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The Effects: How Did It Change My Life?


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#46 comet

comet
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  • posts: 16

Posted 14 September 2010 - 10:50 PM

ASSESSING THE DAMAGE

Always usually sometimes rarely never
SELF ESTEEM

1. I feel dirty, like there's something wrong with me - always

2. Sometimes I think I'm crazy - rarely

3. I feel ashamed-always

4. I'm different from other people- always

5. I feel powerless- rarely

6. If people really knew me, they'd leave- never

7. I want to die- sometimes

8. I want to kill myself-sometimes

9. I hate myself-usually

10. I have a hard time taking care of myself-sometimes

11. I don't deserve to be happy-never

12. I don't trust my intuition or my feelings-usually

13. I'm often confused-someties

14. I don't know how to set goals and follow through on them-sometimes

15. I'm scared of success-rarely

16. I'm a failure. I don't feel capable of doing a good job-sometimes

17. I use work to make up for empty feelings inside-usually

18. I'm a perfectionist-never

19. I've made up a lot of stories about my life-sometimes

20. I've done a lot of shoplifting-never

MY FEELINGS

1. I don't think feelings are very important-never

2. I usually don't know what I'm feeling-rarely

3. I can't tell one feeling from another-sometimes

4. I only experience one or two emotions-always

5. I have a hard time expressing my feelings-rarely

6. I have a hard time crying freely-always

7. I cry all the time-never

8. I get uncomfortable when I feel too happy-always

9. I get nervous when things are relaxed and calm-sometimes

10. I feel enraged a lot of the time-rarely

11. I'm rarely angry. Anger scares me-usually

12. I get depressed a lot-usually

13. I have a lot of nightmares-rarely

14. I have panic attacks-rarely

15. If I really let myself go, my feelings would be out of control-sometimes

16. I've been violent-never

17. I haven't been violent yet, but I'm worried I might be-never

MY BODY

1. I'm not "in my body" a lot of the time-sometimes

2. I frequently space out-sometimes

3. My body often feels numb-never

4. I feel as if my body is separate from the rest of me-rarely

5. I don't pay too much attention to my body's signals (hunger, tiredness, pain)-sometimes

6. I think my body is ugly-sometimes

7. I hide my body-sometimes

8. I'm dyslexic. I had learning disabilities when I was growing up-never

9. I use drugs or alcohol more than I think I should-rarely

10. I often eat compulsively-rarely

11. I keep myself from eating, or eat and throw up-never

12. I hurt myself on purpose (cut, burn or injure myself)-never

13. I have illnesses I think are related to my abuse-psychological maybe

14. I've worked out to make my body strong so I wouldn't feel like a victim-never

15. I've had flashbacks of the abuse during surgery or other medical procedures-never

16. I'm scared to go to the dentist. I hate the feeling of things in my mouth-never

17. (For women) I'm scared to go to the gynecologist

INTIMACY

1. I often feel alienated from other people, as if I'm from another planet-always

2. Most of my relationships just don't work-rarely

3. I don't have many friends-usually

4. I'm okay with my friends, but I just can't work things out with a lover-never

5. I think I'm really meant to be alone-

6. I'm not sure I deserve to be loved-sometimes.

7. I don't know what love is-never

8. I find it hard to trust people-sometimes

9. I think people are going to leave me-rarely

10. I test people a lot-rarely

11. It's hard for me to be nurtured or to nurture someone else-usually

12. I'm clingy with people I'm close to. I'm afraid to be alone-sometimes

13. I'm scared of making commitment. When people get too close, I panic-rarely

14. I have a hard time saying no-usually

15. People take advantage of me in relationships-rarely

16. I get involved with people who are inappropriate or inaccessible-never

17. I've had relationships with people who remind me of my abuser-never

18. I'm struggling a lot with my partner-sometimes

19. Sometimes I think my partner is my abuser-never

20. Sexual abuse is really creating problems in my relationship-sometimes

SEXUALITY

1. I avoid sex. Deep down, I wish I never had to deal with sex again-rarely

2. I am celibate. I haven't had sex in years-never

3. I really think sex is disgusting-sometimes

4. I don't feel sexual desire. I think there's something basically wrong with it-never

5. Sex isn't pleasurable for me. I usually have sex to make the other person happy-never

6. I try to use sex to meet most of my needs-never

7. It really feels like I'm "oversexed"-never

8. Sex and aggression are really connected for me-never

9. I find it hard to be close in nonsexual ways. It just isn't satisfying-never

10. I frequently go after sex I really don't want-never

11. Sex is the thing I'm best at-never

12. I've sold myself for sex-never

13. I've had sex with people who don't respect me-never

14. I need to control everything about sex-never

15. I have a hard time staying present when I make love. I'm numb a lot during lovemaking-never

16. When I am sexual, I have terrifying, scary feelings I don't understand-usually

17. I often have flashbacks of my abuse while making love.-sometimes

18. I get sexually aroused when I read or talk about sexual abuse-never

19. Violent, sadistic fantasies turn me on-never

20. I'm ashamed of my sexuality-never

21. I've sexually abused others-never

CHILDREN AND PARENTING

1. I feel awkward and uncomfortable around children-rarely

2. I have a hard time being affectionate with kids- sometimes

3. I have a hard time setting boundaries with kids-sometimes

4. I have a hard time balancing children's needs with my own. n/a

5. (For parents) I feel inadequate as a parent.

6. I have trouble protecting children I take care of-n/a

7. I tend to be overprotective-sometimes

8. I've successfully protected children-n/a

9. I'm scared I'll be abusive-never

10. I have abused children-never

11. My kids have been abused (by someone else)n/a

MY FAMILY OF ORIGIN

1. I have strained relationships with my family-never

2. Members of my family have rejected me (or vice versa)-never

3. I have a hard time setting limits with my family-never

4. People in my family invalidate my feelings and experiences-never

5. I feel crazy when I'm around my family-sometimes

6. I can't be honest with the people in my family-always

7. My abuse is still a secret in my family-always

8. I'm waiting for people in my family to come around and support me-never


1. When I look over my responses, I feel... the same.

2. I've been most strongly affected in the areas of... SELF ESTEEM


3. I was least affected in the areas of...Sexuality


4. The hardest statements for me to acknowledge were...I want to die/kill myself


5. I feel the most hopeful about making changes in...my self esteem

6. I already made major strides in the following areas...n/a

7. I feel the most hopeless about changing... what I think about myself

8. I was surprised by...how not far I've come.

9. I learned...

#47 HappinessOnTheInside

HappinessOnTheInside
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  • posts: 254

Posted 08 October 2010 - 07:31 PM

SELF ESTEEM

1. I feel dirty, like there's something wrong with me. -- sometimes

2. Sometimes I think I'm crazy. -- sometimes

3. I feel ashamed. -- sometimes

4. I'm different from other people. -- always

5. I feel powerless. -- sometimes

6. If people really knew me, they'd leave. -- it's possible, but I try to keep myself surrounded by those who would accept me for me, not leave becuase of what was done to me.

7. I want to die. -- sometimes

8. I want to kill myself. -- never

9. I hate myself. -- sometimes

10. I have a hard time taking care of myself. -- sometimes

11. I don't deserve to be happy. -- rarely

12. I don't trust my intuition or my feelings. -- sometimes

13. I'm often confused. -- sometimes

14. I don't know how to set goals and follow through on them. -- sometimes

15. I'm scared of success. -- ALWAYS!

16. I'm a failure. I don't feel capable of doing a good job. -- never

17. I use work to make up for empty feelings inside. -- sometimes

18. I'm a perfectionist. -- NEVER

19. I've made up a lot of stories about my life. -- sometimes

20. I've done a lot of shoplifting. -- never

MY FEELINGS

1. I don't think feelings are very important. -- I think they are I just have a hard time expressing them, except to my children. For some reason it is so easy to show them how I feel about them. The love just seems to flow.

2. I usually don't know what I'm feeling. -- Sadly, almost always

3. I can't tell one feeling from another. -- sometimes

4. I only experience one or two emotions. -- sometimes then other times I am filled with emotions and don't know how to express them.

5. I have a hard time expressing my feelings. -- Almost always

6. I have a hard time crying freely. -- sometimes

7. I cry all the time. -- it seems like to norm lately

8. I get uncomfortable when I feel too happy. -- sometimes (waiting for the bomb to drop)

9. I get nervous when things are relaxed and calm. -- sometimes

10. I feel enraged a lot of the time. -- sometimes

11. I'm rarely angry. Anger scares me. -- I try not to get angry.

12. I get depressed a lot. -- not so much

13. I have a lot of nightmares. -- more often than not

14. I have panic attacks. -- sometimes

15. If I really let myself go, my feelings would be out of control. -- sometimes


MY BODY

1. I'm not "in my body" a lot of the time. -- sometimes

2. I frequently space out. -- sometimes

3. My body often feels numb. -- sometimes

4. I feel as if my body is separate from the rest of me. -- sometimes

5. I don't pay too much attention to my body's signals (hunger, tiredness, pain). -- hardly ever

6. I think my body is ugly. -- sometimes

7. I hide my body. -- sometimes

8. I'm dyslexic. I had learning disabilities when I was growing up. -- never

9. I use drugs or alcohol more than I think I should. -- when I was younger, not so much now

10. I often eat compulsively. -- never

11. I keep myself from eating, or eat and throw up. -- never

12. I hurt myself on purpose (cut, burn or injure myself) -- never

13. I have illnesses I think are related to my abuse. -- no

14. I've worked out to make my body strong so I wouldn't feel like a victim. -- when i was younger, i would go on runs or walks to get away and to stop thinking about what happened, now when i exercise it's like those memories come back to me.

15. I've had flashbacks of the abuse during surgery or other medical procedures. -- never

16. I'm scared to go to the dentist. I hate the feeling of things in my mouth. -- sometimes

17. (For women) I'm scared to go to the gynecologist. -- no

INTIMACY

1. I often feel alienated from other people, as if I'm from another planet. -- always

2. Most of my relationships just don't work. -- sometimes

3. I don't have many friends. -- always

4. I'm okay with my friends, but I just can't work things out with a lover. -- rarely

5. I think I'm really meant to be alone. -- never

6. I'm not sure I deserve to be loved. -- always

7. I don't know what love is. -- I know i love my family dearly and would do anything for them and they would do the same for me.

8. I find it hard to trust people. -- always

9. I think people are going to leave me. -- sometimes

10. I test people a lot. -- sometimes

11. It's hard for me to be nurtured or to nurture someone else. -- sometimes. I nurture fine for the most part, but I can't let myself be nurtured.

12. I'm clingy with people I'm close to. I'm afraid to be alone. -- always (with hubby) I like being alone, but it scares me, too.

13. I'm scared of making commitment. When people get too close, I panic. -- sometimes

14. I have a hard time saying no. -- sometimes

15. People take advantage of me in relationships. -- sometimes

16. I get involved with people who are inappropriate or inaccessible. -- sometimes

17. I've had relationships with people who remind me of my abuser. -- never, thankfully!

18. I'm struggling a lot with my partner. -- sometimes

19. Sometimes I think my partner is my abuser. -- never

20. Sexual abuse is really creating problems in my relationship. -- sometimes I think it is

SEXUALITY

1. I avoid sex. Deep down, I wish I never had to deal with sex again. -- sometimes, but I am working on that feeling

2. I am celibate. I haven't had sex in years. -- never

3. I really think sex is disgusting. -- rarely

4. I don't feel sexual desire. I think there's something basically wrong with it. -- never

5. Sex isn't pleasurable for me. I usually have sex to make the other person happy. -- never (now)

6. I try to use sex to meet most of my needs. -- sometimes

7. It really feels like I'm "oversexed" -- sometimes

8. Sex and aggression are really connected for me. -- no

9. I find it hard to be close in nonsexual ways. It just isn't satisfying. -- never

10. I frequently go after sex I really don't want. -- sometimes

11. Sex is the thing I'm best at. -- never

12. I've sold myself for sex. -- never

13. I've had sex with people who don't respect me. -- i the past, yes

14. I need to control everything about sex. -- never

15. I have a hard time staying present when I make love. I'm numb a lot during lovemaking. -- sometimes, but working on that

16. When I am sexual, I have terrifying, scary feelings I don't understand. -- often

17. I often have flashbacks of my abuse while making love. -- sometimes

18. I get sexually aroused when I read or talk about sexual abuse. -- never

19. Violent, sadistic fantasies turn me on. -- never

20. I'm ashamed of my sexuality. -- sometimes

21. I've sexually abused others. -- never

CHILDREN AND PARENTING

1. I feel awkward and uncomfortable around children. -- no

2. I have a hard time being affectionate with kids. -- sometimes

3. I have a hard time setting boundaries with kids. -- rarely

4. I have a hard time balancing children's needs with my own. -- sometimes

5. (For parents) I feel inadequate as a parent. -- sometimes.

