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#1 NotYetHealed

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Posted 07 January 2003 - 10:37 AM


Thank you so much for putting this up here.  Unfortunately I do go through "cycles" with my r*pist where he does attempt to make contact via pay phone when he is in the area.  He does not know my personal phone number in the home but does know that of my grandfather's and calls on that line ~ threatening innuendo ~ I do tape the calls and I think that he knows this so anything that he does say about the r*pe is, well, implied, "the next time we see each other it will be so much better", "it's always better the second time around", more of the same, more of the same.  

I've been to the police and they have tried to help but because he is evasive and we aren't clear where he is living, it has been impossible in the past to serve him with a protective order.  I think I will spend my afternoon doing a little research and see what other options may be available to me.  

Again, thanks for posting this - it is so very important!


#2 Guest_Lucia_*

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Posted 07 January 2003 - 02:11 PM

i too was stalked w/ out knowing before my r*pists r*ped me.  they watched my entire familia, my house, everything.  it s*cks big time, thanks for the info sweet louise

#3 NotYetHealed

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Posted 09 April 2003 - 08:35 AM


#4 kissi1977

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Posted 16 June 2003 - 12:13 PM

Thank you Louise.  I was stalked much like Lucia (big hugs hon!) without knowing it before my rape.  The police think the guy had been stalking me for months and even went so far as to have my license plates run to get more information.  I think that's part of what's so hard for me - since he hasn't been caught - all the what ifs.  This info is great! Thank you.

#5 Louise

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Posted 06 January 2003 - 11:47 PM

I thoroughly recommend a reading of 'Stalked: Breaking the Silence on the Crime of Stalking in America', by Melita Schaum and Karen Parrish. It is full of helpful and validating information about the emotional, legal and other, dimensions of the crime of stalking.
I decided to share a little about it here - somebody may find it useful.<p>Stalking is a serious problem, and entails a deliberate pattern of threatening or annoying behaviour in the form of following you, threats, phone calls, letters, emails, sending "gifts" ("nice" gifts like flowers, or macabre items like dismembered animal parts), driving by your home, approaching you or your property, or surveillance - watching you, or tapping your phone.<p>A few facts:<p>Stalking is overwhelmingly committed after the end of a relationship; most particularly one in which there was violence. Approximately 90% of women murdered by ex-spouses were stalked prior to the killing.<p>Children may be stalked by sexual offenders for a considerable time before being assaulted.<p>Teenagers often face stalking from spurned, or otherwise obsessed schoolmates.<p>It may be committed by anyone - a complete stranger, or somebody you met just once.
It may be short term, or in some cases span many years - stalkers have gone to great lengths to discover towns or even countries that their victims flee to, and follow them there.<p>Stalking may appear to cease for a period of time, only to begin again just as the victim starts to feel safer.<p>A victim may not even know who his/her stalker is, and they can be notoriously hard to apprehend.<p>Common causes of stalking are:
erotomania -a psychosis in which the stalker is deluded into thinking that the victim loves him or her. He/she thinks that the victim will appreciate his/her attempts to make contact. He/she lives in an alternate reality in which it is believed that the stalker and the victim 'belong together'.
A desire to pursue and reclaim - particularly true post a relationship, and also often contains elements of alternate reality. Ex-partners often feel that they have a right to pursue, reclaim and dominate their ex-partner.
power - the stalker feels powerful by frightening and intimidating somebody.
plain malice - The stalker bears a grudge against the victim, and enjoys causing distress.<p>It is often fuelled by the stalker's obsession with the victim. The stalker is preoccupied continually with the victim<p>If you have been stalked, or are being stalked:<p>It is not your fault. Anyone can be selected by a stalker. In some cases they are truly dangerous, and mean harm - they may intend to commit rape or even homicide. But even if physical violence is not their intention, stalking is still a frightening invasion of your life and safety.<p>Never think that your fear or anguish means you are overreacting. You're not - the repeated exposure to the fear and unsafety caused by stalking has been known to cause PTSD. Experts have identified a condition they call 'Inescapable Shock Trauma" - IST - Which is similar to PTSD (i.e. nightmares, poor sleep, depression, anxiety) and manifests in stalking victims. It may be especially severe in those who have attempted unsuccessfully to stop the stalking, or who have been 'played' with i.e. it stops and starts. Prolonged exposure to the unsafety of stalking is a real wound. People have been inclined to think that if they ignore it, will go away. If you are lucky, this may be true. But where a stalker is operating from obsession, no amount of ignoring them is likely to end the problem.<p>It is common for people close to the victim to minimize the fear i.e. they 'he hasn't really done anything so don't worry'; 'shouldn't you be flattered by the attention?'. Alternately, they may face blame i.e. 'what did you do to attract his attention?'<p>Try not to take any notice of such statements. Stalking is a very real violation. Stalking is a Crime.Your fear is perfectly justified<p>You can take police action, and seek a restraining order. If the police won't act, ask to see somebody higher<p>Like perpetrators of sexual violence, stalkers often thrive on secrecy. Break the silence. Get support. Many rape crisis counsellors are aware of the terror stalking causes, and will respond helpfully and empathically.<p>If you are taking police action, evidence is important. Always record dates and times of incidents. Preserve emails and letters, or gifts. Keep telephone messages.<p>Never attempt to apprehend your stalker. This may be extremely dangerous. Correspondence with them may be tendered in court as proof that you were doing the harassing!<p>Stay safe - how is your home security? Can a colleague walk you to your car after work? Dogs may be useful, as may be a course in self-defence.<p>Cyberstalking has grown to worrying proprotions in recent years, and causes considerable fear and distress.<p>Stalking is a crime - a very distressing one. You deserve to be safe. There is help for you<p>Here are some online resources:<p>
Antistalking Resource Australian-based site provides information about stalking, including types of stalkers, and resources for managing this behaviour.

