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What do you like about Pandys?

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#46 juno

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Posted 19 March 2008 - 06:01 PM

I like the fact that I can be completely honest, type and say exactly how I feel and no one judges me, infact sometimes people even say they feel the same way. That makes me feel like maybe I am normal after all.

#47 LittleNeighborGirl

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Posted 19 March 2008 - 07:56 PM

From the brief time I have spent here I couldn't agree more with what has already been said!!

Being here is so inspirational on so many different levels....so glad I found this place!! :hug:

Edited by LittleNeighborGirl, 19 March 2008 - 07:57 PM.

#48 Ashwin

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Posted 21 March 2008 - 12:45 PM

Being able to be open. Not being judged. Knowing there are others who understand. Not having to hide.

#49 juno

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Posted 21 March 2008 - 06:51 PM

I second that Ashwin. It feels good to talk freely.

#50 Tiffy

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Posted 23 April 2008 - 01:08 AM

I don't feel so alone in my struggles here. I also like that for the days that I don't feel like I can talk face-to-face or when that isn't available, I can post here online, and get amazing support. I feel empowered by coming here often. I also feel like I'm able to give back the support I recieve by supporting other members of Pandy's during their tough times, and I love feeling like I have helped someone feel not so alone in their struggles.

I'm sure there is a lot more, but those are the things that come to mind right now.

#51 Shalom

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Posted 05 May 2008 - 10:51 AM

While I agree with what's been said, and I value this place because people are not judgmental, I think what I most appreciate is the information I've found here or through links from here. I'd done a fair bit of healing before finding Pandy's, read a fair bit of stuff, figured out some of "how" the after effects worked (i.e., figured out some triggers and things), but I didn't get the "why" and it made me crazy. :P A shame-free and nonjudgmental environment is great in the "don't look back at that, look forward to this" department, but I needed to understand that I couldn't just solve these issues "if I had a little backbone."

I was raised on the "will power conquers everything" mentality, and until I understood, not just the how of the afterfects but the how the trauma of sexual assault can literally change the brain, I couldn't quite give that approach up and felt guilty for the failure (which raises the stress level, which means triggers are more triggery...). Also through Pandy's I found far more effective information and studies on the reasoning process behind the "self-sabotage" a lot of survivors deal with ("Why do I keep choosing stuff I know won't work?"), and could work from there to a far more effective approach. Instead of just trying to "fix" my wrong thinking through brute force ("willpower"), I began to learn other, far more directed and effective, techniques for coping with the after-effects of the abuse. It isn't that I lacked willpower - it was that I was trying to do the impossible! :blink: Once I learned to point that willpower in the right direction, things started changing for the better. :)

I value the support, I value the fact that others understand, but I also value the information I've gotten here, so much. And just as an added bonus, the mods are lovely. :D I think the frequent advice one of the mods gives pretty much sums up the place - "take gentle care of you." :)


#52 Lauren

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Posted 11 May 2008 - 04:31 PM

I like the support I can get 24/7 and the way Pandy's is so safe and secure.

I like that I can relate to others and don't feel so alone in my journey.

#53 Jules

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Posted 15 August 2008 - 12:55 PM

As someone had already mentioned, everyone here just gets it. I spend so much time trying to justify my reaction/actions or explaining how I feel, or why I think I was so affected by certain things to people who really just don't understand. Here, I can post, and know that I don't have to exasperate myself trying to explain every little thing.

I like that this community is safe and welcoming. I feel comfortable and safe here -- two things that I don't feel very easily. The members here are dedicated to supporting one another. Before coming here, I'd never really known what it felt like to be understood. And feeling like no one understood was one of the most isolating feels I'd ever felt. I no longer feel that way, and to me, that's a precious gift.

I'm thankful for everyone here, and the supportive, healing environment that people work so hard to maintain.


#54 SurvivingTheStorm

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Posted 19 August 2008 - 10:37 PM

People believe me here.
And I really like all of the healing related discussions that go on here...to me, this is a *very* proactive board and I think that's wonderful. :)

#55 Cromana

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Posted 02 October 2008 - 12:14 PM

Everyone understands what you're going through - you never get a bad reaction.
I can tell things that I cant to people in real life, I can be open, and completely be me.
I can be as depressed as I want, or as cheerful, and nobody minds.
People share things they've learnt - you can learn new ways to think or methods to cope.
There is ALWAYS someone online - you are never alone.

#56 little_iguana

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Posted 26 October 2008 - 05:49 AM

It's safe. I feel secure and welcomed here. I don't feel judged and it feels like a family, one that sticks together and helps one another and cares for each other etc. There's always someone here willing to listen and to help. I'm so glad I found Pandy's. I've been on other boards, but this is the first one where I've felt truly safe and valued. Thank-you

#57 mockingbird

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Posted 03 July 2009 - 11:13 PM

It's the only place where people understand me :)

#58 luvhargitay

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Posted 04 July 2009 - 01:02 AM

It's the only place where people understand me :)

Ditto :D

#59 SoyHermosa_Brittany

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Posted 24 September 2009 - 12:30 PM

Well, I just recently had to write an Essay for a scholarship I am applying for, and I thought I'd share what I wrote here because the whole time I am promoting Pandys :D

T warning though for uncensored R*** spelling.


