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#16 Guest__*

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Posted 27 December 2001 - 11:04 PM

Thanks for the questions....I needed to 'face' the answers

1. Were you silenced by someone? How?
I'm not sure that it was 'someone' in general,
but I know that the fear of rejection and of
being seen as 'bad' definitely kept me silenced
for years...sometimes it still does.

2. Have other, beside the abuser, betrayed you? (In relation to your abuse?)
Family.  I was 'forced' to tell my parents when
I was in the hospital when I was 16, they cried,
told me that they knew my brother was capable
of it and then forgot about it....never mentioned
it again.  When I mentioned it over 10 years
later,they thought I was 'delirious' until they
went back to my 'medical notebook' and saw that
they wrote it down...." Oh, ok I guess it
happened, we wrote it down when you told us"
The time before that I had to mention it in a physical....when the question was asked my
Mom instantly answered "Never" for me and
when I said.."uh, yes I was" she asked by
who and then said....oh yeah.

3. Did you "tell" people in a way other then words about your abuse? (anorexia, withdrawing etc)
I became dependent on others for validation,
went through  times with alcohol, drugs,
cutting myself, terrible relationships, sex
with anyone who 'told' me I was ok,the patterns
of failure, very dangerous situations, extreme
depression, hospitalizations....yep,
I was screaming to be heard.  

4. "The damage of betrayal is deepening the conviction that relationships can neither be enjoyed, trusted, nor expected to last" Do you agree with that statement? Why or why not?
I absolutely agree.  My life has been a series
of 'groups' I've hung around.  Here for a bit,
just until they get to know me a bit and then
time to bail.  I wanted to bail before they
could when they realized who I 'really' was.
When you bail enough you run out of places
to go.  I am working my butt off right now
to trust in a 'healthy' relationship....it's
the hardest thing I've ever done in my life.  

5. How do you see yourself now?
Scared, but willing.  There's a lot of work
yet to be done, but I'm not cutting, drinking,
sexing etc.  I'm walking though...sometimes
like a child, sometimes with the grace of a woman.

6. Have you begun to tell others about your abuse? What have your experiences been like?
When I started telling people, I got various
reactions.  I began to be able to gauge how
others might react.  For a time I told anyone
who was willing to listen,so they could tell
me I was 'ok' but it was always
as if I was reading it from a book.  Now,
in the midst of pain I tell those
close enough to me to be affected by it.

7. Do you trust others? Do you trust yourself?
On a logical, intellectual level I can
discern and trust appropriately.  On an
emotional, gut level....again, it is the
hardest thing I've ever worked on.  There are times
when I'm like a child, trusting because I so
badly want them to be trustworthy or to validate me,
when anyone gets close enough though, it
becomes a fight within to trust.
Trusting myself....hmm...Yes, if I'm
walking in healing....no, if I'm trying
to 'avoid' it.



#17 Guest__*

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Posted 07 January 2002 - 12:00 AM

1. Were you silenced by someone? How?
They threatened me to keep quite but I told on them the other one I didn't tell on was because I was scared of him I didn't know who he was or where he lived so telling wouldn't help me.

2. Have other, beside the abuser, betrayed you? (In relation to your abuse?)
yes at my old school when people found out I had been raped they spread false rumors about me and kids who I thought were my friends were the ones starting the rumors.

3. Did you "tell" people in a way other then words about your abuse? (anorexia, withdrawing etc)
first one I just stayed to myself hid my cuts and bruises and wrote about it in my diary. The others I reported right away.

4. "The damage of betrayal is deepening the conviction that relationships can neither be enjoyed, trusted, nor expected to last" Do you agree with that statement? Why or why not?
disagree because I have a b/f that knows what happend I trust him and he is very supportive :) infact other then my cousin he is the only one that supports me.

5. How do you see yourself now?
still have alot to deal with and don't always like myself.

6. Have you begun to tell others about your abuse? What have your experiences been like?
I have told people because I pressed charges I've had people call me a liar people who have been on myside.

7. Do you trust others? Do you trust yourself?
I sometimes trust others it takes awhile for me to trust someone but I had trust issues long before I was ever raped so that may not be the result of being raped. I sometimes don't trust myself because I have tried to kill myself many times.

