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"Get Over It"


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#16 Guest__*

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Posted 28 June 2002 - 12:40 PM

I am so angry right now!!!!!!!1  Once my BEST *cough* friend said to me why don't you just pretend like it never happened.  I said nothing.  What I should have said was "Don't you think I would forget it if I could?" and "Obvously you care so little for me that you didn't even try to come up something remotely, carefully helpful or compassionate!"

Ok I feel better now.

DOnna


#17 sister

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Posted 01 September 2003 - 02:42 PM

This is a great thread!  "get over it"...that's a rough and complex one.  It minimizes us at a vulnerable time of sharing something with another person. I think it's important for us to understand why this occurs:

1)  Sometimes it is too hard for the people who care about us to see us hurting - so it's easier for them to say "get over it"...but that's thier need for us to be happy or put on a mask.  Perhaps a response to those people would be some understanding in the sense that it might be too hard for them to see us hurt - and to ask them what they feel comfortable with so that we don't expect more than they can realistically give (e.g. I can't rant, cry etc with one particular friend because she just can't see me that vulnerable, but she's great at taking me out for dinner and making me laugh...so sometimes I won't even go into 'why' I need...just to let her know I need her for that).  Then the other person can still be allowed to care for us on thier terms...and we can get some much needed caring on our terms.

2)  Some people are uneducated on this issue.  It is safer for them to believe that abuse is something that happens to "a certain type of people" (i.e. not them) - they can keep this belief alive as long as they don't see it - so if you are brave enough to risk bringing it up, it becomes too close to home for them, so they tell you to "get over it".  It becomes about thier fear.  A response I've used in this situation has been something like - I know how my abuse has impacted me and I think it's important to understand that to know myself better - abuse in all forms impacts people, and I guess because I've expereinced it, I'm sensitive to seeing it in action and wish to discuss it to increase awareness.  If you can't talk about it, that's fine, but I'd appreciate it if you would not dismiss my expereince so quickly.

3)  Guilt, shame, fear - some people have perpetrated abuse, and/or been involved in keeping the abuse a 'family secret' - deep down they know this; but if they can continue to minimize, blame, stop the conversation by "get over it" type comments, then they can feel better about thier own guilt/shame etc by making it something wrong with you.  When someone is being just plain mean by doing these, I respond with (a) "the way this conversation is going is not acceptable for me" (and leave); or (b) I'm willing to help you understand my expereince if you are willing to listen and try to learn in a respectful way.  Being respectful includes trying to understand, and not judging me or belittling my feelings - you can disagree, as long as it's respectful and you can back it up with reasons why you feel that way (e.g. you wonder why I stayed in the abusive relationship for so long?  that's a fair question - but ask and be willing to accept my answer as my reality)

Wow...again, great thread...I may have to come back to it once I get some more thoughts organized (((hugs)))


#18 Guest__*

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Posted 06 September 2003 - 08:54 AM

this week at school one of the a$$h0le guys that used to bother me all the time last year (before he got expelled for the rest of the year for carrying advil liquagels on campus to try to sell as ecstacy) came up to me and goes 'are you over it yet or are you going to try and change your classes and get away from me  this year?' and i was kinda at a loss for some school aproperate words so lyndz piped up (you can always count on the girl wiht the big mouth as sweet as she is) 'shut up you a$$h0le' and that gave me enough courage to say 'walk a mile in my shoes you jerk' then he thretened to tell on us for using inaproperate language in school. and lyndz goes 'and you dont think that we are going to tell on you for harrasing her in school?' and he walked off all pissed at us.......gee lyndz and i make a pretty good team :)

#19 Guest_Em_*

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Posted 30 June 2002 - 09:22 AM

A further response and clarification Lou asked me to add on her behalf :):

#20 Guest__*

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Posted 10 August 2002 - 06:43 AM

Here's what happened to me five months ago with my former psychologist (this is only part of why I left and went elsewhere)
Psych:  I think its time that you get over this.
Me:  (stunned silence for a minute) Well have you ever been in this situation
Psych:  Thankfully no
Me:  Then you can't go around telling me to get over it because there's no way in #### that you know the pain and torment that I'm in.  

Needless to say, I only stayed one more week and that was because my mother forced me to go back.


#21 carebear07

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Posted 18 June 2003 - 11:19 PM

When someone says "get over it" or "just stop thinking about it" my response is : OH, right! I forgot I had a magical button on my forehead and when I press it I magically stop thinking about it and get over it. Thanks for reminding me, dumbass.

#22 Guest__*

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Posted 12 July 2003 - 03:52 PM

Gosh, this is a good one -- And people don't realize it, but aside from making themselves look like the ignorant beings that they obviously are, they are denying our reality; saying, in effect, you are being pretentious or just trying to get attention.

