Identifying unhealthy coping mechanisms
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Not telling anyone. Not trusting anyone. Cut. Badly and regularly. And not get it treated or stitched. Drink heavily, every day. Mostly on my own. For years. And every night until I passed out. Starve for days on end. Isolate myself completely . Home alone, in the dark. Have random, aggressive/violent sex with strangers. Chain smoke til I felt sick. And then smoke some more. Ignore anyone who spoke to me and just walk off. Did not deal with my bipolar - no help, no meds- I preferred those feelings to my 'real' ones. Put myself in dangerous situations . Play'chicken' in physically dangerous situations. Wind people up on purpose, especially men http://www.pandys.or...t/confused1.gif Don't know why I did that - exerting some 'power'? Maybe. Also I think I just wanted to be punished. Told myself I was fine. Told everyone else I was fine. Got better at pretending I was fine. Latching onto basically anyone cos was I desperate for someone to care about me (obviously, they didn't). trying to create a fake happy family cos I didn't think there would ever be one otherwise. Letting myself get used because I thought I wasn't worth anything better. Lying to my GPs, hospital staff, psych cos I was scared of being labelled mad (duh - I am mad, pretending you're not doesn't change it!) Avoiding anything that reminded me of the things that had happened. Avoiding anything that could have helped me eg psych help, helplines/books/sites - cos if I admitted I needed help, I had to first admit that it had screwed me up. Laughing when idiots make R/SA jokes, or worse, making those comments myself (theory: if I laugh, then it didn't happen to me, and even if it did happen, it doesn't matter) Holding onto anger because it's preferable to getting upset.
Procrastinating about dealing with things full-on. Not engaging with people. Not engaging with life. Random sex with strangers (old habits are hard to break). Isolate myself. Don't engage with other people. Don't trust people.
Hmmn. Just realised how long the first list is. Wow. No wonder I felt like sh*t back then.
Source: Identifying unhealthy coping mechanisms
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