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Top 10 Stupidest Comments

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#721 Gonz

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Posted 13 December 2012 - 03:31 PM

'I feel sorry for the guys who did this to you. They must regret what they did every day.'

Someone said something very similar to me once. Something about how what they did would haunt them for the rest of their lives. First thought was "screw you for caring, for even thinking, about how they feel." Second thought was "if the guilt drives them to suicide then, yeah, that might give me a bit of comfort."

Edited by Gonz, 13 December 2012 - 03:41 PM.

#722 SynergyMind01

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Posted 15 December 2012 - 03:57 PM

'I feel sorry for the guys who did this to you. They must regret what they did every day.'

Someone said something very similar to me once. Something about how what they did would haunt them for the rest of their lives. First thought was "screw you for caring, for even thinking, about how they feel." Second thought was "if the guilt drives them to suicide then, yeah, that might give me a bit of comfort."

Mine while not as severe....

(after opening up) "imagine how your mom must feel" (referring to the guilt she is experiencing)

To the person: Again, I get what you're after...but...really?

People are so great with words sometimes.

Edited by SynergyMind01, 16 December 2012 - 07:10 PM.

#723 fiona

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Posted 24 December 2012 - 03:16 PM

Gonz and Synergy, I guess we agree it's a stupid comment then ;)

The thing is, the guy who said this to me was really caring. This comment came out of nowhere and I could only stare at him. But now I keep thinking about it..

#724 snd86

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Posted 24 December 2012 - 10:29 PM

So when I told my dad that my step-dad started getting blowjobs when I was 8/9 and continued until I left at 16 he asked if I went around with a "secret smile". My dad is very proud that he lost his virginity at 14 to the old widow down the road though so that might explain his comment.

My mom tells me to put it in the "I Don't Know File"

She also tells me to stay off sites like this even though I told her it was really helping me, she said I was dwelling.

#725 burkeev

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Posted 26 December 2012 - 10:17 PM

'I feel sorry for the guys who did this to you. They must regret what they did every day.'

It's really weird, but I do feel bad for the guy who did this to me. Sometimes I think about him and feel sad because I feel like there must have been something messed up in his life for him to think that this was okay. BUT on that same note, I know that a lot of people don't feel that way (I don't really want to feel this way) and that is a really stupid comment to make to someone. I'm sorry someone said that to you.

#726 Wolfie1

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Posted 28 February 2013 - 07:35 PM

I've grown so tired of the emotional invalidation that I've gotten to the point where I feel I don't have the right to talk about my abuse in person because nobody wants to hear about it. I only talk about it with a few trusted people outside of the internet.

Some gems I've heard:

"It wasn't that bad and you're just too sensitive."
"You were too passive. You should have stood up to him better, like so-and-so would have." (But I know from experience that when in an abusive relationship, "standing up" to the person often does no good.)
"You should have had more self-respect and not let yourself get abused like that."
"But it was years ago!"
"I don't think it's good to hang onto past hurts."

EDIT: I forgot one I have been told multiple times: "At least you weren't being beaten up!" And a variant: "Just think of all the women out there who are being beaten up..." Still makes me seethe to this day.

It makes me so mad that people think we "choose" to "hang onto" the pain from our abuse and if we could just forget about it we'd be over it. People also don't understand why we can't just "get over it" and never discuss it again, especially if it happened a while back.

Edited by Wolfie1, 28 February 2013 - 09:07 PM.

#727 Alex12345

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Posted 28 February 2013 - 08:56 PM

May trigger**

This one was from my abuser (my 10 years older brother in law) after touching me all over as an excuse for what he did "you have beautiful breasts, the boys will go crazy for you (I was 12 or 13 at the time...)."

#728 graydog

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Posted 01 March 2013 - 02:50 PM

"but nothing really happened"

Yeah that's a winner. My husband took comfort in that for a long time because he thought since there was no actual "penetration," that it was "OK." That is until I was willing to tell him the more graphic details and he realized that "penetration" wasn't needed to make it an assault and have impact. In my husband's defense, I just don't think he was ready to deal with the reality. He has come a long way, since the "nothing really happened," phase.

