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Anybody else have weird triggers?


hilary

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Believe it or not, Bo Selecta! for some reason gives me flashbacks to my childhood. I have no idea why, it just does. I never watched it back then, but trigger me it does.

I've got some more of them:

  • Certain smells (toilet cleaner, vaporised heating oil and white chocolate)
  • Pubs, bars, clubs, anything like that causes extreme fear and it feels like I'm back there at that place aged 18 with those men attacking me
  • Garden Sweet Pea Yankee Candle – it smells similar to the toilets in which I was sexually assaulted aged 18
  • Men in leather jackets, don’t know why as my attackers never wore them so it's a total mystery
Edited by fomalhautb
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  • 2 weeks later...

Seeing dirt as I feel unclean and impure and dirty after it happened to me. I have to clean it if I see any dirt anywhere. Its like an obsession with me.

Edited by Naiwen
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My neck... I hate it being touched

Peoples breath, If I can feel it against me

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My neck... I hate it being touched

Peoples breath, If I can feel it against me

Omg, yes, I hate that too. Even before my r, I hated it when my 1st ex breathed and planted butterfly kisses on my neck.

Edited by Naiwen
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My neck... I hate it being touched

Peoples breath, If I can feel it against me

Omg, yes, I hate that too. Even before my r, I hated it when my 1st ex breathed and planted butterfly kisses on my neck.

Oh god the butterfly kisses... My abuser (my dad) did that to me all the time, and he moaned while he did it :/ I completely relate

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My neck... I hate it being touched

Peoples breath, If I can feel it against me

Omg, yes, I hate that too. Even before my r, I hated it when my 1st ex breathed and planted butterfly kisses on my neck.

Oh god the butterfly kisses... My abuser (my dad) did that to me all the time, and he moaned while he did it :/ I completely relate

Sorry to hear it was your dad, giving you all the comfort you need.

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I've found a few more.

  • The cold
  • Darkness
  • Night-time
  • Winter
  • Snow

They all seem to revolve around one or two themes. The cold triggers me, as does darkness, night-time and winter. Snow really sets me off because one of my traumatic CSA attacks happened on a snowy day and since then I hate the snow. It really, really triggers me and makes me feel very anxious and scared.

On the other hand, I have some strange comforts. I find an enclosed (box) bed to be quite comforting. It has doors and remains warm even in winter. It’s snug and cozy and just big enough for one person (no more).

It’s probably going to be quite triggering for others, being in a confined space where you can’t see outside, but I find it very calming and comforting for some reason. I think it’s because I can hide there. Same with the tiny cupboard in the upstairs hall, it’s just small enough to sit in relative comfort and when you shut the door nobody will know you’re in there. I suppose it’s being isolated from my abusers, or rather the feeling that it isolates me from my abusers.

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-bandaids

-someone with the same name as him

-someone of the same nationality (although i dont think i'm racist)

- alot of people have mentioned motorbikes, so i dont think that's a wierd trigger, now discovering that its more common than i thought

-people getting married on tv (seeing a wedding dress)

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  • 1 month later...

Ok I have a freshly new load of weird triggers, so here I go:

- people arguing and yelling

- alcohol

- anything remotely sexual

- too much PDA

- love

- people saying "I love you"

- men

- men touching me in any way (also in martial arts)

- whole parts of my town

- drugs

- weapons

- beds

- sleeping

- banana's

- cucumbers and similar vegetables

- hair pulling

- motor cycles

- people of his nationality/continent

- his name

- bruises

- small spaces

- food from his country

- people standing too close

- (street) harassment

- flirting

- the Minions

- Family Guy

- Discovery Channel and National Geographic

- a whole bunch of songs

- people of his ethnicity

- cooking

- people kissing without asking

- small men

- loud music

- any criminality

- going outside in the dark

- the dark

- night

- some tastes of Ben & Jerry's, sometimes

- slurs like "b*tch" and "sl*t" and "wh*re"

- intimidating men

- pee

- tobacco and cigarettes

- people grabbing my arm

- music from his country

- Spanish

- short dresses and sexy clothing

- BDSM

- being immobile

- lying on my stomach or sitting on hand and knees

- back ache

- being sick

- having pain at my wrist

- being alone with one person in a room

- being alone at night

- the scale

- food, sometimes

- sleeping meds or anti-anxiety meds other then my own

- my periods

- arousal

- people making a cross

- rosaries

- nude pictures/people

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THIS.

