Welcome to Pandora's Aquarium, a rape, sexual assault, and sexual abuse survivor message board and chat room.
If you've been a victim of any type of sexual violence, you belong here. What you see below represents just a fraction of the resources and survivor support available. Register now to join our community and take full advantage of what this online support group has to offer you as you heal and recover, or sign in to remove this message.
You are not alone, we can support you as you heal, and you've made an important step toward recovery by reaching out. If you are unable to register or have any questions, please contact the staff or view our home page.
Premeditation of r*pe? thoughts? poss *T*
Posted 01 May 2006 - 01:33 AM
Posted 01 May 2006 - 01:54 AM
I think you are not alone. Many people besides us have been given GHB unfortunately. ONe of my perps was interested in me as well. The first time i remember getting hostility from 'them' was the moment after i indicated i wasn't interested. It was really just body language from me. I just sort of turned away and sat up straight ya know?
then mtw (the other guy) actually sneered at me. LIke how dare you not like him. They were going through a womanizing phase and that's why i didn't like him. It wasn't personal. I didn't hate him or anything. I just didn't think i was the kind of girl someone who was playing the field that hard should date. besides- I was really artsy and he was really frat-sports regular guy. NOt the sorta person i am ever attracted to.
Posted 01 May 2006 - 02:50 PM
One drink and I was feeling really unwell, blacking out with him forcing himself into me and if drugging wasn't sufficient to render me compliant, when I did try to stop him he hurt me more and bit me.
I was so shocked afterwards because he was like nothing had ever happened. I knew he was aware I didn't ever want to sleep with him. I couldn't understand why I was so drunk. He was punishing me for being unavailable to him.
I never even heard about drug rape until a year after I was raped.
If I'd known about it, I would definitely have reported it rather than sit there in the A&E in shame in case I'd caught an STD and being stitched up.
This post has been edited by karen: 01 May 2006 - 02:52 PM
Posted 04 May 2006 - 11:11 PM
Posted 16 November 2006 - 05:57 AM
i think he always knew that he'd have me one way or another, and i really do know that he decided what he was going to do the last time i turned him down. that was about three months before he actually did it. i know it wasn't that long really but just the fact that i know he had thought about it and then decided to do it when i needed a friend really does sicken me.. i still don't know how to get over it. i dont know if i ever will.
Posted 16 November 2006 - 06:16 AM
i just want to sat that you are not "dumb". we all trust people who are meant to be our friends, and i feel dumb alot of the time because the one who did it to me was my best friend (or was supposed to be).
so please don't say you're dumb because you're honestly not.
(((((hugs)))) if ok
Posted 16 November 2006 - 07:31 AM
It's frightening to understand what it means to plan a crime. Something that bothers me is that there was a point where the music teacher knew what my 5th grade teacher was doing to me, and he could have told and saved me, but he didn't.
Posted 04 February 2007 - 06:14 PM
In fragmented memories of images that evening and waking-up occassionally, totally unable to move my arms and legs, I saw that he had too many weapons and "implements" and sick toys all waiting in his bedroom for this to not have been planned. There was a sickness there that cannot even be contemplated. And his manner - so absolutely UNconcerned - so casual, AS IF this was something consensual!!!! Like he had all the time in the world, no worries whatsoever.
Yes, it is a sick f-ing world when someone can plan something so vile.
But planned it was, I was such an easy target. Petite little thing with innocent big brown eyes. SUCH a humiliating PIG, that SOB.
Ran into him recently, most unfortunately. It was even in his eyes then - that he'd planned it all out and that I was the perfect target for his deranged behavior and fantasies.
As for the other assault, I know several other women from the "skater/punk scene" - back in the '80s, where I live that were also assaulted by this A-hole. While they'd all been drunk at parties, or out on dates with him (yes, there were THAT many, how horrible is that...), he'd pulled quite a number on me.
He asked if he could come in (to my house - he was 19, I was 16, my parents weren't home), to use the bathroom...."[He] had to go sooo bad."
Yeah, the bathroom wasn't all he used. Bastard.
They know. In their insolent sick minds, they are just so putrid. And to this day, I would rather be me, and have survived their sickness, than to EVER be them - their sad, pathetic existences must be harrowing.
Remember, we are not stupid, we should not feel ashamed, ever, even though I know we all do from time to time.
