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Premeditation of r*pe?


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#16 Guest__*

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Posted 17 April 2002 - 07:20 AM

((((((Michelle)))))

Do I think I was premeditated?  Well I'm gonna have to go one at a time on this one.  When I was molested at school that time I don't know, I know they took advantage of or age size and trust.
  Now what *P* did to me yes that was premeditated the whole thing and once he had broken me there was no need for the gun after the first time he had me beaten down litteraly.
  The other boyfriend I don't think he planned it I don't think he really even knows what he has done.
  The stranger yes, I know it was planned it had to of been he knew where to take me and everything.
  I think it is very sick that anyone would plan something like this but then again they would have to be sick to do it anyways so.  You dod know that i'm here and if you want/ need to talk you can always email me.
  All the love and hugs you can handle
      Amanda


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Posted 17 April 2002 - 09:24 AM

Oh that's really scary to think about! It could have been.. I dunno.. The "friend" that brought me to the party pressured me into smoking pot for the first time before we got there, then she disappeared so quickly and the guy found me so quickly and I was trapped so quickly.. Ugh! I can't think about this!

#18 Guest_Little Sunshine_*

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Posted 17 April 2002 - 01:24 PM

Well, in my situation, I am sure that it was premeditated. I was dating him for a couple of months although we lived a good 5-6 hour drive apart. His family loved me dearly and almost every weekend they would invite me to dinner even after he and I broke up. His father would always say “I love you like a daughter!” And they always welcomed me with open arms.

The night I was raped, I was at a Bon Voyage party at my former boyfriend’s home. His paternal family was moving overseas and his father wanted everyone there to celebrate and say goodbye. It would be the last time I saw his family...the family that loved me so much.

It rained hard that night, and I was asked to stay in the guest room as I previously have. My former boyfriend entered the room and asked if he could share the bed with me and I agreed. He and I never “slept” together before because he knew my beliefs about pre-marital relations and he respected them. But that night, something weird occurred. He touched me in a way like never before. When we were together, he never touched me that way. I told him I didn’t want to have sex but he did it anyway...not forcefully as far as I remember because I went completely blank...I dissociated.

The reason why I believe it was premeditated is because his family loved me so much that they wanted me to be a part of their family. When I confronted them about the rape a good 8 hours later, their response was “Don’t go to the authorities, just get married.”  “And if you’re pregnant, even better, move up to (city name) with me and marry me.” This was planned...and I know it.

It sucks that a father and a son who I once cared and loved so much could be planning to get me pregnant so I can be a part of their family. A moment of pleasure caused a lifetime of damage.

Sorry to be so lengthy...but I had to get that out of my mind.

Thanks,

Little Sunshine


#19 Elle

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Posted 18 April 2002 - 02:08 PM

(((Michelle))) I'm so glad you feel more validated. Thanks again to the fabulously wise Louise and also to everyone who shared. You all really are such incredible sources of inspiration, each in her own way. Each of you has given me so much to think about.

I'm sorry but I got a bit wigged out by what I had posted yesterday and I had to edit it out this morning for two reasons. First, just because I felt uncomfortable with the exposure, I guess it's an issue I'm still working on and that's fine.

The other reason is that I mentioned the possibility that I may have been set up in some way by someone who was a friend. That my rape was premeditated by him and perhaps in some way by her. I was afraid that the way I described her possible motivation would hurt or offend someone here. Nobody said anything but it bothered me since I posted it and this morning I just had to take it out. So I'm sorry if what I said hurt anyone, that was never my intention.

The flip side of this also is clear to me. My friend hurt me very badly and somehow I was also afraid of repercussions of talking about it. The trust issue comes into play again and again for us, doesn't it?

Elle


#20 Elle

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Posted 24 April 2002 - 03:49 PM

I also have been thinking about this thread still. I was just in the shower thinking about it and here it is again, boosted, like it was waiting for me to say something else.

I got sidetracked thinking about my so called friend and whether she somehow influenced him. He's to blame for his own actions and I know that and I forgot to say it before.