6. I have trouble protecting children I take care of. -- never.

7. I tend to be overprotective. -- ALWAYS

8. I've successfully protected children. -- always

9. I'm scared I'll be abusive. -- sometimes

10. I have abused children. -- never

11. My kids have been abused (by someone else). -- I pray they haven't

MY FAMILY OF ORIGIN

1. I have strained relationships with my family. -- always, but only I know they're strained.

2. Members of my family have rejected me (or vice versa) -- never

3. I have a hard time setting limits with my family. -- sometimes

4. People in my family invalidate my feelings and experiences. -- never

5. I feel crazy when I'm around my family. -- sometimes

6. I can't be honest with the people in my family. -- always

7. My abuse is still a secret in my family. -- always

8. I'm waiting for people in my family to come around and support me. -- never -- it just won't happen

If many of the statements on this list were familiar to you, you may feel overwhelmed right now. Put the purpose of this assessment is not to overwhelm you; it's to show you that there's a reason why you experience the things you do. It's to point out the areas that need healing. It is possible to dramatically alter your life so that your answers two years from now will bear little resemblance to your answers today.

1. When I look over my responses, I feel... -- okay -- When I think what my answers would have been a year ago, and then five years ago, I can see how far I've actually come, and I feel good about that.

2. I've been most strongly affected in the areas of... -- my body image and self esteem

3. I was least affected in the areas of... -- family. My family loves me, but then they don't know the real me. They'd still love me but they'd be horribly uncomfortable around me if they knew.

4. The hardest statements for me to acknowledge were... -- the ones about my body image

5. I feel the most hopeful about making changes in... my self esteem issues

6. I already made major strides in the following areas... sexuality, relationships with my husband.

7. I feel the most hopeless about changing... the way I view my body -- as this extraneous thing that tags along with me.

8. I was surprised by... the fact that I was able to honestly answer the questions.

9. I learned... that I've come really far and still have a long road ahead of me. Mostly due to reaching out and breaking the silence, I think.

#48 godsmissiongal

godsmissiongal
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  • Member
  • posts: 12

Posted 24 February 2011 - 10:58 AM

ASSESSING THE DAMAGE

Always usually sometimes rarely never
SELF ESTEEM

1. I feel dirty, like there's something wrong with me - Always
2. Sometimes I think I'm crazy - sometimes
3. I feel ashamed - always
4. I'm different from other people - always
5. I feel powerless - always
6. If people really knew me, they'd leave - always
7. I want to die - sometimes
8. I want to kill myself - sometimes
9. I hate myself - always
10. I have a hard time taking care of myself - usually
11. I don't deserve to be happy - always
12. I don't trust my intuition or my feelings - sometimes
13. I'm often confused - usually
14. I don't know how to set goals and follow through on them - always
15. I'm scared of success - sometimes
16. I'm a failure. I don't feel capable of doing a good job. - always
17. I use work to make up for empty feelings inside - rarely
18. I'm a perfectionist - usually
19. I've made up a lot of stories about my life - rarely. Large chunks of childhood seem to be missing.
20. I've done a lot of shoplifting - never

MY FEELINGS

1. I don't think feelings are very important - always
2. I usually don't know what I'm feeling - always
3. I can't tell one feeling from another - usually
4. I only experience one or two emotions - sometimes
5. I have a hard time expressing my feelings - usually
6. I have a hard time crying freely - always
7. I cry all the time - rarely
8. I get uncomfortable when I feel too happy - usually (That is when I actually do feel happy which is quite infrequent.
9. I get nervous when things are relaxed and calm - sometimes
10. I feel enraged a lot of the time - rarely
11. I'm rarely angry. Anger scares me. - sometimes
12. I get depressed a lot - always
13. I have a lot of nightmares - always
14. I have panic attacks - sometimes
15. If I really let myself go, my feelings would be out of control - usually
16. I've been violent - never
17. I haven't been violent yet, but I'm worried I might be - sometimes

MY BODY

1. I'm not "in my body" a lot of the time - usually
2. I frequently space out - sometimes
3. My body often feels numb - usually
4. I feel as if my body is separate from the rest of me - usually
5. I don't pay too much attention to my body's signals (hunger, tiredness, pain) - usually
6. I think my body is ugly - always
7. I hide my body - always
8. I'm dyslexic. I had learning disabilities when I was growing up - sometimes
9. I use drugs or alcohol more than I think I should - Never
10. I often eat compulsively - always
11. I keep myself from eating, or eat and throw up - rarely
12. I hurt myself on purpose (cut, burn or injure myself) - Never at least not physically
13. I have illnesses I think are related to my abuse - Always (I Have been diagnosed with PTSD and Fibromyalgia and I also deal with depression, OCD, and major anxiety.)
14. I've worked out to make my body strong so I wouldn't feel like a victim - rarely
15. I've had flashbacks of the abuse during surgery or other medical procedures - never
16. I'm scared to go to the dentist. I hate the feeling of things in my mouth-always. - Always (I have to be sedated for any dental work and I totally go bonkers even for a simple cleaning.)
17. (For women) I'm scared to go to the gynecologist - always

INTIMACY

1. I often feel alienated from other people, as if I'm from another planet - always
2. Most of my relationships just don't work - always (With the exception of my Husband)
3. I don't have many friends - always (The only "friend" I currently have is my husband)
4. I'm okay with my friends, but I just can't work things out with a lover - rarely
5. I think I'm really meant to be alone - never. I'm afraid of being alone, my husband is my security blanket. I never go anywhere without him. He is always there when I am out of the house or I just stay inside.
6. I'm not sure I deserve to be loved - always
7. I don't know what love is - usually
8. I find it hard to trust people - always
9. I think people are going to leave me - always (This scares me to death. My greatest fear in life is that my husband will leave me or get taken from me.)
10. I test people a lot - always
11. It's hard for me to be nurtured or to nurture someone else - usually (But I ache inside when I don't get enough nurturing. Then I feel guilty when I am.)
12. I'm clingy with people I'm close to. I'm afraid to be alone - always
13. I'm scared of making commitment. When people get too close, I panic - usually
14. I have a hard time saying no - always
15. People take advantage of me in relationships - usually
16. I get involved with people who are inappropriate or inaccessible - rarely
17. I've had relationships with people who remind me of my abuser - rarely
18. I'm struggling a lot with my partner - usually (Mostly because I don't feel worthy of his love and because the pain has almost completely paralyzed me.)
19. Sometimes I think my partner is my abuser - Never (My husband couldn't harm a fly.)
20. Sexual abuse is really creating problems in my relationship - usually (I have intimacy issues even with my husband.)

SEXUALITY

1. I avoid sex. Deep down, I wish I never had to deal with sex again. - sometimes
2. I am celibate. I haven't had sex in years - never
3. I really think sex is disgusting - sometimes
4. I don't feel sexual desire. I think there's something basically wrong with it - sometimes (I don't think there is anything wrong with sex but I have lost a lot of my desire due to self loathing and not being comfortable in my own skin.)
5. Sex isn't pleasurable for me. I usually have sex to make the other person happy - Usually
6. I try to use sex to meet most of my needs - never
7. It really feels like I'm "oversexed" - rarely
8. Sex and aggression are really connected for me - rarely
9. I find it hard to be close in nonsexual ways. It just isn't satisfying. - never
10. I frequently go after sex I really don't want - never
11. Sex is the thing I'm best at - Rarely. Although I don't think my hubby would say I am bad at it.
12. I've sold myself for sex - never
13. I've had sex with people who don't respect me - sometimes My husband is the only sexual partner I have had that truly respected me. So in other words 3 out of my 4 partners (including my rapist and the other one that took advantage of me) just saw me as a piece of meat.
14. I need to control everything about sex - sometimes
15. I have a hard time staying present when I make love. I'm numb a lot during lovemaking - usually
16. When I am sexual, I have terrifying, scary feelings I don't understand - sometimes
17. I often have flashbacks of my abuse while making love - very rarely
18. I get sexually aroused when I read or talk about sexual abuse - never
19. Violent, sadistic fantasies turn me on - never
20. I'm ashamed of my sexuality - sometimes
21. I've sexually abused others - never

CHILDREN AND PARENTING

1. I feel awkward and uncomfortable around children - rarely
2. I have a hard time being affectionate with kids - sometimes - but this is most true of my son for some reason. I'm not saying that I am not affectionate with him, it is just hard sometimes. I grew up with a mother that rarely ever hugged or kissed me so I have a hard time showing that type of affection even with my husband at times.
3. I have a hard time setting boundaries with kids - sometimes. I end up being too distant or at times to soft. I have a hard time disciplining my son because sometimes it causes flashbacks to my childhood when my father would beat my brother or me.
4. I have a hard time balancing children's needs with my own. - sometimes
5. (For parents) I feel inadequate as a parent. - usually
6. I have trouble protecting children I take care of - never
7. I tend to be overprotective - always (I shelter my son quite a bit.)
8. I've successfully protected children - always
9. I'm scared I'll be abusive - rarely
10. I have abused children - never
11. My kids have been abused (by someone else). - Never!!!

MY FAMILY OF ORIGIN

1. I have strained relationships with my family - always with my immediate family and extended family. However, I actually get along well with my in-laws.
2. Members of my family have rejected me (or vice versa) - usually
3. I have a hard time setting limits with my family - always
4. People in my family invalidate my feelings and experiences - always
5. I feel crazy when I'm around my family - usually
6. I can't be honest with the people in my family - always
7. My abuse is still a secret in my family - usually, there are a few family members that know about it.
8. I'm waiting for people in my family to come around and support me - always, but I don't old my breath that it will ever happen.


1. When I look over my responses, I feel...like i am finally being honest with myself after 7 years.

2. I've been most strongly affected in the areas of...All of them really. But probably self esteem and intimacy are the worst.

3. I was least affected in the areas of...
raising my child.

4. The hardest statements for me to acknowledge were...
The ones dealing with intimacy in relation to my husband. I hadn't realized how much I have shut down in that area and it simply isn't fair to him.

5. I feel the most hopeful about making changes in...
all of the areas.

6. I already made major strides in the following areas...
None. I am still in the acceptance stage.

7. I feel the most hopeless about changing...
I think given enough time I will be able to work through all of these areas. The hardest will be being able to feel emotions again.

8. I was surprised by...
The amount of isolation I create around myself.

9. I learned..
That I simply have to start dealing with all of the pain and start loving myself again.

#49 hikayeci

hikayeci
  • New Member
  • posts: 4

Posted 30 March 2011 - 06:26 AM

I haven't faced my abuse for along time, like 25 years but in the meantime I know I've overcome some of the issues.


