azariah Posted June 20, 2016 Share Posted June 20, 2016 When I sent a text to a friend, describing a flashback of CSA. (The first real flashback I had.) He wrote back: "that's not a memory, that's a dream. It didn't happen." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8888 Posted July 15, 2016 Share Posted July 15, 2016 "That really happened?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Euphoria_Gnome Posted July 16, 2016 Share Posted July 16, 2016 My campus counsellor: "Well, you just need too look at it from his perspective." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EvaRose Posted July 16, 2016 Share Posted July 16, 2016 "It happens ten years ago .. why can't forget it?" from a friend when i told him about my rape . Sure, it's so easy to forget right?? "I think you are overreacting. After all, if all these happened why you never call the police?" from my last T when i told her about CSA and tha gang who tried also to assault me and pointed a gang to my head. Yeah , it was so easy to report all these at 6 or 16? Especially when police never believed me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Malice Posted July 16, 2016 Share Posted July 16, 2016 "Omg Malice why were you so naive? No wonder stuff like these happen to you. What were you thinking?" My lovely ex-boyfriend. Gotta miss that guy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blondie2002 Posted July 17, 2016 Share Posted July 17, 2016 My best friend when I explained what my new T, is trying to help me with. "I'm tired of hearing about it ". (Referring to my r*) Would a real friend say that? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starlight Posted July 18, 2016 Share Posted July 18, 2016 (edited) It wasn't intentional.: They took a person out because her father died. My mom died 6 months ago, not even a text. I didn't know it hurt you when I talked about dad's selling their children and you said you were and then left the room. We're praying for you and want you back in our group. Only one person has reached out to me in 2 years. God loves you, Gods loves you, God loves you.....on and on. They think if they say it enough I finally accept it. All things work for the good. I'd like to see them say that if they went through even a tiny portion of what I did God was sitting next to youu crying while you went through what you went through. That's supposed to make me feel better. Friends help to keep you happy. Try telling that to all the people I've tried to befriend. Edited July 18, 2016 by Starlight Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Littlemisssomebody Posted July 21, 2016 Share Posted July 21, 2016 My Mum saying "Oh if you'd worn those boots that day it wouldn't have happened, you'd have been able to kick his arse!" Considering I got raped during a therapeutic massage I wouldn't have been wearing boots Mum.. Closely followed by male friend who commented that he couldn't believe how long the guy waited to 'prey on me' - because I'd known him for years. Now I know he'd spent his time grooming me and had become more and more inappropriate and creepy just before the rape occurred. (I understand this now, I was targeted at my most vulnerable) Yes that's right, I must have wanted it to happen, and let it happen because I'd known him so long. Had nothing to do with the past abuse left me open to other occurrences at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Maria Posted September 15, 2017 Share Posted September 15, 2017 "Does he know what he did?" I said no, multiple times, but I shouldn't have to justify what I said, did or did not do. "I hope you learned your lesson." That one was from my own father, who I (still) consider to be super close to. That one cut deep. He apologized later, and said that he didn't mean to say that, but it still hurt. "What were you wearing?" or "Were you drinking?" My mom asked me this. I don't know why either of those were important. It's hard hearing the most insensitive comments from the people you care the most about. "Im desensitized to sex, so that really wouldn't be considered rape to me." Rape culture has caused us to see this as normal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest FeelingofthedayNUMB Posted September 18, 2017 Share Posted September 18, 2017 I was told by a psychologist I was starting therapy with, that he couldn't help me if I didn't help myself. I needed accept I backed out too late and ruined a mans life. Why did I think an adult in his 40s wanted to be friends with a 14 year old?? needless to say I sort stopped going after that. Now I have major issues with therapy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan Posted September 18, 2017 Share Posted September 18, 2017 25 minutes ago, Guest FeelingofthedayNUMB said: I was told by a psychologist I was starting therapy with, that he couldn't help me if I didn't help myself. I needed accept I backed out too late and ruined a mans life. Why did I think an adult in his 40s wanted to be friends with a 14 year old?? needless to say I sort stopped going after that. Now I have major issues