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It Wasn't Your Fault - An Exercise


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#91 Nicki

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Posted 05 September 2004 - 07:39 AM

It was my fault because...

1. It was really my fault because on previous days I flirted with him.
2. It was really my fault because the previous week I was dating him.
3. It was really my fault because I allowed him to make out with me on another occassion.
4. It was really my fault because I let him grab my ass whenever he was around me.
5. It was really my fault because I never stopped the sexual comments he made towards me.
6. It was really my fault because he knew I was not a virgin.
7. It was really my fault because in the five years I knew him I never picked up any warning signs.
8.It was really my fault because I skipped school that day.

It wasn't my fault...

1. It wasn't my fault because I told him I did not want to have sex with him.
2. It wasn't my fault because I begged him to not make me take my clothes off.
3. It wasn't my fault because I tried to fight back.
4. It wasn't my fault because I trusted him.
5. It wasn't my fault because he was the one who got me alone.
6. It wasn't my fault because I tried to stop the entry of his penis.
7. It wasn't my fault because I was screaming at the top of my lungs for help.
8. It wasn't my fault because I was uncontrollably sobbing before, during, and after the attack.
         Nicki


#92 Tracy

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Posted 09 September 2004 - 09:15 AM

It WAS MY fault because:
1.  I didn't make them stop
2.  Sometimes, it felt good. I wanted it.
3.  That was my whole purpose, to please her men.
4.  I refused to press charges. It obviously was consentual.
5.  If it wasn't my fault, I would have ran away a lot sooner!
6.  My mother said it was my fault.
7.  I chose certain acts over others...and certain people over others.
8.  I participated and pretended to enjoy it, even if I wasn't.

It wasn't my fault b/c:
1.  I was a child...I shouldn't have had to make anyone stop doing sexual things to me.
2.  Sex does feel good.  That is normal.
3.  
4.  I was young, and scared.  The police should've protected me even if I wouldn't sign the damn paper.
5.  I was a child and didn't know where to go.  I didn't know who I could trust and couldn't trust.  I shouldn't have had to run away to be safe.
6.  She said a lot of stupid things.  She's a fucking idiot.  
7.  I chose things over other things b/c no matter what something was going to happen and I preferred it to not be painful.  Same reason for chosing certain people.  Some were more gentle than others.  It was a safety thing...not a pleasure thing.
8.  I had to enjoy it...I had to pretend...or I was in trouble...I was wasting their time and money.  The consequences of not looking happy and like I was enjoying it were much worse.



this was hard.  it shouldn't have been, but this was really hard.  I KNOW it wasn't my fault...it makes me so fucking angry that these bastards can make us feel so much responsibility for their deeds.


#93 ange

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Posted 21 December 2004 - 11:32 PM

It was my fault because:
~I didn't scream
~I had an orgasm
~I didn't tell anyone about it so they could make it stop
It wasn't my fault because:
~There was noone around to hear my screams anyway.
~My body was only responding to stimulation, which is what it was designed to do.
~Noone would have believed me.

#94 Guest_AllisonY2K_*

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Posted 22 December 2004 - 10:41 PM

It was really my fault because I didn't stop him
It was really my fault because I shouldn't have confided in him.
It was really my fault because I shouldn't have gone over there.
It was really my fault because I should have reported it.
It was really my fault because I shouldn't have shown him what I was wearing.
It was really my fault because it felt like I was cheating on my partner.

It wasn't my fault because I should be free to be who I am, regardless.
It wasn't my fault because my clothes shouldn't have mattered.
It wasn't my fault because it was a normal reaction for me to freeze.
It wasn't my fault because it wasn't because of me, it was because of him and his sick, twisted ideas.



#95 sarah234

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Posted 08 January 2005 - 11:05 AM

It was my fault because I didn't say no.
It was my fault because I got drunk.
It was my fault because I didn't scream.
It was my fault because I didn't blame him in the morning.
It was my fault as I fancied him when we were younger.
It was my fault because I didn't fight.

It wasn't my fault as I wasn't capable of saying no.
It wasn't my fault as being drunk does not give someone else the right to sleep with you.
It wasn't my fault as I couldn't scream.
It wasn't my fault as I didn't want to believe what had happened, that did not mean it didn't happen.
It wasn't my fault as I stopped fancying him years ago and had not flirted with him for years.
It wasn't my fault as I was not capable of fighting, and when I was I was too shocked to do anything.


