

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This was hard, but I did it.

It was my fault:

1. because I didn't tell anyone.

2. because I didn't fight and I let her do it.

3. because I chose to do what she asked me to do.

4. because I went back to her for 2 years.

5. because there were times when she didn't threaten me.

6. because I would orgasm.

It wasn't my fault:

1. because I felt threatened; I couldn't tell anyone.

2. because it hurt less when I just laid there.

3. because I was forced to choose between rape and being forced "out," between rape and being bullied.

4. because she had all of the control in the relationship.

5. because the threats were implied; because I was just trying to survive.

6. because my body was just doing what it's supposed to do.

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It was my fault because I drank too much.

It was my fault because my dress was way too short, and my heels were too high.

It was my fault because I danced provocatively with my best friend.

It was my fault for going with him and his friends time the hotel.

It was my fault because I didn't leave when my best friend left.

It was my fault because I didn't fight harder.

It was my fault for not leaving the hotel room.

It wasn't my fault because he drugged my drink at the end of the night.

It wasn't my fault because it was his choice to do this to me.

It wasn't my fault because he drugged me,put my arm around his shoulder, and helped me walk to his hotel as I repeatedly fell down and couldn't make my legs work.

It is not my fault, he made me tell my best friend I was fine and to leave me there.I was in and out of consciousness, and said it on autopilot, because I was not capable of forming a thought, and repeated what he told me to say.

It is not my fault, because I begged him to let me leave. Told him I was a mother. I was incapable of fighting back in the state I was in.

It is not my fault, because he blocked my way out, and I lost consciousness trying to leave.

IT IS NOT MY FAULT, because he singled me out at the bar towards closing time, drugged my drink, would not leave my side till we were at his hotel, he got my friend to leave me there with him, and refused to let me leave.

It is NOT MY FAULT, because I was drugged and unable to consent.

It is not my fault, because this was his choice. Not mine.

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I am not ready to write something at now.

I believe that it was my fault and nothing can changed that. I was weak..just that.

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First time poster.. but here goes..

1. It was my fault because I shouldn't have been skipping school

2. It was my fault because I'd been told I wasnt allowed there while his parents weren't home.

3. It was my fault because I let him talk me into it.

4. It was my fault because I didn't run

5. It was my fault because I didn't fight. I just froze.

6. It was my fault because I eventually ended up enjoying to interaction.

It was NOT my fault because;

1. I was a child & I had no idea what I was consenting to..

That's all I've got.

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It was my fault because I never said NO

It was my fault because I liked some of it

It was my fault because I never told anyone

It was my fault because I went back there

It was my fault because I was always bad

It wasn't my fault because I was 7yrs old the first time

It wasn't my fault because I had no one to tell that would have heard me

It wasn't my fault because I didn't know I could say no

It wasn't my fault because I didn't have any boundaries in my life

It wasn't my fault because I didn't know I could have a voice

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it was my fault because i let him sleep in my bed

it was my fault because i then had consexual sex with him while drunk

it was my fault because i never said no

it was my fault because i went with it after the first bit because i thought if i went with it it wouldn't be rape

it was my fault because i don't remember parts of the night before

it wasnt my fault because when he started i was asleep

it wasn't my fault because even though i was drunk i had got myself safely home

it wasn't my fault because i was just sleeping in my own bed

it wasn't my fault because i would never have consented to a*** sex regardless of how drunk i was the night before

it wasn't my fault because i am not a rapist

it wasn't my fault because freezing is a natural response

it wasn't my fault because he chose to do what he did

it was his fault because he even apologised the next day

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I want to do it too! But dang, this is hard, heh.

It was my fault because I married him.

It was my fault because I liked it sometimes.

It was my fault because sometimes I consented.

It was my fault because I stopped saying no.

It was my fault because I kept letting him do it time after time.

It was my fault because I have weird breast issues that he couldn't have known about.

It was my fault because I chose him for his quality of stubbornly going after what he wanted; I should have seen it coming.

It wasn't my fault because marriage doesn't mean he owns my body or my sexuality. It means we are legally family and that's it.

It wasn't my fault because I made my boundaries clear when I did or didn't want him to do something. There was no need for guessing on his end.

It wasn't my fault because it's normal and human to want affection from and to feel desire for one's partner, and one consensual act is one consensual act only.

It wasn't my fault because having my many "no"s ignored time after time had a deep psychological impact. I did my part; he did not do his, which was to listen.

It wasn't my fault because no one wants to believe that the person they love the most could hurt them so deeply. Any person would make excuses in that scenario.

