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It Wasn't Your Fault - An Exercise


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#61 Guest__*

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Posted 25 August 2001 - 08:08 PM

It was my fault because I should have known better than to jog alone at night.
It was my fault because I disobeyed my parents by sneaking out.
It was my fault because I wasn't more aware of my surroundings.
It was my fault becuase I didn't fight him.
It was my fault because I told him that I loved and wanted to fuck him.
It was my fault becuase I was also sexually abused by my uncle...I must attract perverts.
It was my fault because my mother said so.

It was not my fault because although I was jogging alone, any woman should be safe to be anywhere alone...we can't control the sick assholes in the world. People are even raped in their own homes. It doesn't matter where you are.

It was not my fault because people disobey their parents all the time, rebellion is part of being a teenager. I didn't know nor did I choose the consequences of my rebellion.

It was not my fault because he crossed the street and came upon me so suddenly I couldn't have seen it coming even if I was aware and looking around.

It was not my fault because he had a knife. There's nothing wrong with trying to stay alive.

It was not my fault because he had the knife handle inside of me and told me that if I didn't say those things to him he would put the blade in next. He and I both knew I didn't mean it.

It was not my fault because I was a child when my uncle abused me...children cannot protect themselves. I did nothing to attract my uncle just as I did nothing to attract my rapist.

It was not my fault even though my mother said it was. She was trying to deal with things in her past and projecting her own self-blame onto me.


#62 Renata

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Posted 10 August 2002 - 07:22 PM

It was my fault because_ I was stupid to go somewhere unfamiliar at dusk alone.

It was my fault because_ I was there to give keys back to a guy I went on a date with, and if I had stayed away from guys I wouldn't have gotten in trouble.

It was my fault because_ I froze when he jumped me and didn't fight well and didn't scream loudly enough.

It was my fault because_ Even when he let go of me to steal my stuff I didn't run.

It was my fault because_ At certain points in the rape I felt some sexual arousal.

It was my fault because_ I believed he had a knife even though I only felt something metal and didn't actually see it.

It wasn't my fault because_ Being on a street, even at dusk is not permission to rape someone. Maybe I was over-confident in my safety, but I SHOULD have been that safe, and a teenager can make that mistake. Also, rape can happen anywhere, I have walked down lots of streets without being raped - it wasn't the street that was dangerous, it was the rapist, and I couldn't know he was hiding there waiting for a victim to come by.

It wasn't my fault because_ Just being a girl who likes boys doesn't mean I want to be raped, or give anyone permission to rape me.

It wasn't my fault because_ I fought as well as I knew how. Later I learned how to fight better. I couldn't scream loudly because I had just been choked and I was frozen and that was not in my control, it is an instinctive response.

It wasn't my fault because_ I was afraid, and didn't feel I could get away fast enough to escape, and I am the only one who could make that judgement. I survived, and that is the important thing.

It wasn't my fault because_ This one is hard, but I know that arousal happens after some kinds of stimulation and it is not voluntary or a sign I wanted it.
#### his black soul! I hate that the most!

It wasn't my fault because_ I couldn't know for sure if it was a knife, and I still don't know, but a knife can kill and it was smart to be careful about that.

Also, HIS ACTIONS WERE UNDER HIS CONTROL, NOT MINE!

Thanks. That actually helps.

Renata


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Posted 26 October 2002 - 06:04 AM

I'll give this a try...

1) It was really my fault because I stayed with him for over a year.
2) It was really my fault because apart from one time, I never really fought hard enough
3) It was really my fault because I didn't tell him his actions made me feel like crap
4) It was really my fault because I was his grilfriend and he had a certain right to do stuff to me
5) It was really my fault because I kept it a secret and didn't ask anyone for help
6) It was really my fault because for a long time I still loved him
7) It was really my fault because if it had been serious, I should have reported it
8) It was really my fault because I gave him the impression that he could get away with anything  he'd do to me.
9) It was really my fault because I was still to naive and in a way too innocent to be with a 20something at 14.
10) It was really my fault because I don't remember anniversaries...Ūf it had been so awful I certainly would remember it.
11) It was really my fault because not even my therapist could take "the abuse" seriously
12) It was really my fault because I tried to please him by losing weight and chosing the clothes and hairstyle he would like
13) It was really my fault because I gave up friends and activities for him
14) It was really my fault because I was complicated to handle and no non-abusive boyfriend would even have bothered to be with me.
15) It was really my fault because sometimes I wanted sex with him
16) It was really my fault because sometimes I would initiate things


