Help
This is a mirror thread of one in a private forum, but we had a suggestion to make a public version so here goes.
Oftentimes people say things that hurt us. Why not honor the things our friends, family, and fellow survivors have said that has HELPED us heal?
What kind and supportive words have been validating? What anger expressed on our behalf has made us feel valued?
Share 'em here!
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Kind Words What people have said that helps us heal
#1
- I am as radiant as the sun.
- Group: Administrator
- Posts: 19,160
- Joined: 22-December 01
Posted 04 August 2007 - 11:01 PM
#2
Posted 04 August 2007 - 11:07 PM
"You are a gem among coal, DeLani" ~ my friend, Marie
"I'll give you my hand, ear or shoulder to cry...but I'll never ever leave you...never once will I," -- Kendra (my BFF), reciting a poem we made our "friendship poem" in grade school...
"There's too much good and there's too much love inside of you for something like this to be even remotely right," - J.W. (abbreviation for my favorite teacher)
"You must have joy inside of you, because it seeps to the outside" - my friend Cavan.
"I'll give you my hand, ear or shoulder to cry...but I'll never ever leave you...never once will I," -- Kendra (my BFF), reciting a poem we made our "friendship poem" in grade school...
"There's too much good and there's too much love inside of you for something like this to be even remotely right," - J.W. (abbreviation for my favorite teacher)
"You must have joy inside of you, because it seeps to the outside" - my friend Cavan.
This post has been edited by blooregardqkazoo: 16 August 2007 - 08:57 AM
#3
Posted 05 August 2007 - 07:11 AM
Just the fact that someone was angry for me. Wanted to smash his face in for what he did. That someone was actually angry for me....that I was worth that... That they keep repeating that I didn't deserve it and it wasn't my fault no matter what circumstances or reasons I gave that I thought it was.
Is more but that was what I thought of straight away when I read this... maybe I'll come back to this and add stuff later.
Is more but that was what I thought of straight away when I read this... maybe I'll come back to this and add stuff later.
#4
Posted 06 August 2007 - 02:08 PM
My memory isn't all that good, but just the other day someone said something that just went to the core of me. We were talking about how confused I was that people seemed to really like being around me, and she said
"It's because you are Kind. You don't find that very often."
I immediately changed the subject, but I have been thinking about it ever since. And what she said would make me bawl if I wasn't on Paxil, because I have NEVER wanted to be like my second step-mother, all hard and cruel and such. Her telling me I am kind was like her telling me "You are nothing like your second step-mother", and I've never had anyone say that to me before.
:candle:/>
"It's because you are Kind. You don't find that very often."
I immediately changed the subject, but I have been thinking about it ever since. And what she said would make me bawl if I wasn't on Paxil, because I have NEVER wanted to be like my second step-mother, all hard and cruel and such. Her telling me I am kind was like her telling me "You are nothing like your second step-mother", and I've never had anyone say that to me before.
:candle:/>
This post has been edited by RoughCollieGirl: 06 August 2007 - 02:09 PM
#5
Posted 09 August 2007 - 03:51 AM
Bad things happen to good people.
I'm glad that you survived.
I love you baby, I love you unconditionally and we'll get through this.
It happened to me too, you're not alone. <---this especially helped me.
I'm glad that you survived.
I love you baby, I love you unconditionally and we'll get through this.
It happened to me too, you're not alone. <---this especially helped me.
#6
- I'm Awesome! Section Moderater for "MyLife"
- Group: Section Moderator
- Posts: 19,188
- Joined: 25-April 07
Posted 09 August 2007 - 07:36 AM
"You're awesome"! :yay:/> That's what my friend that encouraged me to tell my mom told me!:blush:/> blondie24
This post has been edited by blondie24: 02 November 2007 - 03:58 PM
#7
Posted 10 August 2007 - 02:23 AM
You've been through a lot.
You're real brave.
You're a strong person.
I'm sorry that happened to you.
You're real brave.
You're a strong person.
I'm sorry that happened to you.
#8
Posted 10 August 2007 - 07:17 AM
These are all from one of my friends:
Do you need a hug? (When I told her I was upset by stuff my ex was doing, the night before I split up with him)
Of course you did! You're only human! (The same night, when I got all upset telling her I got aroused from the often-unwanted touching)
What he did was vey wrong. (Last month when I emailed her after I had a hellish post-traumatic nightmare and I was close to the end of my rope)
You don't have to tell anyone anything if you don't want to. (After I told her he sexually assaulted me last year)
I suppose as I start sharing more I'll have more to add, but those are all I have right now.
Anna
Do you need a hug? (When I told her I was upset by stuff my ex was doing, the night before I split up with him)
Of course you did! You're only human! (The same night, when I got all upset telling her I got aroused from the often-unwanted touching)
What he did was vey wrong. (Last month when I emailed her after I had a hellish post-traumatic nightmare and I was close to the end of my rope)
You don't have to tell anyone anything if you don't want to. (After I told her he sexually assaulted me last year)
I suppose as I start sharing more I'll have more to add, but those are all I have right now.
Anna
#9
Posted 16 August 2007 - 12:17 AM
"Our pasts do not define who we are." <<<From my favorite teacher. I found out just before he made that statement..
*T* warning, maybe
that he was physically abused for years as a child. He made it out of that nightmare though, and that really amazes me.