It wasn't my fault because I have gender dysphoria, or some other kind of dysphoria relating to my breasts being touched. This isn't something I want to have or am able to ignore. I was vocal about this and it was his job to listen if he truly loved me.

It wasn't my fault because you can be stubborn about obtaining what you want, while still having empathy for others and choosing to put their safety before your desires.

He keeps guilt-tripping me by insisting he didn't know, and his action were completely innocent. Even I have to keep reminding myself how many times I spoke up and he chose to ignore me.

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1. It was really my fault because

I went back around him even after I knew it was wrong. ____________________________________

2. It was really my fault because

Even though I didn't like it, I let him do it because he let me play his Nintendo. ____________________________________

3. It was really my fault because

I never told anyone, after he got caught, that he never stopped. ____________________________________

4. It was really my fault because

I never really said no. ____________________________________

5. It was really my fault because

I never told anyone everything he did to me. Maybe if I had, they would have made him move. ____________________________________

6. It was really my fault because

Even though it hurt, I still went around him. ____________________________________

1. It wasn't my fault because

I didn't know own it was wrong. He said it was normal, but our "family secret" ____________________________________

2. It wasn't my fault because

He abused the trust I had in him. I was a young child. ____________________________________

3. It wasn't my fault because

My parents knew about it and they still let him live with us. ____________________________________

4. It wasn't my fault because

I was scared to tell my mom it didn't stop because I was afraid she'd kill him and then she'd go to jail ____________________________________

5. It wasn't my fault because

He made the choice to hurt me. ____________________________________

6. It wasn't my fault because

He had abused before me and he never should have lived with us. ____________________________________

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It's my fault because I went alone. 

It's my fault because I didn't try to get away immediately.

It's my fault because I shouldn't of bit him. If I just performed oral, he wouldn't of beaten and raped me. 

It's my fault because I had an erection, I orgasmed during the attack. 

It's my fault because I didn't tell anybody, I let him go to hurt other kids. 

It's my fault because I'm too weak in mind and body to get over it myself. 

It's my fault because I didn't make it clear enough that I wasn't interested. 

It's my fault because I'm the one who hit her. 

It's not my fault because I had every right to use any public facilities without needing a guardian to hold my hand all the time.

It's not my fault because freezing is a common reaction to a situation you don't know how to analyse, especially for a child, you weren't even 12 yet. 

It's not my fault because I reacted on instinct, he's the one who shouldn't of done that in the first place. He was probably going to rape you either way.

It's not my fault because arousal is not something humans consciously control. It's a physiological response, automatic, and in no shape or form does it mean you "wanted it" or enjoyed it. He's a fucking liar. 

It's not my fault because I did what I had to at the time to survive. He threatened you, he made you feel scared, ashamed, guilty, disgusting, almost every boy in your position would of done the same thing. It was about survival. Anything he did after he attacked you is entirely on him, not you. You did nothing wrong. (I'm trying really hard to believe this, but deep down I still believe I fucked up by staying quiet) 

It's not my fault because the trauma is real, and you actually are strong enough to get over this. It took so much strength to do it alone for all these years, even Dad said that. You don't have to do it alone anymore. You now have the your friends and family who are more than happy to lend you strenth. 

It wasn't your fault because you absolutely did make it clear. Body language, hand gestures and all made it clear. You told her to wait, besides you were a child, she was an adult, of course she was in the wrong. 

It wasn't your fault because you have a right to defend yourself from any physical or sexual assault. It does not matter the gender of the perp, and it doesn't matter if you were the same size, or even bigger or stronger, it doesn't mean you need to tolerate abuse from anyone. 

 

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1. It was really my fault because I was the one to start talking to him.

2. It was really my fault because even when he started touching me a bit more, I didn't stop him.

3. It was really my fault because I went outside with him.

4. It was really my fault because I waited too long to fight back.

5. It was really my fault because I didn't scream out for help.

6. It was really my fault because I should have realised what was going to happen.

 

1. It wasn't my fault because it was a simple conversation out of being nice.

2. It wasn't my fault because even though we were getting along really well, he shouldn't have been touching a fifteen year old.

3. It wasn't my fault because in that time in my life I was going through problems and really just needed someone to talk to. He made me happy and I wanted to continue the conversation.

4. It wasn't my fault because I didn't know if I wanted it or not. I wasn't even expecting it...

5. It wasn't my fault because I was shocked. I couldn't have.

6. It wasn't my fault because...this one is hard.... I really SHOULD HAVE expected it...

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It was my fault because I drank too much

It was my fault because I didn't say no

It was my fault because I let him walk me to my car

It was my fault because when he suggested sitting in the back seat I said ok.