1) It wasn't my fault because I had my reasons to stay with him...at first I didn't acknowledge that what he was doing was wrong, when I had no choice but to admit it, I was already too scared of what he might do if I left him...and after he had done the worst I could imagine, there was not much of a point to leave him, it didn'tr even matter anymore.
I recently read something that I really like "There may be many reasons fo staying in an abusive relationship. But these do not *cause* the abuse"...not MY fault....HIS...
2) It wasn't my fault because I knew that the more I fought, the more violently he would become...there was just no sense fighting someone who was way stronger and didn't even care about what i wanted or not.
3) It wasn't my fault because I only gave up talking about this with him when I saw that there was no sense in it. And crying and begging him to stop don't look a lot like signs of consent even for a moron like him either. Also, even without me telling him so a lot of the stuff he did was so visibly *not* right.
4) It wasn't my fault because being his girlfriend doesn't mean I was his property. He would had have top respect my boundaries or look for someone else...it was not my job to submit to whatever he wanted.
5) It wasn't my fault because I was ashamed and confused and didn't want to cause him problems. Plus, it was just so unbelievable that I didn't even find the words for myself, let alone to tell anyone.
6) It wasn't my fault because it is normal to love your partner...whereas it is not normal to abuse a partner who you pretend to love.
7) It wasn't my fault because there are 328i618306 reasons for not reporting it and I still think it was better for me this way. Not reporting it *after* it happened doesn't say a lot about it being my fault *before* and *while* it happened anyway.
8) It wasn't my fault because no matter what I said or did before and no matter how long I'd been in this relationship, that doesn't give him the right to rape me.
9) It wasn't my fault because I was not too young for a *normal* relationship...being so trusting and naive just is a sign of not enough experience in dealing with such a situation...which I couldn't possibly have before having to go through it
10) It wasn't my fault because remembering anniversaries has nothing to do with where the blame belongs. Apart from that, I'm famous for forgetting dates and I had a bit too much going on in my life to suddenly pay special attention to dates...and too much has happened to pinpoint the time of every event.
11) It wasn't my fault just because my moron of a therapist has no clue
12) It wasn't my fault because he had reduced my self esteem to nothing...hey, I got beaten for having a hair colour he didn't like...and trying to please him in no way made me so irresistible that he couldn't stop himself
13) It wasn't my fault because giving up what I liked so that my life would revolve around him doesn't mean he has the right to abuse me...I did that mostly to stop him being jealous of everything and to avoid his "punishment" for not caring anough for him
14) It wasn't my fault because what was so complicated about me was: depression, suicidality, SI, eating disorders and stuff...I think someone might play a significant role in the stuff he complained about
15) It was not my fault because wanting sex with your partner is a normal thing and it doesn't mean that you also want to be part of his disgusting games.
16) It wasn't my fault because if I could satisfy him in a way that was tolerable for me, at least he would not get any worse ideas...when I initiated it, I had at least a tiny bit of control.

Only a while ago, I would have believed the "not my faults"...I just can't right now...

Art


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Posted 12 February 2003 - 10:03 PM

It was really my fault because.........I Drank
It was really my fault because ........I stayed at my friends home.
It was really my fault because.........I trust so easy.
It was really my fault because..........I passed out, and didn't say STOP!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It wasn't my fault because I was........Old enough to drink.
It wasn't my fault because I was.......I planned on staying at my friends house, because I we were going to drink, and stay safe. And her foster brother wasn't included in our plans.
It wasn't my fault because.......I never had a reason to miss trust her brother. (I am 45, he is only 23)
It wasn't my fault because I was.......never given a chance to say STOP!

