(((((hugs to everyone)))))
Thanks for boosting this. This is something that's been on my mind lately. As anybody who's read my post knows, I'm preparing myself to dive into the unknown & tell my wonderful, loving boyfriend about my past. I know in my heart, he will respond well & be supportive, but the thought of telling him brings to mind past experiences. I never told anyone except one person, but my mom found out when she snooped in my room & found a letter to my best friend, the only person I had talked to about it. My mom was depressed, guilt-ridded, etc., etc., etc. & just had to talk about it...with everyone. At least she believed me about what my brother had done. This is what I got from other people:
**Read at your own risk. Previewing this, I was nearly appalled at how often I used the F word. I apologize. My BF is a cop & an ex-Marine. Since being with him, I've learned words I didn't know existed! I was totally sweet & innocent before. ;) However, I refused to change the post, because this is the way I feel, F word & all. ESPECIALLY the F word...
"Why didn't you fight harder?" Because I mentally shut down, you moron.
"Why did you let him do it over & over again?" Because he choked me & held a knife to my throat. Pretty persuasive, huh?
"He had a bad childhood, living with his real mother." Oh, so that gives him the right to make mine miserable?
"It's not really his fault." WHAT THE FUCK? Who's fucking fault is it, then?
And from my wonderful sister, who used to be one of my best friends & whom I now haven't talked to in 8 years:
First, she asked if there was penetration, or if he had just felt me up. I said that yes, there was penetration. She said she didn't believe me at first. Then she said that she believed me might've touched me & stuff, but she thought I was lying about the rest, so it really wasn't that bad. WTF? Then, she proceeded to tell me it was my fault even if it had happened. Like, what the #### is her problem? Why the fuck would she believe about the touching & not the rest? What sense does that even make? And how can it not be that bad? Whether he touched my breasts a couple of times or whether he forced me to have sex, what does it matter?!?! I DIDN'T WANT IT!!!! Doesn't that make it wrong? Thanks so much, sis, I always thought it was wrong for a brother to touch his sister, but now I know that it's really OK, just so long as said brother doesn't force the sister into sex. 'Cause that would be really damaging! Once again (I just feel the need to say this; sorry for the language) WHAT THE FUCK?!?! She really covered all her bases, didn't she? It didn't really happen, but just in case I can somehow prove it did, it was my fault anyway. What fucking logic.
Sorry about rant, but that did help! Unfortunately, I was not emotionally prepared to deal with the rejection (like I said, these people didn't know as a result of hearing it from me), so I pretty much just withdrew a little more, which didn't seem possible. Above are the responses I'd give now, along with the fact that I'd tell my sister to pull her head out of her ass!
Thanks again, Francesca, for boosting this. You may not have known why you were doing it, but it sure helped me get some frustration out. ~Thanks~