Jump to content


You didn't report it...


  • Please log in to reply
113 replies to this topic

#91 Suebo

Suebo
  • Member
  • posts: 1,321

Posted 03 June 2011 - 05:49 PM

I was 15 and didn't report it. I was afraid nobody would believe me so I tried to pretend it didn't happen. Then 2 years later I found out he did it to my little sisters friend aswell. I cannot describe the guilt I feel and although I know I'm not responsible for his actions I don't think I will ever be able to fully forgive myself for allowing it to happen to her. God knows how many other girls he's done it to too. If I found out he did it to someone before me I wouldn't blame them yet I won't forgive myself....what a mess :angry:

#92 maman56

maman56
  • Secondary Survivor
  • posts: 7

Posted 04 June 2011 - 07:39 PM

No one can judge another's decisions. God bless you.

#93 Esteoa17

Esteoa17
  • New Member
  • posts: 3

Posted 15 July 2011 - 01:35 PM

I was just recently molested by a guy I grew up with. He was always so nice and I had liked him for a while so when he started kissing me I didn't fight it. It was only when he started wanting more and getting rough that I started fighting back. I still haven't reported it because i feel like he's going to show ou messages where I was flirting and people are going to think that I wanted it.

#94 fader

fader
  • Member
  • posts: 197

Posted 16 July 2011 - 06:45 AM

I didn't report it. He was my then-partner and I knew I wouldn't be believed then (it happened 15 years ago) - proving it would be almost impossible now, particularly as I've suppressed much of the detail. There was (and still is) absolutely no way I could go through a trial, I just couldn't deal with it mentally and physically.

I still feel guilty - but I know his actions are not my responsibility.

Utmost respect to those who do report and do go to court - you are braver and stronger than I could ever be.

#95 threetimes

threetimes
  • Member
  • posts: 5,740

Posted 25 July 2011 - 12:14 PM

Report it. Yes. The first time. The police blamed me for what happened even though he was a repeat offender. They had pictures of him spanning several years and different hairstyles and types of facial hair. They never tried to catch him.

The second time. Why? So I could be blamed again. I don't think so.

The third time. No way. I married him. Before we married, he used coercion. On our honeymoon, he would climb and and start while I was still asleep. The one time I told him "No" he choked me and took what he wanted. I never did say no again, about anything. But if it was my fault before, it must have been my fault then as well.

Was my thinking flawed? Oh, yes. Looking back, I should have called the police weekly to see if they had caught him yet. They might not have given up so easily. The second was a pedophile. He deserved to be hung by the privates. My husband? That's over, too. And he still says he is innocent.

Am I to blame for the first one's repeats. No. It was his choice to enter homes for the purpose of assaulting women. If anyone is to blame other than him, it is the system that allowed him to continue when he had a long time history of unlawful entry with assault.

The second. No. But I wish I had reported him anyway.

The third. He never had to use force again. After choking me to near unconsciousness, and telling me to never tell him "no" again, I never said no again. But having sex to prevent violence is not the same as consensual sex. Took me years to figure out I had been raped for decades.

Edited by threetimes, 25 February 2012 - 10:41 AM.


#96 cgurl88

cgurl88
  • Member
  • posts: 248

Posted 25 July 2011 - 01:45 PM

i didnt report and have felt guilty off and on about it but i knew i wouldnt be believed for several reasons.

i am really glad to see a topic like this.

#97 Torcwood

Torcwood
  • Member
  • posts: 67

Posted 27 July 2011 - 08:55 AM

I didn't report it. I wish I would have said something sooner to somebody. May be I would have started to heal sooner if I had done so.

#98 CorvetteGal

CorvetteGal
  • Member
  • posts: 19

Posted 14 December 2011 - 02:16 PM

:angry: :angry: I don't and am not reporting it because I don't feel I need to and because I am making my own choices...for myself. I am angry that the hospital tried to make me I ma angry that no one really understands why other than my boyfriend though I think he still wants me to cause he keeps asking why not?so here I am saying it again I don't need to I don't want to and I am not going to!!! Would someone just please take that seriously?

#99 dnm2004

dnm2004
  • New Member
  • posts: 2

Posted 24 October 2012 - 01:43 AM

I understand. I was raped by someone I know in 2004. I have been on and off talking to a therapist with the va. They evidently submitted me for ptsd sexual trauma without warning me first. I felt betrayed but yet still had to relive everything. I blanked out on the name of the person who did this to me and later figured it out. My husband found out I can still press charges on the man and said I should make him pay. I can talk to close friends and family about it but not very well with others. I dont want to be scrutinized about it or judged. I know I could have been smarter about my decisions back then and how I handled it. I cant change the past. I cant handle the judgments on my poor decisions I do it on my own still. No one will change my decision it is mine alone the one thing I control.

#100 Sydney16

Sydney16
  • Member
  • posts: 1,810

Posted 28 June 2013 - 08:04 PM

I reported it gave me testimony cops decided to close my case, dismissed me. A few months later he did it again on the news worse than before. Cops got investigated and interogated becuase they were there when the woman got badly hurt

I used to feel guilty about not reporting till I realized that reporting is a very hard thing to do it takes alot of strength and courage a d it doesn't always give you what you need or what society needs. But if that's what others need for closure I say to ahead fight the good fight and I hope that they get good cops am detectives who aren't judgemental or ignorant about abuse.

When I get more strength I am going to presue my case a bit more.

#101 sagray

sagray
  • Member
  • posts: 26

Posted 08 July 2013 - 09:35 AM

I didn't report it because it was my biological father. It went on for 5 years. My mother and him are still together.

#102 in_shadow

in_shadow
  • New Member
  • posts: 2

Posted 20 August 2013 - 07:07 AM

I relayed the events to police after he was charged with raping another woman; I felt that her assault was my fault. I knew that pressing charges would most likely lead to me being dragged through the mud for years, only for him to be let off the hook due to insufficient evidence. At the end of the day it was his word against mine. I looked back and wished that I had gone to the doctors or the police when the physical signs were still there, now it's too late.

I don't fear that he will abuse other women, I know he will. I wish I could somehow protect others, but I don't know how. It torments me.

#103 toys

toys
  • Member
  • posts: 777

Posted 22 August 2013 - 04:46 AM

I didn't report it because I was a 7 years old child and my mother didn't believe me. After she called me a liar, I didn't report it because I felt like maybe I really was a liar and I'm too scared to do it now, even as an adult. I feel like no one will believe me, because as she put it, I "don't have any proof."

#104 wildnfree

wildnfree
  • Member
  • posts: 351

Posted 05 September 2013 - 07:44 PM

I didn't report because the perp attends my parents church and I was afraid of what would happen. I wasn't sure the police would believe me...I could barely believed what happened to me. At the time when the SA occured, I wasn't sure what to call it and thought it was my fault.

Edited by wildnfree, 05 September 2013 - 10:11 PM.


#105 LostInTheWoods

LostInTheWoods
  • Member
  • posts: 20

Posted 20 October 2013 - 03:03 AM

I didn't. The only reason I would want to is to stop it from happening to someone else. I wasn't the first or only, and I have a sinking feeling not the last. But it was sexual assault, with little evidence other than it is on his record from before. Who would believe me?


Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. is not intended to be a substitute for professional assistance. All members and visitors are encouraged to establish a relationship with a trained counselor, therapist, or psychiatrist. Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. offers rape and sexual abuse survivor-to-survivor support only. Despite any qualifications staff or members possess, they are not engaged in a professional relationship with any other member. Survivors in crisis are urged to seek local help by contacting 911 or their local rape crisis center. Use of this website constitutes acceptance of the Terms of Service located here.