MJ



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Posted 04 April 2003 - 02:03 PM

1. It was really my fault because I answered the phone at 3am.
2. It was really my fault because I didn't leave as soon as he asked for a kiss.
3. It was really my fault because I didn't scream or hit him.
4. It was really my fault because I agreed to kiss him even though I didn't want to.
5. It was really my fault because I trusted him.

1. It wasn't my fault because I answered the phone because I thought someone might be in trouble.
2. It wasn't my fault for trusting someone I considered a friend.
3. It wasn't my fault for agreeing to kiss him that was not a consent for sex.
4. It wasn't my fault for not screaming or hitting I was in complete shock.
5. It wasn't my fault for not leaving immediately.  I didn't know what his intentions were.


#66 moonstar

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Posted 17 October 2003 - 09:19 AM

1. It was really my fault because I touched him first.
2. It was really my fault because I trusted him.
3. It was really my fault because I locked myself in the room with him.
4. It was really my fault because I didn't know how to get out.
5. It was really my fault because I froze and didn't say anything.
6. It was really my fault because I was a bad girl.

1. It wasn't my fault because I was 6.
2. It wasn't my fault because He should have known better.
3. It wasn't my fault because I dunno.

Thanks for posting this...

Crystal Anne


#67 sweetness

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Posted 25 October 2003 - 01:48 PM

1. It was really my fault because i shouldn't have had THAT drink
2. It was really my fault because i shouldn't have gone off by myself
3. It was really my fault because i shouldn't have danced the way i did
4. It was really my fault because i should have fought harder
5. It was really my fault because i shouldn't have worn what i wore
6. It was really my fault because i should have fought harder

i know i've written one twice, but i feel it's very important. i'm really having difficulty with the 2nd part of the exercise.


#68 Julia

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Posted 11 November 2003 - 05:30 AM

I don't have enough "not my faults" to do my rapes separately

1. It was really my fault because I went to a dark place alone
2. It was really my fault because, initially, i went with him willingly
3. It was really my fault because I had had something to drink
4. It was really my fault because there's a reason all these people chose me... it's something about ME that caused this and I played a part.
5. It was really my fault because I should've fought harder

Okay, in THEORY these are the "not my fault" 's (have trouble believing):
1. It wasn't my fault because while it was my choice to go to a dark place alone, it was not my choice to be raped.  Going somewhere alone was a mistake, I did not deserve to be raped.
2. It wasn't my fault because he should've listened when I said "no".  Just because I started willingly doesn't mean I gave him permission to go further.
3. It wasn't my fault because no matter how much I had to drink, it would've happened anyway.  What they did was wrong.  I should be allowed to have a drink... (should I?)
4. It wasn't my fault because it's not me it's them... (something to keep telling myself... Something I can't believe)
5. It wasn't my fault because they overpowered me.  The only difference fighting may have made is that I may not be alive.  I survived, that's all I had to do...(dunno about that either).


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Posted 11 November 2003 - 05:05 PM

It was my fault that I married the man who raped me and it was my fault because I couldn't stop him and It was my fault because I stayed and It was my fault because the cops could not help me. It wasn't my fault that my husband raped me and I never asked for it and it wasn't my fault period.

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Posted 14 November 2003 - 04:12 PM

It was really my fault because †I didn't run away when he threatned me that if I didn't get into the car he would hurt my mother.

It was really my fault because †I didn't try to get out of the car when he stopped

It was really my fault because † I let him touch me and I touched him.

It was really my fault because † I didn't tell anyone after it happened and I could have sent him to jail instead I let him go and let him sexually abuse other kids in the complex




It wasn't my fault because † I was a child

It wasn't my fault because † I was scared and belived his threats

It wasn't my fault because  He forced me to touch him and I had no control over him touching me

It wasn't my fault because †he was the abuser he is the one responsible for what he did


#71 Guest__*

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Posted 14 November 2003 - 04:21 PM

This is for the second incident

It was really my fault because.....

It was really my fault because †I went to his house that night

It was really my fault because I didn't leave when I found out his mother wasn't home

It was really my fault because I didn't fight him off

It was really my fault because †I didn't scream I just lied there scared and numb

It was really my fault because †I should have seen what a sick person he was by his actions before the rape, how he would put me down and berate me.