SELF ESTEEM

1. I feel dirty, like there's something wrong with me. -always

2. Sometimes I think I'm crazy. -rarely

3. I feel ashamed. -always

4. I'm different from other people. -rarely

5. I feel powerless. -rarely

6. If people really knew me, they'd leave. -rarely

7. I want to die. -sometimes

8. I want to kill myself. -rarely

9. I hate myself. -always

10. I have a hard time taking care of myself. -rarely

11. I don't deserve to be happy. -sometimes

12. I don't trust my intuition or my feelings. -usually

13. I'm often confused. -never

14. I don't know how to set goals and follow through on them. -never

15. I'm scared of success. -usually

16. I'm a failure. I don't feel capable of doing a good job. -usually

17. I use work to make up for empty feelings inside. -always

18. I'm a perfectionist. -past

19. I've made up a lot of stories about my life. - a little exageration

20. I've done a lot of shoplifting. -past

MY FEELINGS

1. I don't think feelings are very important. -never

2. I usually don't know what I'm feeling. -always

3. I can't tell one feeling from another. -sometimes

4. I only experience one or two emotions. -never

5. I have a hard time expressing my feelings. -always

6. I have a hard time crying freely. -always

7. I cry all the time. -never

8. I get uncomfortable when I feel too happy. -never

9. I get nervous when things are relaxed and calm. -sometimes

10. I feel enraged a lot of the time. -never

11. I'm rarely angry. Anger scares me. -always

12. I get depressed a lot. -rarely

13. I have a lot of nightmares. -never

14. I have panic attacks. -never

15. If I really let myself go, my feelings would be out of control. -usually

16. I've been violent. -never

17. I haven't been violent yet, but I'm worried I might be. -never

MY BODY

1. I'm not "in my body" a lot of the time. -never

2. I frequently space out. -never

3. My body often feels numb. -never

4. I feel as if my body is separate from the rest of me. -never

5. I don't pay too much attention to my body's signals (hunger, tiredness, pain). -sometimes

6. I think my body is ugly. -always

7. I hide my body. -always

8. I'm dyslexic. I had learning disabilities when I was growing up. -never

9. I use drugs or alcohol more than I think I should. -past

10. I often eat compulsively. -sometimes

11. I keep myself from eating, or eat and throw up. -never

12. I hurt myself on purpose (cut, burn or injure myself) -never

13. I have illnesses I think are related to my abuse. -never

14. I've worked out to make my body strong so I wouldn't feel like a victim. -never

15. I've had flashbacks of the abuse during surgery or other medical procedures. -never

16. I'm scared to go to the dentist. I hate the feeling of things in my mouth. -never

17. (For women) I'm scared to go to the gynecologist. -always

INTIMACY

1. I often feel alienated from other people, as if I'm from another planet. -never

2. Most of my relationships just don't work. -past

3. I don't have many friends. -past

4. I'm okay with my friends, but I just can't work things out with a lover. -never

5. I think I'm really meant to be alone. -never

6. I'm not sure I deserve to be loved. -sometimes

7. I don't know what love is. -sometimes

8. I find it hard to trust people. -usually

9. I think people are going to leave me. -never

10. I test people a lot. -past

11. It's hard for me to be nurtured or to nurture someone else. -always

12. I'm clingy with people I'm close to. I'm afraid to be alone. -sometimes

13. I'm scared of making commitment. When people get too close, I panic. -always

14. I have a hard time saying no. -past

15. People take advantage of me in relationships. -sometimes

16. I get involved with people who are inappropriate or inaccessible. -past

17. I've had relationships with people who remind me of my abuser. -never

18. I'm struggling a lot with my partner. -never

19. Sometimes I think my partner is my abuser. -never

20. Sexual abuse is really creating problems in my relationship. -usually

SEXUALITY

1. I avoid sex. Deep down, I wish I never had to deal with sex again. -usually

2. I am celibate. I haven't had sex in years. -usually, for 6 years

3. I really think sex is disgusting. -never

4. I don't feel sexual desire. I think there's something basically wrong with it. -never

5. Sex isn't pleasurable for me. I usually have sex to make the other person happy. -always

6. I try to use sex to meet most of my needs. -never

7. It really feels like I'm "oversexed" -never

8. Sex and aggression are really connected for me. -never

9. I find it hard to be close in nonsexual ways. It just isn't satisfying. -never

10. I frequently go after sex I really don't want. -never

11. Sex is the thing I'm best at. -never

12. I've sold myself for sex. -never

13. I've had sex with people who don't respect me. -never

14. I need to control everything about sex. -never

15. I have a hard time staying present when I make love. I'm numb a lot during lovemaking. -sometimes

16. When I am sexual, I have terrifying, scary feelings I don't understand. -never

17. I often have flashbacks of my abuse while making love. -never

18. I get sexually aroused when I read or talk about sexual abuse. -never

19. Violent, sadistic fantasies turn me on. -past

20. I'm ashamed of my sexuality. -always

21. I've sexually abused others. -never

CHILDREN AND PARENTING

1. I feel awkward and uncomfortable around children. -rarely

2. I have a hard time being affectionate with kids. -never

3. I have a hard time setting boundaries with kids. -never

4. I have a hard time balancing children's needs with my own. -never

5. (For parents) I feel inadequate as a parent. -never

6. I have trouble protecting children I take care of. -never

7. I tend to be overprotective. -never

8. I've successfully protected children. -never

9. I'm scared I'll be abusive. -past

10. I have abused children. -never

11. My kids have been abused (by someone else). -never

MY FAMILY OF ORIGIN

1. I have strained relationships with my family. -always

2. Members of my family have rejected me (or vice versa) -never

3. I have a hard time setting limits with my family. -never

4. People in my family invalidate my feelings and experiences. -never

5. I feel crazy when I'm around my family. -never

6. I can't be honest with the people in my family. -always

7. My abuse is still a secret in my family. -always

8. I'm waiting for people in my family to come around and support me. -never

If many of the statements on this list were familiar to you, you may feel overwhelmed right now. Put the purpose of this assessment is not to overwhelm you; it's to show you that there's a reason why you experience the things you do. It's to point out the areas that need healing. It is possible to dramatically alter your life so that your answers two years from now will bear little resemblance to your answers today.

1. When I look over my responses, I dont feel depressed as I used to feel

2. I've been most strongly affected in the areas of self esteem, my feelings, intimacy, sexuality

3. I was least affected in the areas of children and parenting

4. The hardest statements for me to acknowledge that I have problems in intimacy and sexuality.

5. I feel the most hopeful about making changes in sexuality and my body

6. I already made major strides in the following areas intimacy and self esteem

7. I feel the most hopeless about changing family

8. I was surprised by the courage I have to do this exercise. I was so afraid to feel pain again.

9. I learned to trust other people.

#50 cate

cate
  • Member
  • posts: 39

Posted 10 May 2011 - 01:39 AM

SELF ESTEEM

1. I feel dirty, like there's something wrong with me.--sometimes

2. Sometimes I think I'm crazy.--sometimes

3. I feel ashamed.--always

4. I'm different from other people.--always

5. I feel powerless.--usually

6. If people really knew me, they'd leave.--usually

7. I want to die.--sometimes

8. I want to kill myself.--sometimes

9. I hate myself.--sometimes

10. I have a hard time taking care of myself.--rarely

11. I don't deserve to be happy.--rarely

12. I don't trust my intuition or my feeling.--rarely

13. I'm often confused.--usually

14. I don't know how to set goals or follow through on them.--rarely

15. I'm scared of success.--rarely

16. I'm a failure. I don't feel capable of doing a good job.--rarely

17. I use work to make up for empty feelings inside.--sometimes

18. I'm a perfectionist.--usually

19. I've made up a lot of stories about my life.--usually I don't tell stories b/c I don't get close.

20. I've done a lot of shoplifting.--Mostly just food b/c I'm poor

MY FEELINGS

1. I don't think feelings are very important.--never

2. I usually don't know what I am feeling.--rarely

3. I can't tell one feeling from another.--rarely

4. I only experience one or two emotions.--never

5. I have a hard time expressing my feelings.--rarely; usually I just wish someone could listen forever

6. I have a hard time crying freely.--sometimes

7. I cry all the time.--rarely

8. I get uncomfortable when I feel to happy.--sometimes

9. I get nervous when things are relaxed and calm.--usually

10. I feel enraged a lot of the time.--sometimes (mostly when I don't work out)

11. I'm rarely angry. Angers scares me.--sometimes


12. I get depressed a lot.--sometimes (it's way better than a year ago).

13. I have a lot of nightmares.--rarely (thank God they have stopped)

14. I have panic attacks.--sometimes

15. If I really let myself go, my feelings would be out of control.--usually

16. I've been violent.--in the past I use to throw and kick things when no one was there...I guess that's kind of violent. Or more violent for me at least.

17. I haven't been violent yet, but I am worried I might be.--I worry about being violent in the future a little, but I think if I take care of myself I won't be.

MY BODY

1. I'm not "in my body" alot of the time.--it's more my body when I work out

2. I frequently space out.--sometimes

3. My body often feels numb.--sometimes

4. I feel as if my body is seperate from the rest of me.--this is getting a lot better, but I need to go back to the gym. Finals really took me out of my routine.

5. I don't pay much attention to my body's signals (hunger, tiredness, pain).--rarely

6. I think my body is ugly.--I mostly like it. I think most bodies are beautiful.

7. I hide my body.--rarely

8. I'm dyslexic. I had learning disabilities when I was growing up.--always. But was just assaulted recently. Does anyone know more about the connection between these two things? I looked this up and it says dyslexia can be related to childhood trauma. I hope I haven't forgotten anything.

9. I use drugs and alcohol more than I should.--never.

10. I often eat compulsively.--rarely

11. I keep myself from eating, or eat and throw up.--never

12. I hurt myself on purpose (cut, burn, injure myself).--never

13. I have illnesses I think are related to my abuse.--?

14. I've worked out to make my body strong so I wouldn't feel like a victim.--always

15. I've had flashbacks of the abuse during surgery or other medical procedures.--always

16. I'm scared to go to the dentist. I hate the feeling of things in my mouth.--always...(still need to try going back to the dentist :/)

17. (for women) I'm scared to go to the gynecologist--always, but I go.

INTIMACY

1. I often feel alienated from other people, as if I'm from another planet.--usually...I don't really like new people...and stopped talking to most of my old friends.

2. Most of my relationships don't work.--the romantic ones do...I have a harder time with friends...guess I need a lot of closeness before I can trust.

3. I don't have many friends.--usually...I used to be an extravert and now I'm an intravert

4. I'm ok with my friends, but I just can't work things out with a lover.--never

5. I think I am meant to be alone.--never

6. I'm not sure I deserve to be loved.--never!

7. I don't know what love is.--never! ( I have a great partner)

8. I find it hard to trust people.--usually...especially new people

9. I think people are going to leave me.--usually

10. I test people alot.--always

11. It's hard for me to be nurtured or to nurture someone else.--sometimes

12. I'm clingy with people I am close to. I'm afraid to be alone.--always

13. I'm scared of making commitment. When people get to close, I panic.--with friends yes

14. I have a hard time saying no.--rarely (sex is a little different)

15. People take advantage of me in relationships.--rarely

16. I get involved with people who are inappropriate or inaccessible.--rarely

17. I've had relationships with people who remind me of my abuser.--never

18. I'm struggling alot with my partner.--rarely (the last few months of couples therapy have helped a lot...I recommend this for even just a short time for anyone struggling with a partner.)

19. Sometimes I think my partner is my abuser.--rarely

20. Sexual abuse is really causing a problem in my relationship.--rarely

SEXUALITY

1. I avoid sex. Deep down, I wish I never had to deal with sex again.--sometimes

2. I am celibate. I haven't sex in years.--never

3. I really think sex is disgusting.--rarely

4. I don't feel sexual desire. I think there is basically something wrong with it.--never

5. Sex isn't pleasureable for me. I usually have sex to make the other person happy.--sometimes (sometimes, I try to see it will make me happy, I feel guilty about this, anyone else?)

6. I try to use sex to meet most of my needs.--kind of. I test sex out again to see if I really like. Sometimes I don't think I should be allowed to like sex. Or that liking sex too much before this is how I ended up being assulted. Sex is confusing right now. (plan on writing other post in more detail.)

7. It really feels like I am "over-sexed".--usually

8. Sex and aggression are really connected for me.--this is complicated. I was exploring more aggressive kinds of sex before my assault. This question feels very complicated to me.

9. I find it hard to be close in nonsexual ways. It just isn't satisfying.--sometimes...but this is really changing.

10. I frequently go after sex I really don't want.--never

11. Sex is the thing I am best at.--rarely...but I don't think I'm bad at sex...um just a little confused. I want to feel in more control of my sexuality.

12. I've sold myself for sex.--never

13. I've had sex with people who don't respect me.--never

14. I need to control everything about sex.--not sure????

15. I have a hard time staying present when I make love. I'm numb alot during lovemakeing.--sometimes

16. When I am sexual, I have terrifying, scary feeling I don't understand.--sometimes (I think it's guilt)

17. I often have flashbacks of my abuse while making love.--rarely now

18. I get sexually aroused when I read or talk about sexual abuse.--sometiems

19. Violent, sadistic fantasies turn me on.--I'm interested in BDSM, but I don't consider that violent.

20. I'm ashamed of my sexuality.--um more like I feel guilty about my sexuality. I think this is a little different. ? ? ?

21. I've sexually abused others.--never
CHILDREN AND PARENTING

1. I feel awkward and uncomfortable around children.--never

2. I have a hard time being affectionate with kids.--never

3. I have a hard time setting boundaries with kids.--never

4. I have a hard time balancing children's needs with my own.--never

5. (for parents) I feel inadequate as a parent.--N/A

6. I have trouble protecting children I take care.--never

7. I tend to be overprotective.--sometimes

8. I've successfully protected children.--always

9. I'm scared I'll be abusive.--rarely

10. I have abused children.--never

11. My kids have been abused (by someone else).--N/A

MY FAMILY OF ORIGIN

1. I have strained relationships with my family.--sometimes.

2. Members of my family have rejected me (or vice versa).--sometimes they just ignore what I'm going through.

3. I have a hard time setting limits with my family.--rarely...I wish they would cross a few more boundaries it might do them some good.

