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How about the top ten . . .

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#31 Lora

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Posted 08 July 2003 - 08:08 AM

What a wonderful thread!  (Much needed today...)

I have two that stand out.

The first is when I was finally able to tell my t. about the rapist using the knife and threatening to slit my throat.  I had to close my eyes and choke it out between sobs and then I opened my eyes to find my t. kneeling on the floor in front of me, with one of her hands over one of mine, with tears running down both her cheeks.  Even though I know that her tears may have been more because of the memory of a frightening event in her own life that she shared briefly once, it still touched me deeply.

The second came over the holiday weekend when my SO gave me a Letterman-inspired "Top 10" list... "The top ten reasons that I want you to be my wife".  :shocked:   Number 6 says "Your strength inspires me."  Because I have been feeling so weak and needy and "stuck" lately, this really touched me.


#32 Jes

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Posted 04 July 2002 - 04:04 PM

You know, when my boyfriend and I were driving home from the police station, he asked if he was driving too fast...I just thought that was so sweet and considerate.

I'll think of more later.

Excellent thread!


#33 Louise

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Posted 05 July 2002 - 03:39 AM

Awwwwww ((((((((Pen)))))))). The rosebush thing has put a lump in my throat. How gorgeous! Sisters, if only there was more of it....


Lou xxxx

#34 Laney

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Posted 05 July 2002 - 01:10 PM

Good thread! :)

In the weeks preceeding our wedding, I paniced.  I had tried everything to drive my husband away.  One night he told me no matter how hard I pushed him away, he wasn't going anywhere, he was going to love me with all his heart.

*insert warm fuzzy feeling here*


#35 Guest__*

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Posted 05 July 2002 - 11:52 PM

I really like this thread idea, and, in light of the bitterness of my last post, I thought it would be good for me to remember the nice responses I've gotten from people, too.

Honestly, some of the sweetest and wisest responses have come from survivors here. I've received nothing but encouragement, inspiration, and empathy...which has helped me to regain the courage to keep digging for more strength.

But I have also been fortunate enough to have supportive friends whom I see. I can't think of the best examples of specific words they've said to me...but I do remember some responses--especially after telling my story for the first time.

After collapsing from crying so hard after a flashback during my high school days, I was sent to the principal's office...and, of course, everyone in the office wanted to "talk" with me. But they seemed more nosy than genuinely caring, so, naturally, I wasn't about to clue them in. I expressed to them that I really wanted to see my friends, but they wouldn't let me because they thought I might be a danger to myself or others...and no one wanted to supervise me. But, then I said, "I'd really like to *talk* to my friends." And they starting hunting down my friends and sending them into the nurse's office (the part of the main office where I was). One friend of mine offered to get me my favorite food and also got my favorite bottled water. She had everyone else go with her except the person I wanted to talk to most, so that I could have some privacy. Then, my other friend that stayed asked me if I wanted to talk and assured me she would keep it completely confidential if that's what I wanted ('cause I knew the staff only let her in if she would agree to report back what I said). I wasn't ready to tell her what was going on, so she just sat there with me for the remainder of her lunch period, and that meant everything to me. After lunch, I made something up for the principal (migraine headache) and got released back to class. Outside, a group of about 20 people--some of whom I barely knew, were waiting for me. Each person hugged me individually and said things like, "I love you," "We were so worried about you," "I hope you feel better soon," "We're so glad you're back. We thought the principal might have eaten you for lunch!" or, "We're here for you," or even just, "Marie..." I was amazed by my crowd of friends. At the end of the day, I was exhausted. The same friend that sat with me through lunch sat with me for the bus ride back. She let me curl up in her lap...and she just held me, gently brushed back my hair with her hand, and watched to make sure I was safe as I slept. I will never forget that day. I have never felt so safe.

Eventually (months later), I called her and told her I wanted to talk about what had happened...but I didn't know how to start. She asked if it was okay if she guessed...or if that was something I wanted. I told her yes, that might be good and answered yes or no to some questions she asked. Some of the questions she asked were funny (one of her greatest gifts is making people laugh) and some were serious. I was finally able to choke out the words, "I was raped." Then, I went silent again. She helped me to feel like it was okay to talk about by sharing that she had several friends who had been sexually assualted and she saw how much it hurt them and that it made her sad. But she also mentioned how thankful she was when they found help...and that healing was a very long process...but she was confident they would gradually reclaim what was taken away from them. She also shared her own story, and told me I didn't have to share what had happened to me if I didn't want to...but if I did want to, she'd be there to listen. I shared what I could and she was so compassionate towards me. We both cried. She didn't hang up on me until we were both ready to go to sleep...which was around 3 AM. After that, she looked out for me a lot just by monitoring how I seemed to be feeling each day. One day, (a really bad day for me, brimming with flashbacks) she gave me a hug, let me cry on her shoulder, and said, "I love you. I'm so glad you're here."  