with therapy What a horrible thing to say! I'm sorry this ignorant neanderthal has made it difficult to find healing through therapy. There are competent psychologists out there and there are many who decide therapy just isn't for them. Many paths to healing from sexual violence. I hope you find the one you need. Peace to you, Susan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moose_Muffin Posted September 23, 2017 Share Posted September 23, 2017 A fellow survivor said to me, while she was trying to get at me, that maybe I should try girls as men are not for me. They don't treat me well. Why didnt i think of just changing the way I look at women sexually? What a genius idea! Because women have always been kind to me and never treated me poorly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bayfox Posted September 24, 2017 Share Posted September 24, 2017 "I knew you would f*** someone else. You are ruined." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bayfox Posted September 24, 2017 Share Posted September 24, 2017 "people don't respect rape victims because they have no power" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest A_C Posted October 27, 2017 Share Posted October 27, 2017 The worst comment or i should say response i ever got was from my mum.....I was about 9-10 having survived multiple CSA and I first told her about ongoing CSA from my cousin.....and she was really supportive, she did give me the whole 'why didn't you come and tell us? why didn't you kick and scream?' generic responses but ultimately she called the police etc....so it was a positive experience, so feeling more confident that i wouldn't get into trouble i told her about the other abusers.....and she shouted at me and called me a liar, and told me that it was my fault and generally treated me like i'd committed the worst crime. 5 or 6 years later i remember trying to confide in a teacher (who was an ex cop) and my friends at the time.....who all laughed at made jokes about how i'd 'had sex with my cousin'. I had a counselor tell me that it was because my abuser (after getting shouted at by my mother i only ever tried to tell people about the CSA from my cousin) 'Fancied Me' like that made it alright. I even had my other half tell me that i should have 'gotten over it by now'.....now i have forgiven him for that one because he realised he'd been a giant fuckwit and has since made the effort to understand as best he can and be as supportive as he can (this was at the start of our relationship, we've been together 10 years now, safe to say i've forgiven him). These are some of the most damaging ones i've experienced (the OH has more than made up for his ignorance). I've definitely had my fair share of the generic ones though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Camellia Posted November 21, 2017 Share Posted November 21, 2017 [quote ] A fellow survivor said to me, while she was trying to get at me, that maybe I should try girls as men are not for me. They don't treat me well. Why didn't i think of just changing the way I look at women sexually? What a genius idea! Because women have always been kind to me and never treated me poorly. [/quote] I remember that Moose_Muffin and I fumed about it for months and months. She was a real piece of work. I hope that she's in a better place emotionally and that she's ashamed of her words. I hope that you too are in a better place emotionally and that good things happened in the meantime. Camellia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EEdelstein Posted December 17, 2017 Share Posted December 17, 2017 - “Maybe he was abused too when he was young, ever think of that when you get angry?” My ex-mother-in-law. Do I have to give a shit? - At the therapist's office waiting room, there's a new cleaning lady. I arrived an hour early and I don't feel like killing time in the mall where the office is. I usually wait here, so I greet her and sit, but the woman stares at me until she says "Dr Sara isn't here yet." I'm curious because I never saw this woman in my life. There's another therapist in this office, he treats OCD and substance abuse, but she assumed right away I'm being treated by the one specialized in SA. "How do you know I'm waiting for her?" I ask. "You're gorgeous, honey, you're on the raped side of the house." Well, thank you. uh... what? -"You are destroying my life" his fiancée says just before the start of the trial. I try not to react, she's in denial. "You should get away from him, he will hurt you too one day" I say, and she bares her teeth. "I hope someone rapes you again." Well, he's got that one covered if he's acquitted, my brain unhelpfully provides. