Jump to content

When asked:  Why didn't you fight harder

  • Please log in to reply
98 replies to this topic

#91 Buddhas_heart

  • Member
  • posts: 8

Posted 18 February 2012 - 12:57 AM

I wish I had your gusto Steve even one hit would've made me feel better about myself. I feel guilt every day as of hitting him and giving him what we call our all, that I wouldn't be in this situation. But I didn't. I need to face the fact that I didn't because I was too terrified to move Id always assumed that that never happened in real life but it does. Here's to healing and the strength of a strong support system!

#92 Roaring_Gryphon

  • Member
  • posts: 407

Posted 18 November 2012 - 09:45 AM

No one's ever asked me this.

However, I've constantly demanded this of myself for the longest and here are the answers I give myself:

1. If I had done so the first time, the suffering I endured from the perps would have been far more severe

2. The first time made me feel undeserving or incapable of resisting the other times.

Edited by Roaring_Gryphon, 18 November 2012 - 09:47 AM.

#93 TrishaTeo

  • Member
  • posts: 7

Posted 29 November 2012 - 01:14 AM

No one ever asked me this question too...
For me, I was totally drunk and I didn't even have any chance at all...
But if I wasn't, honestly, I really don't know how I would have reacted...
So I think my answer would be "What do you know? Have you been through it?"

Edited by TrishaTeo, 29 November 2012 - 01:18 AM.

#94 Growler

  • Member
  • posts: 2,520

Posted 02 May 2013 - 08:40 AM

i think this is a question i asked myself. but they would get so violent when i fought back.

my wife made me feel better when i told her this was how i felt. she said 'laurie you could either do it or do it with a broken jaw. you did nothing wrong'

i love her :wub:

#95 tinyrabbit

  • Member
  • posts: 4,482

Posted 02 May 2013 - 09:14 AM

If I thought the person asking would listen, my full answer would be: I have spent most of my life in a state of learned helplessness. As a child, I learned to accept and tolerate whatever happened without question. Why didn't I leave my ex despite what he did to me for years and years? Because he said he would harm himself and it would be my fault. Because my childhood taught me I was worthless and shouldn't defend myself.

But the short answer is: don't you think I would have stopped it if I could have, if I knew how?

#96 lucy

  • Taking my mask off and trying to like who I see in the mirror

  • Section Moderator
  • posts: 13,676

Member Away

Posted 03 May 2013 - 09:29 AM

But the short answer is: don't you think I would have stopped it if I could have, if I knew how?

I totally agree tinyrabbit, I think that this is what some people don't seem to understand and this ignorance is what can make healing more difficult

Lucy x

#97 Bamama

  • Member
  • posts: 35

Posted 15 September 2013 - 10:30 PM

My response to those who ask the stupid arse question Why didnt you fight harder....
Have you ever been raped? Do you know what it feels like to have your self respect, your dignity and yourself taken from you in a split second? Do you? Oh you dont, well shut the fuck up then ok.

I don't say 'fuck' that often, but I would say it to anyone who would say that. :unsure:

#98 Butterfly13

  • Section Moderator
  • posts: 4,025

Posted 16 September 2013 - 02:47 AM

I think it is also a question I would ask myself - lucky me no one else asked me that question until now.

But if one would say it I would say: "this is the wrong question. You should ask him why he violated me, you should ask him why he did it"

#99 wildnfree

  • Member
  • posts: 377

Posted 30 September 2013 - 10:18 PM

I hate this question...ugh haven't been asked it directly but was asked something similar to it. The thing that hurts is that I did fight back...but not hard enough. Sometimes I screamed, bit, scratch and crie to get away from my ex and it still didn't work. Other times I'd be frozen, scared and couldn't say a word. :bawling:

If I could've gotten away during the r*pes, I would've. There were so many times I wished one of his neighbors would knock on the door to distract him or someone would hear me crying and help me or call the police...I'm just glad it's over now.

Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. is not intended to be a substitute for professional assistance. All members and visitors are encouraged to establish a relationship with a trained counselor, therapist, or psychiatrist. Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. offers rape and sexual abuse survivor-to-survivor support only. Despite any qualifications staff or members possess, they are not engaged in a professional relationship with any other member. Survivors in crisis are urged to seek local help by contacting 911 or their local rape crisis center. Use of this website constitutes acceptance of the Terms of Service located here.