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It Wasn't Your Fault - An Exercise


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#136 kurayami

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Posted 12 April 2009 - 10:50 PM

This was quite challenging, it was much harder to think of reasons why it was not my fault. Maybe it's too easy to blame myself.

It was really my fault because I did not listen to my instincts after my first meeting with him
It was really my fault because I didn't feel strong enough to tell him that I didn't want to see him anymore.
It was really my fault because I would just space out and let him have sex with me
It was really my fault because I didn't try hard enough to fight him off.
It was really my fault because I believed him when he said that if I had just done what he wanted he wouldn't have had to rape me.

It wasn't my fault because it doesn't matter if the sex was initially consensual, that didn't give him the right to rape me.
It wasn’t my fault that he psychologically and sexually abused me, he groomed me to be the way he wanted me to be.
It wasn’t my fault, because I did try to fight him off.
It wasn’t my fault because I told him I didn't want him to see me anymore
It wasn’t my fault because I was vunerable and he prayed on me.

Edited by kurayami, 12 April 2009 - 10:51 PM.


#137 DW123

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Posted 08 July 2009 - 08:10 AM

It was my fault because...I should have told someone
It was my fault because...I could have stopped him from hurting my little brother too.
It was my fault because...I didn't tell him no
It was my fault because...I let the abuse carry on for years
It was my fault because...If I had stopped him somehow, things would be different.




It wasn't my fault because...I was only 10
It wasn't my fault because...He threatened to kill me if I told anyone
It wasn't my fault becase...I trusted him
it wasn't my fault because...There were two of them.
It wasn't my fault because...I was terrified of them both.


Thanks for this.
Danny.

#138 LelaGracia

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Posted 13 July 2009 - 04:59 PM

1. It was really my fault because I went out of bounds during recess
2. It was really my fault because I didn't run for help when he was hurting her
3. It was really my fault because when he would touch my cheek before that day, I liked the attention
4. It was really my fault because I didn't try to run
5. It was really my fault because I cried when he told me not to
6. It was really my fault because he was just a kid too

1. It wasn't my fault because I looked up to him, and he said it would be ok if we just played tag
2. It wasn't my fault because I didn't really know what was going on
3. It wasn't my fault because I was only nine and I didn't know he would hurt me
4. It wasn't my fault because I couldn't have fought him off if I had tried
5. It wasn't my fault because he would've hurt me had I cried or not
6. It wasn't my fault because he knew he was doing something wrong

#139 picturesofsuccess

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Posted 18 August 2009 - 10:46 PM

1. It was really my fault because I am his girlfriend.
2. It was really my fault because I pretended it felt good.
3. It was really my fault because he deserved it for taking care of me.
4. It was really my fault because I tricked him into doing it.
5. It was really my fault because I said it was okay if I didn't come, I just liked feeling close to him.
6. It was really my fault because I like to hang out in my underwear.
7. It was really my fault because sometimes I promised.
8. It was really my fault because I just wasn't trying hard enough to get into it.
9. It was really my fault because he didn't mean to.
10. It was really my fault because I didn't explain to him what consent is.
11. It was really my fault because I turned him on.
12. It was really my fault because I didn't explain that I didn't want to do those things.
13. It was really my fault because I didn't say "no" very often or very loud.
14. It was really my fault because at the beginning, he sometimes badgered me into sex and it was good then.
15. It was really my fault because once he told me he felt bad for nagging me after I said no, and I reassured him that it was okay and I didn't always know when I was turned on.
16. It was really my fault because if it isn't my fault, then the person I love and trust and live with is a rapist.
17. It was really my fault because he loves me.

1. It wasn't my fault because dating someone doesn't mean you owe them sex.
2. It wasn't my fault because I didn't pretend very well and if he cared to notice, he would have.
3. It wasn't my fault because sex in relationships shouldn't be out of gratitude, it should be out of mutual desire.
4. It wasn't my fault because ?
5. It wasn't my fault because he never told me it was okay not to have sex.
6. It wasn't my fault because that doesn't entitle him to my body.
7. It wasn't my fault because a promise isn't consent.
8. It wasn't my fault because I was clinically depressed and I tried every time.
9. It wasn't my fault because he was the active party.
10. It wasn't my fault because he should have educated himself before having sex.
11. It wasn't my fault because he could stop at any time.
12. It wasn't my fault because I did, but he didn't think "I don't want to" was a valid reason by itself.
13. It wasn't my fault because consent is not the absence of no.
14. It wasn't my fault because we were lucky those times, and he was still wrong.
15. It wasn't my fault because ?
16. It wasn't my fault because we both know that he is.
17. It wasn't my fault because he hurt me anyway.