HollyAnn
TigerCat016@aol.com


#18 Guest__*

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Posted 01 April 2002 - 12:03 PM

1. Were you silenced by someone? How?

Well my brother was the one that did it to me. I must have been three, and I didn't know what was happening so I don't think he had to say anything to me (I just started remembering the abuse a month ago so I don't remember much about it).

2. Have other, beside the abuser, betrayed you? (In relation to your abuse?)

No, I've only told my best friend so far.

3. Did you "tell" people in a way other then words about your abuse? (anorexia, withdrawing etc)

Last year I almost became anorexic. I couldn't figure out why I was becoming like that, I thought it was over this good guy friend who I thought was sexually harassing me. It turns out it was over the abuse. I only told my best friend.

4. "The damage of betrayal is deepening the conviction that relationships can neither be enjoyed, trusted, nor expected to last" Do you agree with that statement? Why or why not?

I couldn't trust "John", a guy I've known since I was 9 (I'm 15, he's 18).
I would constantly push him away from me, when he could see I was hurting and was only trying to help. (I've pushed all other men away from me. I couldn't trust ANY men and I never knew why.)

I thought he was sexually harassing me. I talked to my youth pastor about it (We go to the same church) and he talked to John.
Well John flipped out because he said he hadn't done anything to me. I know now that he wasn't doing anything to me, he reminded me of my brother (The guy that did it to me) and in the back of my mind I was punishing him for what my brother did.

5. How do you see yourself now?

I see myself as I never wanted to; broken, and hardly making it. But I'm doing alot better now, even in a months time I can tell the difference. I don't even know how I've made it all these years being so hard...

6. Have you begun to tell others about your abuse? What have your experiences been like?

The one so far has been good. The next one I hope will go as well.

7. Do you trust others? Do you trust yourself?

I trust women, and I'm starting to trust men. It's very hard to realize I was wrong all these years about... well ALOT.
I'm starting to find myself, or like Lifehouse says "I'm finding my way back to sanity again, though I don't really know what I'm gonna do when I get there."


#19 Guest__*

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Posted 06 April 2002 - 12:38 AM

1.Were you silenced by someone? How?  

I never believed that anyone would believe.  HE always got mad when I didn’t do what he wanted and would make life harder.

2. Have other, beside the abuser, betrayed you? (In relation to your abuse?)  

I had the most important (at the time) person in my life tell me he didn’t think it was rape BECAUSE I didn’t tell him anything besides that I was raped...that’s so nuts...like he really wanted to hear the details

3. Did you "tell" people in a way other then words about your abuse? (anorexia, withdrawing etc)  

I can’t stand to do something...I was really good at avoiding triggering things even before I started remembering the rape.  I also don’t worry about my weight...I think I look pretty good but I could loose some of it but it keeps away the creeps so why bother

4. "The damage of betrayal is deepening the conviction that relationships can neither be enjoyed, trusted, nor expected to last" Do you agree with that statement? Why or why not?  

No one sticks forever....people come and people go.  Sometimes they really think they care but when the chips are down I can only count on me.  I can’t trust that others will be there.  I went into and came out of surgery by myself 2 months ago...the only person that would have been able to have been there was my verbally abusive father and that wouldn’t have helped.  I just wanted one good friend to be there to hug me and let me cry but none of them could make it happen.  That’s the way people are...when it really counts your on your own.

5. How do you see yourself now?  

Alone.  A warrior in a war no one else is fighting.  But I will continue to fight even with no one at my side I refuse to be kept silent

6. Have you begun to tell others about your abuse? What have your experiences been like?  

A good friend (female) first after she asked what HE did to me...it went ok.  My b-friend (during the time the memories came back)...it went not so good as in answer to question 2.  Another good friend(female)...she’s so cool, I can talk to her about it with out things getting strange.  Female cop (also co-worker)...she’s been great, too late to report it but its good to know a cop agrees that it was rape.  My mother...not good, first thing she said ‘was it someone you knew?’ Only told her because I’m starting to speak out and thought it best she heard it from me.  Old high school friend(male-have had sexual relationship with)...really well, he knows I’m the same person and treats me like it.  On April 16th I will be telling 2 classes of Freshmen at the high school about rape...education is the only way to stop it:)

