Posted 10 August 2009 - 07:12 PM
Thank you, I very much needed to read this tonight.
I do think my abuse "wasnt as bad as others" and I do think "it has been 30 years aog I should be over it"
I have doubted my memories, but having attended my 30th grade school reunion recently, I was reminded by two close friends that I even tried to tell them after my mom would ot help me, but we were oly 12 so none if us knew what to do. I WAS ONLY TWELVE!!!!!!! No 30 something year old man should ever have been touching a TWELVE YEAR OLD LITTLE GIRL !!!!!!!!!
IM OK - HE IS THE CRAZY ONE !!! IM GOING TO BE OK !!!!
For so many years, I pushed it off thinking I was crazy to let it bother me, but that idiot hurt me and its OK that I HURT! It is NORMAL that I HURT!
AND ITS OK THAT I AM MAD AT MY MOM FOR NOT HELPING ME!! IM OK - IM THE NORMAL ONE!
Dealing with this is harder than I thought it would be. I pray a lot these days and listen to Joyce Meyers talk. It keeps me from wanting to end my life. It gets so tiring sometimes, but I am going to keep going and I am going to be BETTER some day !!!
My alcoholic husband one time forced himself on me. Yes, I am still married to him. I went to a counselor once who told me that "I should be able to get over the fact that he only forced himself on me once" Well you know what??? IM REALLY NOT OVER THAT EITHER !!!!! and I dont think I need to be!!!!! Its ok and good to forgive(maybe) and move on, but its also ok that I HURT because of his cruel actions when intoxicated !!!
I am not sure where I will be q year from now, but I know that starting to deal with this, means I am on the road to recovery and feelign better about myself.
I will pray for everyone out there hurting !!