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Mod Decisions

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#1 Jes

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Posted 16 November 2006 - 11:21 AM

We've recently received several complaints about how the board is run and the way in which the moderators make decisions. While we welcome members to contact us if they are concerned about the decisions we make, we want you to know that our choices arise from needs and that we discuss them at length in a careful process that holds the benefit of the community in mind. Furthermore, when it comes to enforcing the guidelines, for the good of the board, we must be consistent, even if this might seem to be rigid at times. Unfortunately, in a community of this size, it is not possible to please everybody. We ask that if you find yourself feeling this way that you try to remember that the decisions that we make are never personal or meant to be marginalizing. While we recognize that people might have questions about the guidelines, it is frustrating for us to feel like we have to justify every single choice we make.

Recently, the complaints, the complaints about other people's complaints, the accusations of purposeful marginalization, and almost constant charges of "causing" people to feel unsafe and delaying people's healing have become very difficult. Again, it is never our intention to cause harm to any member, but with the recent complaints, we are being asked to shoulder undue responsibility. The tone of some of the communications we've had suggests that people feel entitled to have rules changed simply because they don't like them, without taking into consideration how it may affect the rest of the community. There has been outright anger when the rules have not been "changed back"—and, again, they have not been changed back because we truly believe that they are for the good of the community as a whole.

The bottom line is that we must all take good care of ourselves and do what we need to do to further our own individual healing. If the rules of the board truly compromise your emotional safety and interfere with your personal healing, then it would be important not to remain here and to remember that there are many other forums available online. That is not to say "if you don't like the rules get lost" or "our way or the highway." We are not attempting to mandate anything of the sort, but the reality is every member here including the moderators, must resolve to accept and abide by the rules to make this a functional community.

We would also like to invite you into a glimpse of the role of a moderator. We spend countless hours moderating this community, working to keep it as safe, compassionate, and healing focused as possible. We do this as we lead our own personal and professional lives, and while we are on our own individual healing paths. It is a very big responsibility and one that each of us takes very seriously. Generally, it is also a responsibility that each of us finds immeasurably rewarding, but when we are inundated by complaints and being maligned and blamed for what can feel like everything under the sun, what is normally enjoyable becomes disheartening at best. Really, we don't want a gold star for doing this and we don't want a cookie; it's usually a pleasure. But we do want to be treated with respect.

We do our best to ensure this is a functional and safe community - and hey – with several years of mostly happy members who have gained much by being here shows that we haven't done too badly in running this community. We simply ask that you bear all of this in mind as we move forward together in our healing.

Warm regards,
The moderators

#2 Tina

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Posted 16 November 2006 - 11:58 AM


I agree completely with what has just been stated here.And I for one, hold all of you in respect, and a respect that I don't want to abuse.

This is board is here for all of us...and with that requires maturity of us the members to respect the mods at all times. If you do feel that the rules or recent changes aren't to your benefit, then its time to make a decision of this board is for you.

This board is known for its compassion, with a big capital C...also think that as members, we do forget about those being in charge, that as moderators you have to carry the burnt of the load of making sure that board runs smoothly and safely for members.

Not everyone is going to like rule or changes, but that's also a part of life.

I also want to say that the moderators deserve our respect at all times. No exceptions.

We're here to help one another...and those guidelines are there for all of us.

(((((((((( Mods)))))))))))))))))

I appreciate everything that you do here, even with your hectic lives to run.



#3 Dawn Aubade

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Posted 16 November 2006 - 11:58 AM

((hugs to all mods of chat; board; wherever else is needing mods))

I think you do an amazing job. I dont know what I would do without Pandy's
Thank you

#4 Cherub

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Posted 16 November 2006 - 12:01 PM


Well said and greatly appreciated. Thank you for all you do!

#5 laurels love

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Posted 16 November 2006 - 12:17 PM

(((Mods))) ... I know I have never felt that you have done anything without fully explaining why .. It must be the hardest job in the world finding that balance where most of our needs are met.

Brings to mind the old saying, you can please some of the people some of the time but not all of the people all of the time.

And with that saying in mind we have to remember that there are a lot of us who use this board and we need to respect the way it is run and other members.
I for one and grateful for this place and I hope it carries on as it has.