7. Do you trust others? Do you trust yourself?

I trust some I know well not to hurt me physically but I don’t think I trust anyone emotionally.  The guy that raped me used the L word to control me, then had a relationship go down the tubes in part because of the rape.  I just don’t trust people to really care about me...so far they have all walked away with out a fight when things get hard. I trust myself:)


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Posted 07 May 2002 - 06:58 PM

I AM GOING TO BE COMPLETELY HONEST WITH THESE.  IT'S REALLY HARD FOR ME TO BE HONEST BECAUSE THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS ABOUT MY PERSONALITY AND THOUGHTS THAT I FIND SHAMEFUL. PLEASE DON'T HATE ME IF YOU READ THIS, ALTHOUGH I DON'T THINK ANYONE REALLY WILL READ IT SINCE IT'S SO FAR DOWN ON THE POST LIST.

1. Were you silenced by someone? How? I DON'T REALLY THINK I WAS EVER SILENCED BY ANYONE.  MY DAD DID THOSE THINGS TO ME UNDER THE GUISE OF 'GETTING ME CLEAN' AFTER MY BATH.  AT 7 YRS OLD I FELT REALLY UNCOMFORTABLE ABOUT BEING TOUCHED LIKE THAT BY MY DAD 'DOWN THERE', BUT I KEPT MY MOUTH SHUT, I THINK MAINLY BECAUSE I WAS A REALLY HAPPY KID, BUT SOMETIMES TENDED TO KEEP QUIET ABOUT IMPORTANT THINGS. I DON'T KNOW WHY.

2. Have other, beside the abuser, betrayed you? (In relation to your abuse?) YES. MY BOYFRIEND HAD SEX WITH ME THE OTHER NIGHT AFTER I WENT TO HIS HOUSE SPECIFICALLY TO GIVE HIM A BIT OF MY CSA BACKGROUND.  HE TOTALLY DISREGARDED MY FEELINGS THAT I REALLY DIDN'T WANT TO DO IT, AND TALKING ABOUT THE SEXUAL ABUSE HAD LEFT ME FEELING VERY 'MEMORY-ISH' AND CRAPPY. BUT HE DID IT ANYWAY. WHAT A PR*CK.

Did you "tell" people in a way other then words about your abuse? (anorexia, withdrawing etc) YEAH, I TURNED TO CUTTING.  NOT BAD TO WHERE OTHER PEOPLE WOULD NOTICE, BUT SOMETIMES I WISHED THEY WOULD.  AND PANIC ATTACKS, HOPING SOMEONE WOULD NOTICE HOW UNHAPPY AND SCREWED UP I WAS.  THAT WAS MY JUNIOR AND SENIOR YRS. IN HIGH SCHOOL. I REMEMBER BEING CALLED TO THE GUIDANCE COUNSELOR'S OFFICE BY MISTAKE, THEY WERE LOOKING FOR A HEATHER MITCHELL INSTEAD OF A HEATHER MICHELE (ME), AND I REMEMBER THINKING, I CAME SO CLOSE TO A FRIENDLY CONFIDANTE! PLEASE OH PLEASE ASK ME WHAT IS WRONG. PLEASE SEE IT IN MY FACE THAT I'M HURTING, PLEASE BE A MIND-READER!  I LEFT THE OFFICE WITHOUT SAYING A WORD ABOUT IT.

4. "The damage of betrayal is deepening the conviction that relationships can neither be enjoyed, trusted, nor expected to last" Do you agree with that statement? Why or why not? YES.  I HAVE EVIDENCE OF THIS FROM TWO NIGHTS AGO.  HOW DEPRESSING, HUH?

5. How do you see yourself now? AS A PERSON WHO IS FLIGHTY AND SOMETIMES IMPULSIVE SOMETIMES NOT. AS A PERSON WHO IS IN NEED OF SOMEONE SYMPATHIZING WITH ME, FOR SOME REASON MAYBE BECAUSE I DIDN'T GET THAT ALL THE TIME WHEN I WAS A LITTLE SQUIRT! HE HE..