4. People in my family invalidate my feelings and experiences.--usually I don't tell them a lot b/c they are distant.

5. I feel crazy when I am around my family.--sometimes

6. I can't be honest with the people in my family.--usually

7. My abuse is still a secret in my family.--um...we don't really talk about it...so basically yea. But they do drive me to therapy every week so they must know that stuffs going on.

8. I'm still waiting for the people in my family to come around and support me.--sometimes


If many of the statements on this list were familiar to you, you may feel overwhelmed right now. Put the purpose of this assessment is not to overwhelm you; it's to show you that there's a reason why you experience the things you do. It's to point out the areas that need healing. It is possible to dramatically alter your life so that your answers two years from now will bear little resemblance to your answers today.

1. When I look over my responses, I realize I have learned a lot in the last year and half. I feel more at home in my body now. I think in the long run my assault has made me more aware of my body...this has mostly turned out to be a good thing. I also feel I'm am very confused about sex still and am begging to wonder how helpful my therapy has been in clarifying this confusion. I feel worse about my sexuality now than I did in the months right after my assault. I really need a lot more clarification about this part of me. I want it to feel like a celebration again. But wanting to celebrate my sexuality feels criminal. (my therapist says I'm too explicit about sex, this doesn't help.) Hope I can figure this out soon. I miss my sexuality :(
2. I've been most strongly affected in the areas of....sexuality...and Friendship

3. I was least affected in the areas of...Parenting/Kids

4. The hardest statements for me to acknowledge were...things about my sexuality. I still need to clarify this part of myself.

5. I feel the most hopeful about making changes in...maybe most determined to make changes about my sexuality. I used to love sex, and feel really good about it (I think sex can be artistic.) but now I feel confused and guilt. This is very linked to my own self blame.
6. I already made major strides in the following areas...My body and my self esteem.

7. I feel the most hopeless about changing...my relationships with friends and new people. I really am scared of trusting. I feel like I can't have friends because they won't accept or understand how much of my life my recovery takes up. If people want to know what I have been up to lately I just give some stock answers, but the truth is recovery.
8. I was surprised by... that I was this candid here. And that I am posting this at all.

9. I learned...this is a good website...and that my sexuality is a really pressing issues at the moment.

#51 SorchaLuna

SorchaLuna
  • Eleanor

  • Member
  • posts: 493

Posted 03 July 2011 - 07:04 PM

I'll give this a go, i can't sleep at all. have removed the kids section.
SELF ESTEEM
1. I feel dirty, like there's something wrong with me. -- nearly always
2. Sometimes I think I'm crazy. -- yes
3. I feel ashamed. -- yes
4. I'm different from other people. -- always
5. I feel powerless. -- sometimes
6. If people really knew me, they'd leave. -- sometimes
7. I want to die. -- feel like it but no, don't actually want to
8. I want to kill myself. -- no
9. I hate myself. -- often
10. I have a hard time taking care of myself. -- yes
11. I don't deserve to be happy. -- often
12. I don't trust my intuition or my feelings. -- often
13. I'm often confused. -- always
14. I don't know how to set goals and follow through on them. -- sometimes
15. I'm scared of success. -- no
16. I'm a failure. I don't feel capable of doing a good job. -- no
17. I use work to make up for empty feelings inside. -- yes
18. I'm a perfectionist. -- yes
19. I've made up a lot of stories about my life. -- no but i worry i am a liar and don't realise it
20. I've done a lot of shoplifting. -- never
MY FEELINGS
1. I don't think feelings are very important. -- I don't think MINE are
2. I usually don't know what I'm feeling. -- very often
3. I can't tell one feeling from another. -- very often
4. I only experience one or two emotions. -- never
5. I have a hard time expressing my feelings. -- yes
6. I have a hard time crying freely. -- yes, want to cry but can't, very numb
7. I cry all the time. -- no,all cried out it feels
8. I get uncomfortable when I feel too happy. -- yes
9. I get nervous when things are relaxed and calm. -- sometimes
10. I feel enraged a lot of the time. -- often
11. I'm rarely angry. Anger scares me. -- very often angry
12. I get depressed a lot. -- yes, had severe depression for couple of years
13. I have a lot of nightmares. -- usually
14. I have panic attacks. -- very often
15. If I really let myself go, my feelings would be out of control. -- yes
16. I've been violent. -- never
17. I haven't been violent yet, but I'm worried I might be. -- never
MY BODY
1. I'm not "in my body" a lot of the time. -- very often
2. I frequently space out. -- nearly always
3. My body often feels numb. -- sometimes
4. I feel as if my body is separate from the rest of me. -- always
5. I don't pay too much attention to my body's signals (hunger, tiredness, pain). -- usually
6. I think my body is ugly. -- always
7. I hide my body. -- always
8. I'm dyslexic. I had learning disabilities when I was growing up. -- never
9. I use drugs or alcohol more than I think I should. -- never
10. I often eat compulsively. -- yes
11. I keep myself from eating, or eat and throw up. -- yes
12. I hurt myself on purpose (cut, burn or injure myself) -- sometimes
13. I have illnesses I think are related to my abuse. -- don't think so
14. I've worked out to make my body strong so I wouldn't feel like a victim. -- always
15. I've had flashbacks of the abuse during surgery or other medical procedures. -- no, not had any
16. I'm scared to go to the dentist. I hate the feeling of things in my mouth. -- no
17. (For women) I'm scared to go to the gynecologist. -- yes, don't go
INTIMACY
1. I often feel alienated from other people, as if I'm from another planet. -- always
2. Most of my relationships just don't work. -- sometimes
3. I don't have many friends. -- always
4. I'm okay with my friends, but I just can't work things out with a lover. -- often
5. I think I'm really meant to be alone. -- yes
6. I'm not sure I deserve to be loved. -- always
7. I don't know what love is. -- no
8. I find it hard to trust people. -- always
9. I think people are going to leave me. -- often
10. I test people a lot. -- sometimes
11. It's hard for me to be nurtured or to nurture someone else. -- sometimes
12. I'm clingy with people I'm close to. I'm afraid to be alone. -- no
13. I'm scared of making commitment. When people get too close, I panic. -- yes
14. I have a hard time saying no. -- often
15. People take advantage of me in relationships. -- no
16. I get involved with people who are inappropriate or inaccessible. -- no
17. I've had relationships with people who remind me of my abuser. -- no
18. I'm struggling a lot with my partner. -- don't have one
19. Sometimes I think my partner is my abuser. -- n/a
20. Sexual abuse is really creating problems in my relationship. -- yes - got a boyfriend but not serious yet
SEXUALITY
1. I avoid sex. Deep down, I wish I never had to deal with sex again. -- yes
2. I am celibate. I haven't had sex in years. -- only had sex once with the perpetrator and then raped next morning
3. I really think sex is disgusting. -- often
4. I don't feel sexual desire. I think there's something basically wrong with it. -- no
5. Sex isn't pleasurable for me. I usually have sex to make the other person happy. -- no
6. I try to use sex to meet most of my needs. -- no
7. It really feels like I'm "oversexed" -- no
8. Sex and aggression are really connected for me. -- no
9. I find it hard to be close in nonsexual ways. It just isn't satisfying. -- no
10. I frequently go after sex I really don't want. -- no
11. Sex is the thing I'm best at. -- no
12. I've sold myself for sex. -- no
13. I've had sex with people who don't respect me. -- no
14. I need to control everything about sex. -- yes
15. I have a hard time staying present when I make love. I'm numb a lot during lovemaking. -- yes
16. When I am sexual, I have terrifying, scary feelings I don't understand. -- no
17. I often have flashbacks of my abuse while making love. -- n/a
18. I get sexually aroused when I read or talk about sexual abuse. -- no
19. Violent, sadistic fantasies turn me on. -- never
20. I'm ashamed of my sexuality. -- no
21. I've sexually abused others. -- never

MY FAMILY OF ORIGIN
1. I have strained relationships with my family. -- not with parents but yes to all other members
2. Members of my family have rejected me (or vice versa) -- sometimes
3. I have a hard time setting limits with my family. -- yes
4. People in my family invalidate my feelings and experiences. -- yes
5. I feel crazy when I'm around my family. -- sometimes
6. I can't be honest with the people in my family. -- always
7. My abuse is still a secret in my family. -- always
8. I'm waiting for people in my family to come around and support me. -- never -- it just won't happen
If many of the statements on this list were familiar to you, you may feel overwhelmed right now. Put the purpose of this assessment is not to overwhelm you; it's to show you that there's a reason why you experience the things you do. It's to point out the areas that need healing. It is possible to dramatically alter your life so that your answers two years from now will bear little resemblance to your answers today.
1. When I look over my responses, I feel... -- very sad, still very raw
2. I've been most strongly affected in the areas of... -- self esteem
3. I was least affected in the areas of... -- body image - might seem odd but having hated my body all my life I like to think i can't have been looking too bad that night - sounds shallow but maybe thats a twisted positive..ughh am just clutching at straws, i sound pathetic
4. The hardest statements for me to acknowledge were... -- he had control of me
5. I feel the most hopeful about making changes in... my self esteem
6. I already made major strides in the following areas... too early, only admitted to it in last 24 hours
7. I feel the most hopeless about changing... my feelings of being fundamentally different from other people - loneliness
8. I was surprised by... my honesty, am proud of that, think have demonstrated notable bravery today
9. I learned... that I am stronger than i thought possible :unsure:
:confused:

#52 SorchaLuna

SorchaLuna
  • Eleanor

  • Member
  • posts: 493

Posted 03 July 2011 - 07:04 PM

This helped me.Goodnight x

Edited by SorchaLuna, 03 July 2011 - 07:06 PM.


#53 Nuadu

Nuadu
  • Member
  • posts: 24

Posted 14 August 2011 - 07:11 PM

1. I feel dirty, like there's something wrong with me. -- Usually
2. Sometimes I think I'm crazy. -- sometimes
3. I feel ashamed. -- Usually
4. I'm different from other people. -- sometimes
5. I feel powerless. -- sometimes
6. If people really knew me, they'd leave. -- rarely
7. I want to die. -- never
8. I want to kill myself. -- never
9. I hate myself. -- sometimes
10. I have a hard time taking care of myself. -- sometimes
11. I don't deserve to be happy. -- rarely
12. I don't trust my intuition or my feelings. -- sometimes
13. I'm often confused. -- sometimes
14. I don't know how to set goals and follow through on them. -- sometimes
15. I'm scared of success. -- Rarely
16. I'm a failure. I don't feel capable of doing a good job. -- usually
17. I use work to make up for empty feelings inside. -- sometimes
18. I'm a perfectionist. -- rarely
19. I've made up a lot of stories about my life. -- sometimes
20. I've done a lot of shoplifting. -- never

MY FEELINGS

1. I don't think feelings are very important. -- sometimes - I dont feel my feelings are important or valid.
2. I usually don't know what I'm feeling. -- usually
3. I can't tell one feeling from another. -- sometimes
4. I only experience one or two emotions. -- usually - its better now then it was 2 months ago. Therapy :)
5. I have a hard time expressing my feelings. -- usually
6. I have a hard time crying freely. -- usually
7. I cry all the time. -- sometimes
8. I get uncomfortable when I feel too happy. -- sometimes
9. I get nervous when things are relaxed and calm. -- sometimes
10. I feel enraged a lot of the time. -- sometimes
11. I'm rarely angry. Anger scares me. -- never
12. I get depressed a lot. -- sometimes
13. I have a lot of nightmares. -- usually
14. I have panic attacks. -- sometimes
15. If I really let myself go, my feelings would be out of control. -- sometimes
16. I've been violent. -- sometimes
17. I haven't been violent yet, but I'm worried I might be. -- sometimes

MY BODY

1. I'm not "in my body" a lot of the time. -- sometimes
2. I frequently space out. -- usually
3. My body often feels numb. -- usually
4. I feel as if my body is separate from the rest of me. -- always
5. I don't pay too much attention to my body's signals -- usually
6. I think my body is ugly. -- sometimes
7. I hide my body. -- sometimes
8. I'm dyslexic. I had learning disabilities when I was growing up. -- never
9. I use drugs or alcohol more than I think I should. -- sometimes
10. I often eat compulsively. -- always
11. I keep myself from eating, or eat and throw up. -- rarely
12. I hurt myself on purpose (cut, burn or injure myself) -- never
13. I have illnesses I think are related to my abuse. -- usually
14. I've worked out to make my body strong so I wouldn't feel like a victim. -- always
15. I've had flashbacks of the abuse during surgery or other medical procedures. -- rarely
16. I'm scared to go to the dentist. I hate the feeling of things in my mouth. -- sometimes
17. (For women) I'm scared to go to the gynecologist. -- never Im male

