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Top 10 Stupidest Comments

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#676 KOD

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Posted 04 March 2012 - 10:23 PM

It happened twenty years ago. I'm sure nothing bad was meant by it but I blocked it out for long time never delt with it properly.

#677 *orso*

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Posted 04 March 2012 - 11:53 PM

You always manage to land on your feet no matter what happens.

Not fucking exactly I don't but thanks for that.

#678 chrystall

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Posted 28 March 2012 - 12:51 PM

it never goes away but youl get over it

Edited by chrystall, 28 March 2012 - 01:05 PM.

#679 Cherline

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Posted 29 March 2012 - 07:19 AM

My mother, when we went out of the doctor's room and I started to cry. I just heard that I was not seropositive, and he told me that, nevertheless I'm not ill, I would have to wear it as a shoulderbag during my whole life. I knew he understood me. My mother said: 'Doctors are always exegerating like that. XXX (a friend of her) has gone through it, and she's learned to live with it and now she has no problems.' Yeah, but I really don't want to become like her...

My friend, a few days ago in class. I don't know what we were talking about anymore. Anyway, one moment she said, laughing: 'Heeey, are you traumatised? Were you abused?' She doesn't know about it, and now that I came to the moment I felt like I was ready to tell her about it (soon), she just ruined it. I was just like; yeah, I was, and I'm dying inside because I can't tell you because I f*cking like you so much and you're the best friend I ever had. :unsure: :tear:
I really feel like getting in my dad's car and driving to get my emotions out, but I'm afraid it'll get me into an accident.

#680 Cranberry

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Posted 02 April 2012 - 11:42 AM

From a psychiatrist: "If I slap you and it hurts you right now, then it is my fault. If it still hurts 20 years from now, then it is your fault."

#681 KimberlyD

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Posted 02 April 2012 - 11:47 AM

Cranberry, do not believe that. It is not your fault. How the heck did that person get a psychiatric degree??? That is BS. I am so sorry.
The most absurd thing I heard was during my R. He was having trouble finishing (maybe because I was crying and trying to get away???) and told me I had to help him out because he could die of "blue balls." Right.

#682 Luna_Sol

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Posted 04 April 2012 - 01:06 PM

That's horrible that he said that. I'm sorry he was so selfish, that he'd do that int he first place, and then have the nerve to say something like that. It also reminded me of something that was said to me.. An old friend took advantage of me when I was drunk. I guess he got turned off by me crying and whimpering from him hurting me, because he rolled over and asked me for oral... and after I said no and scrambled off the bed he accused me of having affection issues. They're so selfish and horrible. I don't know how anyone could do things like that to another person, and I don't understand how they can do that and then blame us for not.. I don't know.. being enough for them. Eugh.

#683 queenaubergine

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Posted 25 April 2012 - 03:15 PM

"i know it's difficult but you can't just freak out like that in public anymore. it's been five years, you need to learn how to handle yourself."
that was a particularly hurtful one. :/

#684 PrincessBee

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Posted 25 April 2012 - 06:08 PM

"Yeah but you're better than were last year so don't worry bout it" -- Friend say that me when I try tell her how depress, scared, lonely I was.

But ultimately when people hear

"Were you asking for it?"


#685 PrincessBee

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Posted 25 April 2012 - 06:24 PM

Also, my mother talk about friend of ours who 16 with anorexia and she constant feel sorry for girl and say how awful.

But then I angry: where you be when I pay for own T sessions, had EDNOS, s-ied, depression and PTSD? Still HAVE. You no clue. You no care.

But then, I realize. She only gossiping! Like girl with anorexia is just new bit gossip to talk with friend!

#686 sunlight83

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Posted 06 May 2012 - 06:28 PM

I both love and hate this thread all in one. So, a couple I can think of...

My dad, when I first told him: "You weren't raped"
Me: "YES. I. WAS!"
My dad: "Ok, fine 'consensual rape' then"

My mum, about a day after I told her: "Oh honey, it's going to be ok. We're going to go home and I'm going to look after you. You know what, when we get home I think it would really help you to go on internet dating and meet a couple of guys." Uhh, yeah. Not to mention I met my abusive ex on an internet dating site.

My mum, this morning (7 months after the above comment), "you know, I just don't know how long to sit on the sidelines for. You get so angry when I say things but you've got to start living again. What you really need is a job."

My mum (again!), "I just KNOW it wouldn't happen to me. I'm not saying it was your fault but there are some people who are definitely more prone to it than others. I would have seen him coming." Oh, ok mum, so the fact that he emotionally, physically and mentally abused me into submission before the abuse and rapes even started was all because I'm that 'type' of person.

My BFF: "I think you;re just, like, stuck in this bubble and it's making the fear worse. You need to just not worry about when you'll be ok, or what the statistics say about you being attacked again, you need to get out there. Oh and to talk about it. You need T, it will get it out and you'll see there's nothing to be scared of."

My dad (after I was crying over how slow and painful the court procedure was): "Chill girl. Lower the expectations. It probably won't even go to court and even if it does, he's not going to get anything because nothing serious happened." Yeah dad, multiple vaginal, oral and anal rape, sexual assault and physical assault are 'nothing serious'.

My mum, "you're safe now, he's not hurting you any more." OHH, so my constant flashbacks, anxiety and RTS are me hurting myself then?!

A police officer, discussing the case with me: "Now, I need to go over some of the things the defense might pick up on as proof that he's innocent. Firstly, after the anal rape, you had regular sex with him. And you were smiling." No I did NOT have regular sex with him, that was still rape. I was smiling because AS HE SAYS VERY CLEARLY ON THE VIDEO TAPE, he was going to anally rape me again unless I enjoyed it. 'Encouraging' 'regular sex' was the I only way I knew to keep myself safe from worse physical harm.