#140 butterfly3

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Posted 21 August 2009 - 05:35 PM

1. It was my fault because I really can't totally remember.
2. It was my fault because my mother hates me.
3. It was my fault because my whole family is paying the price for my trauma.
4. It was my fault because I just wanted to be a good girl.
5. It was my fault because my mom has always been so very sick.
6. It is my fault because I cannot internalize this.


It was not my fault..

5. It was not my fault because I was so little.
6. It was not my fault because I love him so much.
7. It was not my fault because I know that is not my fault intellectually.


I am having trouble with this. I need to come back and do this again. I will work on this again.

#141 ~Tara~

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Posted 22 August 2009 - 06:24 PM

S

It was my fault because i undressed myself
It was my fault becase i didnt say no

It wasnt my fault because i was too young to understand
It wasnt my fault because he shamed me into silence

C
It was my fault because i encouraged it
It was my fault because only said no once
It was my fault because i could have stopped it sooo many times and didnt.
It was my fault because i went to him.
It was my fault because i never told

It wasnt my fault because one no is enough.
It wasnt my fault because i was conditioned to like it.
It wasnt my fault because i didnt know how to stop it.
It wasnt my fault because i didnt see it as abuse.

Z
It was my fault because i was drunk
It was my fault because i was wearing revealing clothes
It was my fault because i walked home with a stranger
It was my fault because i walked down a closed path
It was my fault because i didnt scream

It wasnt my fault because i didnt know he was someone else - i thought he was someone i could trust.
It wasnt my fault because i said stop...i dont need to scream to make a point
It wasnt my fault because i was wearing a fancy dress costume...and revealing clothes dont provoke an attack.

Thanks for this thread. These were but a few, but it felt good to pick out the reasons it wasnt my fault and i can apply the logic to all of them.

#142 AllAlone

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Posted 12 September 2009 - 07:26 PM

These are a little mixed up because they cover three times in my life when this happened.

Identifying Hidden Shame
It was really my fault because I didn’t walk away.
It was really my fault because he was the same age as me.
It was really my fault because I wanted to keep playing with them.
It was really my fault because I gave into his pleading.
It was really my fault because I wasn't physically threatened.
It was really my fault because I wanted him to like me.
It was really my fault because I didn’t stand up for myself.
It was really my fault because I didn't fight like I should have.
It was really my fault because if I had made it clear that I didn't want to they wouldn't have.
It was really my fault because I kept dating him after.
It was really my fault because I never told anyone.
It was really my fault because I kept being friends with him.

Replacing Shame with Reality
It wasn’t my fault because I didn’t know I could.
It wasn't my fault because I looked up to them and thought they loved me.
It wasn’t my fault because little kids want to play and be loved.
It wasn’t my fault because I didn’t know what it was going to do to me to give in.
It wasn’t my fault because of course I wanted him to like me.
It wasn’t my fault because I was a child and didn’t know how to stand up for myself.
It wasn't my fault because I was afraid if I fought it would only make things worse.
It wasn't my fault because what happened when I was little trained me to respond by shutting down.

I wonder if I'll ever believe it wasn't my fault.

Edited by AllAlone, 12 September 2009 - 07:29 PM.


#143 *WishUponAStar*

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Posted 05 December 2009 - 08:33 AM

It was my fault because I ran away
It was my fault because I got into his car
It was my fault because I agreed to let him sell me
It was my fault because I didn't try to stop him until he had started
It was my fault because I refused the rape kit

It wasn't my fault because I was too young to know better
It wasn't my fault because he was too big to fight off
It wasn't my fault because when I started crying he just carried on
It wasn't my fault because I was in a desperate situation, and he took advantage

I still think it was my fault though :tear:

#144 Untangling-It-All

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Posted 05 December 2009 - 09:01 AM

Hugs to you priyaban (if okay). It's going to take time. But you will get to a point where you won't blame yourself anymore :hug: if okay.

