Posted 21 November 2003 - 12:30 PM
Great thread, Lis. I'll be curious to see what others have to say, since this is definitely an issue for me. To quote Laney (who's just so quotable sometimes), It is most definately a fine line to walk, and I think I trip over it alot.
I wish I had some thoughts, but I really don't. I swear to myself that I'm not going to be my own enabler, but then I end up putting tremendous pressure on myself to get everything done NOW so that I don't feel as if I'm hiding from life. It really is SO annoying.
I've had a few thoughts as to what to do with myself. The first one (and thanks to the other thread, I know you'll relate) is to talk to my mom, who's unknowingly enabling me. I know she doesn't know she's doing it - if she realized I was making excuses, she'd tell me to deal w/ my own crap. I keep thinking I should broach the subject with her (how, I have NO bloody idea, though) and let her know that she needs to say no to me. Like I think I said in the other thread, I'm all about forcing myself into doing things...otherwise, I never do them.
The other thought I had (and here I said I didn't have thoughts! lol) was much like what Sister said about journaling. I think it's important for me to identify why I avoid things the way I do and to challenge whatever fears are keeping me from dealing w/ life. (And as Sister said -- challenge those old "I'm not doing it fast enough" feelings.)
I've also recently been playing with allowing myself to "avoid" for a certain amount of time, before forcing myself to get up and do what I need to do. For instance, my habit is to convince myself that I *need* to post about a particular issue...which I probably do. But then, I post about my issue, get to reading other posts, eventually start chatting with 39547548574 different people...and pretty soon, I'm avoiding. I'm trying to get to a point where in the above situation for example, I allow myself to make that post that I feel is crucial, but keep my away messages up so that no one IM's me and get off the computer as soon as I'm done with that one post. The other day, I actually set the timer before I came and got on the computer. Did it work? Yes and no. While I was away from the computer anyway, I convinced myself to do things I'd been avoiding. But I also managed to continue to avoid the things I'd been dreading most.
Thanks for the great post, Lis. I'll be interested in reading everyone's replies!