#729 Alex12345

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Posted 02 March 2013 - 05:48 AM

Yeah, I struggled myself with that one for many years. Because there was no penetration, no violence, I didn't think I could say I had been abused and had the right to feel bad about it. I'm glad your husband is now more aware of the effects of it, no matter what...

#730 Cherline

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Posted 06 March 2013 - 11:28 AM

Not sure if this fits here...

'First world problems.' Loads of people, when talking about anxiety and depression issues. Holy pants, yeah, of course. 'Cause as I'm not dying of thirst, I'm just a whiny b*tch.

#731 bowspearer

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Posted 17 March 2013 - 11:39 PM

burkeev, there's nothing weird about that at all. What it means is that your abuser failed to destroy your compassion and in turn, your humanity. Be proud of yourself if anything- you've ultimately won.

Snd86 I do think your father's remark, while disconnected with reality, is understandable. Let's face it, the guy was statutorily raped by a female child sex predator and the world told him it was a rite of passage- just as it continues to tell underage male child rape victims to this day (even making them pay child support when it results in a child)- to the point where he was brainwashed into believing that his being violated by a pedophile was the equivalent of consensual sex between two adults. How else could he have responded to your ordeal without also being forced to face the reality of what he endured. I truly hope that does change for him at some point though.

#732 Juditha

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Posted 07 July 2013 - 04:21 AM

My biology teacher after wondering if it was a good/responsible idea to do our Graduation Project on SA.
"O, the ladies about the seks subject."
I was bold enough to tell him there was a BIG difference between rape and sex. :D
And at least he reminded me WHY I wanted to do this again!

The first person I disclosed to.
Me: "I have to start accepting that my uncle SA'd me."
She: "Are you serious?"
No, of course not, I'm just kidding, well duh!

Same person told me later that it was important that people gave me 'the benefit of the doubt'!

School counselor after telling her that we were moving slowly with therapy.
"O, that doens't sound like a good idea, then you'll forget important stuff or make new stuff up."
Thank you sooooooo much for having my big fear come alive again - what if I made it up??

Yeah, guess that was about it. In a way it's kinda funny, but at the moment I'm usually stunned...

#733 madisonmatey

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Posted 13 September 2013 - 11:34 AM

My last ex (though one of the sweetest and most understanding men ever) when I told him i was thinking about going to T:<p>"I don't know if a therapy will help...what you really need is a boyfriend who will help you forget this"<p>
But to get back to the Top 10 part I think Lea's therapist definitely is number one<p>That's the solution girls (and boys...yep Troy, posting in this thread means you have to get out the needles too)...let's all start knitting...not only will that erase all our problems, we could also knit something useful...like a brain for people in desperate need of one :P<p>Art *heading off to buy needles and wool*
<p>(Edited by ArTeMiS at 8:04 pm on July 2, 2002)

I really think crafting/art is one of the best therapeutic thing I do. When I was in the middle of my abuse I was failing school because I was always daydreaming I think trying to separate myself from reality. Thats really when I started to become very creative because it was just a release from reality.

#734 Thundere

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Posted 15 September 2013 - 10:56 AM

One stupid comment I got after confiding about the rape attempt was "you shouldn't be outside late at night."

Well first of all, I wasn't out, I was at home in my apartment minding my own business. Not like I wanted the guy to call my door bell.
I don't go out alone at that time of day, and even if I was it's not my fault what he tried to do, is it?

#735 Lumina

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Posted 15 September 2013 - 08:34 PM

It's hard to pick just a few...so many. Let's see:
1. That's all that happened/that's it? (as if it wasn't that bad)
2. Feeling better now? (after telling story, as if telling is a magical cure)
3. Stop being a baby /and/ it's not like he finished the job (after sexual assault that wasn't rape)
4. Stop thinking about it? Aren't you over it yet? Just stop living in the past. It was a long time ago why does it still bother you?
5. Why are you so sensitive? (implying a lack of character or that feelings are not legitimate)

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