#145 gloriagrace

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Posted 22 February 2010 - 07:16 PM

1. It really was my fault because I shouldn't have gotten drunk.
2. It really was my fault because my friends told me from the beginning that he was a creeper and that i should stay away from him, but I thought he was interesting and quirky and I wanted to get to know him better.
3. It really was my fault because I had given him head one time before.
4. It really was my fault because I had a crush on him and gave him my phone number and told him where i lived.
5. It really was my fault because if I hadn't been drunk, my friend wouldn't have needed to leave the door unlocked for me.
6. It really was my fault because the girl next door heard noises and came over to see if I was okay but I didn't let her in.
7. It really was my fault because I chose to have sex with him the next morning.
8. It really was my fault because I had seen him acting in a play where he was a policeman and when he arrested someone and dragged them offstage it turned me on.
9. It really was my fault because sometimes I liked to be roughed around a little.
10. It really was my fault because he had given away signs of forcefulness early on: holding my hand and not letting go when I wanted to leave, being coercive to try to get me in bed with him.
11. It really was my fault because I flirted with him at the party.
12. It really was my fault because I had chosen to live alone that semester.
13. It really was my fault because I decided to start taking pulls of tequila
14. It really was my fault because that night I wore the pants that made my butt look good.
15. It really was my fault because I like the man to be the sexual initiator.
16. It really was my fault because even though I hadn't had intercourse before, I didn't act like a virgin.
17. It really was my fault because I would make sexual jokes with him.
18. It really was my fault because when he sat next to me in choir we would flirt.
19. It really was my fault because everyone knew I liked him.
20. It really was my fault because when he would follow me places, I kind of liked it and one time I smiled at him when we both recognized that he had followed me.

1. It wasn't my fault at all because being drunk isn't an invitation for sex.
2. It wasn't my fault at all because no one could have known that he would rape me.
3. It wasn't my fault at all because consenting to oral sex doesn't mean consenting to anal and vaginal.
4. It wasn't my fault at all because trusting someone enough to talk to them and give them a phone number is very different from trusting someone by consenting to sex.
5. It wasn't my fault at all because he shouldn't have come into the room at all whether the door was unlocked at all. He had no reason to follow me home from the party and had no business coming into my room to "check on me."
6. It wasn't my fault at all because I was the RA on the floor and I didn't want any of the girls to be scared. My not letting her in was my way of protecting her in my drunken, clouded mind.
7. It wasn't my fault at all because when I woke up that next morning I was still drunk, confused and didn't know till later what had happened. I was also in a place where I sort of knew that I had been raped but I didn't want to believe it. I wanted to do anything I could to fix the situation. If I decided to have sex with him then maybe I could make it so the night before hadn't been rape. This was my mind trying to protect itself. He took advantage of me and my state of mind.
8. It wasn't my fault at all because there is nothing wrong with being excited about a man who is strong. That desire should never have been used against me and perverted in my heart.
9. It wasn't my fault at all because playful roughing around and sexual pursuit when it is invited and requested is far different from sexual pursuit which is forced.
10. IT wasn't my fault at all because I couldn't have known that he was going to rape me. Nothing that happened before could have indicated to me that he would rape me and nothing I did gave him any excuse to rape me.
11. It wasn't my fault at all because flirting is not an invitation for sex.
12. IT wasn't my fault at all because living alone doesn't give him any excuse to take advantage of that.
13. IT wasn't my fault at all because no matter how much I drank, no one has the right to take advantage of that.
14. It wasn't my fault at all because wanting to look good isn't an invitation for sex.
15. It wasn't my fault because wanting to be pursued is a good thing! Not being taken advantage of is an assumption that it was correct for me to make. No one EVER has the right to take advantage of me.
16. It wasn't my fault at all because nothing I could say or do made it okay for him to rape me.
17. It wasn't my fault at all because NOTHING I DID or SAID made it okay for him to rape me!
18. It wasn't my fault AT ALL because NOTHING I could have said or done would have made it okay for him to rape me.
19. It wasn't my fault at all because liking someone and inviting sex are not synonymous.
20. It wasn't my fault at all because God made me to be a trusting person who wants to believe the best about people and wouldn't imagine that rape was in his head. This is a good thing and a good way to be. He never had the right to take that innocence from me.

