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Identifying unhealthy coping mechanisms

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#16 moonstar

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Posted 23 November 2003 - 07:31 PM

For Me

SI (not very often anymore though)

When I do anything wrong, I freak out, and curse myself out, I  can't handle failing at something stupid it at all. I belittle myself all the time.

Avoidance(mostly on line), trying to make things numb/ disassocation.

Saying I'm fine when I'm not. (Though, according to special someone, I'm a horrible liar)


I do someties purposefully trigger myself to ::sighs::

yeah, hopefully thats all of them.

Crystal Anne

#17 Guest_kaycee_*

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Posted 23 November 2003 - 07:46 PM

((((pandy family))))

Unhealthy coping mechanisms.  Aka....distractions gone amok.

1.  Avoiding social situations; i.e. shopping, walking dog during the day, answering phone.  
2.  On the computer all day and night, when I'm not sleeping or trying to sleep.
3.  Going to bed late after H is in bed.
4.  and Lately, plugging the earphones in and listening to music while I'm at the puter.
5.  Procrastination
6.  Perfectionism
7.  Negativity towards self
to name a few.

#18 Guest__*

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Posted 23 November 2003 - 10:15 PM

spending too much time on the computer

watching tv

wallowing in bad feelings

thinking and analyzing too much

#19 Guest__*

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Posted 18 January 2004 - 10:14 AM

A coalation between unhealthy coping mechanisms and self-destructive behaviour.

An unhealthy coping mechanismn that I recently discovered I had was, casual sex.  Let me explain.

I for a period of time was constantly going out getting hammered at the bar than randomly having sex with different partenrs...always of my choice of guy.....I refused to be picked up by some guy because of my fear of being able to say "no".

When in a situation where left alone with a guy that has created a way to be left alone with me,I get very nervous, affraid and uncomfortable.  I have a hard time saying "no" because of fear that if I do he will not respect that, therefor making me feel worse then if I can tell myself later I consented.

I for a long time tried to ignore that this makes me feel worse.  But desperatly affraid that it could happen again.  The loss of control and knowledge that it is not me in control has caused me to form this unhealthy coping behaviour of random sex.

I do this as a way of being in control...getting back what was taking from me.  If I pick my partner, place and time this gives me the control over the situation that being raped doesn't allow.  This was easy for me because of my inability to feel more about sex than the act.  I did not relate emotion to sex. But am now currently trying.

This is something however at the time that I didn't realize I was  doing.  I thought I was having  fun.  As with most unhealthy coping mecanisms and self destructive behaviour you are not always aware.

#20 Guest_cocoonshadow_*

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Posted 19 January 2004 - 05:44 PM

but the (perhaps strange) thing I have to note is that I don't avoid thoughts of the rapes, I don't avoid feeling what I'm feeling (anymore)...but I tend to avoid life.  I avoid situations in which I might fail.

Yeah, I do that too....rather than concentrating on getting better and feeling happy, I tend to wallow in my misery over what happened.  It's so much easier.

I spend many many hours trying to empty my mind...on the computer, in front of the tv.  I read a fair amount.

Before my rape I was already isolated by not having a car or many friends willing to pick me up.  Now I just don't even bother wanting to go out.  No one calls me, and I don't call anyone.  Isolated?  Oh yeah.

#21 Guest__*

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Posted 24 March 2004 - 12:24 PM

An unhealthy coping mechanismn that I recently discovered I had was, casual sex.  Let me explain.

this has been one of my big coping mechanisms too... before i was raped, i had only had sex three times in my life, and it was a sacred special thing to me.  after the incident, i completely changed.  i began to feel like if i could get a guy that i thought was cute, and i could take him home and have sex with him, all on my terms and of my choice, that would help me to be strong again.  of course i didnt know any of this at the time, ive been told by my therapist.  during these past couple of years, i thought "i just like sex, so what?"  that is not the case.  i havent ever enjoyed sex.  it is so casual and detached from emotions, that it is just like brushing my teeth... i definately have a lot of work to do

another unhealthy mechanism i have developed and am trying to get through, is my problem with authority.  in any kind of situation, if i feel like somebody is trying to talk down to me or dominate me in any way, i fight back.  i get angry sometimes, i blow up and yell, sometimes i get upset and cry... this has become a huge problem in my relationship with my friends.  when i drink, my defense mechanism goes up even more, because thats what i was doing when i was drugged and then raped.  so if i feel threatned by anything, a comment, a rude look, anything, i freak out and retaliate.

anyway, im going to shut up now that i sound crazy, haha

#22 woundedangel

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Posted 04 August 2004 - 07:19 AM

Hi everyone.  Wow, this topic really hits home.  Until I read these I thought I was the only person in the world who avoided feelings the way I do.  My personal unhealthy stuff is: Overeating (just joined OA), staying up all night as though I'm afraid to go to sleep, staying on the computer for all hours of the day and night because I'm not working right now, keeping the tv running all day and night even when I'm not watching it, and probably a bunch of stuff I haven't even realized I'm doing.  lol  

Just two nights ago I'd had a really good day. Went to my 12 Step meeting, was in a good mood, had a job interview, played w/ the cats when I got home, etc.  But when it was bed time it was like something inside of me just switched on and I could feel myself start resisting the idea of going to sleep.  I told myself I was just going to check my email one more time, or maybe I'd read on the couch for a bit. Well, I ended up staying up until six in the morning, then falling into bed and sleeping for twelve hours.  :(

I hate it when I get into this cycle, and I know that part of it is because my husband is out of town. Whenever I'm alone I seem to enjoy it until it gets late at night.....then all hell breaks loose.  I think that my abuse/rape memories and feelings are trying to come up but I'm not allowing them to and so I'm jittery and panicky all the time.  