I would like to point out that my mum and BFF are two of the most supportive, well meaning people I know. But boy they say some stupid shit sometimes. As for my Dad...pfft. He's an emotionally devoid idiot.


#687 implied_descent

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Posted 09 May 2012 - 02:41 AM

It's unfortunate you have all had to deal with insensitive/stupid/ignorant remarks.

My brother "I going to be there for you like a good big brother whenever you're down but only call me when it's really important, like if you're about to end your life; I can't rearrange my life to be there for you when you're just upset." Um thanks, S, I that makes me feel like you care oh-so-much!

Cop "So did he r* you? Did he touch you at all?" No, he just stared at me for a little while and then got tired.

Mom "I know it was recent but maybe knowing it was your fault will help with your recovery; I mean, you shouldn't have been out with just three of your guy friends." Yea, cause I'm supposed to assume one of my good friends could do that and accepting that I should've only hung out with girls is going to speed up my healing process.

When I was being r* and was in and out of consciousness the guy was trying to flip me over and was like "can you help me out? Just roll onto your back, don't be stupid, I'll help push you."

#688 sunlight83

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Posted 09 May 2012 - 06:23 PM

When I was being r* and was in and out of consciousness the guy was trying to flip me over and was like "can you help me out? Just roll onto your back, don't be stupid, I'll help push you."

That really takes the prize for most f***ed up comment. I want to say "what an absolute -----" but I can't find anything awful enough to compare him to. I'm so sorry you have to deal with that, on top of everything else. I've blocked out most of the things my ex said to me during and I'm hoping those memories never resurface.

#689 implied_descent

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Posted 10 May 2012 - 11:26 PM

Yeah, it's tough to deal with. Such horrible people we've all had to be involved with!

#690 Eyjafjallajokull

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Posted 12 May 2012 - 06:44 AM

Many of the stupid comments come from my aunt, which is specially hurtful because she's the one of the few peoples I can turn to and she really means well.
My aunt (who's like a mother to me) trying to be supportive: "Well at least it's good you notice it" that was a reply to me telling her I was so depressed (over being r* and losing my father just 3 months later) I couldn't even fake a smile and that I felt like just being near other people would somehow poison them with my misery. Therefore I should avoid being around people to spare them from being infected with my sadness.

My aunt: "You just need a change. You should try moving to [insert name of some small towns] to get a fresh start" Well meant but that would leave me with no support system at all. My T (who is a leading expert in trauma-counselling) is here and none of those small town could offer any real support to r* survivors. Plus my support system within my family is very weak and moving would mean leaving that behind.

My aunt: "You should travel to get your mind of things, go to a warm country were you can sunbathe on the beach and go shopping " What a great idea, as soon as I can handle to go into a busy grocery-store without being triggered or have a panic attack I'll go hang out in an international airport and let strangers frisk me for weapons and then go into an airplane where I have no control over how close the next person sits to me or have anyway to escape. And that's just the travel part, nothing about the destination.

My aunt: "You should go back to school" then when I apply for a masters degree in women's studies, she says: "Your so creative, you should be a designer or something. You've got a good eye for colors and fashion." Which in itself is a complement but what it really implies is that she doesn't like what I've chosen and either thinks it's going to hurt me by making me think even more about the r* or that I'll never get a job with a degree in women's studies.

Another aunt: "You look so good, don't you think you're about to get over this?" This she said when we were meeting to discuss preparations for my fathers funeral (He died of a heart-attack 3 months after I was r* by a stranger). Yeah cause nothing helps you heal faster from r* like the sudden death of your closest relative.

More than one people have said this to me: "Aren't you doing something to get your mind of this. Can't you watch a sitcom or something" Why didn't I think of that, I'll let the healing power of Friends and Modern Family make it all better. I do sometimes watch sit-comes but people overestimate the cathartic potentials of it.

My brother on the phone (he lives in another country) when I tried to confide in him how I was feeling: "You shouldn't be so negative, try to focus on the good stuff" when I told him that maybe if he called me once in a while to check how I was doing I might not have so many negative things to tell him about. His response: "But you tell other people about that. You should use talking to me as a way to talk about the bright sides" Gee thanks. For who's benefit should I be doing that? And btw thanks for being such a good listener.

I've heard this more than once: "You're such a pretty girl, aren't you about to get over this?" Thanks for the compliment but attractiveness was a factor in the speed of your healing process.

This has hurt me a lot: "Well he had been drinking to" my cousin talking about the stranger who r* me. Well he had been taking speed to so I guess since of the two of us he was the one with drugs in his system while I was just to drunk to be fully conscious. Although he was able to abuse me for 5 hours in a way I suppose he's the victim here. Poor guy drugged out of his mind, stranded in my apartment (after practically carrying me there) and I just lay there. That's no way for a good host to behave.

The response I got when I posted (in a private fb group I have with my closest cousins) about that day being the 6 months anniversary of the r*. The response was no response. Complete silence. And I know it's not because they just didn't see it.

But then again it makes sense since what I often here is: "You shouldn't be dwelling on these bad memories. It can't be good for you" and "Really? Is your T still making you go over and over details of what happened and then do assignments about it." said in a tone that implies they think my T is either a sadist or a quack if not both. My T does have a doctors degree in SA related trauma councelling, but hey if my family disagrees with her method she can't be that good [read with sarcasm].

Writing this down really is cathartic. It helps me see how truly stupid many of this comments are and how many of them come from ignorance and not as deliberate attempts to hurt me

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