The first betrayal was my first abuser;my middle school guidance counselor.I started school in the middle school in late October of my 7th grade year.I had no friends,was being bullied,could not advocate for myself and he knew that my teachers had already written me off.He knew I had a learning disability he knew how frustrated I was that I had to work twice as hard as my peers and that I still wasn't getting good grades and that all I was getting for my effort was being made fun of and mocked. I sat by myself at lunch.He would come sit with me and talk to me.He really seemed like he cared about me.We talked about books and about writing and he was always supporting me and telling me that I was smart.Then over a few weeks he started telling me how pretty I was,how much he cared about me,he told me that I was his favorite girl.I believed him.Then the "shoulder rubs" at lunch started.I knew it didn't feel right. Then during the shoulder rubs he started moving his hands down to my chest (over my clothes) and he would rub.Thanks to my learning disability I had always been told that I tend to not perceive things correctly. So when he cornered me and told me to come back to lunch I did thinking I had simply misinterpreted what happened. The shoulder rubs and him moving his hands down and rubbing and touching my chest started again.He knew that I idolized him that I thought him as my friend and he used to that to abuse me.
How did I work through it? I told on him a few years ago but nothing was really done,although he now shares an office with the principal and was taken off lunch monitor duty.
The second betrayal was by my then best friend.I had just moved into town in 97 and we became fast friends,or so I thought. She came from a very screwed up family.When I knew her she had 6 siblings the oldest a boy was in and out of jail for every charge under the sun,her older sister was promiscuous,she was I admit a bully she didn't treat me very well sometimes,her younger sister was in 6th grade and was always in trouble in school,the next youngest sister was in elementary school and had speech issues but had a mouth like a sailor and last a baby girl. All of the kids were not surprisingly very sexualized.I was 12 when A and I met,she was 11.I let her stay at my house a lot and I took her on family outings with me.I did everything I could to get her out of her house as often as possible.She repaid my kindness by 2 years later luring me over to her house after school and helping her Dad lure me into his van where he drove me into the next town and with her holding me down and egging him on he m*l*st*d me and threatened to r*p* me then told me he was planning on it but that they wanted to save some fun for the house for later.She bragged to me that she had planned the attack that she hated me and because I was such a little goody two shoes and because I was too nice.She wanted to teach me a lesson as to what happens to nice girls like me who trust too many people. She told her Dad to go as far as he wanted with me and she laughed in my face.
How did I work through this? I still haven't,I'm still trying to figure out how to work through it.
The 3rd betrayal was by the couple that I had grown up living next door to for 12 years of my life. K and his wife L were very close to me,they had 2 daughters C was born when I was 7 and S was born when I was 9. K and L both worked 12-14 hour shifts at the same company everyday but Sunday.As soon as C was born she was my responsibility after school until the early morning hours usually between midnight and 2 a.m. on Saturdays I had C all day
when S was born I began caring for both girls everyday after school and on weekends,they were my girls as far as I was concerned.I loved those girls with every fiber of my being.I was young when I was taking care of them but that never mattered to K or L and it didn't matter to me either. Once I moved twenty minutes up the road when I was 12 I had C and S every weekend
I did a lot of the raising of those 2 girls,they were my world. When I was 15 (a year after my attempted r*p* by my then best friend and her father) and C was 9 and S was almost 6 K and L asked me to come along on the family ski trip that winter.I agreed to go.Since I was close with both K and L I made the decision on the way up to VT in the car once the girls were asleep to tell K and L what happened to me I couldn't keep it to myself anymore. I broke down and told them what my attacker had done to me.They both turned around and looked at me,they both very harshly told me "That's disgusting,you're disgusting.We never want to hear that kind of thing out of you again" they barely said 2 words to me the entire weekend ski trip. When we got back that Sunday K dropped off L and the girls at their house and as we were driving to my house he told me he was sorry for what had happened to me but that in talking with L that they had both decided that as of that moment I was no longer allowed to see C and S,that my weekend visits where they would stay with me were over. At 15 I had pretty much raised those girls for the first 9 years of C's life and the first 6 years of S's life those were my girls. After that K and L stopped attending the church that I attend as well with the girls.I didn't see the girls for 2 straight years. At 17 during one of my drivers ed lessons I drove with my instructor to K and L's house and I walked into their house just as I always had and I told K that I wanted about 10 minutes with the girls to say goodbye.He granted me that.The next time I saw them in person was this past summer.They barely said 2 words to me.L finally admitted to my family that I had raised her daughters in the beginning and that due to circumstances that I was no longer able to care for the girls. She made it sound like she felt bad that I hadn't been able to stay in the girl's lives when really it was her decision to force me out of C and S's lives!
I'm working through this now by the fact that I've been with another family for 7 almost 8 years now.I started working for Jill and Mason at 16 helping to raise the 3 girls M,P and C (P and C are identical twin girls) M was 5 at the time and P and C were 8 months.Mason passed away 3 years ago last Friday.Right before he passed away he asked me to promise him that if anything ever happened to him that I would step up for the girls.I agreed,seeing as how I had practically been raising them for the last 6 years anyway.So for the last 3 years when I'm home on break,vacations and other days where campus is closed I have been helping Jill to raise the girls,I've been the other parent in the house hold.I love my 3 girls more than anything in this world,I am working through the previous betrayal by being there for M,P and C as much as possible and by making them the focus.
Edited by SurvivorThriver, 14 November 2008 - 01:23 PM.