INTIMACY

1. I often feel alienated from other people, as if I'm from another planet. -- sometimes
2. Most of my relationships just don't work. -- sometimes
3. I don't have many friends. -- always
4. I'm okay with my friends, but I just can't work things out with a lover. -- sometimes
5. I think I'm really meant to be alone. -- never
6. I'm not sure I deserve to be loved. -- never
7. I don't know what love is. -- sometimes
8. I find it hard to trust people. -- sometimes
9. I think people are going to leave me. -- Usually
10. I test people a lot. -- rarely
11. It's hard for me to be nurtured or to nurture someone else. -- sometimes.
12. I'm clingy with people I'm close to. I'm afraid to be alone. -- rarely
13. I'm scared of making commitment. When people get too close, I panic. -- sometimes
14. I have a hard time saying no. -- Usually
15. People take advantage of me in relationships. -- sometimes
16. I get involved with people who are inappropriate or inaccessible. -- never
17. I've had relationships with people who remind me of my abuser. -- sometimes
18. I'm struggling a lot with my partner. -- sometimes
19. Sometimes I think my partner is my abuser. -- never
20. Sexual abuse is really creating problems in my relationship. -- usually

SEXUALITY

1. I avoid sex. Deep down, I wish I never had to deal with sex again. -- sometimes
2. I am celibate. I haven't had sex in years. -- Sometimes - its been 6 months, thats a long time for me.
3. I really think sex is disgusting. -- rarely - scary but not disgusting..
4. I don't feel sexual desire. I think there's something basically wrong with it. -- never
5. Sex isn't pleasurable for me. I usually have sex to make the other person happy. -- usually
6. I try to use sex to meet most of my needs. -- sometimes
7. It really feels like I'm "oversexed" -- sometimes
8. Sex and aggression are really connected for me. -- usually
9. I find it hard to be close in nonsexual ways. It just isn't satisfying. -- usually
10. I frequently go after sex I really don't want. -- Usually
11. Sex is the thing I'm best at. -- usually
12. I've sold myself for sex. -- rarely
13. I've had sex with people who don't respect me. -- sometimes
14. I need to control everything about sex. -- usually
15. I have a hard time staying present when I make love. I'm numb a lot during lovemaking. -- usually
16. When I am sexual, I have terrifying, scary feelings I don't understand. -- sometimes
17. I often have flashbacks of my abuse while making love. -- sometimes
18. I get sexually aroused when I read or talk about sexual abuse. -- sometimes
19. Violent, sadistic fantasies turn me on. -- sometimes
20. I'm ashamed of my sexuality. -- usually
21. I've sexually abused others. -- never

CHILDREN AND PARENTING

1. I feel awkward and uncomfortable around children. -- usually
2. I have a hard time being affectionate with kids. -- sometimes
3. I have a hard time setting boundaries with kids. -- rarely
4. I have a hard time balancing children's needs with my own. -- rarely
5. (For parents) I feel inadequate as a parent. -- never. Im not a parent.
6. I have trouble protecting children I take care of. -- never.
7. I tend to be overprotective. -- sometimes
8. I've successfully protected children. -- always
9. I'm scared I'll be abusive. -- sometimes
10. I have abused children. -- never
11. My kids have been abused (by someone else). -- never

MY FAMILY OF ORIGIN

1. I have strained relationships with my family. -- Sometimes - I only speak to my sister I cut the rest off.
2. Members of my family have rejected me (or vice versa) -- always
3. I have a hard time setting limits with my family. -- rarely
4. People in my family invalidate my feelings and experiences. -- sometimes
5. I feel crazy when I'm around my family. -- sometimes
6. I can't be honest with the people in my family. -- sometimes
7. My abuse is still a secret in my family. -- sometimes
8. I'm waiting for people in my family to come around and support me. -- sometimes - it would be nice.

If many of the statements on this list were familiar to you, you may feel overwhelmed right now. Put the purpose of this assessment is not to overwhelm you; it's to show you that there's a reason why you experience the things you do. It's to point out the areas that need healing. It is possible to dramatically alter your life so that your answers two years from now will bear little resemblance to your answers today.

1. When I look over my responses, I feel... Nausious, but calmer then before I started the questons.
2. I've been most strongly affected in the areas of... -- changewise self esteem, being connected to my emotions and my body.
3. I was least affected in the areas of... -- family. I dont get on with family, that wont change.
4. The hardest statements for me to acknowledge were... -- Sexuality, I miss the intimacy but Im very screwed up in that area... so no sex for me for a while.
5. I feel the most hopeful about making changes in... emotions, sexuality.
6. I already made major strides in the following areas... emotions.
7. I feel the most hopeless about changing... shame.
8. I was surprised by... my progress in relation to my body and emotions, my lack of progress in sexuality.
9. I learned... that looking at issues rather then hiding from them can bring me a portion of peace when I feel conflicted, confused and numb.

#54 JacquiLeigh

JacquiLeigh
  • A new outlook on life.

  • Member
  • posts: 396

Posted 22 August 2011 - 02:25 PM

1. I feel dirty, like there's something wrong with me. -- usually
2. Sometimes I think I'm crazy. -- usually
3. I feel ashamed. -- Usually
4. I'm different from other people. -- always
5. I feel powerless. -- always
6. If people really knew me, they'd leave. -- rarely
7. I want to die. -- never
8. I want to kill myself. -- never
9. I hate myself. -- usually
10. I have a hard time taking care of myself. -- always
11. I don't deserve to be happy. -- never
12. I don't trust my intuition or my feelings. -- usually
13. I'm often confused. -- always
14. I don't know how to set goals and follow through on them. -- usually
15. I'm scared of success. -- sometimes
16. I'm a failure. I don't feel capable of doing a good job. -- rarely
17. I use work to make up for empty feelings inside. -- always
18. I'm a perfectionist. -- rarely
19. I've made up a lot of stories about my life. -- sometimes
20. I've done a lot of shoplifting. -- rarely

MY FEELINGS

1. I don't think feelings are very important. -- sometimes
2. I usually don't know what I'm feeling. -- always
3. I can't tell one feeling from another. -- always
4. I only experience one or two emotions. -- rarely, tons of emotions.
5. I have a hard time expressing my feelings. -- usually
6. I have a hard time crying freely. -- always
7. I cry all the time. -- rarely
8. I get uncomfortable when I feel too happy. -- sometimes
9. I get nervous when things are relaxed and calm. -- rarely
10. I feel enraged a lot of the time. -- sometimes
11. I'm rarely angry. Anger scares me. -- never
12. I get depressed a lot. -- always
13. I have a lot of nightmares. -- usually
14. I have panic attacks. -- usually
15. If I really let myself go, my feelings would be out of control. -- always
16. I've been violent. -- sometimes
17. I haven't been violent yet, but I'm worried I might be. -- sometimes

MY BODY

1. I'm not "in my body" a lot of the time. -- usually
2. I frequently space out. -- usually
3. My body often feels numb. -- usually
4. I feel as if my body is separate from the rest of me. -- always
5. I don't pay too much attention to my body's signals -- somtimes
6. I think my body is ugly. -- usually
7. I hide my body. -- usually
8. I'm dyslexic. I had learning disabilities when I was growing up. -- never
9. I use drugs or alcohol more than I think I should. -- usually
10. I often eat compulsively. -- always
11. I keep myself from eating, or eat and throw up. -- never
12. I hurt myself on purpose (cut, burn or injure myself) -- sometimes
13. I have illnesses I think are related to my abuse. -- always
14. I've worked out to make my body strong so I wouldn't feel like a victim. -- sometimes
15. I've had flashbacks of the abuse during surgery or other medical procedures. -- never
16. I'm scared to go to the dentist. I hate the feeling of things in my mouth. -- always
17. (For women) I'm scared to go to the gynecologist. -- usually

INTIMACY

1. I often feel alienated from other people, as if I'm from another planet. -- usually
2. Most of my relationships just don't work. -- sometimes
3. I don't have many friends. -- always
4. I'm okay with my friends, but I just can't work things out with a lover. -- never
5. I think I'm really meant to be alone. -- never
6. I'm not sure I deserve to be loved. -- never
7. I don't know what love is. -- never
8. I find it hard to trust people. -- always
9. I think people are going to leave me. -- Usually
10. I test people a lot. -- sometimes
11. It's hard for me to be nurtured or to nurture someone else. -- sometimes.
12. I'm clingy with people I'm close to. I'm afraid to be alone. -- always
13. I'm scared of making commitment. When people get too close, I panic. -- sometimes
14. I have a hard time saying no. -- sometimes
15. People take advantage of me in relationships. -- usually
16. I get involved with people who are inappropriate or inaccessible. -- sometimes, in the past.
17. I've had relationships with people who remind me of my abuser. -- usually
18. I'm struggling a lot with my partner. -- never
19. Sometimes I think my partner is my abuser. -- never
20. Sexual abuse is really creating problems in my relationship. -- usually

SEXUALITY

1. I avoid sex. Deep down, I wish I never had to deal with sex again. -- rarely
2. I am celibate. I haven't had sex in years. -- never
3. I really think sex is disgusting. -- never
4. I don't feel sexual desire. I think there's something basically wrong with it. -- never
5. Sex isn't pleasurable for me. I usually have sex to make the other person happy. -- sometimes
6. I try to use sex to meet most of my needs. -- sometimes
7. It really feels like I'm "oversexed" -- rarely
8. Sex and aggression are really connected for me. -- never
9. I find it hard to be close in nonsexual ways. It just isn't satisfying. -- rarely
10. I frequently go after sex I really don't want. -- never
11. Sex is the thing I'm best at. -- usually
12. I've sold myself for sex. -- sometimes
13. I've had sex with people who don't respect me. -- usually
14. I need to control everything about sex. -- sometimes
15. I have a hard time staying present when I make love. I'm numb a lot during lovemaking. -- sometimes
16. When I am sexual, I have terrifying, scary feelings I don't understand. -- rarely
17. I often have flashbacks of my abuse while making love. -- sometimes
18. I get sexually aroused when I read or talk about sexual abuse. -- rarely
19. Violent, sadistic fantasies turn me on. -- sometimes
20. I'm ashamed of my sexuality. -- never
21. I've sexually abused others. -- never

CHILDREN AND PARENTING

1. I feel awkward and uncomfortable around children. -- never
2. I have a hard time being affectionate with kids. -- never
3. I have a hard time setting boundaries with kids. -- rarely
4. I have a hard time balancing children's needs with my own. -- rarely
5. (For parents) I feel inadequate as a parent. -- always
6. I have trouble protecting children I take care of. -- sometimes
7. I tend to be overprotective. -- usually
8. I've successfully protected children. -- always
9. I'm scared I'll be abusive. -- sometimes
10. I have abused children. -- never
11. My kids have been abused (by someone else). -- never

MY FAMILY OF ORIGIN

1. I have strained relationships with my family. -- always
2. Members of my family have rejected me (or vice versa) -- always
3. I have a hard time setting limits with my family. -- usually
4. People in my family invalidate my feelings and experiences. -- usually
5. I feel crazy when I'm around my family. -- always
6. I can't be honest with the people in my family. -- always
7. My abuse is still a secret in my family. -- always
8. I'm waiting for people in my family to come around and support me. -- never, i'm not waiting for them anymore.

If many of the statements on this list were familiar to you, you may feel overwhelmed right now. But the purpose of this assessment is not to overwhelm you; it's to show you that there's a reason why you experience the things you do. It's to point out the areas that need healing. It is possible to dramatically alter your life so that your answers two years from now will bear little resemblance to your answers today.

1. When I look over my responses, I feel... Sick, like a monster.
2. I've been most strongly affected in the areas of... -- most of it.
3. I was least affected in the areas of... -- my family, they're always going to be like that, they always have been.
4. The hardest statements for me to acknowledge were... -- Parenting/Children
5. I feel the most hopeful about making changes in... all of it, except family.
6. I already made major strides in the following areas... sexuality
7. I feel the most hopeless about changing... the emotional part
8. I was surprised by... the detail of this exercise.
9. I learned... that there's too much of my crap piled up in this one post. It's like a concentrated version of my worst qualities.