*T* warning, maybe
that he was physically abused for years as a child. He made it out of that nightmare though, and that really amazes me.
#10
Posted 16 August 2007 - 08:56 AM
"Don't be afraid to make mistakes! But, be afraid of your mistakes making YOU," -- J.W. (abbreviation for my favorite teacher)
#11
Posted 19 August 2007 - 10:53 AM
my bf is the absolute best at saying the sweetest things ever, pretty much everyime we are together he says something absolutley adorable
sometimes him telling me that i am beautiful or adorable makes me feel so much better, just knowing someone thinks i am. he has said so many awesome things to me and right now the only one i can remember is from the time i told him i was a survivor and he said "i'll always be here for you" and it was like the best thing anyone had ever said to me. and of course tehre is my cousin who has pretty much stood up for me and made me feel like i wasnt alone and has helped me so much, just her beingthere is like a thousand kind words.
sometimes him telling me that i am beautiful or adorable makes me feel so much better, just knowing someone thinks i am. he has said so many awesome things to me and right now the only one i can remember is from the time i told him i was a survivor and he said "i'll always be here for you" and it was like the best thing anyone had ever said to me. and of course tehre is my cousin who has pretty much stood up for me and made me feel like i wasnt alone and has helped me so much, just her beingthere is like a thousand kind words.
#12
Posted 21 August 2007 - 12:03 PM
My friend said something beautiful to me once. I can't remember the exact words, but it was along the lines of:
'You can always tell me anything, because I'll always want to listen. I know you think that it hurts me but it doesn't, I want to take the pain away from you and then maybe together we can let it go for good.'
It just made me feel so much less alone in that moment.
xFaithx
'You can always tell me anything, because I'll always want to listen. I know you think that it hurts me but it doesn't, I want to take the pain away from you and then maybe together we can let it go for good.'
It just made me feel so much less alone in that moment.
xFaithx
#13 Guest_lrc7535_*
Posted 26 August 2007 - 01:53 AM
"You're the only one who can forgive yourself." (my best friend)
"Thank you for your story. I think you are safe now, wherever there is water." --(this was a note given to me at the end of a conference...the person who wrote it had sat with me on a ledge overlooking a river, and I told her what happened. She listened, she really listened. And then at the end of the week she put this note in my hand before I left, along with a smooth stone that I still hold onto when I'm scared)
A biographer once told me, when I asked if she learned anything from the mistakes of the people she wrote about: "There are no cautionary tales."
"It's not your fault."
"Thank you for your story. I think you are safe now, wherever there is water." --(this was a note given to me at the end of a conference...the person who wrote it had sat with me on a ledge overlooking a river, and I told her what happened. She listened, she really listened. And then at the end of the week she put this note in my hand before I left, along with a smooth stone that I still hold onto when I'm scared)
A biographer once told me, when I asked if she learned anything from the mistakes of the people she wrote about: "There are no cautionary tales."
"It's not your fault."
This post has been edited by lrc7535: 26 August 2007 - 01:54 AM
#14
Posted 12 October 2007 - 08:28 AM
After screaming at this friend for the millionth time (and for no fault of his own), just before I storm off like usual...
"I can't understand what you're going through, I can't even imagine it, but know that no matter how many times you yell, cry, and walk away, I will be waiting right here for when you're ready and need a hug"
"You're not difficult. You're not a burden. You're in pain and it's understandable. Do what you need to do for yourself."
"Don't worry if sometimes you can't hang out with people. Don't worry if they get mad, that's their problem and they'll get over it."
"It's okay to eat if you're hungry. You are beautiful, you will always be beautiful."
"I can't understand what you're going through, I can't even imagine it, but know that no matter how many times you yell, cry, and walk away, I will be waiting right here for when you're ready and need a hug"
"You're not difficult. You're not a burden. You're in pain and it's understandable. Do what you need to do for yourself."
"Don't worry if sometimes you can't hang out with people. Don't worry if they get mad, that's their problem and they'll get over it."
"It's okay to eat if you're hungry. You are beautiful, you will always be beautiful."
#15
Posted 06 February 2008 - 05:00 PM
You are so so special and loved and cherished. What happened was not personal and you are safe now. (mum)
You are such a long way away... I just want to give you a big hug. Be strong - I'm always here for you. (dad)
It is not your fault some scumbag took advantage of you.
I would never think of you as any different from when I first met you, which is a very lovely, confident, smart, fun loving young woman and anyone would be lucky to have you in their life. (my exes mum)
You can't blame yourself. You can't be to blame for some sick person's actions. (my ex)
Poor girl, it shouldnt have happened to you. You were so innocent and just you. This shouldnt happen to anyone but mostly it shouldnt happen to you.
It helps to read these back to myself in those lowest of moments which I still have!
And it helps to read everyone elses comments too.
You are such a long way away... I just want to give you a big hug. Be strong - I'm always here for you. (dad)
It is not your fault some scumbag took advantage of you.
I would never think of you as any different from when I first met you, which is a very lovely, confident, smart, fun loving young woman and anyone would be lucky to have you in their life. (my exes mum)
You can't blame yourself. You can't be to blame for some sick person's actions. (my ex)
Poor girl, it shouldnt have happened to you. You were so innocent and just you. This shouldnt happen to anyone but mostly it shouldnt happen to you.
It helps to read these back to myself in those lowest of moments which I still have!
And it helps to read everyone elses comments too.