It wasn't my fault because I have a right to drink as much as I want

It wasn't my fault because sometimes it's not easy to just say no

It wasn't my fault because I trusted that he would walk me back

It wasn't my fault because there is no harm in sitting in the back seat of a car

Thank you, this is something I'm going to use to help me.

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1. It was really my fault because I agreed.

2. It was really my fault because I let him.

3. It was really my fault because I never said no, not in the moment.

4. It was really my fault because I didn't try to push him away.

5. It was really my fault because I didn't fight him.

6. It was really my fault because I let him.

1. It wasn't my fault because I was terrified, with good reason.

2. It wasn't my fault because he already knew, I didn't need to say anything.

3. It wasn't my fault because most people would stop after the person starts crying.

4. It wasn't my fault because 

5. It wasn't my fault because 

6. It wasn't my fault because 

It was really my fault because I let him.

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It was my fault because I was not stern enough when I said “no”.

It was my fault because I did not yell and break up with him afterwards, but instead cuddled.

It was my fault because 2 weeks earier I did not fully disclose what “waiting till marriage” means, and I left a lot of loop holes open.

It was my fault because I became numb to it after a while and stopped resisting as much.

It was my fault because because I liked him.

It was NOT my fault because I said, “no” and “I don’t want to” multiple times, and I was holding my paints on tight as he was pulling them off. The only way I stopped him that time was by kicking him. And he was upset that I used physical force to protect myself, which makes him the sick individual.

It was NOT my fault because I was trying to make the relationship work and he was quick to act like I was the one in the wrong for protecting myself. When not under the influence of his d*** , he was a very amazing uplifting person, and the cuddling was a source of coping. But just because a guy is normally a good guy, it does not give him the right to control me in this area.

It was NOT my fault because I did disclose that I am waiting. I did make it clear by the time we were physically close that he was going too far. He choose to ignore the limits. 

It was NOT my fault because numbing was the only way I knew how to deal with it. It hurt emotionally too much.

It was NOT my fault because although I liked him, I made it clear that I only wanted to cuddle with the clothes on. Just because you won’t shut up and allow me to talk, does not mean I changed my mind. My extremely strong resistance is not me going back on what we agreed on. It does not count as us agreeing if you don’t give me a chance to talk, nor if you keep dismissing all I do say. I have a voice, it was his fault for ignoring it.

thank you for this major step in healing.

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It was really my fault because I went to the party even when my gut said not to.

It was really my fault because I went into the room with him.

It was really my fault because I didn’t say no.

It was really my fault because I pushed down my underwear further when I could have pulled them up. I gave him the wrong impression.

It was really my fault because I didn’t push him away.

 

It was not really my fault because I chose to trust him. He promised nothing bad was going to happen when I expressed my hesitation. He begged me to come. He said the party wouldn’t be the same without me.

It was not really my fault because I only went in the room with him because he agreed to the rule I put in place of kissing only. He broke the rule. He lied.

It was not really my fault because I was in shock when he started taking my pants off. I was under the impression we’d only be kissing because he agreed to that rule. I froze and could not speak even though I wanted to. I tried to scream but nothing came out of my mouth.

It was not really my fault because I was afraid. I was afraid he’d get upset if I pulled my underwear up. I was afraid he’d continue despite any attempt to stop him. It felt like the safer choice at the time. (This one still kills me)

It was not really my fault because I was frozen. I tried to push him away but my body wouldn’t move. I knew he was stronger than me. I was afraid. 

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  1. It was really my fault because I didn't realize I was drugged
  2. It was really my fault because I didn't tell his family
  3. It was really my fault because I didn't get myself to the bus terminal
  4. It was really my fault because I had dinner with him after
  5. It was really my fault because I went on a trip alone
  6. It was really my fault because I allowed him to act like my boyfriend after
  7. It was really my fault because I felt bad about saying he was just my tour guide when he asked me about it
  8. It was really my fault because I partially believed him when he said nothing happened
  9. It was really my fault because I felt pleasure
  10. It was really my fault because I drank the next night
  11. It was really my fault because I feel like I always attract creepy men
  12. It was really my fault because I trusted him

 

