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Afraid to post?

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#16 Guest__*

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Posted 11 January 2002 - 08:59 AM


Wow this brings up memories from when i first came here. I was so afraid to post, i was so afraid to even introduce myself muchless ask for help.

Sometimes i go through small patterns of not wanting to post but i push myself to do so, i guess that fear of being and always have been rejected has its way of coming back up no matter how much love you feel. Or possibly the fear that you may hurt someone with whatever you are feeling at the moment, when in some different universe atleast 10 ppl understand exactly where it is that you are coming from while many others just plain can relate.

I used to beg that my post would disappear into page 3 or soemthing then die an utter embarressment when i saw it was back at the top of page 1. Sometimes i even still beg for whatever i threw together to just disappear or wish that i had never written whatever it was i was feeling at the moment.

I think i could go on and on about this, lol not exactly a few sentences huh hun? ;)


Donna =)

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Posted 11 January 2002 - 10:34 AM

Hi everyone,
             i've been here for a while and i find it hard to post sometimes. i'm sure, in time i'll start to open up alittle but it's just so awkward at the moment. Anytime i respond to a topic in this forum no other people post after me. It feels like every time i post the thread dies!!lol! its scary for me coz i'm not sure if i offend people with what i say. I would NEVER hurt anyone here and i'm so scared that i will. Anyway, i think i'm starting to get a little better at posting so hopefully i'll get to know some of u in the future:)!I hope someone responds to this thread after me coz i think i need to know that people can see me here!! lol!
 This is a great topic btw and thanks so much, uve all made me realise that i'm not alone here ;)!

#18 Mingo

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Posted 11 January 2002 - 08:06 PM

yes,  hummmm.  something to think about  next time I don't feel like I can post or say something.

thank you  aoife

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Posted 26 October 2002 - 06:11 PM

What a great post.  I culdn't have written it better myself.  You putinto words exactly what I've been feeling since I found this place yesterday.  In fact I just posted on another board soley for the purpose of saying "here I am" and "please know I'm here".  I thought I was alone.  I guess not.  Thank you.


#20 Guest__*

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Posted 29 August 2003 - 01:40 PM

Hi..My name is Melissa. I am a victim of rape and raising my daughter who was conceived from it. She is 8, turning 9 and has started asking about her dad. I have tried to dodge this for years, but can't any longer. I am not going to tell her right now about what happened. I am waiting until she is a bit older to explain it to her. I am one who will not lie to my daughter and feels she needs to know, for the fear she will find out from someone else. I have never ever brought up her father and she has made it in her mind that her father was mean to me, and she says she is different from all the other kids, because she doesn't know her dad and that he hates her. This is tearing me apart. I have dealt with the pain by myself for 9 years now. It is all coming back and making things very hard to deal with. I do not want to destroy her. She is so beautiful and I truly believe she was sent to me from God. She is such an angel, I look at her and think how can something so brutual make something so absolutely beautiful? She has a huge heart. I love her to pieces, I am sad to admit that I did sort of push her aside when she was first born. It took me over a year to fully bond with her. As she got older I realized she is just a baby and she did not ask to be brought into this world and she surely does not need to be hated or regreted. Since then I have watched the most beautiful smartes little girl develop. But now, it seems as this awful horrible ghost is coming back to haunt me. I thought about lying, mainly for my own sanity. But I can't do that. If that one day comes along that she were to find out what happened. I could never forgive myself for lying to her. I was raped by a life long friends new step-brother. I went into denial and almost gave my baby girl up for adoption, but knew that I could not live with that decision. So there is a slim chance that one day this all could come to light with her. Her father knows that she exists, through my friend, whom I do not speak to anymore. It caused terrible conflict in her family. My friend was there for me and by my side but his family had different ideas. To them it was my fault it happened. Things got so rough that it really was a problem and I walked away from my life long friend. I am not the best at handling issues. I usually just deny it or try to forget it ever happened. But now I am faced with trying to explain to my daughter she is not different. Anyone else raising a child in this situation? I am so scared, lost, and totally confused.


#21 Guest__*

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Posted 11 January 2002 - 09:02 AM

*t* for cussing

<i>I think i could go on and on about this, lol not exactly a few sentences huh hun? </i>

I'm afraid that I've had to put a black mark against your name in my secret 'book of disapproval for not following instructions'. [grins]

Yep, I still feel like a complete dork for some of my posts. The more revealing ones still inspire massive butterflies until one person has responded not saying I'm a stupid bitch.

It's getting progressively less and less scary though. Which is good because otherwise I would have had a heart attack/ulcer by now.



#22 Guest__*

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Posted 11 January 2002 - 12:52 PM

i am .. sooooooooooooooo scared

(at least i can say that much)
when i do post here is when i've reached my wits end and can't take it anymore at all, so i jump over the fear
i read and i want to say i'm here for people, that i care, because i do
but i'm just .. too scared .. mostly



#23 Louise

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Posted 11 January 2002 - 02:22 PM

Aonther great idea from your wondrous head Aoife my sister.

God how terrifying posting was as a newbie. I feel so much for others when I see that tentative fear operating in them. I used to read 100 times before hitting submit to make sure I didn't sound too know-allish, idiotic, wanky, needy etc.
You know, girls....I've been counting up the number of times I've posted in the last fortnight about me and thinking, "ok Lou time to reel it in a bit now, you've had enough attention...."