Thank you to whoever posted this; its so simple yet has helped me.

#96 Ariel

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Posted 09 January 2005 - 01:02 AM

It was my fault because I was friends with him.
It was my fault because I went to his house.
It was my fault because I dated him.
It was my fault because I continuted to date him.
It was my fault because I stopped fighting.

It wasn't my fault as I was friends with him. Being friends with him in the beginning doesn't have anything to do with what he did to me.
It wasn't my fault because I went to his house. How was I supposed to know what was going to happen?
It wasn't my fault because dating someone doesn't give you the right to do what you want with them.
It wasn't my fault... I am still working on this one. :unsure:
It wasn't my fault because not wanting to get hit and trying to keep yourself as safe as possible doesn't mean you gave in.

This definitely helps to see where I need to keep working. Thank you.

#97 angel31

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Posted 24 March 2005 - 05:54 PM

1. It was really my fault because I didnt report it till two months after.
2. It was really my fault because I flirted with him.
3. It was really my fault because I didnt scream
4. It was really my fault because I should never of worn clothes that were so easy for him to get into.
5. It was really my fault because I should of seen the signs that he was going to hurt me.
6. It was really my fault because I should never of walked into the patients room alone with him.

1. It wasn't my fault because I was scared
2. It wasn't my fault because I tried to get away from him
3. It wasn't my fault because a women should be allowed to wear any clothes without worrying about someone attacking them.
4. It wasn't my fault because I didnt do anything wrong.
5. It wasn't my fault because I told him no.
6. It wasn't my fault because he threatened me

My mom and therapist keep telling me it wasnt my fault and I keep telling myself that but at times I still think it was my fault.

#98 MatthewJ123

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Posted 13 June 2005 - 05:05 AM

i can't do this yet. some of it is WAY too raw. i still don't really BELIEVE that it wasn't my fault, and untill i do, i can't begin to do this.

#99 Kaitlyn

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Posted 13 June 2005 - 05:41 PM

It's ok hon... when you're ready *hugs*

Honestly, I don't believe half of what I'm putting down here either...

I've been trying to do this type of thing for the r*** since it happened 6 months ago... Here goes...

It was really my fault because...
  • I should never have gone out driving with him to begin with
  • I didn't take his first comment seriously
  • I knew he was into strange shit
  • After he touched me I still called him
  • I let him into my apartment
  • I didn't fight back hard enough
  • I didn't call my sister when he got here
  • I never told her about him touching me
  • I should have known better
It wasn't my fault because...
  • I trusted him.
  • I told him no
  • He knew I was afraid
  • I didn't know he would come to my apt
  • I only called him to talk- no one else knew what was going on
  • I was scared, and depressed, and overly emotional already. He took advantage of that!
  • I never flirted with him or lead him on
  • He had me pinned down
  • I fought back as hard as I could. He's more than twice my size.
  • He should have known better- he was engaged to my sister
Maybe I'll try it later for the CSA

Edited by onlyhope, 13 June 2005 - 05:52 PM.


#100 raincomedown

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Posted 13 June 2005 - 06:11 PM

I need to do this one. It's going to be interesting.

For the r*pe:

-It was my fault because I was engaged to him.
-It was my fault because I had said yes before.
-It was my fault because I didn't fight back.
-It was my fault because I didn't say no enough.
-It was my fault because I should have known better than to date him in the first place.
-It was my fault because I wasn't following my Christian values.
-It was my fault because I dated a guy so much older than me.
-It was my fault because I wanted to have sex at all.


-It wasn't my fault because even though I was engaged, it was still my body.
-It wasn't my fault because I always had the right to say no.
-It wasn't my fault because he was big, scary, violent, and had a gun.
-It wasn't my fault because he never listened to me anyway.
-It wasn't my fault because, what am i, a mind-reader??
-It wasn't my fault because I wasn't even Christian to begin with when we first dated.
-It wasn't my fault because he took advantage of my young age.
-It wasn't my fault because there is nothing wrong with sex, generally speaking.



Wow. Tough one. But good. Now if I could only get myself to believe them!

