Michelle - I feel that way too. It makes me cringe when I hear that because not only does it make me feel bad, it just reinforces those myths in the minds of those who believe them, so they go along in their day happy in the knowledge that they're the right ones - abuse is all just one big lie right? (sarcasm)
I know, the Courage to Heal talks about how its like the mentality of the abuser, but spread throughout society. Thank you so much for your comments, it's nice to know I'm not the only one who feels this way...
I take it personally, too, partly because so many LIES are being spread by the "False Memory Syndrome Foundation" and by people who support the whole idea of False Memories. The facts are that a number of studies have shown about 30% of people who're abused as kids will block the memories at some time, sometimes for a long time. Recovered memories are about as reliable as the person's real memories - accurate in the essentials, even if less acurate in the details. It may be that some people mis-identify their abuser... but when it comes to incest? Usually the whole family supports incesturous ideas, y'know? Even if the parents weren't directly involved, they often supported the abuser in some way.
Sad but true. I think people want to believe that CSA doesn't happen, either because they were abused themselves but are in denial, or because it's just too terrible to contemplate.
My CSA wasn't family abuse at all - but my parents still did things that contributed to it, that made me vulnerable to it. It may be people are "shattering" their families because their family is a mess only none of the rest of them want to admit it.
Yep. The abuser "shattered" the family, or it imploded by itself. But telling the truth about what was going on does not destroy anything that deserves to stay intact.
And it makes me crazy that people who can't prove they were raped or abused are assumed to be liars. Lots of crimes are never solved, and lots of criminals get off because there isn't enough evidence, even though the circumstantial evidence is strong. But people don't assume that, because the guy accused got off, there was no theft. The whole "false accusation" philosophy makes me want to tear my hair out.
Me too. Can you imagine if there was a "False Memory" Association for people accused of murder, but got off? I mean, the FMSF doesn't know how many of their members are actually guilty (most, I suspect), but can you imagine if they were accused of murder or grand theft instead? The uproar... I can see the headlines now.
It's really just about dismissing and invalidating the survivor, which is why it is so triggering to me. Like, my mother always used to say I was "over sensitive" because I would cry a lot, or get upset. Finally, a few years ago, she said it again, and I said "I'm NOT over-sensitive. I never HAVE BEEN over-sensitive. What I was, and am, is DEPRESSED." Can you imagine a man coming back from war with PTSD, having nightmares, depression, and flashbacks, and his wife saying, "oh, honey, you're so over-sensitive."?
That's what I like about these boards. People get it, here.