Posted 26 September 2009 - 04:51 PM
A couple years ago, I was just beginning to scratch the surface of my rape and its after-effects...only, I didn't understand anything that I was going through...I thought I was going crazy when I would have triggers (I didn't even know there was a word for them until I saw it on Pandys), nightmares, flashbacks, rage, the works...I was going through a difficult time personally, as my fiance worked two jobs, I was unemployed and just had myself to myself all day and deep into the night until my fiance returned home...I was alone with my thoughts. Alcohol became my crutch, and I was going through nearly a half liter a day. I figured if I was drunk enough that if I got triggered, it wouldn't bother me so much. I became severely depressed and even started making plans about what I would do if it ever got to be "too much." It was at this time that by some chance of fate that I stumbled across Pandys. I can never quite put to words what it meant to me to see this site and to read everyone's posts. From the get-go, I felt so accepted and welcomed and loved. I didn't even have to post...just reading other people's threads was so therapeutic and wonderful. After being on the site for awhile, I was inspired to go to counseling. I opened up more to my fiance and I stopped feeling like I had to end my life.
I'm not saying that I'm perfect today. I still feel like I need to go back to therapy to work really hard on some pressing issues that keep coming up related to my rape, and I still haven't always been able to open up and tell my fiance when something's bothering me...but considering that I was standing on the edge of the abyss before joining Pandys and that now I'm back in school, looking toward the future, and feeling happier...I just can't thank Pandys and all its members enough.
So, I guess what I like most about Pandys is that it saved my life. Thank you, thank you, thank you a million times over.
Much love, Stephanie