#55 SunbulDynamite

SunbulDynamite
  • Member
  • posts: 22

Posted 23 August 2011 - 08:10 AM

SELF ESTEEM

1. I feel dirty, like there's something wrong with me. -- sometimes

2. Sometimes I think I'm crazy. -- sometimes

3. I feel ashamed. -- rarely

4. I'm different from other people. -- always

5. I feel powerless. -- always

6. If people really knew me, they'd leave. -- always

7. I want to die. -- sometimes

8. I want to kill myself. -- sometimes

9. I hate myself. -- sometimes

10. I have a hard time taking care of myself. -- always

11. I don't deserve to be happy. -- sometimes

12. I don't trust my intuition or my feelings. -- usually

13. I'm often confused. -- usually

14. I don't know how to set goals and follow through on them. -- usually

15. I'm scared of success. -- ALWAYS!

16. I'm a failure. I don't feel capable of doing a good job. -- usually

17. I use work to make up for empty feelings inside. -- never

18. I'm a perfectionist. -- sometimes

19. I've made up a lot of stories about my life. -- usually

20. I've done a lot of shoplifting. -- a little bit

MY FEELINGS

1. I don't think feelings are very important. -- I don't think my feelings are important. In fact, sometimes I think I should be beyond them.

2. I usually don't know what I'm feeling. -- sometimes

3. I can't tell one feeling from another. -- sometimes

4. I only experience one or two emotions. -- used to. I've gotten a bit better at this, but my emotional range is still kinda low (well, the ones I can identify at least).

5. I have a hard time expressing my feelings. -- usually

6. I have a hard time crying freely. -- always

7. I cry all the time. -- never

8. I get uncomfortable when I feel too happy. -- usually

9. I get nervous when things are relaxed and calm. -- sometimes

10. I feel enraged a lot of the time. -- a lot

11. I'm rarely angry. Anger scares me. -- never

12. I get depressed a lot. -- usually

13. I have a lot of nightmares. -- usually

14. I have panic attacks. -- sometimes

15. If I really let myself go, my feelings would be out of control. -- sometimes

16. I've been violent. -- a lot

17. I haven't been violent yet, but I'm worried I might be. -- N/A

MY BODY

1. I'm not "in my body" a lot of the time. -- sometimes

2. I frequently space out. -- I don't think there's ever been a time when I'm not spaced out.

3. My body often feels numb. -- a lot

4. I feel as if my body is separate from the rest of me. -- always

5. I don't pay too much attention to my body's signals (hunger, tiredness, pain). -- usually

6. I think my body is ugly. -- always

7. I hide my body. -- always

8. I'm dyslexic. I had learning disabilities when I was growing up. -- No, unless autism counts. I'm not too sure about that one.

9. I use drugs or alcohol more than I think I should. -- never

10. I often eat compulsively. -- always

11. I keep myself from eating, or eat and throw up. -- sometimes

12. I hurt myself on purpose (cut, burn or injure myself) -- sometimes

13. I have illnesses I think are related to my abuse. -- always

14. I've worked out to make my body strong so I wouldn't feel like a victim. -- always

15. I've had flashbacks of the abuse during surgery or other medical procedures. -- always

16. I'm scared to go to the dentist. I hate the feeling of things in my mouth. -- sometimes

17. (For women) I'm scared to go to the gynecologist. -- never

INTIMACY

1. I often feel alienated from other people, as if I'm from another planet. -- always

2. Most of my relationships just don't work. -- usually

3. I don't have many friends. -- always

4. I'm okay with my friends, but I just can't work things out with a lover. -- sometimes

5. I think I'm really meant to be alone. -- sometimes

6. I'm not sure I deserve to be loved. -- always

7. I don't know what love is. -- true

8. I find it hard to trust people. -- never. On the contrary, I blindly trust and love everyone and then get really hurt and angry when they eventually betray that trust

9. I think people are going to leave me. -- a lot

10. I test people a lot. -- never

11. It's hard for me to be nurtured or to nurture someone else. -- sometimes

12. I'm clingy with people I'm close to. I'm afraid to be alone. -- depends on the day, though I will always hate sleeping alone.

13. I'm scared of making commitment. When people get too close, I panic. -- sometimes

14. I have a hard time saying no. -- sometimes

15. People take advantage of me in relationships. -- usually

16. I get involved with people who are inappropriate or inaccessible. -- not really... I'm generally the inaccessible one in the relationship, I'm told

17. I've had relationships with people who remind me of my abuser. -- never

18. I'm struggling a lot with my partner. -- N/A, I don't have one

19. Sometimes I think my partner is my abuser. -- never

20. Sexual abuse is really creating problems in my relationship. -- sometimes

SEXUALITY

1. I avoid sex. Deep down, I wish I never had to deal with sex again. -- usually, though I'm working on it

2. I am celibate. I haven't had sex in years. -- I've never had sex, so N/A

3. I really think sex is disgusting. -- rarelyy

4. I don't feel sexual desire. I think there's something basically wrong with it. -- never

5. Sex isn't pleasurable for me. I usually have sex to make the other person happy. -- N/A

6. I try to use sex to meet most of my needs. -- never

7. It really feels like I'm "oversexed" -- sometimes. Though it sometimes feels like the rest of the world is oversexed, not me.

8. Sex and aggression are really connected for me. -- sometimes

9. I find it hard to be close in nonsexual ways. It just isn't satisfying. -- never

10. I frequently go after sex I really don't want. -- never

11. Sex is the thing I'm best at. -- never

12. I've sold myself for sex. -- never

13. I've had sex with people who don't respect me. -- never

14. I need to control everything about sex. -- definitely, I'm a dom :P

15. I have a hard time staying present when I make love. I'm numb a lot during lovemaking. -- N/A

16. When I am sexual, I have terrifying, scary feelings I don't understand. -- never

17. I often have flashbacks of my abuse while making love. -- N/A

18. I get sexually aroused when I read or talk about sexual abuse. -- never

19. Violent, sadistic fantasies turn me on. -- quite a bit, actually, though they're always ~consensual~ fantasies. Rape is not hot, man.

20. I'm ashamed of my sexuality. -- never

21. I've sexually abused others. -- never

CHILDREN AND PARENTING

1. I feel awkward and uncomfortable around children. -- sometimes, though I'm generally more comfortable with them than I am with adults

2. I have a hard time being affectionate with kids. -- rarely

3. I have a hard time setting boundaries with kids. -- rarely

4. I have a hard time balancing children's needs with my own. -- sometimes

5. (For parents) I feel inadequate as a parent. -- N/A

6. I have trouble protecting children I take care of. -- never

7. I tend to be overprotective. -- ALWAYS

8. I've successfully protected children. -- always

9. I'm scared I'll be abusive. -- sometimes

10. I have abused children. -- never

11. My kids have been abused (by someone else). -- N/A

MY FAMILY OF ORIGIN

1. I have strained relationships with my family. -- always, because of the oh-so-fuckin' wonderful desi culture. Oh, and my mum. >.<

2. Members of my family have rejected me (or vice versa) -- never

3. I have a hard time setting limits with my family. -- always

4. People in my family invalidate my feelings and experiences. -- alwyas

5. I feel crazy when I'm around my family. -- always

6. I can't be honest with the people in my family. -- always

7. My abuse is still a secret in my family. -- always

8. I'm waiting for people in my family to come around and support me. -- never -- it just won't happen

If many of the statements on this list were familiar to you, you may feel overwhelmed right now. Put the purpose of this assessment is not to overwhelm you; it's to show you that there's a reason why you experience the things you do. It's to point out the areas that need healing. It is possible to dramatically alter your life so that your answers two years from now will bear little resemblance to your answers today.

1. When I look over my responses, I feel... -- a bit nervous, actually.

2. I've been most strongly affected in the areas of... -- family and intimacy

3. I was least affected in the areas of... -- sexuality. Brilliant. ^_^

4. The hardest statements for me to acknowledge were... -- the ones about intimacy

5. I feel the most hopeful about making changes in my family. All I have to do is leave. I'm just biding my time.

6. I already made major strides in the following areas... sexuality and, would you believe it, emotions.

7. I feel the most hopeless about changing... my self-esteem.

8. I was surprised by... none of them, really, I always knew I was a fuck up.

9. I learned... that I've got a lot of work to do.

#56 groverkitty

groverkitty
  • New Member
  • posts: 3

Posted 13 April 2012 - 12:23 AM

SELF ESTEEM
1. I feel dirty, like there's something wrong with me. -- Always
2. Sometimes I think I'm crazy. -- sometimes
3. I feel ashamed. -- sometimes
4. I'm different from other people. -- always
5. I feel powerless. -- always
6. If people really knew me, they'd leave. -- always
7. I want to die. -- always
8. I want to kill myself. -- always
9. I hate myself. -- always
10. I have a hard time taking care of myself. -- sometimes
11. I don't deserve to be happy. -- always
12. I don't trust my intuition or my feelings. -- sometimes
13. I'm often confused. -- sometimes
14. I don't know how to set goals and follow through on them. -- always
15. I'm scared of success. -- ALWAYS!
16. I'm a failure. I don't feel capable of doing a good job. -- always
17. I use work to make up for empty feelings inside. -- never
18. I'm a perfectionist. -- sometimes
19. I've made up a lot of stories about my life. -- never
20. I've done a lot of shoplifting. --some
MY FEELINGS
1. I don't think feelings are very important. -- never
2. I usually don't know what I'm feeling. -- rarely
3. I can't tell one feeling from another. -- rarely
4. I only experience one or two emotions. -- never -- I'm usually swamped with emotions
5. I have a hard time expressing my feelings. -- sometimes
6. I have a hard time crying freely. -- never
7. I cry all the time. -- always
8. I get uncomfortable when I feel too happy. -- sometimes
9. I get nervous when things are relaxed and calm. -- never
10. I feel enraged a lot of the time. -- always
11. I'm rarely angry. Anger scares me. -- never
12. I get depressed a lot. -- always
13. I have a lot of nightmares. -- rarely
14. I have panic attacks. -- rarely
15. If I really let myself go, my feelings would be out of control. -- sometimes
16. I've been violent. -- sometimes
17. I haven't been violent yet, but I'm worried I might be. never I have been volatile many times
MY BODY
1. I'm not "in my body" a lot of the time. sometimes it has gotten A LOT better
2. I frequently space out. -- sometimes
3. My body often feels numb. -- rarely
4. I feel as if my body is separate from the rest of me. -- sometimes
5. I don't pay too much attention to my body's signals (hunger, tiredness, pain). -- sometimes
6. I think my body is ugly. -- always
7. I hide my body. -- always
8. I'm dyslexic. I had learning disabilities when I was growing up. -- never
9. I use drugs or alcohol more than I think I should. -- sometimes
10. I often eat compulsively. -- always
11. I keep myself from eating, or eat and throw up. -- sometimes
12. I hurt myself on purpose (cut, burn or injure myself) not anymore!!
13. I have illnesses I think are related to my abuse. -- never
14. I've worked out to make my body strong so I wouldn't feel like a victim. -- never
15. I've had flashbacks of the abuse during surgery or other medical procedures. -- always
16. I'm scared to go to the dentist. I hate the feeling of things in my mouth. -- never
17. (For women) I'm scared to go to the gynecologist. -- sometimes
INTIMACY
1. I often feel alienated from other people, as if I'm from another planet. -- always
2. Most of my relationships just don't work. -- always
3. I don't have many friends. -- always
4. I'm okay with my friends, but I just can't work things out with a lover. -- never
5. I think I'm really meant to be alone. always
6. I'm not sure I deserve to be loved. -- always
7. I don't know what love is. -- never
8. I find it hard to trust people. -- always
9. I think people are going to leave me. -- always
10. I test people a lot. -- sometimes
11. It's hard for me to be nurtured or to nurture someone else. -- rarely
12. I'm clingy with people I'm close to. I'm afraid to be alone. rarely. Im a little clingy to my husband, but no one else
13. I'm scared of making commitment. When people get too close, I panic. -- always
14. I have a hard time saying no. -- rarely
15. People take advantage of me in relationships. -- rarely
16. I get involved with people who are inappropriate or inaccessible. -- rarely
17. I've had relationships with people who remind me of my abuser. -- never
18. I'm struggling a lot with my partner. -- usually
19. Sometimes I think my partner is my abuser. -- never
20. Sexual abuse is really creating problems in my relationship. my past sexual abuse always creates problems
SEXUALITY
1. I avoid sex. Deep down, I wish I never had to deal with sex again. -- rarely
2. I am celibate. I haven't had sex in years. -- never
3. I really think sex is disgusting. -- rarely
4. I don't feel sexual desire. I think there's something basically wrong with it. -- never
5. Sex isn't pleasurable for me. I usually have sex to make the other person happy. -- rarely
6. I try to use sex to meet most of my needs. --never
7. It really feels like I'm "oversexed" -- never
8. Sex and aggression are really connected for me. -- never
9. I find it hard to be close in nonsexual ways. It just isn't satisfying. -- never
10. I frequently go after sex I really don't want. -- never
11. Sex is the thing I'm best at. -- never
12. I've sold myself for sex. -- never
13. I've had sex with people who don't respect me. in the past a lot
14. I need to control everything about sex. -- sometimes
15. I have a hard time staying present when I make love. I'm numb a lot during lovemaking. -- usually
16. When I am sexual, I have terrifying, scary feelings I don't understand. -- sometimes
17. I often have flashbacks of my abuse while making love. -- usually
18. I get sexually aroused when I read or talk about sexual abuse. -- sometimes
19. Violent, sadistic fantasies turn me on. -- sometimes
20. I'm ashamed of my sexuality. -- sometimes
21. I've sexually abused others. -- never
CHILDREN AND PARENTING
1. I feel awkward and uncomfortable around children. almost always
2. I have a hard time being affectionate with kids. --always
3. I have a hard time setting boundaries with kids. -- NA
4. I have a hard time balancing children's needs with my own. -- NA
5. (For parents) I feel inadequate as a parent. -- NA
6. I have trouble protecting children I take care of. -- NA
7. I tend to be overprotective. -- NA
8. I've successfully protected children. -- NA
9. I'm scared I'll be abusive. -- always
10. I have abused children. -- never
11. My kids have been abused (by someone else). -- NA
MY FAMILY OF ORIGIN
1. I have strained relationships with my family. always
2. Members of my family have rejected me (or vice versa) -always - I made a boundary with my sister that I refuse to be a**sed by her (emotional, verbal a**se) and the rest of my family rejected me as a result.
3. I have a hard time setting limits with my family. -- never
4. People in my family invalidate my feelings and experiences. -- always
5. I feel crazy when I'm around my family. -- always
6. I can't be honest with the people in my family. -- always
7. My abuse is still a secret in my family. never, but we never talk about it. When we do, they make me feel worse.
8. I'm waiting for people in my family to come around and support me. always, but it will never happen
If many of the statements on this list were familiar to you, you may feel overwhelmed right now. Put the purpose of this assessment is not to overwhelm you; it's to show you that there's a reason why you experience the things you do. It's to point out the areas that need healing. It is possible to dramatically alter your life so that your answers two years from now will bear little resemblance to your answers today.
1. When I look over my responses, I feel... self conscious, ashamed, depressed and like I'm 2inches tall and not deserving of happiness or normalcy.
2. I've been most strongly affected in the areas of... relationships with everyone. I just cannot connect with others. I feel suicidal constantly and Im extremely self conscious. I feel like Im living every day vs living and enjoying life. My family have all abandoned me and I feel very alone. I fight with my husband a lot and I dont feel that anyone cares that I was abused. I feel like I will never be normal and that everyone is always one rung above me. I will never succeed in life or reach my goals. Im overweight and eat to feel better. I dont have many friends and feel like no one wants to be around me. I feel really invisible.
3. I was least affected in the areas of... Ive been affected in all areas, so I cant really answer this.
4. The hardest statements for me to acknowledge were... the areas where Ive been most affected.
5. I feel the most hopeful about making changes in... I feel really hopeless right now.
6. I already made major strides in the following areas... cutting, disassociation, suicidal behaviors, flashbacks, panic attacks, Im less volatile, and Im able to set boundaries with my family.
7. I feel the most hopeless about changing... suicidal ideation, relationships, accomplishing goals, and enjoying life.
8. I was surprised by... being less paranoid and scared.
9. I learned... that all these feelings are normal for survivors of sexual abuse.

