Hello again Kevin - I'll start here with one betrayal that still rocks me from time to time.<p>My mother visited my rapist in jail. Even though I was used to never having her be on my side, that was a kind of final straw. I felt like I was having a nervous breakdown. I remember announcing it to my therapist through a sick fog, and I will never forget the way she stopped what she was saying and quietly said "I beg your pardon, Lou?'<p>I battled with my sense of worthlessness, and in the end came to realise that it was about mother as a parent; my mother and her monstrous priorities, not about a lack of worth on my part. I could also understand why it had been hard for me to believe that what he did to me was really wrong.<p>I could then confront her and express my disgust. After telling me she felt sorry for him, and that he'd called her 'mum' in the visiting room, I told her I didn't want to hear about it. She said, 'oh, well, it seemed the christian thing to do, but I won't go there again'. I said, 'I don't give a toss what you do, mother. I know my feelings have never been important to you, but they are to me. Go if you want, but I think it's obscene and I don't want to hear about it'.<p>Sometimes I'm still surprised when something unfair has happened to me and people display partisan support for me.<p>I think what she did still rocks me because I don't understand how such a thing is possible - the only place I would vsit somebody who beat and raped my daughter is in the cemetary so I could piss on his grave.<p>Hugs<p>Lou xxxx
I read this and honestly it sounds like something my mother would do. That is just so wrong on so many levels. And then to say it is the "Christian" thing to do??? My mom knew my stepfather was molesting me and she should have known he was r*ping me, although I didn't remember that until a few years ago at the point of a near breakdown. Once the molesation went outside the family (my sister's best friend) she came to me and asked about it. My stepfather made the accusation that my sister was lesbian and he had walked in on my sister and her friend. My mom was believing this by the time I found out. I blew a fuse. I told her he did it to me and she was doing the same thing, not believing it! She got angry at what I said! Word started to get out, and I'm sure she was afraid of him being arrested, so she suddenly decided to throw him out of the house. Never mind that he beat the living hell out of me and my sister, molested and r*ped me, but word might get out in town! Fast forward to last winter. New step father. Him and my mother (who me and my sons call by first name as she has never been a mom or grandmother) begged me to move to one of their farms to take care of their horses. The day after I arrive, they have told me the farm I was to work and live at, they have put up for sale! The day AFTER I move me and my son two hours from our home. We lived in a basement with no heat. I started looking for a job since working with the horses wasn't going to be an option. My son and I came back one day when they were gone. My car got stuck part of the way up their two mile driveway. I had tried to drive on the snow covered driveway as my son has asthma. Breathing cold air sends him into an attack. The winds were blowing 60MPH and I was terrified he would have an attack as we reached the house. I wrapped a scarf around his face in an effort to warm the air, if possible he would be breathing. He was exhausted when we reached home. A few hours later, I hear knocking on the back door and my stepfather comes through it cussing and screaming "look at what you have done to your mother!" Their car got stuck (because of mine) and they had to walk. My mom was standing there with this helpless look on her face, saying nothing. He started screaming at my son and went towards him. I ran over in front of him and said hell no, if you have something to say, then settle it with me. He continued degrading me and my son. All the while my mom just stood there. As when I was a kid, I waited for her to say something, hell anything. She didn't. The next day, me and my son went to a motel. Before I left mom wasn't happy until she "justified" everything her husband said. I left knowing then, that nothing she does or says will ever surprise me. And she wonders why we call her by her first name? She never acted like a mother and never will.