6. Have you begun to tell others about your abuse? What have your experiences been like?  YES.  I'VE TOLD MANY PEOPLE LATELY.  MY COUNSELOR IS OK WITH ME TALKING ABOUT IT.  UM..I REALLY HAVE TO RESIST THE URGE TO MAKE MY SITUATION SEEM MORE DRAMATIC THAN IT IS, SIMPLY BECAUSE I FEEL THAT MY ABUSE IS NOT SEVERE ENOUGH TO WARRANT ME BEING SO UPSET AND PSYCHO ABOUT IT.  WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?

7. Do you trust others? Do you trust yourself?  I'M WEIRD.  I KNOW OTHERS WILL PROBABLY LET ME DOWN, BUT I TRUST THEM THINGS LIKE MY MONEY, MY TIME, RELYING ON THEM TO WAKE ME UP FOR CLASS SOMETIMES.  WHEN THEY FAIL TO BE THERE FOR ME, I BLAME MYSELF FOR NOT BEING LESS TRUSTING.  HUMAN BEINGS ARE FALLIBLE, THEY WILL LET YOU DOWN, ONLY GOD CAN BE TRUSTED, EVEN THOUGH IT'S USUALLY VERY HARD TO TRUST HIM EITHER.  I HAVE TO HAVE FAITH HERE.



#21 Guest__*

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Posted 28 October 2003 - 12:16 AM

(((((hugs to all of you)))))

#22 kjblue

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Posted 28 October 2003 - 01:01 PM

I realize this is kind of a cold topic as of late, but I think I might have something to gain for myself by answering them (and being honest).  Thank you for posting these.

1. Were you silenced by someone? How?

I was silenced constantly by my father and his hatred and anger towards me.  I was so scared, he didn't have to say a word and I just stayed quiet.  I still am silenced by him if I am being completely honest with myself.  And I have been silenced by the man who raped me as an adult, fear of him has kept me quiet (everywhere but here)

2. Have other, beside the abuser, betrayed you? (In relation to your abuse?)

No I have only told a select few and they have been as supportive as they know how to be.

3. Did you "tell" people in a way other then words about your abuse? (anorexia, withdrawing etc)

I tried to kill myself at 13, but my father stayed right next to my hospitol bed so I was never able to tell anyone the real reason I had done it.  I was also diagnosed with an ulcer at 12, I don't remember anyone asking me why I was so nervous and worried.  Now I don't eat, but no one seems to notice that either really.  I really think there has been a difference in my attitude the past 4 months since my recent rape, but no one has seemed to notice that either.  I think in a way I want people to notice, I want someone to help.

4. "The damage of betrayal is deepening the conviction that relationships can neither be enjoyed, trusted, nor expected to last" Do you agree with that statement? Why or why not?

I think that until you can heal and love yourself, relationships are going to be extremely difficult to sustain and enjoy.

5. How do you see yourself now?

Anger and resentful, confused by unclear memories.  Sad, scared and desperate most days.  Sometimes I have a moment or two where I know that I will get through this all, these are the moments that keep me going.
6. Have you begun to tell others about your abuse? What have your experiences been like?

7. Do you trust others? Do you trust yourself?

I don't trust others or myself.  I am afraid of men, very afraid, I hate being alone with them, even just in an office at work I get freaked out inside.  I try to trust myself, but I often don't trust my feelings of others, I have judged people very wrong in the past and now it is so hard to trust my gut feelings anymore.

-Kolee


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Posted 28 October 2003 - 03:09 PM

1. Were you silenced by someone? How?  Yes, by the perp's abuse making it appear that he actually cared for me (the only attention I received); by my mum and family not fostering a loving nurturing environment where I felt safe to tell; and by myself--I knew there was no love, nurture, and no support for me and I knew I would be blamed instead of the perp if I told.

2. Have other, beside the abuser, betrayed you? (In relation to your abuse?)  My mum and father for not loving and nurturing me, my 1st husband who was physically abusive to me, countless past bf's who were only interested in their own needs and could have cared less about me, and friends who cannot hear the truth who are no longer friends.  

3. Did you "tell" people in a way other then words about your abuse? (anorexia, withdrawing etc)  Withdrawing, drugs and alcohol, and uncontrollable emotions.

