Posted 04 February 2007 - 06:14 PM
Premeditation...no doubt whatsoever in my assaults. But in the one, it was absolute over-the-top planning. He knew his parents would be out of town, he was this totally 'cool", good-looking, smart, wealthy, interesting 18 year-old, I was 15, completely naive and sheltered. We had a movie date. My parents told us to be back at a certain time. After the movie, he didn't bring me home. He brought me straight to his house, saying his mom wanted to meet me. At his house, he immediately offered me an iced tea to drink, and mixed it - a powder mix, back turned to me, and I downed it very quickly, (thirsty from the movie popcorn), asked if it was diet (tasted funny to me), commented that I may need a tylenol after, because nutrasweet always gave me a headache. He locked me in the house with him, stuck the key down the front of his pants, laughing, chased me until I passed out, <screaming and crying, because I just KNEW what was coming, though in all reality I had NO idea my worst idea wasn't even CLOSE to what was coming around that horrible corner >, as he very casually, with absolutely NO concern, no hurry, nothing, unbuckled his belt and pants, took it out, and took off his shirt.
In fragmented memories of images that evening and waking-up occassionally, totally unable to move my arms and legs, I saw that he had too many weapons and "implements" and sick toys all waiting in his bedroom for this to not have been planned. There was a sickness there that cannot even be contemplated. And his manner - so absolutely UNconcerned - so casual, AS IF this was something consensual!!!! Like he had all the time in the world, no worries whatsoever.
Yes, it is a sick f-ing world when someone can plan something so vile.
But planned it was, I was such an easy target. Petite little thing with innocent big brown eyes. SUCH a humiliating PIG, that SOB.
Ran into him recently, most unfortunately. It was even in his eyes then - that he'd planned it all out and that I was the perfect target for his deranged behavior and fantasies.
As for the other assault, I know several other women from the "skater/punk scene" - back in the '80s, where I live that were also assaulted by this A-hole. While they'd all been drunk at parties, or out on dates with him (yes, there were THAT many, how horrible is that...), he'd pulled quite a number on me.
He asked if he could come in (to my house - he was 19, I was 16, my parents weren't home), to use the bathroom...."[He] had to go sooo bad."
Yeah, the bathroom wasn't all he used. Bastard.
They know. In their insolent sick minds, they are just so putrid. And to this day, I would rather be me, and have survived their sickness, than to EVER be them - their sad, pathetic existences must be harrowing.
Remember, we are not stupid, we should not feel ashamed, ever, even though I know we all do from time to time.
We are all SO LUCKY to have survived, and so SMART to have survived, and to be here, this day, to discuss this. For we DID NOT have a plan, we had no defense. Against a offensive with a good play script, we defended ourselves quite well. Hurrah for us!