#57 jane1004

jane1004
  • Member
  • posts: 26

Posted 16 April 2012 - 02:27 PM

SELF ESTEEM

1. I feel dirty, like there's something wrong with me. -- sometimes

2. Sometimes I think I'm crazy. -- sometimes

3. I feel ashamed. -- a lot

4. I'm different from other people. -- sometimes

5. I feel powerless. -- a lot

6. If people really knew me, they'd leave. -- sometimes

7. I want to die. -- never

8. I want to kill myself. -- never

9. I hate myself. -- almost always

10. I have a hard time taking care of myself. -- sometimes

11. I don't deserve to be happy. -- rarely

12. I don't trust my intuition or my feelings. -- rarely

13. I'm often confused. -- sometimes

14. I don't know how to set goals and follow through on them. -- usually

15. I'm scared of success. -- always

16. I'm a failure. I don't feel capable of doing a good job. -- rarely, but i'm so scared of failing I don't want to try

17. I use work to make up for empty feelings inside. -- never

18. I'm a perfectionist. -- sometimes

19. I've made up a lot of stories about my life. -- never

20. I've done a lot of shoplifting. -- never

MY FEELINGS

1. I don't think feelings are very important. -- sometimes... I don't mine are as important as others

2. I usually don't know what I'm feeling. -- rarely

3. I can't tell one feeling from another. -- rarely

4. I only experience one or two emotions. -- never

5. I have a hard time expressing my feelings. -- usually

6. I have a hard time crying freely. -- always

7. I cry all the time. -- never

8. I get uncomfortable when I feel too happy. -- sometimes

9. I get nervous when things are relaxed and calm. -- never

10. I feel enraged a lot of the time. -- sometimes

11. I'm rarely angry. Anger scares me. -- never

12. I get depressed a lot. -- sometimes

13. I have a lot of nightmares. -- rarely

14. I have panic attacks. -- sometimes

15. If I really let myself go, my feelings would be out of control. -- always

16. I've been violent. -- never

17. I haven't been violent yet, but I'm worried I might be. -- sometimes

MY BODY

1. I'm not "in my body" a lot of the time. -- often

2. I frequently space out. -- always

3. My body often feels numb. -- sometimes

4. I feel as if my body is separate from the rest of me. -- sometimes

5. I don't pay too much attention to my body's signals (hunger, tiredness, pain). -- never

6. I think my body is ugly. -- always

7. I hide my body. -- always

8. I'm dyslexic. I had learning disabilities when I was growing up. -- never

9. I use drugs or alcohol more than I think I should. -- never...not anymore

10. I often eat compulsively. -- sometimes

11. I keep myself from eating, or eat and throw up. -- sometimes

12. I hurt myself on purpose (cut, burn or injure myself) -- sometimes

13. I have illnesses I think are related to my abuse. -- never

14. I've worked out to make my body strong so I wouldn't feel like a victim. -- never

15. I've had flashbacks of the abuse during surgery or other medical procedures. -- never

16. I'm scared to go to the dentist. I hate the feeling of things in my mouth. -- never

17. (For women) I'm scared to go to the gynecologist. -- sometimes

INTIMACY

1. I often feel alienated from other people, as if I'm from another planet. -- always

2. Most of my relationships just don't work. -- sometimes

3. I don't have many friends. -- always

4. I'm okay with my friends, but I just can't work things out with a lover. -- rarely

5. I think I'm really meant to be alone. -- never

6. I'm not sure I deserve to be loved. -- always

7. I don't know what love is. -- never

8. I find it hard to trust people. -- always

9. I think people are going to leave me. -- always

10. I test people a lot. -- sometimes

11. It's hard for me to be nurtured or to nurture someone else. -- sometimes. I have a hard time being nurtured

12. I'm clingy with people I'm close to. I'm afraid to be alone. -- sometimes. i refuse to be alone in crowds, especially parties

13. I'm scared of making commitment. When people get too close, I panic. -- sometimes

14. I have a hard time saying no. -- always

15. People take advantage of me in relationships. -- sometimes

16. I get involved with people who are inappropriate or inaccessible. -- usually

17. I've had relationships with people who remind me of my abuser. -- never

18. I'm struggling a lot with my partner. -- sometimes

19. Sometimes I think my partner is my abuser. -- never

20. Sexual abuse is really creating problems in my relationship. -- never

SEXUALITY

1. I avoid sex. Deep down, I wish I never had to deal with sex again. -- rarely

2. I am celibate. I haven't had sex in years. -- never

3. I really think sex is disgusting. -- rarely

4. I don't feel sexual desire. I think there's something basically wrong with it. -- never

5. Sex isn't pleasurable for me. I usually have sex to make the other person happy. -- never. I have in the past

6. I try to use sex to meet most of my needs. -- never

7. It really feels like I'm "oversexed" -- never

8. Sex and aggression are really connected for me. -- never

9. I find it hard to be close in nonsexual ways. It just isn't satisfying. -- sometimes

10. I frequently go after sex I really don't want. -- never

11. Sex is the thing I'm best at. -- never

12. I've sold myself for sex. -- never

13. I've had sex with people who don't respect me. -- sometimes

14. I need to control everything about sex. -- sometimes

15. I have a hard time staying present when I make love. I'm numb a lot during lovemaking. -- rarely

16. When I am sexual, I have terrifying, scary feelings I don't understand. -- rarely (not so much anymore)

17. I often have flashbacks of my abuse while making love. -- rarely

18. I get sexually aroused when I read or talk about sexual abuse. -- never

19. Violent, sadistic fantasies turn me on. -- never

20. I'm ashamed of my sexuality. -- sometimes

21. I've sexually abused others. -- never

CHILDREN AND PARENTING

1. I feel awkward and uncomfortable around children. -- never

2. I have a hard time being affectionate with kids. -- never

3. I have a hard time setting boundaries with kids. -- never

4. I have a hard time balancing children's needs with my own. -- never

5. (For parents) I feel inadequate as a parent. N/A

6. I have trouble protecting children I take care of. -- never.

7. I tend to be overprotective. -- sometimes

8. I've successfully protected children. -- always

9. I'm scared I'll be abusive. -- never

10. I have abused children. -- never

11. My kids have been abused (by someone else). -- never

MY FAMILY OF ORIGIN

1. I have strained relationships with my family. -- sometimes

2. Members of my family have rejected me (or vice versa) -- never

3. I have a hard time setting limits with my family. -- always

4. People in my family invalidate my feelings and experiences. -- they dont know

5. I feel crazy when I'm around my family. -- sometimes

6. I can't be honest with the people in my family. -- always

7. My abuse is still a secret in my family. -- always

8. I'm waiting for people in my family to come around and support me. -- never

If many of the statements on this list were familiar to you, you may feel overwhelmed right now. Put the purpose of this assessment is not to overwhelm you; it's to show you that there's a reason why you experience the things you do. It's to point out the areas that need healing. It is possible to dramatically alter your life so that your answers two years from now will bear little resemblance to your answers today.

1. When I look over my responses, I feel... -- okay, a little overwhelmed.

2. I've been most strongly affected in the areas of... -- my body image and self esteem

3. I was least affected in the areas of... -- family. they don't know and probably never will, I'm too embarrassed to tell them

4. The hardest statements for me to acknowledge were... -- the ones about my body image

5. I feel the most hopeful about making changes in... my self esteem issues

6. I already made major strides in the following areas... sexuality and confidence within a relationship, building trust

7. I feel the most hopeless about changing... How I feel in a crowd, at a party, or around alcohol.

8. I was surprised by... some of my responses

9. I learned... that the more I deal with it rather than avoid it, the better I feel

#58 gillybeans

gillybeans
  • Member
  • posts: 654

Posted 17 April 2012 - 10:50 PM

SELF ESTEEM

1. I feel dirty, like there's something wrong with me. -- rarely

2. Sometimes I think I'm crazy. -- never

3. I feel ashamed. -- rarely

4. I'm different from other people. -- always

5. I feel powerless. -- rarely

6. If people really knew me, they'd leave. -- rarely

7. I want to die. -- never

8. I want to kill myself. -- never

9. I hate myself. -- never

10. I have a hard time taking care of myself. -- sometimes

11. I don't deserve to be happy. -- rarely

12. I don't trust my intuition or my feelings. -- never

13. I'm often confused. -- sometimes

14. I don't know how to set goals and follow through on them. -- never

15. I'm scared of success. -- never

16. I'm a failure. I don't feel capable of doing a good job. -- never

17. I use work to make up for empty feelings inside. -- never

18. I'm a perfectionist. -- sometimes

19. I've made up a lot of stories about my life. -- never

20. I've done a lot of shoplifting. -- never

MY FEELINGS

1. I don't think feelings are very important. -- never

2. I usually don't know what I'm feeling. -- never

3. I can't tell one feeling from another. -- never

4. I only experience one or two emotions. -- never

5. I have a hard time expressing my feelings. -- sometimes

6. I have a hard time crying freely. -- always

7. I cry all the time. -- never

8. I get uncomfortable when I feel too happy. -- sometimes

9. I get nervous when things are relaxed and calm. -- sometimes

10. I feel enraged a lot of the time. -- never

11. I'm rarely angry. Anger scares me. -- rarely

12. I get depressed a lot. -- never

13. I have a lot of nightmares. -- rarely

14. I have panic attacks. -- never

15. If I really let myself go, my feelings would be out of control. -- never

16. I've been violent. -- never

17. I haven't been violent yet, but I'm worried I might be. -- never

MY BODY

1. I'm not "in my body" a lot of the time. -- never

2. I frequently space out. -- never

3. My body often feels numb. -- never

4. I feel as if my body is separate from the rest of me. -- never

5. I don't pay too much attention to my body's signals (hunger, tiredness, pain). -- never

6. I think my body is ugly. -- rarely

7. I hide my body. -- sometimes

8. I'm dyslexic. I had learning disabilities when I was growing up. -- never

9. I use drugs or alcohol more than I think I should. -- never

10. I often eat compulsively. -- rarely

11. I keep myself from eating, or eat and throw up. -- never

12. I hurt myself on purpose (cut, burn or injure myself) -- never

13. I have illnesses I think are related to my abuse. -- never

14. I've worked out to make my body strong so I wouldn't feel like a victim. -- never

15. I've had flashbacks of the abuse during surgery or other medical procedures. -- often

16. I'm scared to go to the dentist. I hate the feeling of things in my mouth. -- rarely

17. (For women) I'm scared to go to the gynecologist. -- rarely--- I have a doc I REALLY trust