From a young age, I was sexually assaulted and raped by my cousin. When I was finally able to break free from this violence, I had only just turned thirteen. The abuse went on for eight years. In the following years, I didn’t immediately address the issue, and my family did all they could to hide the matter and act as if nothing had happened. We were still a normal family from the outside; Every Thanksgiving, the whole family would eat together, extended family and all (cousin included)- minus one: Me. This went on for a good three and a half years,-until I was about sixteen. That’s when I began actively trying to put a stop to it. Finally, after about a year, I found something that helped me: a survivor site known as Pandys.org.
Pandys.org has allowed me to open up in my healing. Before, I could hardly focus on my past without becoming overwhelmed and completely shutting down, but I knew I would have to focus on it in order to heal and move forward. I just didn’t know how to get there. Pandys helped me in so many ways to do that. The site offers such strong support; it’s like a healing pool. Through another person’s story and experience, I myself, as well as others, can find a multitude of ways to come to terms with what has happened and learn to grow from it; to become better people from our tragedies. At Pandys, you can share your story without fear of discrimination or shame. No one is going to tell you what you “should have done differently” or ask you, “well, why didn’t you tell anyone?”. They are there for the same reasons, and know your pain as well as they breathe their own.
Through this site’s thoughtfulness, many different sections have been incorporated to help with addressing key issues. Some of these sections are as follows: My Story (Which is, often times, the hardest thing to get out in any form), Mental Wellness, Moving Forward, Healing Together, Survivor Communities, Self-Injury (a safe place to come together and fight against it), Body Image, Nightmares, Flashbacks, Anniversaries, Triggers, Relationships, Perusing Legal Action, Research, Activism and Speaking Out. All these subjects and so many more are what make this site amazing. In my opinion, it would not have come off the ground without such places where survivors can go, where I can go, in order to discuss these key issues and learn from them. One of the most impacting articles I found was on ‘Grey Area’ rape. It stated that there is a belief in a ‘half rape’ within society because of a supposed ‘half consent’ due to prior relations, not fighting back, no clearly spoken “No!”, or due to intoxication of either the perpetrator or the victim. Because of my personal experience, this struck a chord with me. My first therapist tried to convince me that because I eventually stopped saying “No” every time, if he thought it was consensual, then it was. So when I read about ‘Grey Area’ rape and its atrocity, I began pondering it for an overly extended period of time, until I was finally able to re-validate what had happened to me. What he did wasn’t okay, I still had no power to stop it. Sure, there may have been a hundred million other ways I could have come to discover this, but it was unveiled to me through this group, not any other source. Without Pandys.org I might still be sitting around wondering if my old therapist was correct in her thoughts, that my abuse was my fault for no other reason than the fact that I gave up on fighting, like so many others who have similar experiences. Using Pandys most certainly helps me more than anything in gaining closure, which is a slow and tedious task, but thanks to this site, made completely attainable.
Another amazing thing about this site is this: it’s not just dedicated to survivors, it was founded by survivors of rape and sexual assault. Considering this, it’s no wonder the site has been such an outstanding guide and aid for me and, no doubt, countless others. These people understood from the beginning and still understand what it is like to endure this kind of suffering, and therefore were able to create the perfect sanctuary. In addition to this, as the number of members grow, so does the realm of possibility for what will be brought up and discussed. This is because Pandys is a community. Any idea can be made into reality and all for the betterment of the group. It is awe-inspiring when people who have been hurt, take their pain and turn it to something good, for not only themselves, but thousands of others, which is exactly what they have done. Their passion and desire to create such a place also mirrors my own. I was getting doubtful that I could ever help anyone because of how I always felt, but this site, through its love, care, advice, resources and direction to an affordable therapist, as given me my strength back. It reestablished my faith in me. This is something, that for the longest time, I thought was gone forever.
The things that happen in this life will never leave us. Even if we forget, sometimes a memory will come floating back to us, maybe as a great memory, or a horrible one. and if fortune would have it to be the later of the two, it doesn’t mean its going to stop us from pushing forwards in our lives. On the other hand, we might just sit and ponder it for a bit. For a few days we may work on this memory that suddenly decided to show its ugly head. We will go to the places that we know can help us, for many out there, and especially myself, that place will be Pandys.org. It is because I know whether I am facing my past, my future or both at the same time, I’ve got people there for me who can help and who understand. They will not let me down just as I have no intention of letting them down. No group has touched me more so then they have.

#60 intheshadows

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Posted 24 September 2009 - 09:13 PM

its a place we can just "be"
no masks, no hiding behind the smile
no pretending we are ok.

we can come here and just be

Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. is not intended to be a substitute for professional assistance. All members and visitors are encouraged to establish a relationship with a trained counselor, therapist, or psychiatrist. Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. offers rape and sexual abuse survivor-to-survivor support only. Despite any qualifications staff or members possess, they are not engaged in a professional relationship with any other member. Survivors in crisis are urged to seek local help by contacting 911 or their local rape crisis center. Use of this website constitutes acceptance of the Terms of Service located here.