I'm new here. I've been through a lot of counseling, and am still working through a lot. Recently, I've been stressing about time and the reality of what has happened.
When I was 5 or 6, I was repeatedly molested by my maternal grandfather. My family moved away from him, and my parents told me my memories were bad nightmares and nothing else. Of course, they avoided mentioning sex at all while I was growing up and I only learned about STDs and dirty jokes at school. When I was 21, a co-worker drugged me and attempted to rape me during a party(I don't drink alcohol). Later that year, I began dating a man simply because he was interested and I was starting to feel pathetic about being a virgin. For 3 months, he was constantly drunk. He would yell at me and painfully try to force his fingers in me, but I've gotten good at clenching. Then he said God didn't want me to have sex and left me for a girl he had apparantly impregnated while we were together.
It's been 5 years since then, and I've learned a lot about self-respect and have been talking to an incredible man for a while. I told him this morning that I trust him and am attracted to him, but I'm a virgin and survivor of attempted rape and childhood sexual abuse. Surely you can imagine how happy/relieved I felt when he thanked me for telling him about it. I'm still nervous, though. I know he is, too. We kissed a little and he held me. Kept asking if I was ok.
Edited by cabotandthefish, 20 June 2010 - 10:19 PM.