  1. It wasn't my fault because I was on a drug that purposefully makes people foggy and confused
  2. It wasn't my fault because I was unsure of the events because of the drugs and I was compassionate enough to not want to ruin someone's life when I had doubt
  3. It wasn't my fault because I was still confused about what happened and I wanted to see the Amazon, I was a stranger to this area and city and didn't know how safe the taxis were, I didn't want to make him angry because I didn't know what he'd do
  4. It wasn't my fault because he was my only 'friend' there. He was a self-confident man which confused me and made me a little submissive
  5. It wasn't my fault because I was trying to push myself to cope with anxiety, he was recommended by friends, it was suggested as an empowering activity online, I didn't know I'd be alone during the days, I didn't know we'd stay in the same cabana
  6. It wasn't my fault because I was under the influence of drugs, and I was confused about the events of the previous night-- I thought I had given consent, I didn't want to seem like a heartless person who only cared about sexual things
  7. It wasn't my fault because I am a naturally compassionate person and when he seemed offended I wanted to make him feel better
  8. It wasn't my fault because I was under the influence of drugs and I couldn't think properly
  9. It wasn't my fault because my body reacted the way that it physically should
  10. It wasn't my fault because that was the social norm. It would bring attention to me if I didn't. It was my last night out in Ecuador
  11. It wasn't my fault because I am a kind, young, trusting virgin. Of course creeps are attracted to that. It doesn't lessen the value of those qualities. I shouldn’t change who I am because of that.
  12. I wasn't my fault because I am a trusting person. That is a quality of mine that I like. He abused that and manipulated me.

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I have chosen to do two, one for the earlier years of the abuse/rape and one for the later years. Although all was by the same person different answers 

earlier years

ist was my fault because 

1) I never said no

2) I didn't tell

3) because  I was stupid and didn't know that there was something wrong or that it wasn't normal to be doing these this with this person or at this age

4) because even though he hurt me I still wanted to please him and I even felt guilty for not being able to handle the 'big girl games' we played when everyone 'else my age was doing it'

5) because sometimes he asked if i wanted to 'play ' I knew what he meant and still said ok

it wasn't my fault because 

1) because I was a child I shouldn't have had to say no

2) because he made me think it was normal so I had no reason to tell

3)because I was a child I shouldn't be expected to know anything other than what I'm taught 

4) because I loved and trusted you once and you told me it was what everyone else was doing  

5) because I was a child and he manipulated me into thinking that if I didn't I didn't love him or that there was something wrong with me

later years 

it's my fault because 

1) because even when I knew what was happening I didn't tell 

2) because I was older now and bigger I could have stopped him if I tried  

3)because I still went over and carried on letting it happen 

4) because I still never said no maybe if I did would have but I'll never know 

it wasn't my fault because 

1) because the only reason I didn't tell is because it would tear the whole family apart. Which is the only reason I carried on coming over so they wouldn't suspect anything was wrong not because I wanted to.

ok struggling with the rest, I guess it's easy to understand that it couldn't be my fault when I was a child but harder to believe it's not my fault that it went on for so long 

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A. It was really my fault because - I liked him 

B. It was really my fault because - I was having sexual arousal 

C. It was really my fault because - I never said no. 

D. It was really my fault because - I wanted it 

E.  It was really my fault because - It was my idea 

F.  It was really my fault because I dismiss the yellow/red flags

G. It was really my fault because I like him more than a friend

H. It was really my fault because I kept having tutoring sessions with him

 

.

A. It wasn't my fault because -I had every right to liked him since he was acting very nice and sweet

B. It wasn't my fault because - my body responded. 

C. It wasn't my fault because - I never said no but I said stop 

D. It wasn't my fault because - If even if I wanted it, he should had stopped when I told him to stop. 

E. It wasn't my fault because - Again, even if it was my idea, he should had stop when I told him to stop 

F. It wasn't my fault because I was new to the sexual experience and this guy was manipulating and grooming so he led me to dismiss my flags because I thought I was being crazy which I wasn't 

G. It wasn't my fault because  Even if I liked him more than  a friend, he should had stop when I told him to stop 

H. It wasn't my fault because he was a very good tutor so I kept having tutoring sessions with him because he was very good tutor and I was passing all my tests when I had his help. 

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It was really my fault because I was in his room

It was really my fault because I drank alcohol

It was really my fault because I should have known he was attracted to me

It was really my fault because maybe I sent mixed signals

It was really my fault because I didn't yell when I became conscious and realized what was happening

REPLACING SHAME WITH REALITY

It wasn't my fault because being in a busy dorm room at a party does not mean I wanted to be raped and lose my virginity.  

It wasn't my fault because I only had a couple of drinks.  Even if I was drunk I did not deserve to be raped.

It wasn't my fault because even if he had a crush on me I didn't deserve to have sex forced on me

It wasn't my fault because even if I did flirt or send a mixed message I didn't deserve to be forced to have sex

It wasn't my fault because I was incapacitated due to a drug and was in shock

 

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