Posted 21 November 2003 - 02:55 PM
Hey, everyone ~
I know this is an issue that many can relate to, so I thought I'd post about it and see if any of you have thoughts. Right now, the whole issue with learning to say no to others is becoming a huge problem for me. I've always had problems saying no. I'm SO afraid to disappoint people and always tend to figure that it won't kill me to take on one more thing in order to make someone happy. It's crap. I know it's crap, and it's got to stop. Right now, it's an extremely huge issue for me, b/c of some things going on.
Yesterday, I got the opportunity to talk to the woman who runs our local crisis center. She is desperately searching for volunteers, and she's working very hard to improve what was an absolute joke of a "crisis center" before she took over (for example, a friend of mine called right after remembering her rape and was told to 'get over it'). I really, really, really want to volunteer. I'm finally in a place where I feel I could handle it, and finally in a place where I feel like I have something to offer to the people who call. Tamara (the woman who runs the center) is absolutely fabulous - I've known her peripherally for some time and we really see eye to eye on a lot of survivors' issues. She has that same determination that I have when it comes to making a difference. She knows a bit about the volunteering I do online and she was positively glowing yesterday when I mentioned wanting to maybe get involved. I really want to do this. I feel like I need to -- for me. Considering this is along the lines of what I want to do with my life, I think it would be a good step to take...and an empowering one at that.
My problem is this: I am already SO busy. To put it easily, in order to make the time for volunteering in RL, I would have to ease up a bit in other areas. I hate to let people down. But I also know that I have to do what I need to to further my own personal growth. And I think working at the crisis center is something I need to do.
I would also have to set limits and boundaries with the people in my RL. I would have to learn to say no to dinner invitations or nights out that I usually say yes to, b/c I don't know how to say no. It would mean that I would have to learn to tell people that sometimes I don't have time to chat on the phone for an hour.
I just hate to let people down. Or to feel like I am. I have this horrible habit of expecting myself to be super-woman. I'm not. I, of all people, should know I am *not* super-woman by any means. Nor should I expect myself to be.
OK, I'm rambling like I usually do! Does anyone have any thoughts on getting past this? I'm sick of not being able to say no to people!