#146 ScreechOwl

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Posted 23 February 2010 - 07:59 PM

1. It was really my fault because I never told until I was 16 years old
2. It was really my fault because I kept our little secret
3. It was really my fault because I wanted him to love me
4. It was really my fault because I was scared
5. It was really my fault because I never ran away
6. It was really my fault because I trusted him
1. It wasn't my fault because he was my father and was supposed to protect me from harm
2. It wasn't my fault because everyone turned a blind eye towards me
3. It wasn't my fault because the church and religion supported him, while harming me
4. It wasn't my fault because I was a child and did not have the perspective of an adult
5. It wasn't my fault because I was never asked why I was so shy and angry
6. It wasn't my fault because I was isolated from my peers by being home schooled up until I was 13

#147 liberal

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Posted 24 February 2010 - 01:17 AM

It was really my fault because I didn't say no, I didn't fight.
It was really my fault because I wanted human contact and took whatever I could get.
It was really my fault because I didn't tell when it first started.
It was really my fault because I drank too much.
It was really my fault because I gave in after it started.

It wasn't my fault because I was a child.
It wasn't my fault because he was the one with the power, he was the adult.
It wasn't my fault because I was vulnerable.
It wasn't my fault because I was drunk.
It wasn't my fault because he knew my past, and he knew I wasn't consenting at first.

#148 Collie_of_Crete

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Posted 24 February 2010 - 06:04 AM

1. It was really my fault because I never said no.
2. It was really my fault because I liked the attention.
3. It was really my fault because I let him do it for so many years.
4. It was really my fault because I never fought him.
5. It was really my fault because I wasn't wearing underwear.
6. It was really my fault because I was supposed to be a good girl and do what he said.

1. It wasn't my fault because I had to say yes.
2. It wasn't my fault because I was too young to understand what it really was.
3. It wasn't my fault because he threatened me when I told him I didn't want him to.
4. It wasn't my fault because even if I'd tried to fight him, he was too strong for me to fight.
5. It wasn't my fault because 3-year olds aren't supposed to have sex.
6. It wasn't my fault because my parents were supposed to protect me, not leave me with him.

#149 KitteH

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Posted 03 May 2010 - 11:00 AM

It was really my fault because I kept the truth from him for so long
It was really my fault because I brought up the topic
It was really my fault because I cheated
It was really my fault because I thought I didn't have anything to fear if I told him everything
It was really my fault because I had many chances to tell him but I didn't
It was really my fault because I was afraid previously that if I told him, he would get violent
It was really my fault because I was always afraid of saying no to him
It was really my fault because I always gave in to him
It was really my fault because I lied to him repeatedly out of fear

It wasn't my fault because I only cheated after he acted inappropriately time and time again
It wasn't my fault because I didn't choose his actions
It wasn't my fault because I did fight back, it just wasn't enough
It wasn't my fault because I yelled and fought to get him off me
It wasn't my fault because I was in shock and groggy
It wasn't my fault because I had wanted was to be treated special like he said I was, that's all
It wasn't my fault because I get afraid when he gets angry with me
It wasn't my fault because I'm not as strong or heavy as he is
It wasn't my fault because I told the truth like he asked for
It wasn't my fault because I didn't know what he would do
It wasn't my fault because I loved him, and still do.

#150 breanna

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Posted 19 May 2010 - 11:39 PM

1. It was really my fault because ____I should have stopped it
2. It was really my fault because ____I was complicit at first
3. It was really my fault because ___I didn't tell
4. It was really my fault because __He was only two years older
5. It was really my fault because __He probably thought I liked it and I never corrected him
6. It was really my fault because ____he just couldn't have abused me

1. It wasn't my fault because _I was 8
2. It wasn't my fault because I couldn't have known
3. It wasn't my fault because he was stronger, older, and he knew what he was doing was wrong
4. It wasn't my fault because I didn't know anything about sex
5. It wasn't my fault because _he made me
6. It wasn't my fault because _he told me not to tell


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