In my experience, you can face the rape and still love your child
Don't block the rape because you're afraid you won't love your child. I did this; I felt that facing the fact that I had been raped would sever the love I had for my daughter. I have since learned that NOTHING - certainly not a mean, ugly little act like rape, can destroy a mother's love. I think that if I had kept it inside me, that is what would have been destructive. I know it sounds trite, but for me, it is certainly true that love does conquer all.

Will there be reminders? Yes, probably - especially if your child looks like the father.. Acknowledge those reminders to yourself or your supports. They don't mean you don't love your child; they are a normal part of what you've experienced. It's not a perfect world - some decisions we make will not always be comfortable, but that does not mean they can't or shouldn't be dealt with.

Many mothers write to me and say that they're afraid their child will find out. That is a valid fear. It broke my daughter's heart; I was seriously worried about her. It is getting better, but it is not a wound I can "kiss better." I have made myself available for her to talk to, and when I have felt pain myself, I got support privately from my online survivor community. I used to be a staunch advocate of not telling the choild if it could be avoided, but I have swung away from that view to a degree.

Why?

When my daughter found out, it was such a shock to her that it causes me to consider that it may actually have been better if she'd had it introduced to it gently beforehand.
Having spoken to some rape conceived people, my daughter included, they say that even though the information was hurtful, they're glad they know. I am prepared to be guided by that.

The decision to tell or not is of course, yours. But should you ever need to discuss the prospect of telling and how and when etc. I'd urge you to join this asupportive and wise mailing list: Stigma's Mailing List

Rape conceived people have written to me to say that their mothers will not discuss it with them. I don't know, but I would guess that this may be unhealed trauma at work. If the rape is faced, while it will not be easy to discuss it with your child, it won't be like a terrifying opening of something you haven't faced. Your child does have the right to ask questions. Please get support for yourself from a counsellor or a trusted friend.

The pregnancy part of pregnancy by rape can be difficult because it throws up issues around your body, and possible triggers with doctor's visits etc.
Several things I would urge you to do if you are continuing your pregnancy and intend to raise your child.:

DEAL WITH SHAME - I recall that many times, stepping outside the door with my belly was an exercise in shame. And it shouldn't have been like that. I was not, as I once thought, dirty because I was raped; my body did not betray me by conceiving a child, it just did what bodies do when they ovulate.
IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT YOU WERE RAPED.
IF SOMEBODY SHAMES OR BLAMES YOU,
THEY ARE WRONG.

GET SUPPORT. For me, one of the worst aspects of being pregnant by rape was the loneliness. Nobody knew, or seemed to care how I felt. YOU DESERVE BETTER THAN THAT.

STAY SAFE. If your rapist was somebody known to you, you owe him nothing.
He has no right to you or your child. Get legal protection if you have to. For me, the presence of my rapist trying to lay claim to me because I was pregnant was a far worse reminder than my child could ever be.

For the sake of yourself and your child, FIND HEALING. I tell you that it can be done.

It isn't all a struggle.
For me, there have been many more rewards than adverse effects from raising my beautiful daughter.

People who want to discuss anything further with me can feel free to email me.

Be kind, very very kind to yourself.
Affirm your courage and beauty whenever you can.[/