**T**


Of course it was premeditated. I couldn't think about it before. Denial, I suppose. What else would he have been doing with me? He was 21 (or 22 or 23 or more I don't know) and I was 16 and he had no business hanging out with someone my age. He was lurking around waiting for his opportunity. When he found it was almost irrelevant except that he was afforded a very long span of time alone with me which is all the more unfortunate for me and lucky for him I guess.

Isn't it interesting and awful how we find these clues later?

Wow. This thread has tapped into anger that I didn't know I had, or thought I had left behind. I am angry. I am angry at him. Now that is scary as #### all these years later but you know what? It's about time.

L


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Posted 26 June 2002 - 12:25 PM

Yes, my rape was premeditated. I don't know if it was planned from before he even saw me getting off the bus, if he was just looking for a victim and chose me, but I suspect that was the case (well either that or there was something about me that made him want to rape, I think I prefer the premeditation theory).
He waited for me outside the museum for 2 or 3 hours, in the blazing sun... it's creepy to think of someone waiting there ALL afternoon, planning.... It came up in court how he planned and schemed to rape his other victims too, offering to help mend a car or give directions before isolating them, breaking into a house, or hanging around a hospital early in the morning.
It is hard to accept that it wasn't just a situation that went wrong, but that someone planned to do this, makes you feel less in control, but maybe also less to blame, as what chance do you have against someone who has planned to hurt you like that? Like Lou said it's hard to come to terms with the fact that there are people out there who can think and act like that.
katunje

#22 Guest__*

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Posted 20 April 2002 - 01:15 PM

Premeditated... It is frustrating, but I would have to say that yes it was. I had been with this guy on several occasions and he had seemed actually very nice. You think you know someone until you realize that you don't. If it had been impulsive, it would have happened way before what it did. But he choose to wait until I trusted him entirely... waited until I agreed to meet him at his house... that way he could have everything there waiting... ready... sick? That word is gentle to describe the tormented visions these people must have in their minds to deliberately do to someone what they premeditately do. It definitely makes it impossible to ever forgive... well, to me anyways. And definitely not something I'll be able to let go of for a very long time... not as long as my life continues to be so affected by all that he did.

#23 Guest__*

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Posted 09 May 2002 - 07:31 PM

<img src="http://www.millan.ne...ar/fjeril.gif">

fly fly fly


#24 Louise

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Posted 20 June 2002 - 02:03 PM

(((((((Shell)))))))

It is horrible to recognize and come to terms with the fact that there are bastards in this world who plan to scare and hurt people in ways that are of serious detriment to someone else's life, isn't it? I don't know that it ever gets totally figured out, but with time, maybe it hurts less, sweetheart.

I would like to move this excellent thread to "Wonderful Threads" and will do so in a couple of days.  I ask any contributors who aren't happy for their stuff to go into an open forum, to do an edit.

(((((((((((Shell)))))))))

Love

Lou xxxxxx


#25 Louise

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Posted 27 June 2002 - 03:26 PM

(((((Lisita))))))

It's awful that you had to hear that; makes my blood boil! I am an ex church member who also heard that I should take responsibility etc.
I'm glad there was somebody kind there though.

The following thread might be helpful for you to have a look at:

http://www.welcometo...i...=9&topic=30

L xxxxx


#26 Kala

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Posted 12 August 2002 - 02:01 AM

this  topic confuses me, when isnt it premeditated?  Its not like you spilled your milk or something. opps look, there is a helpless naked girl on the floor, I guess I'll fuck her since shes there anyway...
you can't tell me that they dont think about it before whether its a stranger out searching for someone vulerable or a boyfriend thinking hes horney and his girl is going to give him some whether she wants to or not.
It really doesnt matter how much they planned it, they did what they did because they can.  There are no  "by accident" in violence and rape.  