INTIMACY

1. I often feel alienated from other people, as if I'm from another planet. -- sometimes

2. Most of my relationships just don't work. -- sometimes

3. I don't have many friends. -- rarely

4. I'm okay with my friends, but I just can't work things out with a lover. -- rarely

5. I think I'm really meant to be alone. -- never

6. I'm not sure I deserve to be loved. -- sometimes

7. I don't know what love is. -- never

8. I find it hard to trust people. -- always

9. I think people are going to leave me. -- always

10. I test people a lot. -- rarely

11. It's hard for me to be nurtured or to nurture someone else. -- ALWAYS hard for me to be nurtured

12. I'm clingy with people I'm close to. I'm afraid to be alone. -- never

13. I'm scared of making commitment. When people get too close, I panic. -- rarely

14. I have a hard time saying no. -- sometimes

15. People take advantage of me in relationships. -- usually

16. I get involved with people who are inappropriate or inaccessible. -- sometimes

17. I've had relationships with people who remind me of my abuser. -- never

18. I'm struggling a lot with my partner. -- never

19. Sometimes I think my partner is my abuser. -- never

20. Sexual abuse is really creating problems in my relationship. -- never

SEXUALITY

1. I avoid sex. Deep down, I wish I never had to deal with sex again. -- rarely

2. I am celibate. I haven't had sex in years. -- current for me as my partner died

3. I really think sex is disgusting. -- rarely

4. I don't feel sexual desire. I think there's something basically wrong with it. -- never

5. Sex isn't pleasurable for me. I usually have sex to make the other person happy. -- never

6. I try to use sex to meet most of my needs. -- never

7. It really feels like I'm "oversexed" -- never

8. Sex and aggression are really connected for me. -- never

9. I find it hard to be close in nonsexual ways. It just isn't satisfying. -- never

10. I frequently go after sex I really don't want. -- never

11. Sex is the thing I'm best at. -- never

12. I've sold myself for sex. -- never

13. I've had sex with people who don't respect me. -- never

14. I need to control everything about sex. -- rarely

15. I have a hard time staying present when I make love. -- rarely

16. When I am sexual, I have terrifying, scary feelings I don't understand. -- rarely

17. I often have flashbacks of my abuse while making love. -- sometimes

18. I get sexually aroused when I read or talk about sexual abuse. -- never

19. Violent, sadistic fantasies turn me on. -- never

20. I'm ashamed of my sexuality. -- never

21. I've sexually abused others. -- never

CHILDREN AND PARENTING

1. I feel awkward and uncomfortable around children. -- never, I LOVE being with kids!

2. I have a hard time being affectionate with kids. -- never

3. I have a hard time setting boundaries with kids. -- never

4. I have a hard time balancing children's needs with my own. -- rarely

5. (For parents) I feel inadequate as a parent. --

6. I have trouble protecting children I take care of. -- never.

7. I tend to be overprotective. -- never

8. I've successfully protected children. -- always

9. I'm scared I'll be abusive. -- never

10. I have abused children. -- never

11. My kids have been abused (by someone else). -- never

MY FAMILY OF ORIGIN

1. I have strained relationships with my family. -- always

2. Members of my family have rejected me (or vice versa) -- sometimes

3. I have a hard time setting limits with my family. -- sometimes

4. People in my family invalidate my feelings and experiences. -- always

5. I feel crazy when I'm around my family. -- sometimes

6. I can't be honest with the people in my family. -- always

7. My abuse is still a secret in my family. -- always

8. I'm waiting for people in my family to come around and support me. -- never, they never have and never will

********************

#59 CrystalFeather

CrystalFeather
  • When the heart will be light as feather

  • Member
  • posts: 353

Posted 15 March 2013 - 07:44 PM

SELF ESTEEM
1. I feel dirty, like there's something wrong with me. -- mostly
2. Sometimes I think I'm crazy. -- no
3. I feel ashamed. -- mostly
4. I'm different from other people. -- always. ALWAYS.
5. I feel powerless. -- most of the time!
6. If people really knew me, they'd leave. -- YES
7. I want to die. -- SOMETIMES
8. I want to kill myself. -- at times
9. I hate myself. -- I try not to.
10. I have a hard time taking care of myself. -- ALWAYS
11. I don't deserve to be happy. -- FALSE
12. I don't trust my intuition or my feelings. -- NEVER
13. I'm often confused. -- sometimes
14. I don't know how to set goals and follow through on them. -- YES YES AND YES
15. I'm scared of success. -- Not sure
16. I'm a failure. I don't feel capable of doing a good job. -- YES
17. I use work to make up for empty feelings inside. -- MAYBE
18. I'm a perfectionist. -- MAYBE
19. I've made up a lot of stories about my life. -- NO
20. I've done a lot of shoplifting. -- NEVER

MY FEELINGS
1. I don't think feelings are very important. -- I don't think MINE are -- ABSOLUTELY UNTRUE
2. I usually don't know what I'm feeling. -- rarely
3. I can't tell one feeling from another. -- sometimes
4. I only experience one or two emotions. -- never -- DEPENDS ON THE MOMENT
5. I have a hard time expressing my feelings. -- SOMEWHAT
6. I have a hard time crying freely. -- YES
7. I cry all the time. -- I NEED TO CRY MUCH MORE
8. I get uncomfortable when I feel too happy. -- YES
9. I get nervous when things are relaxed and calm. -- yes
10. I feel enraged a lot of the time. -- kind of
11. I'm rarely angry. Anger scares me. -- maybe
12. I get depressed a lot. -- absolutely
13. I have a lot of nightmares. -- no
14. I have panic attacks. -- no
15. If I really let myself go, my feelings would be out of control. -- don't trust myself
16. I've been violent. -- no
17. I haven't been violent yet, but I'm worried I might be. -- no!

MY BODY
1. I'm not "in my body" a lot of the time. -- yes
2. I frequently space out. -- yes
3. My body often feels numb. -- yes
4. I feel as if my body is separate from the rest of me. -- always
5. I don't pay too much attention to my body's signals (hunger, tiredness, pain). -- usually
6. I think my body is ugly. -- always
7. I hide my body. -- sometimes
8. I'm dyslexic. I had learning disabilities when I was growing up. -- no
9. I use drugs or alcohol more than I think I should. -- no
10. I often eat compulsively. -- no
11. I keep myself from eating, or eat and throw up. -- I don't eat enough
12. I hurt myself on purpose (cut, burn or injure myself) -- nope
13. I have illnesses I think are related to my abuse. -- maybe
14. I've worked out to make my body strong so I wouldn't feel like a victim. -- yes
15. I've had flashbacks of the abuse during surgery or other medical procedures. -- yes
16. I'm scared to go to the dentist. I hate the feeling of things in my mouth. -- YES
17. (For women) I'm scared to go to the gynecologist. -- not really

INTIMACY
1. I often feel alienated from other people, as if I'm from another planet. -- always
2. Most of my relationships just don't work. -- TRUE
3. I don't have many friends. -- TRUE
4. I'm okay with my friends, but I just can't work things out with a lover. -- NO
5. I think I'm really meant to be alone. -- Absolutely Not.
6. I'm not sure I deserve to be loved. -- Not true at ALL
7. I don't know what love is. -- Not true!!
8. I find it hard to trust people. -- Yes
9. I think people are going to leave me. -- Yes
10. I test people a lot. -- maybe...not sure.
11. It's hard for me to be nurtured or to nurture someone else. -- Both are correct :(
12. I'm clingy with people I'm close to. I'm afraid to be alone. -- I am not clingy enough
13. I'm scared of making commitment. When people get too close, I panic. -- I wish people got closer.
14. I have a hard time saying no. -- No :)
15. People take advantage of me in relationships. -- I sniff out those types before they get a chance to.
16. I get involved with people who are inappropriate or inaccessible. -- No :)
17. I've had relationships with people who remind me of my abuser. -- Yes. Before I started healing.
18. I'm struggling a lot with my partner. -- He broke up with me. Yes, we were struggling alot.
19. Sometimes I think my partner is my abuser. -- Yes :((((((
20. Sexual abuse is really creating problems in my relationship. -- YES, GODDAMNIT

SEXUALITY
1. I avoid sex. Deep down, I wish I never had to deal with sex again. -- Untrue.
2. I am celibate. I haven't had sex in years. -- No.
3. I really think sex is disgusting. -- I think the very opposite
4. I don't feel sexual desire. I think there's something basically wrong with it. -- No.
5. Sex isn't pleasurable for me. I usually have sex to make the other person happy. -- Not at all
6. I try to use sex to meet most of my needs. -- Perhaps
7. It really feels like I'm "oversexed" -- YES, always has.
8. Sex and aggression are really connected for me. -- No.
9. I find it hard to be close in nonsexual ways. It just isn't satisfying. -- Never
10. I frequently go after sex I really don't want. -- Never
11. Sex is the thing I'm best at. -- No
12. I've sold myself for sex. -- No
13. I've had sex with people who don't respect me. -- never have and never will.
14. I need to control everything about sex. -- Yes, unfortunately.
15. I have a hard time staying present when I make love. I'm numb a lot during lovemaking. -- Yes
16. When I am sexual, I have terrifying, scary feelings I don't understand. -- Yes
17. I often have flashbacks of my abuse while making love. -- No
18. I get sexually aroused when I read or talk about sexual abuse. -- No
19. Violent, sadistic fantasies turn me on. -- NO
20. I'm ashamed of my sexuality. -- No
21. I've sexually abused others. -- No!

CHILDREN AND PARENTING
1. I feel awkward and uncomfortable around children. -- ALL THE FREAKING TIME :(
2. I have a hard time being affectionate with kids. -- Yes
3. I have a hard time setting boundaries with kids. -- No
4. I have a hard time balancing children's needs with my own. -- Not sure. Not enough experience with kids.
5. (For parents) I feel inadequate as a parent. -- n/a
6. I have trouble protecting children I take care of. -- n/a
7. I tend to be overprotective. -- n/a
8. I've successfully protected children. -- n/a
9. I'm scared I'll be abusive. -- Sometimes
10. I have abused children. -- NO
11. My kids have been abused (by someone else). -- n/a

MY FAMILY OF ORIGIN
1. I have strained relationships with my family. -- Absolutely!
2. Members of my family have rejected me (or vice versa) -- YES!!!
3. I have a hard time setting limits with my family. -- NO
4. People in my family invalidate my feelings and experiences. -- YES :(((
5. I feel crazy when I'm around my family. -- ALWAYS
6. I can't be honest with the people in my family. -- Always
7. My abuse is still a secret in my family. -- Yes, it is.
8. I'm waiting for people in my family to come around and support me. Yes, I am still hopeful.

If many of the statements on this list were familiar to you, you may feel overwhelmed right now. Put the purpose of this assessment is not to overwhelm you; it's to show you that there's a reason why you experience the things you do. It's to point out the areas that need healing. It is possible to dramatically alter your life so that your answers two years from now will bear little resemblance to your answers today.

1. When I look over my responses, I feel... -- Very upset and stuck
2. I've been most strongly affected in the areas of... -- Self-esteem
3. I was least affected in the areas of... -- Intimacy?
4. The hardest statements for me to acknowledge were... -- Relationship hardship truths
5. I feel the most hopeful about making changes in... -- I don't know, frankly.
6. I already made major strides in the following areas... -- I don't think I have.
7. I feel the most hopeless about changing... -- My self esteem.
8. I was surprised by... -- I'll come back to this in one year
9. I learned... -- That I am really upset.
[/quote]


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