I feel like saying to someone who tries to deny the reality of what happened to me or who tries to minimize my pain, "If you had just been raped, or been in a major car accident or plane crash, I wouldn't try to minimize your pain, so why are you doing that to me?  I mean, this isn't something you can just do talk to the supervisor about and make it all better."      


#23 scardycat

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Posted 05 September 2003 - 04:35 AM

This was inspires by someone i cant name but i thought it was just so appropriate:
"When i think my life is any of your business i'll be sure and let you know.  In the meantime, go and f*ck off"

#24 Guest__*

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Posted 05 September 2003 - 02:31 PM

Hi,  my brother came over today, due to the OD, on tuesday,  was furious with me, called me a stupid cow, that I was insane, that the Bloody thing is over and done with, our father is dead and buried, get it into your thick skull, once and for all.
I know he is dead, been dead 6-7yrs can't remember how many years, but I know it was June 13th.
But cant erase it, why is he so angry.

#25 Guest__*

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Posted 27 June 2002 - 03:50 PM

((((((((LOU)))))))))))
Funny you started this thread because i was just planning to write about what happened to me today.
I was talking to someone who had looked at my website today. They told me they were proud of me etc and then said " Dont you think you should have forgotten about it now". What the fuck is that? I must admit it took alot of self control not to just punch the silly cow (no im not bitter!). After composing myself i said " Look why dont you look at this way, if you had lost someone you loved could you forget? Could you get over that loss? When i was abused, when he raped me part of me died. I cant get over that, I cant forget, its not possible. Yes I have learnt to live without that part of me. I have evolved into someone different, someone stronger but that part of me is still gone."
She shut up fairly quickly after that :)
Love
Mel xxxx    

#26 Louise

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Posted 27 June 2002 - 03:58 PM

Good on you, Mell and Laney! Em, you of course are brilliant.

How about "you get over your cluelessness, dickface.

Word of advice to readers: Never, ever feel called upon to justify yourselves. I recall times when I've felt very red-faced and falteringly tried to explain. But generally the "get over it" brigade aren't very interested in listening to anything except their own flatulent stupidity.

:)


#27 Tamitink

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Posted 27 June 2002 - 05:24 PM

I had a *cough* 'good' friend who told me that in the grand scheme of things, my rape didn't really matter.  That his life was obviously much worse than mine (he was working a medial job at the time) and that I needed to just get over it.  I told him that everyone has events happen to them in their lives that they react to differently than others might in the same situation, gave him the benefit of the doubt that were HE ever raped he might be able to just 'get over it', then reminded him that since he HADN'T ever had the joy of the experience, he was just a clueless bastard who had no right telling me how to deal with a problem that is souly mine.  I haven't spoken to him since.

Tami


#28 Guest_SK Redmond_*

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Posted 28 June 2002 - 06:38 AM

"Get over it."

hmmm...such an unfair demand to make of a survivor of any kinds isn't it?

How I respond to this really depends on the person standing in front of me.  If it is someone who truly doesn't get it, and does not mean to be invalidating me then I try and shed some light on it for them.  "The symptoms many people suffer after rape differ very little from war veterans.  There is no effective way to minimize and get past what has happened to me.  Believe me I have tried, and just putting it behind me doesn't work.  Did you know that they recent research has shown that childhood sexual abuse actually changes the developing brain, and that these changes can be permanent?  Sexual violence has the potential to change the most basic things about you; how you view the world, how you view yourself, and even how you think and react.  I don't think it's possible to get over that."  Then maybe, if they still are not convinced with a bit of sarcasm in my voice, "but thanks for the obviously well thought out advice.  Get over it!  Wow!  Why didn't I think of that?  You just cured me...if only you'd come along sooner I wouldn't have spent all that money on therapy.  What exactly to you think I've been trying to do?"

No matter what I respond, because sometimes in all honesty I'll just shake my head and walk away, I think what is most important is to remember that statement comes from their ignorance and inadequacies and not mine.  It point to a fault in them and not in me.

((Hugs))
Shannon  


#29 linnea

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Posted 03 July 2002 - 09:20 PM

Hey Louise, I thought you Aussies flew in flocks of three...

just checking my cultural information.  

:biggrin:


#30 Guest__*

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Posted 01 August 2002 - 01:49 PM

I thought that my mom was one of the only ones who said stuff like that.  I try to talk to her about things, when suddenly it feels like it is coming back, and I'm feeling sad.  But then she says, it's been 3 years, can't you just get on with your life?

I don't say anything, it's usually time for me to take a walk when she says that.

Angela



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