#27 Guest__*

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Posted 20 September 2002 - 09:22 AM

(((((((((((((HUGS HUGS & MORE HUGS TO MOM OF 2))))))))))

I AM SORRY-THIS MAY TRIGGER

REgarding my experience, I KNOW that the r*pe was premeditated.  I have no doubt.  He cut the screen in a window to get into my house while I was sleeping. I believe that all sexual assualts are premeditated-the only difference is the time frame in which it was premeditated. I don't know if it makes a difference to know this or not in reference to any more or any less pain or anything for anyone else - I doubt very much that it does.  No matter how or when or how many times it took place for anyone-none of us 'saw' it coming.  It doesn't matter if one is a child or an adult- we SURVIVORS don't 'see' it coming.  OUR innocence is true & real. How we survive & what we do to survive during the 'event' and after the 'event(s)'>(for those who this has happened to more than once) makes us SURVIVORS. Our defense mechanisms 'kick in' to help us.  I am so thankful for those defense mechanisms whether it be the many forms that denial takes us, or the many protective paths that our emotions take us- in other words, all of the stages that we all go through that enable US TO BE SURVIVORS.

It was difficult for me too when I realized that 'HE' premeditated the r*pe.  I am still in some denial in various degrees of many parts of the whole ordeal even though I reported it 3 months after. AND, it took 3 months & not until after I reported it for me to realize much of anything of the truth->that it did happen-> it was premeditated->it wasn't some kind of dream->and that he is dangerous & violent AND belongs in prison.

You are not alone Mom of 2- YOU ARE VERY MUCH A SURVIVOR

You have helped me in chat many times-thank you very much for your support-
Debbie  


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Posted 17 April 2002 - 06:13 AM

((((((((((Michelle)))))))) Unfortunately I don't have much advice on this one... I don't really know if my dad thought about what he was going to do before hand or not :(--not that I have much advice anyway.. but I wanted to let you know that I'm here for you.  I don't know if I can offer much more than hugs but I'll do my best.  I love you sweetie.

((((((((Warmsafehugs))))))))

Michelle


#29 Guest__*

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Posted 17 April 2002 - 06:46 AM

((((((((((((((((michelle)))))))))))))

"Does anyone else out there feel that their r*pe was planned?"

I am not sure, but I think the r*pe was not planned...it was a totally normal situation that turned out wrong.
I don't think he premeditatd it, and I am still not sure if he even knows what he has done to me.
Actually, even though he has r*ped me, I don't see him as a r*pist...not the kind of guy who does that...
I know he was drugged at the time, and I think it "just happened"...and I am 99 percent sure he has not done it to someone else, especially now that he's clean.
All that makes it a lot harder to answer the stupid "why" question, but I think this is the reason why I have forgiven him a long time ago...Sometimes I wish I could hate him, but I just can't...

On the other hand, my ex exactly knew what he did. He knew my weak points and used them against me...I am sure he planned his sick actions, and as it went on for several months, I know that he was not just "overcome" by the urge, but that he systematically ab*sed me.
Knowing this and knowing that he has treated at least one girlfriend in the same way makes me see that he just is a sadistic perverted b*stard...I hate him and I don't think I will ever forgive him.

It angers me that at that time I could not see it as clearly as I do now and protect myself from him though...

But..wether an attack is premeditated or not...it is wrong and it ALWAYS is the perp's fault...

--------------
edit: ok by now I have come out with the fact that my rapist and my ex are the same person...I still divide between the rape and the other abuse though...I still think that the rape was not premeditated...
But after having read some of my old diary entries I am not so sure anymore...there were situations before where he said "if you don't do this or that i will have to rape you"...there were situations where he cornered me or lay on top of me, making it unable to get away and said "if i wanted, i could rape you now"
I'm still quite sure that it "just happened" on that particular day, but today i see that he knew perfectly well that I would not dare to scream or report the rape or whatever then...he knew he would get away with it and I bet he didn't even expect me to fight back... and I dare say that while it was not actually planned this time, he would have done it sooner later.

I'm seeing some progress here...I am at the point now where I do not see the rape and the abuse as two very different things, the rape being the unbelievable "this can't be happening" part...it perfectly fits into his whole pattern...

Just wanted to add this, sorry if it may be confusing

Art

(Edited by ArTeMiS at 11:12 pm on June 26, 2002)


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Posted 17 April 2002 - 09:10 AM

(Edited by Apple at 4:31 pm on April 18, 2002)
sorry.... just too much to reveal.... felt too exposed.

(Edited by Apple at 4:33 pm on April 18, 2002)



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