Posted 17 November 2003 - 08:32 PM
Personally I think we don't always have choice over how we feel but we do have a choice over what we do with how we feel at all stages of the process. And the choices we make at that point if they are the right ones will hopefully enable us to feel better. This was one of the realizations that helped me stop c*tting. I realized I couldn't always control whether I wanted to do it, but I could control whether I did it. Similarly if we are feeling really bad we can choose to stay in bed, we can choose to call a friend, we can choose to read the board etc. But we do have a choice. We can get out of bed no matter how bad we are feeling if we choose to. It's ok to choose not to if that is what is needed and some days we may feel so bad that that is a reasonable choice. But I think what I understand you to say Rain, is that if we always choose to stay in bed, not engage with others because of what happened or when we use what happened as an excuse not to push ourselves and grow, we can end up maintaining a "victim" state. (I'm just using staying in bed as just one example.) Sometimes that means not letting those bad feelings determine all our choices, but making choices that go against how we are feeling to effect transformation. It's finding the right balance of pushing ourselves and accepting where we are at that is the hardest for me to figure out. It's when we become stagnant and stop doing our best to grow and heal that it becomes a problem.
I understand what you are saying Lora about feeling you don't have a choice over how you are feeling. I agree with you that that is often true. But you are making positive choices in your life - to go to T, to take meds, to participate here, to do your best to overcome this and heal. Every day you are choosing to live. You could have chosen denial, minimization etc. You could have chosen to abuse drugs or other unhealthy ways of coping. So while you may not be able to control how you are feeling you have chosen to respond to those feelings in positive ways that will help you heal.
Just my 2 cents.