For Male Survivors of Rape & Sexual Abuse
Male survivors of sexual assault and abuse are very welcome at Pandora's Project. We welcome you to participate and contribute to our thriving and active message board and chat rooms, which aim to provide peer support and foster healing. We have had over a thousand men register at Pandy's, many of whom feel they have benefited from the support, guidance and friendship offered to them from both male and female survivors alike.
We believe that the best people to judge whether Pandora's Aquarium is a good resource for male survivors are our members. This is what some of the male survivors at Pandy's have said:
"Just being here has made it possible to communicate with others, as well as being able to help and support those in all types of situations"
"Male survivors, or prospective male survivors need to above all be assured that they won't be laughed at, minimised or told to toughen up (my biggest hurdle). As with anyone, they need to know that what happened to them was not there fault and that there was nothing they could have done to stop it."
"I discovered Pandy's only a few weeks ago. In doing so, I have been staggered at the support that I have received. Already, I have posted and disclosed what happened to me as a child. I just can't believe that I have said things that I am still too scared to tell my parents."
If you are a male survivor of sexual assault or sexual abuse, Pandy's can help you to realize:
- You are NOT alone.
It is estimated that 1 in 6 men are survivors of sexual violence.
- You are NOT to blame.
Male survivors often feel responsible for their assault / abuse or that they should have been "stronger" and able to stop it. Sexual assault is not about physical strength; it is about power.
- It's okay to hurt, cry, and ask for help.
In our society we're told that "boys don't cry". We believe that male survivors need to be able to express the pain they are feeling, and that reaching out to other survivors is a show of strength.
Specifically for male survivors at Pandora's Aquarium
Sexual violence has the result of silencing us, and we understand that for men the social pressures to stay silent can be even stronger. We also understand that there are issues which are especially significant for the male survivor, and believe it's important that you are given the opportunity to share your experiences in a supportive environment. Furthermore, we respect that there may be times when you wish to discuss certain things privately and with other males, and acknowledge that acceptance and understanding among your peers is a vital part of recovery. With this in mind, we provide the following specifically for you:
The Male Forum
We have a password-protected, men-only forum, which is moderated by a nominated male survivor. In this forum, male members are encouraged to discuss any issues which they feel more comfortable discussing in a strictly male environment. Receiving support and understanding in this arena can often give male members the confidence to discuss these issues on the main message boards or with loved ones in their lives.
Men - Only Chats
From time to time, chats for men are held in a private chat room which is moderated by a male moderator. These chats focus on a specific issue relevant to male survivors, and you are usually given the opportunity to nominate a topic. These chats are often small, and therefore allow much more detailed discussion which is not always possible in the main chat rooms. They are advertised on the site well ahead of time.
We have many Essays and Articles which are accessible to the public. The majority of these are relevant for all survivors, but a number of them are specific to male survivors (we will be adding to this list shortly):
The Hidden Side of Domestic Abuse: Men abused in intimate relationships.
Male Rape: Dispelling the Myths.
Other Resources for Male Surviviors:
ASCOSA: A UK-based organization for adult male survivors of child sexual abuse
Male Survivor: A comprehensive site on male victimization, including a message board and healing weekends of recovery
Menweb: Male child sexual abuse
Survivors Manchester: Supporting male survivors of sexual abuse and rape
If you are in crisis and need someone to talk to, or if you need advice, then the following helplines may be useful:
Male Rape Support Association: 07932 898274
AMSOSA: 0845 4309371
Childline (Under 18): 0800 1111
Men's Advice Line - 0808 801 0327 (For men in abusive relationship)
RAINN: 1-800-656-HOPE (4673) (for male and female survivors)
Domestic Violence Helpline: 1-888-7HELPLINE (for men and women)
Men’s Domestic Violence Helpline: 08 9223 1199
Other helplines can be found here.
Survival is a form of resistance.
- Mendel Le Sueur