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It Wasn't Your Fault - An Exercise


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#166 reachingout

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Posted 20 August 2010 - 05:49 PM

It really was my fault because i thought i was being punished


It really wasn't my fault because i was a child

#167 RebeccaL

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Posted 14 September 2010 - 06:46 PM

1. It was really my fault because I didn't fight enough.
2. It was really my fault because I didn't turn him in.
3. It was really my fault because I let it happen twice.
4. It was really my fault because I lied about him.
5. It was really my fault because I didn't run when I had the chance.
6. It was really my fault because I let him tear me down.


1. It wasn't my fault because I thought I knew him.
2. It wasn't my fault because I was young, innocent.
3. It wasn't my fault because I was terrified that something worse could happen.
4. It wasn't my fault because I was so much younger, smaller, weaker.
5. It wasn't my fault because I fought. I cried. I said no.
6. It wasn't my fault because I didn't deserve it. The first time, or the second.

Not going to lie, this was hard. Really hard. The "It wasn't my fault" section was hard as hell.

#168 portland373

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Posted 15 September 2010 - 02:07 AM

It was really my fault because I chose to drink and get drunk.
It was really wasn’t his fault because he was drunk too.
It was really my fault because I told him I was sometimes attracted to men.
It was really my fault because I accepted cigarettes and alcohol from him.
It was really my fault because I was nice to him and asked him to dance.
It was really my fault because I should have gone to my bed not slept in a public space.
It was really my fault because I didn’t tell him to stop touching me right away.
It was really my fault because having my head stroked felt good.
It was really my fault because I might have smiled at him.
It was really my fault because I moved my tongue against his.
It was really my fault because I didn’t push his hand off of my breast.
It was really my fault because I never told him I didn’t like him kissing or touching me.
It was really my fault because all I told him was that I wanted to sleep.
It was really my fault because I didn’t push him away when he came into my room afterwards and started touching me again.
It was really my fault because I never showed him I was afraid of him or didn’t want him.
It wasn’t my fault because I was intoxicated and couldn’t give consent.
It wasn’t my fault because the fact that he was drunk was not an excuse for what he did.
It wasn’t my fault because I should be able to feel safe in my own home.
It wasn’t my fault because he knew I was mostly attracted to women.
It wasn’t my fault because I never told him he could touch or kiss me.
It wasn’t my fault because I told him I just wanted to sleep.
It wasn’t my fault because I did try to go someplace where he wouldn’t be.
It wasn’t my fault because later when he came into my room, my private space, he didn’t ask.
It wasn’t my fault because both times I was asleep when he started touching me.
It wasn’t my fault because I told him no but he kept pushing.
It was his fault even though he listened eventually.

I hate that I can’t remember more about what happened. I hate that he doesn’t remember anything.

Thank you.

#169 Black_rose

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Posted 15 September 2010 - 03:13 AM

It was really my fault because I was attracted to him
It was really my fault because I didn't fight back hard enough
It was really my fault because I did some things without force
It was really my fault because I gave him the wrong idea
It was really my fault because I kept going back to him
It was really my fault because I didn't get mad at him
It was really my fault because some things felt good

It wasn't my fault because I let him know I didn't want it
It wasn't my fault because he manipulated me
It wasn't my fault because I wasn't as strong as he was
It wasn't my fault because I was ignorant
It wasn't my fault because he knew he hurt me and still carried on
It wasn't my fault because I just wanted to be loved

xxx
Black_rose

#170 NameIsDraka

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Posted 24 November 2010 - 11:32 PM

1. It was really my fault because I didn't walk away.
2. It was really my fault because I didn't fight back hard enough.
3. It was really my fault because sometimes I liked it.
4. It was really my fault because I didn't try hard enough
5. It was really my fault because I was selfish and deserved it
6. It was really my fault because I liked him, even through and after the abuse

1. It wasn't my fault because I repressed it.
2. It wasn't my fault because I was scared for my life.
3. It wasn't my fault because he was stronger than me.
4. It wasn't my fault because I had a concussion and wasn't fully myself
5. It wasn't my fault because no one deserves to be treated like that.
6. It wasn't my fault because he played me like a fiddle.

#171 Quietly

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Posted 08 December 2010 - 08:51 PM

1. It was really my fault because I chose to stay after everyone else left.
2. It was really my fault because I was drinking too much.
3. It was really my fault because I acted like I was a slut.
4. It was really my fault because went into that bedroom with my boyfriend earlier in the night.
5. It was really my fault because I lied about the fact I was still a virgin.
6. It was really my fault because I never said no.
7. It was really my fault because I don't know if I fought back. I don't remember.
8. It was really my fault because there were dozens of choices I made day after day that led up to being there, at that time, with that false reputation, and that amount of alcohol in me.
9. It was really my fault because that's what I was told when I admitted what happened.


1. It wasn't my fault because I was 15.
2. It wasn't my fault because he was 21.
3. It wasn't my fault because I was drinking so much that I couldn't consent.
4. It wasn't my fault because I was young, stupid, vulnerable, and never ever wanted it to happen.