Lisa

#101 Victoria

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Posted 27 March 2006 - 01:54 AM

I think this needed a BOOST atm... there are a lot of posts about blame going around. :)

#102 Guest_Justme2_*

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Posted 27 March 2006 - 07:08 PM

It was my fault because I thought I acted seductively
It was my fault because I didn't fight back
It was my fault because I didn't say no enough
It was my fault for reciprocating any kissing or touching
It was my fault for pretending to like him afterwards
It was my fault for not going to the police
It was my because I gave him my number
It was my fault because I agreed to go with him to his place
It was my fault for giving into his threats of rape

It was really not my fault because he had no right to push me and hit me.
It was really not my fault because no one ever stopped him, or punished him for being abusive.
It was really not my fault when my family beat me afterwards
It was really not my fault because another abuser was a 30 year old man, and I was only 15
It was really not my fault because my 30 year old abuser had no right to threaten me with rape.
It was never really my fault because it was wrong to be left so isolated.
It was never really my fault because my family had no right to make me feel so horrible about sex, and to hit me for it.

Justme

Edited by Justme2, 27 March 2006 - 07:09 PM.


#103 Guest_wendy_*

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Posted 27 March 2006 - 07:49 PM

Wow,I thought I could sit here and do this but it was so much harder than I thought! I agree with Jessica I am glad it is here and will come back later on.Fot thos of you that did this it took lots of guts am proud of you.

Wendy

#104 squirrely

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Posted 27 March 2006 - 08:27 PM

It was my fault because I felt obligated to
It was my fault because I didn't "fight back"
It was my fault because I didn't say I didn't want to
It was my fault for acting as though I was "into it" as self-defense
It was my fault for tolerating the post-assault emotional beratement
It was my fault for being to ashamed to talk about it for several years
It was my fault for being "crazy"
It was my fault that his needs werent being met since I was depressed
It was my fault that my libido and functionality decreased
It was my fault because I did not "see" this coming before I fell in love
It was my fault for giving into his intimidation in a desperate search for approval


It was never my fault because no one is obligated to have sex, no matter what.
It was never my fault because no one forced him to have sex with me, his actions were his own.
It was never my fault because acknowledging his assault only escalated post-emotional neglect and abuse.
It was never my fault because he enjoyed my pain and anguish- inactivity or fighting excited him further.
It was never my fault because I was trying to avoid being what he convinced me I was, a lousy partner.
It was never my fault because I learned to fight back by not fighting when I was a child.
It was never my fault regardless of illness; my depression didnt make him rape me.
It was never my fault; my sexuality (physical and spiritual) was injured from HIS actions, not my own.
It was never my fault as one does not expect rape from someone they love.
It was never my fault for wanting to please someone I loved- even when his needs were incongruent from my own.
It was never my fault for it was easier to blame myself then acknowledge rejection from the person I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with.

:down:
squirrely

#105 Elfstar

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Posted 31 March 2006 - 12:57 AM

1. It was my fault because he was my boyfriend.
2. It was my fault because I didn't fight a lot.
3. It was my fault because I didn't leave him immediately.
4. It was my fault because I didn't report him.
5. It was my fault because a girlfriend should content and I didn't.
6. It was my fault because I'm a stupid and unworthy person who destroys other people's lives. I deserve nothing better.
7. It was my fault because sometimes I liked to be touched.
8. It was my fault because I liked him. I should've understood that he was cruel and not to be trusted.
9. It was my fault because later I was told by a doctor and my mother I was exaggerating the whole thing and mother blamed me.


1. It wasn't my fault because rape and abuse do not belong to a relationship.
2. It wasn't my fault because I was afraid to be hurt more if I did and I didn't want to hurt him.
3. It wasn't my fault because I was too scared to leave. He manipulated me.
I had also liked him, he had good sides too, it was hard to understand that he could be so cruel.
4. It wasn't my fault because I was too scared and ashamed to do that. My behaviour afterwards won't undo rape and abuse or make it my fault.
5. It wasn't my fault because I have all the rights over my body. I don't need to content to anything that hurts me.
6. It wasn't my fault because his behavior doesn't make me a bad person. I'm not stupid, I'm smarter than many people. I also want to help others. I deserve love and respect in a relationship. And no one deserves to be raped.
7. It wasn't my fault because wanting to be touched some other time doesn't mean I wanted or deserved rape.
8. It wasn't my fault because he was nice to me in the beginning. I didn't know what he was really like.
9. It wasn't my fault because those comments were unfair and not true. Other people's thoughts don't make it my fault, just cause me further pain.

Edited by Elfstar, 31 March 2006 - 01:02 AM.



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