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RubySoho Posted December 17, 2017 Share Posted December 17, 2017 My mum: ”It’s terrible but that’s just what men do, you shouldn’t sleep near them, they all do it eventually. You should know better.” My ex best friend: ”I thought you were over it, you stopped bringing it up” (because he got upset with me for bringing it up) ”I shouldn’t have to tread on eggshells about what to say just because you’ll have another mental breakdown” when he shouted at me and told me some experiences weren’t harassment or sexism and I cried because he was cruel about it. He also emphasised “another” because he liked to bring up me ruining a holiday two years before by having a breakdown in front of everyone. My coworker knows about my assault and decided I was the best person to rant to when his ex accused him of having sex with her when she was too drunk. I was so uncomfortable and just stayed silent or gave monosyllabic answers. A guy I know who on Facebook started this rant before he even knew his accuser was Male and he’d been known to do it for decades. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Camaro22 Posted February 1, 2018 Share Posted February 1, 2018 Sorry this is my first time on here. I've spent the last few hours reading a lot of these and I'm just besides myself on how insensitive some can be but I love seeing the support of other! I've grown up with verbal and physical abuse so I've never really had the best self esteem but I feel over that last few years it's just gotten worse. I've been pinned down and sexually assaulted in front of people who did nothing to stop and was raped about a year after that. One of the hardest comments I'm still trying to deal with was from my ex-best friend: "Why don't you just move on already. It's not like he'd ever or will ever feel guilty for what happened. It's just want guys do, they take what they want and don't feel guilty about it, just like my controlling ex (whom she still talks to)" I had no words when she said that. I'm still at a loss of words. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seiko05 Posted February 4, 2018 Share Posted February 4, 2018 This just happened last Wednesday with my aunt "You can control your triggers! Don't give them the power to trigger you! Control your nightmares! Control your flashbacks! its part of your fault that you got raped" I was so frustrated that I ended up telling "Oh, Can you control your ADHD? Oh!! Your fault that your dog died!!!" Then she stopped talking to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lifeandlack Posted March 6, 2018 Share Posted March 6, 2018 "That was a long time ago. You're fine now." "He would never do that." "Just have more sex and it'll fix your relationship." "It happened because he plays D&D." Seriously, WTF?!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lea92 Posted June 13, 2018 Share Posted June 13, 2018 I am amazed at what friends and family say when confided in. "How can it be rape if you don't remember?" "It's not rape if you if you are unconscious can't say no." "Do you count him when adding up the number of guys you slept with ?" One counsellor told me people say stupid and hurtful things because they are uneducated and didn't understand. To me it is common sense. You don't need to be educated in how to deal with abuse and rape victims to have compassion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Cherysh Posted June 27, 2018 Share Posted June 27, 2018 Probably the daftest thing people say is "You'll get over it" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moose_Muffin Posted July 22, 2018 Share Posted July 22, 2018 Tonight my mother was talking to myself and my friend, who is currently trying to get out of an abusive relationship. While talking about abuse (which I suppose you could say all three of us are survivors of), my mother made a comment that some man she dated after my abusive father was honest and told her about how he would beat his wife and do drugs. My mother thought it wasn't a good idea to see him anymore because it's a personality conflict. Personality conflict? No! Nothing you did made you responsible for your ex husband beating you. Not a personality clash. Nothing. So later in the conversation as I am trying to explain how her words put blame on her I pose the question to her, what did I do wrong to deserve to be called a whore? She basically told me that because I didn't leave after he called me a whore once meant that it is my fault anything else to come. Sooooo him taking advantage of me sexually. Him choking me. Him continually calling me names and such. That was all my fault. Nice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moose_Muffin Posted August 9, 2018 Share Posted August 9, 2018 My friend who is out of her abuaive realtionship now said to me the other night that she doesn't want to be like me. She doesn't want to think about her abusive ex for years. As if there's something wrong with me.....that's super hurtful.....my friend doesn't even know all of what he did. I have never told any one of my friends because as you can see they are not safe. I don't want to compare abuse but she didn't and hasn't dealt with the same degree of physical violence and violation as I have. Really i am hoping by posting it here I can forget about her comment and just not add it to my list of things wrong with me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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