I was like so many people have described... Just couldn't even think of it... But, at 29, I had my first smear test (we don't have routine pelvic exams in the UK, just the pap smear) this year!
Luckily I have a great GP who has been treating me for depression too, and I was able to tell her that I had problems in that area. Together we came up with a plan to split the test into sections... I cannot tell you how much this helped...
We ended up having three sessions, with each going a little further than the one before - and all the time at my own pace. She explained everything thoroughly, and reassured me constantly.
Now this is going to sound daft, but actually, by the last session, I really felt like I was receiving some kind of gift... It was actually incredibly moving & ended in me disclosing parts of my history. And now, I'm trying to get pregnant, so I must have moved!
All I will say is - although of course you must do only what you are ready for - please please please think about your health. I have a friend on another survivor board who went for her first pap smear this year too - unfortunately the results weren't good, and she was told that had she gone earlier they might have caught things sooner. That breaks my heart... Though of course I understand it so so much...
Sending lots of support.
Edited by tealight rookie, 04 May 2005 - 02:25 PM.