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When asked:  Why didn't you fight harder


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#76 kayxrory

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Posted 13 November 2010 - 11:57 PM

i have been blessed so far with not being asked any such question- mainly cuz i keep my experiences to myself (unhealthy i know) I think people who ask these types of questions need a reality check. Things are easier said than done and when stuff like this happens people never react the way they would like to.

I think everyone here is so brave. Don't let these people get you down, because in the end the question is just silly...

#77 Etheris

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Posted 28 November 2010 - 05:44 AM

"I was a child. You're an adult, and a good razorblading would probably take the fight out of you, too. Would you like to test that?"

Edited by Etheris, 28 November 2010 - 05:48 AM.


#78 gospel of lilith

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Posted 28 November 2010 - 07:47 AM

-trigger warning-

"I was drugged. You try to push a man off you when you're passing in and out of consciousness and black out every time you try to sit up."

#79 Lisamarie2011

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Posted 13 January 2011 - 03:52 PM

Mine wasn't "why didn't you fight harder?" but one friend asked "Why didn't you leave?" This has plagued me, and I think when a 'friend' says this it makes a person feel like they think it is your fault for not trying harder. What they don't realize is that the situation has no element of control to it, no matter what we have all tried to do it did not work, it still happened, rendering us out of control with the situation. People who have not experienced it don't understand it, they too want to feel like there is control of the situation. I think they are in denial as well, cus they don't want to believe that there is nothing that could be done. Survivors know, but I think we can also have a plan and be safe, but that is about all that we can do. Like my plan is I have the police station on my cell phone contact list, Try to have friends with me if I go out to a bar, etc. It's wierd to me that even sometimes our closest friends still have the tendency to blame us even though the blame is on the person who did it, why is it so hard to see? Even for us ourselves, we blame ourselves. why do we do this?

#80 78Phoenix

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Posted 15 January 2011 - 11:25 PM

When I tell people that I have been attacked, they seem to wonder why I wasn't 'ready' for it.
I hear people talking about how they would handle a life-or-death confrontation and it just makes me laugh a little to myself.
I know first hand that the one who attacks you isn't necessarily the creepy guy lurking in the dark alley.
For me, he was a man in a suit interviewing me for a job. I managed to get away from him in time. Years later, I was raped by a clean-cut, good-looking man in an expensive car who offered me a ride home in a bad neighborhood.

I lived in a bad, bad neighborhood, but it wasn't some stereotypical, shady character who attacked me. It was a man who knew I wouldn't suspect him. He played a part. He betrayed me, and he did it quickly, when I least expected it.

You don't walk around your office with brass knuckles. You aren't vigilant in a crowded, yuppie-filled bar in a nice neighborhood. It's ridiculous that these other people (and I, at one time) believe that they can be prepared for something like this. God, I wish that we could have all been victorious over our attackers and outsmarted them.

So what do we do? What CAN we do? Keep living, keep coping, carrying on, and hoping that the nice people that we meet really are what they seem to be.
I have looked evil in the face - and it looks like everyone else.

#81 Lisamarie2011

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Posted 16 February 2011 - 02:47 AM

well said Phoenix.

#82 jlove4491

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Posted 07 July 2011 - 12:13 AM

I was scared, I just completely froze up.

#83 JacquiLeigh

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Posted 26 August 2011 - 01:32 AM

I was a child. Enough said.

#84 unshattered_dreams

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Posted 26 August 2011 - 07:01 PM

i was scared to test him, id gotten in trouble before by trying to defend myself, i figured everyone, everytime would be the same. i froze.

#85 crispapple

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Posted 28 September 2011 - 03:11 PM

I hate this question. My answer is never good enough.

#86 nothingleftbut_truth

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Posted 28 September 2011 - 10:32 PM

Mine wasn't "why didn't you fight harder?" but one friend asked "Why didn't you leave?" This has plagued me, and I think when a 'friend' says this it makes a person feel like they think it is your fault for not trying harder. What they don't realize is that the situation has no element of control to it, no matter what we have all tried to do it did not work, it still happened, rendering us out of control with the situation. People who have not experienced it don't understand it, they too want to feel like there is control of the situation. I think they are in denial as well, cus they don't want to believe that there is nothing that could be done. Survivors know, but I think we can also have a plan and be safe, but that is about all that we can do. Like my plan is I have the police station on my cell phone contact list, Try to have friends with me if I go out to a bar, etc. It's wierd to me that even sometimes our closest friends still have the tendency to blame us even though the blame is on the person who did it, why is it so hard to see? Even for us ourselves, we blame ourselves. why do we do this?


I agree with this so much. I haven't really been asked this yet, fortunately, but I have had a "friend" who told me she wouldn't have stayed if she were in the same situation and basically acting like I'm stupid. Meanwhile, I'm thinking "Shut up, you don't know until you're IN the situation."

#87 janedoeissoconfused

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Posted 30 September 2011 - 05:52 PM

what pisses me off is like well let's see I had 2 against 1. How the FUCK am I suppose to fight back not knowing how to get someone to find where I'm at? Yeah let me spook them so they can finish the job. Come on people think!!! They knew what they were doing was wrong.

#88 Meggy

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Posted 02 October 2011 - 06:40 AM

I fought back and received awful injuries for my effort. I also ended up being punched unconscious after spitting one offender's semen back in his face. Maybe I just didn't fight hard enough. Two against one isn't fair.
The second time was in retaliation for reporting the first. I froze and zoned out or did what I had to do to get through it. The sum of my injuries amounted to a few small bruises on my bicep.
Why is it that during crimes like robbery people are advised to give in to any demand and not fight back but the moment the crime is sex based the opposite applies?

#89 mayt

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Posted 22 November 2011 - 08:12 AM

We live in a world where violence is rampant. We see things happening on tv. We hear about it in the news. But until we are placed in that situation, we honestly do not know what we're saying. I once believed that if anything of the sort were to happen, I would be able to defend myseld. Now I know it's different. Now, I tell everyone that until they are thrown into a certain situation, they will never know what to do. People always think they're prepared for the worse but they have no idea what they are saying.

I know why I didn't fight back. I wish people could understand that until they are thrown into a certain situation, they will never be ready.

#90 Steve

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Posted 30 November 2011 - 06:24 PM

I am the one who mostly asks myself that question.
Why didn't I fight harder?
why didn't I just throw 1 more punch?
Why didn't I use my martial arts skills on them?
Why did I just give in and let them do what they wanted most of the time?

The answers that I have found and am still struggling with are.
I fought back as hard as I could.
There were minimum 5 of them, all bigger and stronger.
They often had weapons of some sort.
When I fought back, I stopped when I was overpowered and physically restrained or laying on the ground loosing consciousness.
When I just did what they told me to it was usually because I had been bashed daily for a week for refusing to do it and I was exhausted and sore.
I didn't use my martial arts because I did once. I threw 1 of them and hurt him badly. from then on they only used weapons and wouldn't get close enough until they had softened me up a bit.


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