Dairy Queen commercial.

The first time I saw this commercial I thought I was going to pee myself in fear, I froze so bad. Those lips, strangely enough, are almost exactly like an imaginary "friend" (a very angry "friend", and most likely a traumatic "part") I had when the abuse started.

Arithmetic is another bizarre one.

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With the recent cold spell, I've noticed that one of my more unusual triggers is cold weather, wind, snow but I'm okay with rain. Cooking is another unusual one, which means that sometimes I just have a sandwich rather than any hot food because of it. I don't know why I have strange triggers.

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~cheating spouses ...

~what I deem as dysfunctional parenting for example... not teaching girls about their bodies, avoiding talking about s** with daughters... not teaching girls how to own their own bodies... not teaching them the importance of saying and meaning NO!

~young girls are especially sensitive trigger for me... in part maybe for envy of innocence...

~ another young girl trigger is girls having S** with older boys... or men, and their parents not educating them that men having relations with them is a form of SA, even if they themselves feel it is consentual

~ absent fathers from their daughters's lives...

~ certain body odors of other people

~ my personal femenine sent (the normal vaginal sent)

~ feeling of lack of emotional support

~ feeling of loss or lack of love

~ my weirdest one from a SA survivor is... lack of s**... or withholding of s**

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  • 2 weeks later...

Sunrises

Nights alone in a quiet house. I have to have noise to sleep.

A certain kind of blanket.

Wooden hairbrushes

Crowded rooms

Touching of back and shoulders or anyone standing behind me

Any metallic smell.

Cabins

Bunk beds

One peice of music from the Legend of Zelda Links Awakening

Athletic, confident, or arrogant men.

Being cold, but only slightly.

Most of these I can manage fairly well except the closeness/touch one. Unless o trust the person and am fairly in a safe mood.

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IsHeDoneYet

A shade of green I call "cornfield green" (yes a color ... item does not matter... most shades of green are fine but I react aggressively to this exact color)

All strange men of any description are very upsetting at all times at any location (Ashamed of this one, but it is true)

especially if they are laughing or looking anywhere near me at ALL

(I believe, sincerely, that this evil behavior is proof they are actually dangerous "horny" rapists about to attack me)

Any man wearing any gloves; most especially

Leather gloves on/near/by my face; exactly brown leather gloves with the fingers cut off are very triggering for me.

Edited by IsHeDoneYet
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Anyone touching my head and the smell of Vaseline, it takes me back to being a kid. It's funny how smells are sometimes the most potent of all 5 senses.

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  • 1 month later...
Waitingforchange

Hi guys iam new on hear but my biggest trigger is Johnsons baby wash the purple lavender one comes from being a csa I think that's what it is if not iam a adult survivor of childhood sexual assault I would love to tell my Storie unsure where to do it at ? Can't say that I love to tell my story cause I don't but I have to live with it thanks hopefully being on hear will help me to move forward with my life

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heroescre8heart

Thanks for this…some of the things that trigger me could trigger me less or more depending on how triggered I already am, if that makes sense. (Say I'm already talking about the abuse or thinking about it…the trigger would be much worse. Along the same lines, there are times I can deal with it better.)

I'm almost afraid to list them because if he ever saw it, he'd know. Mine are really weird and specific. I'll be general.

• A certain cartoon

• Someone, especially a man or authority figure, degrading me in even just the slightest of ways or not even meaning to, for example, making me feel stupid and naive like I should've known something and the "joke's on me"

• Any sort of pain "down there" including these ovary/fallopian tube problems I have sad.png but even worse, a full bladder and feeling trapped

• Talk about (I don't even want to type it…urine)

• Someone who resembles him and I feel bad, because I don't want to judge men based on weight, but if from behind they are short, his weight, and balding and dressed similarly…which a lot of men are, I see someone like this almost everyday and always for a split second feel like it's him

• Very specific phrases: "I love you [my name]," phrases involving having to urinate, answering a question with "exactly," the name of his dog, sex, being or feeling trapped

• Garlic and certain foods

• Baths, my childhood home, a certain TV show

sad.png

Edited by heroescre8heart
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In random order:

  • bearded men
  • loud noises of all sorts, but especially emergency vehicles
  • flickering/flashing/strobing lights
  • certain scents
  • white clothing, especially dresses/robes
  • Vicks Vapo-Rub
  • rubbing alcohol
  • hand/body lotion
  • being in crowds
  • having my skin exposed (I cover up to the extreme. part is due to the fact that i sunburn easily, but it's not the whole story)
  • s*x scenes in movies, TV, books, photos, etc.--or anything alluding to it
  • being scolded/yelled at
  • being put into double-bind situations
  • doctors offices and some items within them (especially the OBGYN's office)
  • being trapped/being in small, enclosed, dark spaces
  • things touching my hands/wrists (e.g. bracelets, wrist-watches, rings, etc)
  • t*rture scenes and other inhumane practices being portrayed in movies, TV, books, photos, etc. (e.g. Man's inhumanity to Man)
  • certain phrases
  • certain religious practices that echo the RA I was exposed to
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EsperanzaRising

Some more of my strange triggers:

praying in tongues

Elderly men and women

Holy water

Peanut butter

Being lectured to about faith

Ants

Eating in front of people

Public restrooms

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It seems like I am triggered by summer. :(

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  • bearded men

especially if they have red/auburn hair. (the color of the main perp's hair & beard)

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  • 2 weeks later...
Safiracrystal

I shut down when I see chevy trucks or people with a beard and baseball caps. Kinda hard not to see those in cattle country. Thank you all for sharing. It really helps.

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Wow ... not sure there's enough room here for them all. Fortunately, others have shared some already.

Smiles, from either male or female, especially if accompanied by their projecting a feeling of "I like you." I'd rather people, especially men, not say they like or want to get to know me either. It's easier from someone I know, extremely unsettling if someone I don't know. It can't be entirely avoided though, since I'm likeable in certain contexts, so I deal with it.... usually by avoiding in person interactions with male-bodied people and interacting mostly online.

grocery shopping: at times can become overwhelmed by the choices. OMG! What brand of beans!!!!!!? I've literally walked out of stores, getting nothing, because I couldn't choose the "right" one.

If someone gets enthusiastic about something I said/did or might do. Similar to "liking", only I also feel extra expectations imposed upon me. Oh, and for that matter, any expectations (actual or perceived) imposed on me. Anyone "depending" on me, especially if they are emotionally attached to my being, saying, doing what they want, and most especially when I'm in a down space. But anyone saying they need or miss me can put me in a down space almost instantly. If their expression seems emphatic or urgent, I freak. I can't rely on myself!

Oh, and more with frustration than fear, tho both involved depending: vague language ... about anything.

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The most recent trigger was a meditation class. Supposed to be just a simple mindfulness meditation focussing on awareness of breath and slow breathing (all of which I usually find ok) but led by someone fairly new to teaching who decided to spice up the class by introducing stuff from her personal practice without knowing how to teach it properly (ie it's usually part of a yoga practice not stand-alone meditation) or the potential adverse effects.

She had us do some rapid breathing exercises in time with her saying a mantra, and some of the students were also using an audible breath technique (ujjai breathing). It sounded and felt horribly sexual and I became extremely anxious and afraid and claustrophobic - it felt as everyone was really close to me and breathing right in my ear or as if I were surrounded by wild animals about to attack me. I started crying and it took hours to calm down afterwards. I wasn't certain if it was just hyperventilation symptoms like anyone might get, or a flashback, and when I talked to her about it a couple of days later she had no idea that the technique might cause problems. Yet when I googled it I found that this sort of breath exercise is known to induce panic attacks and flashbacks in some people, and it's specifically not recommended if you have PTSD.

Overall the studio is pretty good and I'm getting a lot of benefit from yoga and meditation (I'm currently also doing an MBSR course), but it pisses me off that this is the second time they've done something inappropriate that's been a major trigger. The other one was last year, again in a meditation class, when the teacher (who was also an experienced counsellor who should damned well know better) went around adjusting people's position after they'd already lain down, got comfortable and shut their eyes. Apparently she thought I looked tense and my shoulders were scrunched up, so she gently pressed my shoulders down to the floor without saying a word. One of my rapes started when I was asleep, so it's not surprising that this completely freaked me out, or that just like during the rape I completely froze and couldn't do or say anything, but to make it extra confusing I had not actually remembered my rape when all this happened - that did not happen until some months later.

23 June - update to this is that I've had to stop meditating altogether because of severe triggering including on the MBSR course. Details here http://pandys.org/forums/index.php?showtopic=283440&p=2433613

Edited by zaracat
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