Posted 13 July 2004 - 01:46 PM
It's come to a point where I don't tell anyone anymore. The only forum I trust is this one. When I have told someone, it was from the pain I couldn't deal with anymore, only to have a secondary wounding of being discredited. I lost friends over this, like it were my fault. I was treated like a pariah, like I was spreading some verbal virus. One frienemy took me out to a restaurant to tell me that the mutual frienemy who raped me was going on with his life, that he was happy. Also that I should see a hypnotherapist to help get over "what I believed happened" to me. This was his own intervention to snip me out of the circle so that everyone else could go on with their lives. I was treated like I were the one causing harm, while he gets away with his act and discredits me. I have so much hate and loathing for some of those people. I still can't believe I was shouted at and told that I was "just being vengeful", like I was some evil witch purposely causing trouble and up to no good. Before even telling anyone, I felt no one would beleive me, that I should keep this to myself until one frienemy confessed that he knew what happened between him and I that day. My only way of figuring this out was that I'd wrote the perpetrator a note and slipped it under his door, telling him my feelings about how he made me feel. Obviously the letter was hidden from him for his protection and I was seen as the villain. Several people were "theorizing" about it together, coming up with their own conclusions. I didn't want to hear how they were gossiping about me. They betrayed me and abandoned me when I needed support. With most crimes, you get over something when you get support, but with a sexual violation, you are abandoned and your scars are aggravated. Without support, you're damaged even more. I was expecting to get over this with support from my friends, but I was terribly wrong. I was treated like I raped someone, like I started this whole mess and had controll over it. I could go on and on about this, but it'll never get out of my system.
I will hate them forever.