#6 Tania

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Posted 16 November 2006 - 12:20 PM

I am only recently joined this site and i think you all do a wonderful job, it is enlightening to know i am not alone and that we have such caring people moderating the board to keep it safe as possible for all of us....

Thanks for a great job.... :)


#7 Star of the Sea

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Posted 16 November 2006 - 12:31 PM

You don't want cookies or stars?! :o

You certainly deserve them for all the great work you do. :D

Posted Image Posted Image

:moo: wanted me to include a sheep cookie as well.

Posted Image

enjoy. ;)

Thanks for all the hard work.


Edited by Star of the Sea, 16 November 2006 - 12:34 PM.

#8 Alias Chase

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Posted 16 November 2006 - 12:36 PM

:angry: Some people!

Thank you for ALL you do;
You do a fantastic job!

Big Love,


#9 Stef

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Posted 16 November 2006 - 01:19 PM

Hey Jes & Mods -

You all know I appreciate you as people and the work you do, so I'm going to skip the whole group hug thing.

I think this post is - although it's of course sad that it's needed - a very useful reminder. It reminds us members that none of the decisions that are being announced have undergone a process of discussion and careful consideration, even though the members can't be part of the process and might not even know it happened.

As a member, I almost feel like I want to apologize for the people who bitch, but please also remember that if even someone like me, someone who loves you and is extremely thankful that more than one of you got me drunk ;) , might not fully agree with everything, just because we never witnessed the process that comes before a guideline, and that can be a little intimidating.

That being said, I'm in no way trying to criticize any of the recent additions to the rules, I actually agree with all of them.

I think this was a useful reminder from a mod perspective, so I hope the member input counts a little as well, bear with us if we feel overwhelmed with something new, we're all humans. I encourage everyone to be respectful and considerate when voicing your concerns towards the mods, though.


P.S. Since they are being rejected by the mods, all cookies may please be directed at me. ;)

#10 trapped tears

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Posted 16 November 2006 - 01:25 PM


No complaints here ;)

Take care all of you,

love as always from Laura xxx

#11 Star of the Sea

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Posted 16 November 2006 - 01:40 PM

P.S. Since they are being rejected by the mods, all cookies may please be directed at me. ;)

I believe it was written that they don't want "a cookie." Perhaps that is because it's hard to share a single cookie 7 (8 if one includes franklin) ways (and that's not counting all the chat mods.) At that point it would just be a few cookie crumbs per mod. :moo: is convinced that once they see the full range of cookies offered, they might reconsider.

Alternatively, it could be that they don't want cookies as a payment for their mod work, but they'll accept cookies as a gift.

Just in case, we'll contribute some extra cookies just for you, Stef.

Posted Image



Edited by Star of the Sea, 16 November 2006 - 01:46 PM.

#12 Shalom

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Posted 16 November 2006 - 01:41 PM

A lot of the books I've read on survivors say we have issues with people in authority, and it's sure true of me. :P Haven't had any problems with the authorites here, thus far. ;) It is difficult to run a board of this size and it seems as groups get larger the rules do often end up refined or tightened - that or the group implodes and breaks up. :o I'm sorry rules changes are bothering people and that the mods are getting the fall out. :( Very much appreciate all the mods do.


#13 Tracy

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Posted 16 November 2006 - 01:47 PM

(and that's not counting all the chat mods.

This chat mod isn't rejecting any cookie.

(((((((mods)))))) [sorry, but I ate the cookies while posting]

#14 Morgan

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Posted 16 November 2006 - 01:52 PM

Thank you to all the mods,

It has been made clear that mods are survivors on their own healing journeys, and are quite obviously (you just need to look at the membership numbers) providing a fantastic board.

The mods deserve respect and support, not complaints or insinuations that they are deliberately hurting members.

They all do a wonderful job,

Pandy's is much appreciated.

Morgan x

Edited by Morgan, 17 November 2006 - 04:06 PM.

#15 Maddy

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Posted 16 November 2006 - 01:58 PM

I think you're all amazing. But if you really don't want those cookies....

Diet starts tomorrow!

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