I'm awfully tired of stuffing myself with food and of making myself gain weight because I can't deal with my feelings. I'm hoping that OA will help with whats' beneath the eating, but I know in my heart I have GOT to get into therapy and soon.  I"m not sure what I'm afraid of, because sometimes the idea of getting it out and talking about it is very attractive to me.  I think I let myself get intimidated by the whole process of finding someone as well as affording someone, and so I procrastinate and put it on the back burner for another week.  

Anyway, I don' t know what the answer is except to make myself do what I need to do and try to learn new coping mechanisms to replace these unhealthy ones. I have a feeling that's going to take a very long time though....sigh...

Thanks for listening and for the topic!
Wounded Angel

#23 pixie

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Posted 07 March 2006 - 03:16 AM

can you repost the healthy coping thread? the link is broken and i would like to read them.

thanks, pix

#24 sheblynn

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Posted 01 July 2006 - 03:46 PM

one for me that i do off and on (right now is an on time) is saying all that bs didnot happen i know thats a bad one and i get triggered by things and that throws off my being able to say it didnot happen

#25 ResilientOne90

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Posted 21 July 2006 - 01:17 AM

in denial a lot

im self concious

sometimes anti-social

#26 drifter

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Posted 09 August 2006 - 03:50 PM

whoa I have to say these lists are really hitting home! Right time for me to be brave rather than burying my head in the sand my unhealthy mechanisms

Excessive work hours
Isolation (helpped by excessive work hours)
Doing lots at once online, reading music etc etc etc
If Im not isolating over compensation for my mood eg) Im always the happiest person in the group I will always listen to other people! I NEVER have any problems

Relapsing into old eating disorder habits, the best way to avoid is not to feel the best way not to feal is engaging in the ED

It amazes me I can identify these habits with ease but changing them seems much harder
love to all

#27 KaryAnca

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Posted 25 November 2006 - 06:50 PM

What are my unhealthy coping mechanisms? Using my husband as a shield against the world. Letting myself withdrawal into a world of "just us two."

How did I overcome it? I haven't completely, but I try and he encourages me to develop outside interests.

#28 Josie

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Posted 26 November 2006 - 12:25 AM

I have three main unhealthy coping mechanisms...
First I put on a mask and pretend that everything is okay...even with my closest friends. I know that I will be supported when I talk to them but I feel like a burden so I avoid talking about how I am really feeling.
Second I overanalyze everything. I overthink things to avoid actually dealing with them.
Third I avoid getting close to people because I do not have faith in my own ability to decide who is trustworthy and who is not. I figure if I do not get close to anyone the issue of trust will not come up.

#29 Kerry-louise

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Posted 26 November 2006 - 05:39 AM

I stop eating- or cut back until I might have a snack a day.
Then I spend excessive time at work.

#30 Jeanette

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Posted 30 November 2006 - 06:00 AM

I am still kind of new here, I saw this thread and reading it realized, I spend way too much time on the computer.
I am avoiding dealing with life, because I am on here.

I don't do any of the things I used to do. I don't watch tv or movies by myself. I guess I am afraid I won't be able focus on them. So unless I have my daughter watching with me, or a friend, I don't watch.

I would like to learn to participate more in life on my own, and not feel that I need someone with me for every activity.


Recent blog entries on this topic


From: Identifying unhealthy coping mechanisms

By Wil in Wil's Blog, on 05 June 2013 - 08:51 AM

Used to:

Not telling anyone. Not trusting anyone. Cut. Badly and regularly. And not get it treated or stitched. Drink heavily, every day. Mostly on my own. For years. And every night until I passed out. Starve for days on end. Isolate myself completely . Home alone, in the dark. Have random, aggressive/violent sex with strangers. Chain smoke til I felt sick. And then smoke some more. Ignore anyone who spoke to me and just walk off. Did not deal with my bipolar - no help, no meds- I preferred those feelings to my 'real' ones. Put myself in dangerous situations . Play'chicken' in physically dangerous situations. Wind people up on purpose, especially men http://www.pandys.or...t/confused1.gif Don't know why I did that - exerting some 'power'? Maybe. Also I think I just wanted to be punished. Told myself I was fine. Told everyone else I was fine. Got better at pretending I was fine. Latching onto basically anyone cos was I desperate for someone to care about me (obviously, they didn't). trying to create a fake happy family cos I didn't think there would ever be one otherwise. Letting myself get used because I thought I wasn't worth anything better. Lying to my GPs, hospital staff, psych cos I was scared of being labelled mad (duh - I am mad, pretending you're not doesn't change it!) Avoiding anything that reminded me of the things that had happened. Avoiding anything that could have helped me eg psych help, helplines/books/sites - cos if I admitted I needed help, I had to first admit that it had screwed me up. Laughing when idiots make R/SA jokes, or worse, making those comments myself (theory: if I laugh, then it didn't happen to me, and even if it did happen, it doesn't matter) Holding onto anger because it's preferable to getting upset.


Procrastinating about dealing with things full-on. Not engaging with people. Not engaging with life. Random sex with strangers (old habits are hard to break). Isolate myself. Don't engage with other people. Don't trust people.

Hmmn. Just realised how long the first list is. Wow. No wonder I felt like sh*t back then.

Source: Identifying unhealthy coping mechanisms

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