I am awed by you, Mistral. Awed.
My mind keeps going back to an earlier post of yours in which you state yopu attended a family function and were totally honest about your rape. You gobsmack me.
I may have a tough stance around the "r" word now, but it took me a very long time. The way I used to talk about it, you would have thought it was a "minor inconvenience" carrying no greater impact than having the peas boil over. In some setings, I still have to grind the word out.
And Mistral, I am so glad you can tell people to imagine your discomfort. Did you, or anyone else here, ever have a time of feeling as if you, the person who had been raped, had to be responsible for administering assurance, comfort and support to those you told?
I used to tell, then offer them tea and sympathy for being horrible enough to have told them about something they obviously just couldn't handle. But part of me, if it could have, would have chosen to scream your words at them, Mistral--"If you feel this way, how the #### do you think I feel?"
It's wonderful not to own that anymore. It's also terrific not to need to be believed. I was raped, I was hurt by it, I don't give a flying f*ck whether anyone likes it or not; I didn't like it either. And if people think it's not "nice" ,well, neither is being raped.
Feminist writer Susan Brownmiller says that rape is a blunt, ugly act worthy of a blunt, ugly name.
Couldn't agree more. But I not only feared using the word because I was too ashamed of other's opinions, but I was also scared that it "dirtied" ME more, if that makes sense.
This fear of using the word is something I have encountered again and again.
***NICA*** The role of a therapist is particularly important in "modelling" certain things to a client. I'm feeling quite cranky that yours is modelling shame and mawkishness to you around naming your rapist's crime for what it is. Guy needs a wake-up call.
Love to all, and to you, Mistral my courageous and thought-provoking friend.