Stalking Help Home - Resources for Victims of Stalking. ... personnel with scientifically validated, continuously updated information to help prevent stalking and its negative ...
http://www.stalkinghelp.org/ <p>
Stalking, On-Line Help - ... Victim Assistance Academy: Stalking; Help for Victims of Stalking; Stalking Help; Counter-Stalking Measures; Survivors of Stalking Inc. Resources for Victims of ...
http://www.ilj.org/stalking/Help.htm <p>
WiredPatrol, Internet Safety, Help & Education - Cyberstalking ... - ... correctly and effectively make your report. Our online reporting form for cyberstalking cases [please read the self help section first]. ...
http://www.wiredpatrol.org/stalking/ search within this site <p>
Stalking Resources : The Zero 5.0laf - The Official Website of ... - ... http://www.cyberange...king/index.html Information regarding stalking, cyber-stalking, stalking of children, legal issues, research, help resources. ...
http://www.vachss.co...t/stalking.html search within this site <p>
Help for Victims of Stalking - ... support groups for victims of stalking and harassment ... definitions on victim issues, and other resources. ... National Self-Help Clearinghouse info@selfhelpweb.org ...
http://www.ojp.usdoj.../help/stalk.htm search within this site <p>
Self-Help Resources
http://www.sanctuary.../related1.shtml <p>
Additional Resources - Additional Resources. All links checked as of 25 April 2001. Online and Offline Harassment Victim Resources. Stalking Information. GLBT Lambda Community Services. ...
http://www.angelfire.../resources.html search within this site <p>
DMB - help resources: ¡°What to Do Before and After You Have a ... - ... people will be puzzled when we know they're stalking us! *writes down furiously in notebook*. ... Dodo's Message Board ?? lil clinic ?? help resources ?? ¡°What to ...
http://board.regretl...ad.php?tid=9156 <p>
Resources - ... under grants by the Institute on stalking, violence and ... national listings and directories to help with finding ... and referral for victims to resources in their ...
http://www.antistalk...om/resource.htm search within this site <p>
The Stalking Victims' Sanctuary - Site Index. A Safe Place For ... - ... The natural reactions of most stalking victims aggravate the ... strength and join together to help each other in ... We are constantly in search of resources to help ...
http://www.stalkingv...ms.com/main.htm search within this site <p>
STOP Sex Offenders! | Victims of Stalking: Information, Tips, ... - ... help keep StopSexOffenders.com online! ... STOP SEX OFFENDERS, Your Source for Child & Family Safety Information. ... Victims of Stalking: Information, Tips, Resources. ...
http://www.stopsexof.../stalking.shtml search within this site <p>
MINCAVA: Stalking - ... to their stalking page which has information about stalking defitions, legislation, safety tips, and community resources. ... Stalking Help Description: Website. ...
http://www.mincava.umn.edu/stalkin.asp search within this site <p>
Resources - ... Privacy Rights Clearinghouse (See Fact Sheet #14). Resources for Victims of Stalking (**** An very inclusive site with several links). Stalking Help ****. ...
http://onour.com/stalking/resource.htm search within this site

#6 Louise

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Posted 07 January 2003 - 02:07 PM


I hope you can find a way to get that gutless bastard off your back - his behaviour is totally violating and unacceptable.

I didn't know, years ago that there was a name for what my ex was doing - I'm so glad there are laws in force, but they need to be really made to work to keep people safe.

Hugs to you

Lou xxxx

#7 Francesca

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Posted 07 January 2003 - 08:20 PM

Thank you so much for the info. The sad thing is that one of my attackers, the one that I knew for years fits one type of the profiling so exactly. Things were fine when I did what I was told but now that I'm not in his direct control I fear that he will try to find me. I plan on utilizing ALL of my options in this case. Thank you again.

#8 Ash

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Posted 16 June 2003 - 07:38 AM


#9 Guest__*

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Posted 24 July 2003 - 09:23 PM

Unfortunately, there is more than one stalker in my situation.  They show up at all the 'predictable' places, like the bus stop, bus, and the mall.  They are relentless and some of them even go so far as to turn right around and give me obviously insulting and lewd looks and stares, right on the bus.

It is scary, but I've learned to take precautions; carrying mace, not going out alone at night, etc., in order to reduce the risk and level of anxiety.  They drive by my apartment building and give me intimidating look when I am out walking.  

It's not too bad right now, but it is summer, in the winter it will be more difficult to avoid going out after dark alone.

#10 Guest__*

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Posted 10 August 2003 - 09:59 AM

thanks for the post, i was stalked without knowing it after my r@*e by my r@*i*t which is hwat lead to his capture, it might be a blessing in desguise.

#11 Louise

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Posted 12 October 2004 - 03:45 AM


#12 Donna

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Posted 12 October 2004 - 11:06 PM

I just wanted to say that this post is just what i needed, i keep coming back and rereading it. Now i totally know i havent been "overly sensitive." That she really is, truly nuts. :oo:

Anyways, thanks again.


Donna =)

#13 *natalie

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Posted 23 October 2004 - 10:31 PM


I'm sorry that he's doing this to you honey. His behaviour sounds troubling to me, alarm bells are going off in my head. I've been in a similar position before, and I worry that his behaviour might progress into something more than following. It sounds really scary and I think that you should talk to the police about it. Stalking is a very, very serious crime and the police treat it like that. Maybe its best to talk to them to see if they can get him to leave you alone?

Take Care

#14 Ash

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Posted 26 March 2005 - 12:17 PM


#15 sheblynn

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Posted 22 March 2006 - 08:14 AM

thank you for the helpful thread i have visited those pages that were posted helpful to me as i was and feel like i still am being stalked by my attacker

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