4. "The damage of betrayal is deepening the conviction that relationships can neither be enjoyed, trusted, nor expected to last" Do you agree with that statement? Why or why not?  No, I do not agree with that statement because it is not true.  My current relationship with my husband is enjoyable, trustworthy, and will last.  Our love has only deepened by going through this healing together.  We are more open and honest with one another; we no longer have unrealistic expectations of one another; and we have learned how to love and respect one another's differences as well as embracing the areas of common ground.

5. How do you see yourself now?  I see myself as a worthy, loving, giving, caring, kind, intelligent and beautiful woman who deserves to heal and to live her own life on her own terms.

6. Have you begun to tell others about your abuse? What have your experiences been like?  I told others that had not earned my trust or others who had no understanding because they had not been traumatized.  All of those failed miserably.  Now with my wisdom learned through healing, I choose to tell others only when they have earned my trust and if I feel that is something that I want to share with them.

7. Do you trust others? Blindly, no.   Do you trust yourself? Yes

Love, Liz


#24 Ramona

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Posted 28 October 2003 - 07:19 PM

1. Were you silenced by someone? How?  Yes, my family. My father separated me from the rest and lied to them. I was a small child, they just believed him. Then he and my grandparents would not allow me near my mother. They kept making up stories of why I needed to be in my room, or away from her. Later, she would not allow me near others who may have helped me, since she did not trust anyone herself.

2. Have other, beside the abuser, betrayed you? (In relation to your abuse?)  Yes, with each abuse act, it confirms that people cannot be trusted with someone else's life. And no one cares about what happens to another, just themselves and their selfish wants.

3. Did you "tell" people in a way other then words about your abuse? I withdrew. I became very sick. I could not poop, and had constant infections. I was almost put in braces cause I guess my little bones were "moved about" from the weight of full grown men - yes more than one. I had scarlet fever, then rheumatic arthritis. My family ignored all of these. I could not walk, and they did nothing until school repeatedly called. School knew, some teachers knew. Then I was brought to the hospital, and then shortly after, we'd move again. But nothing was done about the abuse.

4. "The damage of betrayal is deepening the conviction that relationships can neither be enjoyed, trusted, nor expected to last" Do you agree with that statement? Why or why not? I don't know if this is true. My abuse happened so young. I just found out that I have never trusted or loved anyone. And that my capacity to feel loved is very much less than others. I thought everyone was like that.

5. How do you see yourself now?  Broken, maybe beyond repair. I am 43 now. I have just had another flashback. I am sickened by what I've seen. I am all split up inside. People are so very cruel. I used to see the beauty in everything and everyone. I had amnesia. Now I find that I have a split personality and that was one split and the rest of me is a mess. I hate myself and want to die most of the time. I cry in the morning because I can't believe this is my life. I can't believe my own father would hate me so much and oh forget it.

6. Have you begun to tell others about your abuse? What have your experiences been like?  I was lucky that I had amnesia for a while because I found a friend who doesn't seem to think I am bad no matter what has been coming out of me recently. All these terrible visions and feelings. I am cross every day. And still my friend is here. I don't know why. I've told a few, and they feel so bad (I didn't even tell them details), that they are pained to speak to me - these were freinds. My family is so spaced out I can't tell if they are even on this planet. My father is dead.

7. Do you trust others?  Do you trust yourself? No. I recently found some very mean parts that hurt me. Not physically, but I just hate myself.


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Posted 29 October 2003 - 08:55 AM

1. Were you silenced by someone? How? -Yes. My attacker told me that nobody would believe me. Also, it's been a very hush-hush thing with most of my family. The media and its portrayal of rape and its victims has done nothing to make me vocal about my abuse.

2. Have other, beside the abuser, betrayed you? (In relation to your abuse?) -I have been snapped at by my father to "get over it," and had to play "my past is worse than your past" with him. I've been made to feel mixed-up and still troubled by not wanting to see my cousin, who was my attacker, and that it's an inconveinience to keep him away from me.

3. Did you "tell" people in a way other then words about your abuse? (anorexia, withdrawing etc) -Yes. I ran away from home before anyone found out (was taken back home by the cops after only eight hours, thank Goddess), there was withdrawal, and I did/do have eating problems, among other things, but those are the three ways I "told" before I used words.

