[daffodil63]

 MMarie, on 11 April 2010 - 10:21 PM, said:

Maybe I'm in denial, or maybe I'm just desperate to hang on to my unhealthy coping techniques of choice (disordered eating and excessive exercise), but...

Are unhealthy coping techniques (at least ones that don't put your or anyone else's health/life in immediate danger) really all that bad? As long as they're in moderation, that is? An unhealthy coping technique is still a coping technique. And one way or another, we need to cope.

If smoking a cigarette or two each day keeps you from falling off the deep end at those moments, then isn't a cigarette preferable to a meltdown?
If becoming a "workaholic" keeps your mind occupied and gives you goals and aspirations in life, isn't that preferable to aimlessness and depression?
If a rather stringent diet keeps my mind off the rape, and gives me motivation to continue through my daily life, isn't it preferable to lying around either hysterical or numb all day?

I asked my counselor the same question recently, MMarie. She suggested that there's a difference between distractions, which are ways to temporarily soothe yourself, and avoidance, which is about not dealing with the problem. That makes sense to me. I know for a really long time, I completely avoided the feelings and the memories. Now, I am acknowledging the pain and trying to work on things, but I still use distractions and coping techniques. I guess those things that help me get through a difficult time are OK, as long as I'm not using them to avoid, like I did before. So I think deciding what's "healthy" is probably up to each of us and how we cope.

[mumof2cuteboys]

I avoid being by myself in large crowds.
I avoid/sabotage chances of intimacy with hubby
I used to hide within my role of being a busy mum, but that is naturally changing because our boys are gaining their independence quite quickly.
I reject invitations
I use the internet too much, waste too much time - tell people I am studying
When I was managing to walk I would listen MP3 player because then I was distracted and could ignore other walkers - currently I struggle to even walk outside my gate by myself
I choose to shop in small supermarket at the time others are picking up kids from school, or other quiet times.
SI - scratching arms until just before they bleed
Not eating, and sometimes binge eating and feeling guilty - not to the point of vomitting, but only because I couldn't physically do it... Yes, I have tried.

That's enough for now. I have more and may post them later.

This post has been edited by mumof2cuteboys: 15 March 2013 - 04:51 PM

[Abbeyjoy]

My biggest problem has been keeping it secret. I was raped at 13, and telling my parents did nothing but hurt me worse. When I was repeatedly raped and beaten by a "boyfriend" at 19 I was too afraid to tell anyone. Drugs and alcohol to follow...it's hard at 26, to not hate myself for not coming forward sooner.

[mumof2cuteboys]

More thoughts:
Currently I am studying and I an good studying lots to avoid other life issues.
I arrive at church late and leave straight afterwards to avoid the crowds.m
I have not been to a large shopping centre for over 3 months.
I have dropped out of extra study because of fear.
I ignore the phone or use texting to communicate with friends because then I can hide my real feelings easier.
I say no a lot more than I like to admit.

Yep, at the moment life is about study and avoiding other people for fear that they may notice I an not coping