It's much easier to write it than to feel it.

#172 msbella

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Posted 13 December 2010 - 10:25 AM

I have no doubt this is something I need to do. I've read forums and blogs for weeks now, but afraid to sign up. My therapist says I carry a tremendous amount of guilt, most over things I had no control of. I think I will start out slow, with a few and go from there. I forgave my first abuser a few years ago, but made the mistake of getting involved with two other abusers, so I feel all the work I had done was lost.


It was my fault because I told him my story and he used it against me.

It was my fault for letting him see my vulnerability.

It was my fault for letting him be a part of a special event in my life. If I hadn't I may have avoided a lot of pain over the past two years.

It was my fault for looking into his eyes.

It was my fault for going to his place.

It was my fault for agreeing to what I thought was intimacy.

It was my fault for trusting too soon.

It was my fault because I look like my dad.

Edited by msbella, 15 December 2010 - 09:10 AM.


#173 Laurielou

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Posted 01 February 2011 - 07:42 AM

It was my fault because I shouldn't have been in his flat when I was drunk and on my own
It was my fault because I was too scared to say no
It was my fault because I shouldn't have lost my friends in the club
It was my fault because I should have just left after he did it the first time
It was my fault because he was the only one there who wasn't a student and wasn't with any friends and I should have known
It was my fault because I kissed him when we were in the club

It wasn't my fault because I told him when I realised that we were going back to his that I didn't want to sleep with him
It wasn't my fault because I couldn't move
It wasn't my fault because I was unconcious for some of the time

#174 kiwi26

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Posted 16 February 2011 - 09:19 PM

It was really my fault because… I was drunk & I don’t know what happened
It was really my fault because… I secretly wanted to, but was scared
It was really my fault because… I fooled around with him before
It was really my fault because… I didn’t tell anyone for a long time
It was really my fault because… I let him near me again
It wasn't my fault because… I wasn’t ready
It wasn't my fault because… he took advantage of the fact that I was passed out
It wasn't my fault because… I should have been able to trust him
It wasn't my fault because… he knew my beliefs
It wasn't my fault because… he made the decision to do this, not me

#175 amber85

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Posted 27 April 2011 - 01:46 AM

1. it was really my fault because my body reacted to it.
2. it was really my fault because my mom took me to a place where they asked me if someone was touching me and I said no numerous times.
3. it was really my fault because he said it was.
4. it was really my fault because it went on for years.
5. it was really my fault because i was too pretty.
6. it was really my fault because i didn't have a dad, and wanted a mans attention any way it came.
1. it wasn't my fault because it was my bodies normal reaction, I didn't enjoy it.
2. it wasn't my fault because i was scared to tell and didn't understand if I'd get in trouble or not.
3. it wasn't my fault because i was a child
4. it wasn't my fault because i did not ask for it, i didn't even know what he was doing/ making me do
5. it wasn't my fault because my mom was the one that left me every weekend and didn't pay attention to the screaming and crying when she left me
6. it wasn't my fault because my young mind didn't know how to handle the situation.

#176 lucy

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Posted 01 May 2011 - 10:10 PM

Hey, I think that this us a really great thread. I am not yet ready to write why it wasn't ny fault but here is my list -

TRIGGER WARNING - uncensored please fake care

It is my fault because I wore my short skirt

It is my fault because I took that shortcut alone

It is my fault because I forgot my prefect top

It is my fault because my body responded to it and I really did enjoy it

It is my fault because I didn't say no or fight back hard enough

It is my fault because I asked him to carry on and asked him to do a separate act

It is my fault because i liked how he spoke to me

It is my fault because I should have yelled for help when I had the chance

It is my fault because I undressed his bottom half

It is my fault because I am a dirty little whore

It is my fault because I drank his vodka and took his tablets

It is really my fault because I didn't get the bus home

It is really my fault because I willingly got in to the sexual positions

It is really my fault because I unbuttoned my shirt while walking past the van, I probably gave him the  idea

It is really my fault because I lied about being a virgin

It is really my fault because I picked to use some instruments

It is really my fault because I undressed myself ready for him

Lucy

#177 travers09

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Posted 23 May 2011 - 05:55 PM

1. It was really my fault because ___I should have known kissing him meant I had to sleep with him, & I invited him over, I was being a tease
2. It was really my fault because ___He told me before he gets violent when he drinks & that he was bad for me
3. It was really my fault because ___I dressed sexy & I was drinking
4. It was really my fault because ___sex always hurts the first time
5. It was really my fault because ___I agreed to sleep with him & supplied the condom
6. It was really my fault because ___I miss him & hope that if we "do it over again" everything will be okay again

1. It wasn't my fault because ___I didn't owe him anything
2. It wasn't my fault because ___ ???
3. It wasn't my fault because ___ ???
4. It wasn't my fault because ___ ???
5. It wasn't my fault because ___ Only after pressure & intimidation did I agree
6. It wasn't my fault because ___ I told him to stop that he was hurting me...multiple times & he didn't

#178 SunbulDynamite

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Posted 23 August 2011 - 07:40 AM

*bump because this is an awesome thread*
I'm not censoring any of this, so you may want to stop reading now.