4. "The damage of betrayal is deepening the conviction that relationships can neither be enjoyed, trusted, nor expected to last" Do you agree with that statement? Why or why not? -Yes, I agree, because betrayal strips you of the most needed emotion and ability to have a relationship -trust.

5. How do you see yourself now? -I see myself as in the middle, going between victim and survivor.

6. Have you begun to tell others about your abuse? What have your experiences been like? -Yes. There have been good experiences and bad ones- with my family, there was a lot of anger towards my attacker and support for me, but it also became very taboo and hush-hush -it's not talked about unless absolutely necessary, with the exception of my mother, really. With other people, I've had people harass me, but all in all I've found a lot of support.

7. Do you trust others? Do you trust yourself? -I don't trust anyone, with the exception of my mother. Do I trust myself. . .? On the biggest issues, I do.


#26 tilted

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Posted 29 October 2003 - 03:02 PM

Okay, lemme try this....

Sorry guys, I feel way to vunerable to leave this up.

I tried.


#27 ~Lindsay~

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Posted 02 November 2003 - 10:03 AM

1. Were you silenced by someone? How?

Well, my abuser told me never to tell anyone, but of course, I have after about three years.  When I started telling my family and friends, my parents didn't want me telling anyone else.  Did I listen to that either?  Nope.  Its my story to tell, not theirs to keep silent

2. Have other, beside the abuser, betrayed you? (In relation to your abuse?)

My parents (namely my mother) didn't believe me at first so that was hard to deal with.  I also told some friends from the youth group that I belonged to.  They were from around the state.  At first they were supportive and encouraged me to report this to the police, but then their priest (it was a Catholic church) was caught with child po*n and suddenly they were advocating forgiveness and no persecution.  That hurt a lot.

3. Did you "tell" people in a way other then words about your abuse? (anorexia, withdrawing etc)

Yeah, I have cut myself for awhile.  I stopped that though.  My main problems now are withdrawing and overeating, both of which I'm trying to control now.

4. "The damage of betrayal is deepening the conviction that relationships can neither be enjoyed, trusted, nor expected to last" Do you agree with that statement? Why or why not?

I'd have to think about that more.

5. How do you see yourself now?

I am well on the way to healing.  I still have a way to go, but I"m more confident and not wanting to be silenced anymore.  I've seen some powerful results from telling my story.  I have rough days, but I feel a lot stronger now.

6. Have you begun to tell others about your abuse? What have your experiences been like?

Yes, I have told people about the abuse.  Most of my friends have been supportive.  I've also finally reported to the police and have worked with an amazing officer and advocate.  I was scared telling the officer because he was the first male I ever talked to about it, but Kristen, the advocate, was there to help ease the fears of doing that.  I've even told one of my guy friends which has brought us even closer.

7. Do you trust others? Do you trust yourself?

I am beginning to trust others again which I never thought I would be able to do.  I trust myself for the most part as well.

Lindsay


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Posted 02 November 2003 - 08:49 PM

1. Were you silenced by someone? How?

i was mostly silenced from my own self. i felt that what happened was somehow my fault and that i would never be able to explain things properly. i did tell a friend after it occured and she told me that she really could never see this man do what he did...perhaps i just misunderstood.

2. Have other, beside the abuser, betrayed you? (In relation to your abuse?)

i kept to myself for the most part. i betrayed myself and my own integrity. i would drink ridiculous amounts and sleep all day. i lost myself. a couple of friends hurt me, but they didn't know what to do and it wasn't out of being mean.

3. Did you "tell" people in a way other then words about your abuse? (anorexia, withdrawing etc)

drinking. drinking A LOT. never attending classes. keeping to myself.

4. "The damage of betrayal is deepening the conviction that relationships can neither be enjoyed, trusted, nor expected to last" Do you agree with that statement? Why or why not?

i agree. i felt as though i would never have a fulfilling relationship. i lost my trust in people. but i am lucky and i met someone who really works on giving me that trust.


5. How do you see yourself now?

fragile. emotional. manic. depressed. hyper. strong. excited. more then just this event.

