I've always found the fear of assault by an intimate really scary because if you care about somebody, there's more to lose. I love Mithy's Lara Croft impression, so I'm going with that
The "what if" question is now more of a hypothetical rather than an actually feared thing...and I can say that in hypothesizing about what if...
((((Tanni)))) my love - sometime ago, a member from here shared how she had protected another girl from rape by offering herself instead because she believed that a rape on her mattered less. Though I told her it didn't matter less, (and it most certainly doesn't) I privately reflected that I probably would have made the same choice, because I believed that I mattered less - I really see what you're saying.
I hope you'll come to know that you and your beautiful, sacred body and self do matter as much as anybody else.
I feel as though a goddess has woken up inside me - to me, she is represented by the Hindu Goddess, Kali, and this is what she looks like:
Let anybody fuck with that. Just let them.
'Course, the next step is to do like Lis and get me some lessons on effective
use of violence - because realistically I'd probably be more Lara Flynn Boyle than Lara Croft. But Lord, this anger coupled as it is with a sense of worth is beautiful. To me, it really makes the fear so much less bigger than me.