I think what has affected me the most in a positive way is knowing that it's okay to talk about flashbacks, memories, and other thoughts that sadden and frighten me...and knowing that my friends are always there to listen to me when I want to talk or would be willing to stay with me when I don't. Some of my friends seem to respect my wish for complete confidentiality a little better than others...as I have discovered that more of my friends know on some level that I was abused than I would like to know, but none of them seem to act like what happened is something for me to be ashamed of. And, of course, loving me and seeing me as "the same beautiful person...with even more courage and more strength than [they] initially knew..." also helps. And telling me how the abuse was not my fault--something I can't seem to hear enough--also helps tremendously.

I don't have plenty of friends I can talk to openly about what happened to me and what my journey to heal has been like, but, the few friends I can talk to have been wonderful about showing me that they care about me very very much. Without the support I've received, I would not be alive today.

#36 Guest__*

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Posted 07 July 2002 - 08:26 PM

I've only told one other person everything that happened to me other than my husband. He's a really sweet guy that I've known over a year now and he's one of my best friends. When I told him everything he cuddled me and stroked my hair and said nothing will ever hurt you that bad again.

#37 Guest__*

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Posted 13 July 2002 - 01:48 PM

OOH! OOH! I have another one!!!!!!! :)

This just happened last night... I was just lying around talking to my fiance. I don't even remember how it came up, but he told me that I am beautiful. I have many memories, some connected to the r*pe and some that are not, of people telling me exactly the opposite, including my own family. The sad thing is, I have a total of 1 memory of someone telling me otherwise (before my fiance, of course) and that person simply said that I am pretty. errorlevel is the first person to ever have told me that I am beautiful. I just started crying and shaking my head no. I really don't think I am. He just simply said that everyone else is just shallow and wrong to even think that of me, let alone to say it to my face. He said his opinion should matter more than anyone elses because he is the one who loves me. And, like I said before, he is an atheist, but he even told me that God thinks I am beautiful, too, and that is the one I should listen to. Then he told me he loved me and just held me until it was time for me to leave.

Isn't he SOOO sweet?!?

#38 Guest_lea_*

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Posted 23 July 2002 - 09:17 PM

My husband to me:

'You don't know how unique you are. No-one else would have showed as much courage'.

Will have to think more for others...

#39 Guest__*

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Posted 13 December 2002 - 11:25 PM

I couldn't read all of this thread, but what I've read is incredible.  Every post has such deep emotion involved- its amazing.

My person is my husband, although at the time when he and I actually started talking about everything we were just boyf/girlf.  We had stayed up half the night talking about nothing, in the pitch black darkness, no lights on.  I let him know how afraid of the dark I am, and he asked the reasons why- I told him a lot about all the csa/r*pe etc.  He cried with me, and held me even though I was shaking so bad.  He told me he would never force me to talk about anything I didn't want to, that whatever I needed, whatever I was ready for was what he'll always be.  Later in the year, after a long gap in between that night, and another night of talking all night-  he said that I am the strongest woman he knows, but that he wanted to be my strength from now on, and protect me in the future.  My heart is truly his.

lots of love

#40 NotYetHealed

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Posted 05 December 2002 - 11:58 AM

From The Ashes

My right hand holds matches
My left holds my past
I hope the wind catches
And burns it down fast
I'm gonna step into the fire
With my failures and my shame
And wave goodbye to yesterday
As I dance among the flames

So don't try to save me now
Let the walls of my world all burn down
Just stand back and wait 'til the smoke finally passes
And I will rise
From the ashes
From the ashes
From the ashes

For all that I'm losing
Much more will I gain
The hard part is choosing
To change what needs changed
My step will be much lighter
With these demons off my chest
I'm born a better spirit
And lay the old to rest

I'll walk away stronger
I will be flyin'
Higher and truer
Than I've flown before

My right hand holds matches
My left holds my past
I hope the wind catches
And burns it down fast

#41 Guest__*

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Posted 03 July 2003 - 08:05 PM

i am just adding another wonderfull thing...because i am thinking of so many reading this post...so i guess this will be a bump and a post ;)

-One that really stands out in my mind from recently is from the night i found out they caught my r@*ist. I was again down at my dads cousin (she lives on the beach) and i was totaly freked and stressed and she got out her stuff to do manacures and she gave me a french manacure and then did the same style on my toes. Later that night when i was having horrible nightmares she came over and sat with me till i calmed down enough to go back to bed (that was a long time) even though she had to be awake enough to drive me 2 1/2 hours home early the next morning.
-Closer to the begining of the year

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