6. Have you begun to tell others about your abuse? What have your experiences been like?

some people could care less. i mostly keep it to myself.

7. Do you trust others? Do you trust yourself?

no. i only trust someone if they show me that i can. when i walk in a room i stare at the exist sign. i pay attention to how people treat others around them.

sometimes i trust myself. i am learning to. as we all know, its a process.


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Posted 09 November 2003 - 05:33 PM

[quote]Were you silenced by someone? How?[/quote]The first abuser who sexually abused me silenced me by telling me if I told anyone he would kill my mother.  When I was raped I silenced myself out of fear and shame


[quote]Have other, beside the abuser, betrayed you? (In relation to your abuse?)[/quote]

My mother betryaed me by telling me that being raped was my fault. I have since confronted her aboout it and she apologized which gave me the courage to tell he about the sexual abuse.  

[quote]Did you "tell" people in a way other then words about your abuse? (anorexia, withdrawing etc)[/quote]I did but not for years later. When both incidents first happened, I pushed it down way deep inside of me so I didn't have to deal with what happened.  When the PTSD symptoms started coming up and all this stuff was pushed to the surface I used withdrawing, anorexia/Bulimia and self injury


[quote]The damage of betrayal is deepening the conviction that relationships can neither be enjoyed, trusted, nor expected to last" Do you agree with that statement? Why or why not?[/quote]

I do not agree with this statement I think that as damging as betrayl is you can still have a meanigdul relationship with the right person and enjoy it and trust that person.


[quote]How do you see yourself now?[/quote]I see myself right now in recovery strugglign with it but in it.  I see myself as getting stronger every day that I continue the fight by making progress in therapy and coming to terms with and processing what happened instead of hiding behind unhealthy coping mechanisims(eatign disorder and self injury)


[quote]Have you begun to tell others about your abuse? What have your experiences been like?[/quote]

Yes I have begun to talk to people about it instead of hiding behind shame.  I have told my two closest friends, I recently told my husband abotu the sexual abuse (he knew I was raped) and I told my Mom .


[QUOTE]Do you trust others? Do you trust yourself?


I do trust myself and am workign on the trust issues I have towards others.  I am slowly starting to trust people more and more and am finally learning how to trust men.  I think i will always have a degree of distrust for men but it is getting better


#30 musikalrose

musikalrose
  • Member
  • posts: 1,318

Posted 10 November 2003 - 08:29 PM

1.Were you silenced by someone? How?  
 Not exactly in the way you would expect...i told my psychologist and it got reported, my mom found out...that fucked me up and i didn't want to talk about it with anyone after that.

2. Have other, beside the abuser, betrayed you? (In relation to your abuse?)  

not exactly....his wife stayed with him, said she didn't want me coming around, but that's understandable from her side..it still hurt a lot though that she didn't know if she believed me or not. THen i put myself into a lot of situations i didn't need to be in because of the way i fealt about myself where people took advantage of me.

3. Did you "tell" people in a way other then words about your abuse? (anorexia, withdrawing etc)  

I was bulimic for a few years, a self injurer....i withdrew, yes, i cried all the time.....i was depressed......slept around...


4. "The damage of betrayal is deepening the conviction that relationships can neither be enjoyed, trusted, nor expected to last" Do you agree with that statement? Why or why not?  

I'm tired of trusting people and getting betrayed, so sometimes i get leery....but on the other hand, i trust people too much sometimes i think. It is hard to look at myself and see a person people actually like being around though.

5. How do you see yourself now?  

I'm a lot happier than i used to be, i don't have the void i used to have, but i still feel lost in a way....different

6. Have you begun to tell others about your abuse? What have your experiences been like?  

I have told a few people....most were bad. Like my psychologist reporting it was fucked up, understandable though.....he had to. but that fucked me up still. My aunt was the most supportive/helped me the most with it when i told her. my dad just said ok, that was it. that pissed me off...then he came back and said the more he thought about it, the more it pissed him off, so who knows.

7. Do you trust others? Do you trust yourself?

That's a hard one to answer. I have some sort of trust in others and myself, but i don't know sometimes if i even trust that i could have a good relationship with anyone.....i feel like they'd abandon me for some reason or leave me.



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