We are all SO LUCKY to have survived, and so SMART to have survived, and to be here, this day, to discuss this. For we DID NOT have a plan, we had no defense. Against a offensive with a good play script, we defended ourselves quite well. Hurrah for us!
Posted 05 February 2007 - 10:21 AM
Things that make me realize it was premeditated:
- He talked about "convincing" his former girlfriend to move in with him, and eventually have sex with him... when previously she'd been morally conservative and didn't believe in living with someone or having sex outside of marriage. That tells me he was used to manipulating and pushing a girl into giving him what he wanted. She, like I used to be, was also meek and not into standing up for herself from the way he described her... so he definitely knew what to look for.
Then he was actually surprised when she broke up with him as soon as she moved across the country and got two seconds away from him enough to think? He also got really evil on her and sent a series of emails that completely ripped her up and down when he found out she'd simply given another guy a good-night kiss AFTER they'd already broken up.
You would have thought this all would have told me to run screaming the other way, wouldn't you? Oh no, I thought he was still such an innocent sweet person who'd simply made a mistake...
- Despite making my own morals VERY clear (no intercourse outside marriage) he pushed for sex several times in the two months we dated, before raping me.
- When we were making out I felt him position himself outside me and I thought "Oh no he wouldn't do that, he knows I don't want to..." and then he did.
- He told me afterwards "It slipped in." I didn't want to believe that he'd really raped me so I bought it, and even slept with him later that day because I felt it was too late to say no anymore... and I think that's exactly what he was betting on, and maybe this was his way of "convincing" me too.
- When I told him subsequently that I regretted what happened and that our relationship would proceed from then on with our clothes on, I was subjected to harassment nearly every day for the last four months we dated on how he didn't understand why I felt it was wrong for us to have had sex, and that "we aren't hurting anyone!"
That's all I kept hearing until I dumped him was how "we" weren't "hurting anyone." Never mind that he had RAPED me, then bashed and invalidated my personal beliefs almost daily - sure nobody was being hurt!
Then when we finally broke up he posted on his Web site that he blamed the "tenets of the Catholic faith" on our breakup. Hey, how about the fact that you're an a**hole who can't respect others' beliefs? I think that was a MUCH greater factor!
Oh and here's the kicker - he tried becoming a Christian to get me back... and when he realized that wasn't going to work (he finally bought a clue after I changed my email address and sent back Christmas cards refused to put a stop to over a year of hassling me under the guise of being "just friends"), he dumped religion altogether and went back to bashing it. As far as I'm concerned his wife can have him.
Posted 22 February 2007 - 10:06 AM
Premeditated? Driving around with your r*pe kit in the glove compartment on the off chance someone would be available?
Not sure I'm ready to consider this yet...
Posted 26 February 2007 - 11:40 PM
a couple of my assaults were premeditated........
1) The guy "friend" who slipped GHB in my drink...planned to hook-up with me, but I told him I wasn't interested in sleeping with him..he tried talking me into it...when i refused, he took advantage of the fact that I announced I was going to grab myself another drink, in which he eerily over eagerly insisted on getting me the beer......when he returned my can was popped open, yet his was closed.
i remember feeling a lil hesitant, thinking "you should never take an already open drink from a guy"..however, I decided my Little Voice in my head was silly, after all I trusted him, he was a friend, my crush, my bestfriend's boyfriend's friend and fraternity brother, and someone I dated...I felt I could trust him. I took the drink, just drank a little..............then began to feel very very very drunk and put the drink down.....the next thing i know i wokeup being assaulted at his place.......under the influence of GHB.....(however, i later remembered him immediately asking me, are you ready to go as soon as i set the ddrink down)
so that assault was completely pre-meditated.......and I am sure he didn't think of it until I told him I had been assaulted previously.... He was also resentful(that i had not gone very far with him in the past, but further with other people) and angry(i told my friend that he said he didnt like her) towards me that night.....and I think he felt I owed it to him...i only started talking to him that night because i couldnt stand him being mad at me, so i apologized to him, and thats when he started hitting on me......
2) A stranger came through an unlocked bedroom door and assaulted me when i was half asleep next to my boyfriend, i think this was pre-meditated to an extent.......as the person had to come through the door and was continuously staring at me in the dark watching me "sleep"....(this was before GHB incident)
This post has been edited by starry: 26 February 2007 - 11:42 PM
Posted 02 June 2007 - 03:56 AM