I come here and read about others who have suffered long time abuse, recent violence, severe injuries, who dont' have a supportive partner and I feel like an idiot.
You're not an idiot. Pain is pain; there's no checklist you have to fill out to have the right to hurt, or to have flashbacks, or to experience anything related to that pain. There is no way to accurately compare two peoples' experiences, or their pain, either, because there are just too many variables. Anything from your age at the time to how you were raised to your physical sensitivity to your coping skills can have a major influence on how much pain someone feels. The details of the actual abuse are only one of many pertinent influences. So you may feel like an idiot, but while that feeling is perfectly valid, it doesn't actually reflect the reality of the situation, if you see the difference. butterfli
"She didn't want it and he did it anyway" is pretty much my definition of rape as well - and where it isn't my definition of rape is just that the pronouns aren't always right (sometimes it's "He didn't want it and she did it anyway," etc.). Another definition of rape I like is "sex without joyous consent." If they nag you into it, coerce you, harrass you, or in any way ignore your unwillingness or have sex with you when you are not ABLE to consent (when you are asleep or unconscious, for instance), I consider that rape.
Edited by Shalom, 27 February 2008 - 07:56 PM.