Posted 01 January 2013 - 09:11 AM
What a meaningful thing to discuss. What a lot of painful stories. I am so sorry. I wish these stories were as rare as I once believed. I wish nobody else had to share in these kinds of pain. I wish there was no need for this board.
I wish none of us had to be here.
Betrayal for me is my mother, when I was 6, listening to me telling her my father hurt me and responding by breaking down in tears and insisting that "this can't be true, tell me this isn't true". Which, being 6 and unable to break my mothers' heart, I did. She then angrily confronted my father resulting in another night of pain because "you told her, I told you not to tell her".
Betrayal is my mother; when I was 32, just starting therapy due to flashbacks, nightmares, depression, daily thoughts of suicide; responding to my early explorations of whether I might have been abused with "I can't deal with this, you have to help me get through this" with nary a word of "how are you?, are you going to make it, is there anything I can do?"
Betrayal is my sister; when I was 33 and confided in her that I thought if was my father that had abused me, who swore never to tell. But told anyway and then didn't have the courage to at least warn me, much less to apologize, leaving me to face the wrath of my furious raging mother unexpectedly. And who then spent the next 5 years ducking for cover while my mother raged, always knowing I was telling the truth and never saying it.
And who then had the nerve to write me a nasty vicious letter accusing me of "ruining everybodys life" because I wouldn't attend family gatherings, listen to my mother call me crazy on the phone, or back down and say it wasn't so.
Betrayal is my aunt; the only one of my extended family who expressed any sympathy at all, who wrote a short note to everyone telling them that she believed me. It was a great comfort, that note. Until later that same day when I got a call from her telling me that she had just got off the phone to my mother (her sister) and could I please go commit a federal felony and steal my sisters copy from her mailbox before she got home so that my sister wouldn't read it because my mother swore that nothing had happened and was completely heartbroken and my aunt just couldn't stand to see her crying in such pain, and wasn't there any way to "compromise" on this issue?
Betrayal is my mother; who responded to my very privately revealed accusation with a very public denial, very public tears, very public accusations of lying, very public accusations of being crazy, very public accusations of "ruining the family", and who made a concerted effort to round up every member of both sides of the family into her camp, leaving me not only hurting but without a family.
Betrayal is my extended family, who let her do it without question.
Betrayal is the media, for writing articles, making tv specials, giving voice to the False Memory movement without doing any real research, without really talking to or touching on the victims, without making any attempt to determine the truth because crying heartbroken articulate parents are much more juicy of a story than their broken victims. They added validity to those whose lies were the loudest and ignored those whose truth was too painful to shout. They gave perpetrators everywhere the fuel they needed to continue their denials, the "facts" they needed to sway third parties to their sides. They helped cover up acts of evil and ignored acts of immense courage.
Betrayal is the world; where I cannot talk about my pain without being told to "get over it", "move on", "focus on your life now", "just deal". Whose attitudes helped my mother and father by reinforcing that it "wasn't that big a deal, and it was a long time ago, so why bring it back up now?"
Betrayal is my father; Who raped a 6 year old boy because he was angry at his mother and wanted to hurt her but didn't have the courage, who raped a 6 year old boy because his marriage sucked and he didn't know how to fix it, who raped a 6 year old boy because he never wanted the kids that took his loving spouse away.
Who raped a 6 year old boy because "he deserved it"
Who raped a 6 year old boy.
And finally, betrayal is my heart, where I cannot maintain a simple friendship, much less an intimate relationship, because I cannot ever trust anyone enough to let them in.