Child rape:
1. It was really my fault because I didn't say no
2. It was really my fault because I might have misunderstood it, it wasn't 'really' rape, it was only just an innocent game which my older sexualised self twisted the memory of
3. It was really my fault because she told me she would never force me to do anything
4. It was really my fault because I didn't tell anyone
5. It was really my fault because I still love her; I wouldn't love her if it was her fault, would I?
6. It was really my fault because I didn't fight

1. It wasn't my fault because I didn't understand what was happening
2. It wasn't my fault because I didn't realise I could say no
3. It wasn't my fault because rape is rape, regardless of context
4. It wasn't my fault because I was lied to and used by someone I'm supposed to trust
5. It wasn't my fault because nobody would believe me if I told, and I didn't have the words for it at the time anyway
6. It wasn't my fault because I couldn't have fought, I was only a little kid and she would've easily overpowered me


Molestations #1 and #2:
1. It was really my fault because I knew what was happening yet still didn't stop it
2. It was really my fault because I didn't fight even though I could've stood a chance
3. It was really my fault because I don't hate them
4. It was really my fault because I couldn't even feel it while it was happening, couldn't even register it... it probably wasn't that bad, right?
5. It was really my fault because they're nice to me, how could they have done something like that?
6. It was really my fault because I was wearing a short dress that showed off my arms and legs

1. It wasn't my fault because I was too scared to fight or run
2. It wasn't my fault because hating them would be counterproductive
3. It wasn't my fault because it doesn't matter if I couldn't really register it happening... if anything, that makes it more of their fault than mine because they took advantage of my fucked-up-ness
4. It wasn't my fault because niceness is not indicative of personality, nor does it guarantee someone isn't fucked up
5. It wasn't my fault because I didn't choose the dress, my mum did
6. It wasn't my fault because an attractive ten-year-old is still a ten-year-old

Courtesy of my beloved smother:
1. It was really my fault because I never once talked to her about it or tried to stop it
2. It was really my fault because I could've at least locked the door of the bathroom
3. It was really my fault because I didn't tell anyone
4. It was really my fault because she's my mother, she's allowed to do whatever she likes, who am I to complain?
5. It was really my fault because I probably have just misunderstood it all, it's normal
6. It was really my fault because I still live with her and I haven't done anything about her
7. It was really my fault because I sometimes was turned on by it

1. It wasn't my fault because I felt (and still feel) powerless to stop her
2. It wasn't my fault because she would've beaten me if I'd tried things like locking the bathroom door
3. It wasn't my fault because nobody would believe me - society sets mothers up to be this shining beacon of purity and sweetness and light
4. It wasn't my fault because she forfeited the right to be my 'real' mother when she started all this shit
5. It wasn't my fault because being watched and touched sexually in various states of undress
6. It wasn't my fault because I'm financially dependent on her, my hands are tied and it's best to just wait it out
7. It wasn't my fault because being turned on means nothing - it was still incestuous and non-consensual.

#179 Nixie

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Posted 09 October 2011 - 05:04 AM

it is my fault because:
1) i never did anything to stop it
2) i deserved to be punished
3) when he invited me into his bed i said yes
4) when the men were there i just did what they asked - i never cried or put up a fight
5) i knew he was doing the same to other children and i still said/did nothing
6) i loved him and still do
7) i am weak
8) i didnt want him to be taken away
9) i lied all the time when people asked what was wrong
10) i convinced myself he would stop by himself but i should have learnt after the first few years that things would only get worse
11) i would give anything now to see him again

its not my fault because
1) i let him convince me that it was normal

#180 astralvigilante

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Posted 25 October 2011 - 11:13 PM

1. It was really my fault because I believed her when she told me she loved me and was doing something not only right but wonderful for me when I was a child.
2. It was really my fault because I agreed to tell other young victims that they should submit to sexual acts.
3. It was really my fault because I hurt other people when she told me to.
4. It was really my fault because I dissociated and forgot it ever happened, so when another survivor of the same abuser confronted me, I couldn't validate her at all.
5. It was really my fault because I experienced orgasms from a young age.
6. It was really my fault because I chose abuse over other options I was given.

1. It wasn't my fault because I was deceived into believing my abuser was righteous when I was still in preschool. However old my soul may be, and however mature I was for my age, I still had the limitations of existing in a child's body with a child's limited understanding of the world.
2. It wasn't my fault because I honestly did not understand I was being abused, and my trauma-induced loyalty to my abuser and fear of what she would do if I disobeyed caused me to believe that I was helping these children by telling them to just go along with whatever she wanted to do.
3. It wasn't my fault because I was essentially forced to harm others. I would never do what I had to do there in my normal, day to day life.
4. It wasn't my fault because I needed to dissociate in order to survive. The other survivor's pain was not my fault. Only her abusers were to blame.
5. It wasn't my fault because I have no control over my body's arousal and it was sick that my abusers used it against me.
6. It wasn't my fault because all of my options were awful and I did what I had to to get by.


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