well a few people have asked me why i dont just get over it, i get real mad, and i try to keep myself calm try to stop myself from shaking with anger.
and i ask them if they have ever been raped have they ever been sexually abused when you were 4 yrs old, and when they say no, i tell them then that they dont know what its like and how it can ruin a person's life how a child grows up "strange" to the world and all that.
so shut the #### up!!!
then i storm off and wait for an apology.
but of course the one time my ex said that to me, he had said it so many times before and the last time he said it to me, i just told him to not even go there and thats all i said. and why oh why did he flip out on me then??!!! he threw a fit, told me he was taking me home (which i was happily thrilled about, this was last year before we split) wait a minute!!!!! i almost said that he said he was sorry!! thats not true at all, he told me to say i was sorry!! and i didn't do a thing, oh my blood is boling now how could i have twisted that around in my head??
but i laughed at him when he said this to me and i told him i didn't have to apologize for anything, he took me home, called me from a pay phone then said he was sorry and of course asked me if i wanted to come stay with him, and i said no.
that was the beginning of the end.
and i have begun to ramble, stop me now! lol
and i just now wonder what other things has he done that i've twisted around in my head t o not seem bad?
i think i got into the habit of pretending like he was okay and good to my family when i was with him, now im still doing it, and i am...
gotta stop that, cause he was no good for nothing, mean, lying, stupid who thought the world was his and all his.
okay im gonna shut up now!!!
too much coffee not enough sleep :)