Yet always I'm glad I stepped over the fear and posted, because I feel so supported, immeasurably better. And that is once of the functions of this board, n'est ce pas?

I particularly want to address the little lady from England who has been writing to me. You'll know yourself, H. H is a guest who reads our posts but is sure that if she posted, nobody would respond because she isn't worth it.

I'm pretty sure you'll read this thread, and once again I ask you to reconsider, my friend. I know it's scary, but I guarantee you'll find support and friendship amongst the great people here.

Sisters, it's it's really important that we put out our thoughts...haven't we been silenced enough? And don't some of us continue to have such a dearth of support in our offline worlds?

What Natalie says is so true too; there's always somebody who will be able to know where you're coming from. It's amazed me that it doesn't matter what the problem is, somebody will always have some understanding of it.

It is true that some of us have come to know eachother well and forged friendships; that happens in all communities both virtual and offline. But I don't see it as exclusive or rejecting of new members....it often vexes me that it might be felt to be that way. I think it takes time to make a place like this your home, but in the meantime there are hands to help welcome you.

((((((Michelle))))) ((((((Pen))))))))) and ((((((others)))))) you are all incredibly important, and I suppose I've often wondered why you, Pen, don't post oftener....I know I smile when I see you on.

Lick those fears and get posting, friends, ok? This message board is for you.  



#24 Guest__*

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Posted 12 January 2002 - 02:14 PM

<i>i just posted in the who are we? thread.  it wasn't exactly brief, tho. </i>

Hey the longer the better.



#25 Cathy

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Posted 02 August 2002 - 10:31 PM

Ok, I'm replying for two reasons, first I want to boost it.

Second, I've needed to post for myself for about the past two weeks and I just cannot do it.  I've been here since March and posted 784862 times about myself and now I just can't.  Part of me is scared and the other part of me is, well, I don't know.  Somewhere along the lines I decided I was unworthy or something.  I'm rambling.  Nothing new about that, really.


#26 Guest_Tall Bec_*

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Posted 10 September 2002 - 12:50 PM

Hi,  I am new here.  I wrote a few poems about surviving, and I sent them into the womyn's center on my college campus to be printed in a magazine called The Matrix.  I just gave them my initials, thinking in a large campus, no one would know it was me, and that I could say tihngs to others who have been hurt, so they know they aren't alone.  After two poems of mine were printed, and even before I got a copy of the 'zine, my roomate came home and said she saw my poems.  I was so afraid that she knew, but she just hugged me and asked me what I was doing for lunch.  Nothing changed when I found a voice, even as small and sqeakish as it was at first.  

#27 Guest_golden lady_*

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Posted 05 October 2002 - 05:11 PM

Hi ruth!

We're here.


#28 kiwi

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Posted 10 May 2003 - 12:13 AM

Sometimes i feel like i will say the wrong thing, and then even hugs seem wrong.  I really want to help people or aleast give support.
And i just wanted to let people know that don't be afraid to let me know what you think,feel about my posts. And if you ever feel ive said something wrong, PM me with what it was.
((((hugs to everone)))))

#29 Amilee

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Posted 06 September 2003 - 08:32 PM

((((((((melissa, deadwhispers and sessha)))))))))

Like always, it is sad when someone needs this place, but it's one of the best places I've found to deal with such things.  I've got nothing but support and love from all the members here and I know you'll get the same.

Melissa, I think you have amazing strength to have even raised your daughter.  I don't think I could have ever done that (and I didn't) but I'm sure that she is a wonderful girl and deserves all the love you've given her.  And I'm sure you know that already.  :)  The one thing I'm not sure about is if it's a good idea to NOT tell her what happened.  It just seems to me that children are not taught early enough about assualt and abuse.  Perhaps though, you're right, that it's not a good idea to tell her that SHE came from such a situation but I do hope that you don't hide those situations from her.  Being sheltered is never good.  You are doing so well though, I know that losing your friend and trying to figure out the best way to handle this is wearing down on your endurance, but don't give up.  You love your daughter immensly, I can see that.  And she'll see that.  I wish you good luck and send lots of (((((((safe, comfort hugs))))))

((((((dead whispers))))))))

dealing with it in general is hard, anniversaries can be even harder.  you've made it a year though, and there are plenty of beautiful years to come.  It's okay to not be able to talk about it....though life is a little lighter load to carry once you do.  Good luck darling and welcome to pandy's.  :)

Sessha  (((((hugs))))  I hope you're finding it easier to post and to get to know us.  When I'm not drowning in work and school issues I'll be around more often to get to know you too.  :)

#30 Guest__*

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Posted 02 January 2003 - 11:24 PM

bailey- i wanted to say i totally understand what you are saying here- i think - as much as we all hate to admit it- there is a part of us all that needs others' pity and attention and that is sometimes why we post replies to other peoples' topics. I think that is just natural. We care about what the other person is going through but we also need to compare our story to theirs- building them up in the process and somehow I think it makes us feel better about ourselves in a weird kind of way- probably because most of us are so used to being disrespectful of ourselves. I don't know if this makes any sense at all- I may not be getting out what I am trying to say! But anyway, keep responding when you can and don't worry about why you are responding. It helps the other person- no matter what you say. Take care, Brandi

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