It wasn't my fault because My mother told me it was and why woudl someone i love and trust say somethign if it wasn't true?


It wasn't my fault because....


It wasn't my fault because I didn't know his mother wasn't going to be home she was supposed to be

It wasn't my fault because I trusted liek before that me telling him no would suffice

It wasn't my fault because I said no and no means no!!!

It wasn't my fault because my mother was wrong in tellign me

it was my fault it is the fault of the person who deos it..


#72 Guest__*

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Posted 19 November 2003 - 07:31 PM

Let's see, I am not good at this sayuing it wasn't my fault yet but I will try.

1) It was my fault because they were my friends.
2.) It was my fault because I didn't hardly fight back.
3.) It was my fault because they made me feel like it was.
4.) It was my fault because I didn't tell the police.
5.)It was my fault because I didn't press any charges.
6.) It was my fault because I didn't say no loud enough or strong enough.


1.) It's not my fault because they new what they had in mind.
2.) It's not my fault because I didn't ask 4 it.
3.) It's not my fault because I trusted them
            Sorry I could only think of 3 it's not ure faults. I am still having trouble beliving that it's not my fault.
          Later.....Silent1. :sleepy:


#73 auditorium

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Posted 22 November 2003 - 08:14 PM

1st time

1.It was my fault because I went in there with them.
2.It was my fault because I was flirting with them
3.It was my fault because I had the reputation of a whore because of one guy
4.It was my fault because I didn't fight hard enough
5.It was my fault because I didn't leave after they offered me money
6.It was my fault because One of the guys was my ex and 2 of the 3 other guy were my best friends.

It wasn't my fault because i didn't know that going in there with them that they would do something so horrible.
It wasn't my fault because ......
It wasnt my fault that I had that reputation people made rumors up about me that weren't true
It is so easy to think of ways that it was my fault but next to impossible to come up with ways that it wasnt my fault.


#74 musikalrose

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Posted 23 November 2003 - 02:10 PM

It was my fault because i knew what he was going to do before he came back and i didn't leave (10 or not)

my fault b/c i couldn't get him off of me

next abuser; my fault because i didn't try to stop him

my fault cuz i didn't tell him no, 11 or not

next; wasn't my fault at all, i was asleep everytime....

next abuser; my fault b/c i consented at 1st; he was 22 i was 14, should have known better

next; my fault because any normal 14 year old would know to stay away from a 25 year old in a sexual manner, atleast stop it before a year was up

next; my fault cuz i thought i could trust my own cousin....i guess not though
-----------------------------------
not my fault because i was only 9 and 10, i didn't know what to do....what little kid would?

not my fault because he was 19 and i was 11

not my fault cuz i was asleep every time

not my fault b/c i told him to stop, and a 22 year old knows better than to be with a girl just turning 14

not my fault because a 25/26 year old should know better
than to be having sex with a 14/15 year old

not my fault cuz you should be able to trust your own family


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Posted 09 December 2003 - 11:25 AM

It was my fault because I followed him to his apt.
It was my fault because he asked if he should shut the door and I said it didnít matter.
It was my fault because I had too much to drink.
It was my fault because I told him to just get it over with.
It was my fault because I opened my legs
It was my fault because I didnít tell the man I loved, so it was like cheating.
It was my fault because he walked me to my car
It was my fault because he was short, I could have over powered him.

.......................................................

It wasn't my fault because I thought other people were going to be at his apt.
It wasn't my fault because I trusted him, so it didnít matter if the door was open or closed.
It wasn't my fault because I was just drinking beer, like any other normal night.
It wasn't my fault because it hurt me so much emotionally I just wanted it to be over.
It wasn't my fault because if I would have told my boyfriend he would have literally killed him.
It was my fault because I wanted to pretend like nothing happened because I had to work with him the next day.
It wasn't my fault because he knew I was in love with my boyfriend, he was his good friend.
It wasn't my fault because I turned my head when he tried to kiss me.
It wasn't my fault because I told him no.
It wasn't my fault...  :(



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